blueberry2015

Anyone had slow memory recall of a black out? An incident happened in June and its only recently Im starting to remember some but not all of what happened that night. Im not proud of myself, but pretty certain what I am starting to remember did actually did happen..... Anyone experience this?

Supertired

Absolutly
I'm prone to blackout more often then not.. And often someone's face or something totally random will bring back a memory seperated by days weeks or somtimes months..
Messed up thing is my solution to minimizing blackouts was to do more stimulants ...
Sterling logic hey?

blueberry2015

That makes sense, I heard a song on the radio today the same band I saw live when the incident occurred, Im still trying to work out what route I took to get home that night its very fuzzy. I can remember a lot of that evening all bar how I left the gig, how I ended up in the situation I was in - I now know what happened during the incident. But some bits I still don't know, How did I get in that situation? I remember a phone call I made I remember walking home and conversation I had but I cant remember what route I took. Its scary **** not remembering. Its all fragmented.

Soberwolf

I try not to think about blackouts as I normally had ppl filling me in which scared me senseless

I try to forgive myself & focus on sobriety

paddyjnr1

Yep I think it's called alcohol recall. I could only remember the night before when o was drunk again

blueberry2015

It is scary. Prob is Ive no one to fill me in, I was alone with a stranger. Its just trying to figure out what was what. Im feeling guilty as I now remember kissing the guy. Im married. Not good.

IronPhoenix

Hate, hate, hate the blackouts. Being filled in on what I did/said - so embarrassing. The last one was the wakeup call one. Trying to move on from that one into sobriety.

alphaomega

I had a situation where I blacked out during a conversation. I can recall standing there, and who I was with and that I was talking, but the context of the conversation is gone forever.

And it was a very important conversation that I was having.

blueberry2015

The black out Im referring to was a HUGE wake up call. I could of been raped or worse. Im very very very lucky I wasn't.

Supertired

Ya totally best not to dwell too hard on the unknowns , they have drivin me to some pretty manic states..
My friends actually have a different name for blackout me ...
They fill in some blanks , although I'm prone to bolting and ending up in some serious sketchy corners of this world
So lucky to have escaped some pretty awful outcomes

blueberry2015

I just feel so stupid and ashamed. But I cant change what happened. I need to forgive myself and focus on sobriety. Just feeling **** that I willingly kissed the guy ffs. Im MARRIED. I sobered up pretty sharpish when he started to take things that little further and I said no and thank god after 3 NO's he stopped. Never ever in a million years would I had behaved like that sober, its not an excuse, no one forced me to down half a litre of vodka that night. I could kick myself. I just feel bad for kissing another man. What a complete idiot.

Supertired

Vodey always brought out such a ugly twisted version of a portion of my personality. Still working on not associating that version of myself to the sober reality. You are much more then a drunken emotional tangent

blueberry2015

Yes I am x Thank you for saying that x x x

RedAndy

Far far too many times to recall but like you IronPhoenix the last one was the one that's changed everything - resulting in a black eye / bust nose / cut eye & chin and bust lip - no recollection and no idea how I did it but it took that and nearly getting arrested for me to realise how out of control and dangerous I can be once in said state. One I'm reminded of by mates and a video of it also was a trip to Benidorm a few years ago for a stag party - staying on a rather high floor and out of it - luckily a couple of friends stayed put as I was in a mess and they were worried about me going over the balcony - look back on things like that now and countless others of wandering the streets completely out of it and not knowing where I've been or how I've got there realising just how lucky I am that I've not been seriously injured or worse, an old friend who also drank heavily walked straight out of the pub into the road in that state and was knocked over and killed by a taxi. That bang to the head is possibly the best thing that could have happened as it's definitely knocked some sense in to me - at last !!

Supertired

: ) I think about how the lifestyle of drinking proactively augments those darker sides of ourselves.. And if I personally could put the same energy into augmenting "the better angels of our nature" what that would be like .. Haha

Opivotal

You may never recall certain parts of the evening, blueberry. BUT you never have to wonder again about "what happened"or feel badly about behavior caused by alcohol.

Blackouts were one of the main reasons, I gave up drinking. I've never looked back..what a relief.

blueberry2015

Very true. Ive had many blackouts before and the absolute horror and shame is DEF something I can live without. I believe everything happens for a reason, I was very lucky but it totally hit home just how vulnerable I was being drunk. That guy did me a favour really. Whats done is done. i cant change what happened, no amount of guilt or regret can change it. Im just processing stuff at the moment and being rational, I guess its all part of recovery. Im not the first alcoholic to do something totally dumb and alas I wont be the last, but I do know by staying sober I wont put myself in a situation like that again.

blueberry2015

Thanks guys just needed to talk it x

Supertired

Have a great evenin!

Anna

I was shocked when I realized I was blacking out. Technically, in a blackout, you won't remember anything, ever, because your brain is no longer making memories. But, you might have been in a 'brown' out. I know I had blackouts and I have never remembered a single thing about them to this day. So scary!