Stupid, stupid mistake. Stupid, stupid repeated mistake.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Stupid, stupid mistake. Stupid, stupid repeated mistake.
Hello...
I have to accept that people who don't have issues with alcohol simply don't understand what it's like for those who do. And my life says I fall into the latter category. But just drink slower! Limit yourself! It's only a shot! it's only a beer!! Really??? Why didn't I think of that?? All of this time, all the fights, all the arrests, losing my license, motorbike accident, broken relationships, taking drugs when I'd never do sober...the list goes on....and all I had to do was...drink slower? And will you be there to pick up the pieces if it doesn't work out? no you won't......ok so maybe I need to start viewing these people with compassion....maybe they are there to help me grow.....
Anway, I made an account here exactly four weeks ago....I had just gotten assaulted by a cop for enquiring about my own money and had spent a night of torture, bleeding and handcuffed tightly in a cell. Covered in blood..missed work....the next day I was convinced that was the last time. Convinced.......it lasted four weeks (by the way I can't seem to get into the other account....my brains not working....so finally easier to just create a new one)
What went wrong? Did I have a plan?
Kind of. My plan was to go into Monk Mode for a period of 1-3 months and shut of all social life and only focus on staying sober, working and the gym and personal development. I decided to take a break from all websites too. Maybe I should have kept this one....
Anyway, I think a reaccuring problem is when I stop drinking I feel isolation. Well at least I tend to isolate......the problem with that then is loneliness creeps in...the problem with that is that it tends to send my emotions a little haywire.....and I make emotional decisions.....
so I decide to make an internet dating account...maybe too much to soon.....friday I went to the gym and I also decided to respond to a text from my "friend" that I had previously being complaining about....well that he seems not to be able to accept that I don't want to drink anymore.....so with Monk Mode I was slowly fading people like that to black.....
then the isolation...then the loneliness.....and I will add one more.....sensitivity........I let two people **** me off on Wednesday night and i couldn't seem to shake off the negative emotions that I was feeling........So Friday I find myself in a bar with the friend and two girls.....first drinks I get a redbull....questions.....they didn't bother me at first.....then we bounced to another bar they othered shots......not for me....strange looks, but nothing more......a few seconds pass and now my brain is "will I or won't I".....and I chose the former......the result a 3 day bender(friday saturday and sunday) and Monday while dying.....a drink will make me feel "better"....which it did.....but in an addiction needs to be fed way. Second day off work....why? riddled out of it with the Fear; anxiety and depression. Not really a surprise as this is what happens.....
after Friday night: my brain.mind/av: well "nothing happened", yes I got home at 6 or 7am but it was a socially good night, so maybe on a social level it's ok..........really? then why am I now (saturday) in the supermarket buying bottles of rum, wine and beer? I started drinking but "luckily" I got a social call and went out with a social group.....ended up getting lost from the group and lost by myself and lost and lost and vulnerable and lost. Sunday blitz.....like a drunk zombie going around...
why was I buying all that booze on Saturday? easy answer...you're alcoholic. More in deeper answer: my hangovers are anxiety and depression.....I cannot function. When I feel that coming on I feel a huge sensce of dread....I believe I drink the following day to avoid that black train...
Anyway, I was going to try AA. There are only two meetings that are relatively close to me. I had tried one of them before, the one that's closest.They said to me the other one has more younger people....oh thanks (I look younger than I am) I went to find the other one.....I walked in the lashings of rain....couldn't find it. No contact number. at least not that I could see...
The thing is, where I live....life is kind of lived in the street. Cafe bars and the like. It's difficult to avoid. I'm able to not drink some of the times in bars....so surely I can all of the time? friday I went for something to eat after gym in a bar....had sparkling water. no problem. The week before, last Friday while leaving work...some collegues were in a cafe/bar across the street and called me over....I initially said no and walked on pretending I had to make a call. then I said "go, be sociable but stay sober" no problems. Even though one of them (always one) tried to insist that I take one beer.......I firmly and easily said no...
Anyone any success with staying sober and still going out?
You see, I live abroad....no family here. I've recently changed flats and I feel I made a mistake with the new flat....It has problems that I didn't realise. It's only a rental so l've said that I'm out of here at the end of the month. I'm hating every second in it.
I have to accept that people who don't have issues with alcohol simply don't understand what it's like for those who do. And my life says I fall into the latter category. But just drink slower! Limit yourself! It's only a shot! it's only a beer!! Really??? Why didn't I think of that?? All of this time, all the fights, all the arrests, losing my license, motorbike accident, broken relationships, taking drugs when I'd never do sober...the list goes on....and all I had to do was...drink slower? And will you be there to pick up the pieces if it doesn't work out? no you won't......ok so maybe I need to start viewing these people with compassion....maybe they are there to help me grow.....
Anway, I made an account here exactly four weeks ago....I had just gotten assaulted by a cop for enquiring about my own money and had spent a night of torture, bleeding and handcuffed tightly in a cell. Covered in blood..missed work....the next day I was convinced that was the last time. Convinced.......it lasted four weeks (by the way I can't seem to get into the other account....my brains not working....so finally easier to just create a new one)
What went wrong? Did I have a plan?
Kind of. My plan was to go into Monk Mode for a period of 1-3 months and shut of all social life and only focus on staying sober, working and the gym and personal development. I decided to take a break from all websites too. Maybe I should have kept this one....
Anyway, I think a reaccuring problem is when I stop drinking I feel isolation. Well at least I tend to isolate......the problem with that then is loneliness creeps in...the problem with that is that it tends to send my emotions a little haywire.....and I make emotional decisions.....
so I decide to make an internet dating account...maybe too much to soon.....friday I went to the gym and I also decided to respond to a text from my "friend" that I had previously being complaining about....well that he seems not to be able to accept that I don't want to drink anymore.....so with Monk Mode I was slowly fading people like that to black.....
then the isolation...then the loneliness.....and I will add one more.....sensitivity........I let two people **** me off on Wednesday night and i couldn't seem to shake off the negative emotions that I was feeling........So Friday I find myself in a bar with the friend and two girls.....first drinks I get a redbull....questions.....they didn't bother me at first.....then we bounced to another bar they othered shots......not for me....strange looks, but nothing more......a few seconds pass and now my brain is "will I or won't I".....and I chose the former......the result a 3 day bender(friday saturday and sunday) and Monday while dying.....a drink will make me feel "better"....which it did.....but in an addiction needs to be fed way. Second day off work....why? riddled out of it with the Fear; anxiety and depression. Not really a surprise as this is what happens.....
after Friday night: my brain.mind/av: well "nothing happened", yes I got home at 6 or 7am but it was a socially good night, so maybe on a social level it's ok..........really? then why am I now (saturday) in the supermarket buying bottles of rum, wine and beer? I started drinking but "luckily" I got a social call and went out with a social group.....ended up getting lost from the group and lost by myself and lost and lost and vulnerable and lost. Sunday blitz.....like a drunk zombie going around...
why was I buying all that booze on Saturday? easy answer...you're alcoholic. More in deeper answer: my hangovers are anxiety and depression.....I cannot function. When I feel that coming on I feel a huge sensce of dread....I believe I drink the following day to avoid that black train...
Anyway, I was going to try AA. There are only two meetings that are relatively close to me. I had tried one of them before, the one that's closest.They said to me the other one has more younger people....oh thanks (I look younger than I am) I went to find the other one.....I walked in the lashings of rain....couldn't find it. No contact number. at least not that I could see...
The thing is, where I live....life is kind of lived in the street. Cafe bars and the like. It's difficult to avoid. I'm able to not drink some of the times in bars....so surely I can all of the time? friday I went for something to eat after gym in a bar....had sparkling water. no problem. The week before, last Friday while leaving work...some collegues were in a cafe/bar across the street and called me over....I initially said no and walked on pretending I had to make a call. then I said "go, be sociable but stay sober" no problems. Even though one of them (always one) tried to insist that I take one beer.......I firmly and easily said no...
Anyone any success with staying sober and still going out?
You see, I live abroad....no family here. I've recently changed flats and I feel I made a mistake with the new flat....It has problems that I didn't realise. It's only a rental so l've said that I'm out of here at the end of the month. I'm hating every second in it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I typed a long response and it got deleted...
I will drastically summarize;
yes. I have definitely "gone out" and stayed sober.... but I've changed the definition of what "going out" is....
I've embraced living my life fully, and realized that - TRULY - drinking doesn't align to that.
I also have lived overseas and one thing I'll share with you is that in hindsight... I SO wish I'd spent those years in Europe and around Asia-Pacific, EXPERIENCING those places I lived in and visited.... I wish I had not spent so much of that time in bars, in blackouts, in a general haze of alcohol and seldom venturing beyond arm's reach of a beer....
The world is filled with infinitely more interesting ways to spend our limited life spans than to sit in a dingy loud room pouring poison into our bodies and having the same stupid repetitive conversations over and over again....
Trust me on this.... your life will be unimaginably more rewarding if you choose it to me.
I will drastically summarize;
yes. I have definitely "gone out" and stayed sober.... but I've changed the definition of what "going out" is....
I've embraced living my life fully, and realized that - TRULY - drinking doesn't align to that.
I also have lived overseas and one thing I'll share with you is that in hindsight... I SO wish I'd spent those years in Europe and around Asia-Pacific, EXPERIENCING those places I lived in and visited.... I wish I had not spent so much of that time in bars, in blackouts, in a general haze of alcohol and seldom venturing beyond arm's reach of a beer....
The world is filled with infinitely more interesting ways to spend our limited life spans than to sit in a dingy loud room pouring poison into our bodies and having the same stupid repetitive conversations over and over again....
Trust me on this.... your life will be unimaginably more rewarding if you choose it to me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I typed a long response and it got deleted...
I will drastically summarize;
yes. I have definitely "gone out" and stayed sober.... but I've changed the definition of what "going out" is....
I've embraced living my life fully, and realized that - TRULY - drinking doesn't align to that.
I also have lived overseas and one thing I'll share with you is that in hindsight... I SO wish I'd spent those years in Europe and around Asia-Pacific, EXPERIENCING those places I lived in and visited.... I wish I had not spent so much of that time in bars, in blackouts, in a general haze of alcohol and seldom venturing beyond arm's reach of a beer....
The world is filled with infinitely more interesting ways to spend our limited life spans than to sit in a dingy loud room pouring poison into our bodies and having the same stupid repetitive conversations over and over again....
Trust me on this.... your life will be unimaginably more rewarding if you choose it to me.
I will drastically summarize;
yes. I have definitely "gone out" and stayed sober.... but I've changed the definition of what "going out" is....
I've embraced living my life fully, and realized that - TRULY - drinking doesn't align to that.
I also have lived overseas and one thing I'll share with you is that in hindsight... I SO wish I'd spent those years in Europe and around Asia-Pacific, EXPERIENCING those places I lived in and visited.... I wish I had not spent so much of that time in bars, in blackouts, in a general haze of alcohol and seldom venturing beyond arm's reach of a beer....
The world is filled with infinitely more interesting ways to spend our limited life spans than to sit in a dingy loud room pouring poison into our bodies and having the same stupid repetitive conversations over and over again....
Trust me on this.... your life will be unimaginably more rewarding if you choose it to me.
Of course there's having to wash clothes, go shopping and all of those every day chores that need to get done......most shops don't open here on Sundays so it feels like a really isolated lonely day....it could be a perfect day for it....to go off somewhere discovering...
that would mean getting through Friday and Saturday..........but yes it's probably a lifestyle choice that I need to let go of. I think I'm being social but then the end result is anything but social.........it's bastards telling me I'm being anti-social that I need to shut out....
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It is absolutely possible to live a full, socially active life sober. People do it every day all over the world. Remember that alcoholics are the minority by a long shot and most people drink only occasionally and some not at all. Also remember that there are plenty of people who abstain not because they are alcoholics but because their religion, culture, or personal beliefs.
What's different between us ( alcoholics ) and everyone else is that we associate alcohol with everything. But in reality, drinking is a distinct activity in istelf...and we can choose to do anything we like - either with or without drinking.
Yes - it's true that if you want to hang out at bars there aren't many alcohol-free bars. But there are plenty of other things to do besides hanging out at bars that will allow you to be social. Coffee shops, book clubs, church groups, sports/gym activities, civic and volunteer groups, the list is literally endless.
The real crux is simply that our addiction tries to tell us that the only way we can have fun is to drink. And it's a flat out lie.
What's different between us ( alcoholics ) and everyone else is that we associate alcohol with everything. But in reality, drinking is a distinct activity in istelf...and we can choose to do anything we like - either with or without drinking.
Yes - it's true that if you want to hang out at bars there aren't many alcohol-free bars. But there are plenty of other things to do besides hanging out at bars that will allow you to be social. Coffee shops, book clubs, church groups, sports/gym activities, civic and volunteer groups, the list is literally endless.
The real crux is simply that our addiction tries to tell us that the only way we can have fun is to drink. And it's a flat out lie.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
It's frustrating at times, but you can do this.
In my opinion, stay away from bars. If you want food, go somewhere like a family restaurant where alcohol isn't the focus. It took me most of a year before I was able to be around people drinking.
I think balance is so important in my recovery. Isolating completely would not have worked for me either. I'm not an especially social person, but I do enjoy spending time with people doing things I enjoy.
I hope you can figure out what works for you.
In my opinion, stay away from bars. If you want food, go somewhere like a family restaurant where alcohol isn't the focus. It took me most of a year before I was able to be around people drinking.
I think balance is so important in my recovery. Isolating completely would not have worked for me either. I'm not an especially social person, but I do enjoy spending time with people doing things I enjoy.
I hope you can figure out what works for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It is absolutely possible to live a full, socially active life sober. People do it every day all over the world. Remember that alcoholics are the minority by a long shot and most people drink only occasionally and some not at all. Also remember that there are plenty of people who abstain not because they are alcoholics but because their religion, culture, or personal beliefs.
What's different between us ( alcoholics ) and everyone else is that we associate alcohol with everything. But in reality, drinking is a distinct activity in istelf...and we can choose to do anything we like - either with or without drinking.
Yes - it's true that if you want to hang out at bars there aren't many alcohol-free bars. But there are plenty of other things to do besides hanging out at bars that will allow you to be social. Coffee shops, book clubs, church groups, sports/gym activities, civic and volunteer groups, the list is literally endless.
The real crux is simply that our addiction tries to tell us that the only way we can have fun is to drink. And it's a flat out lie.
What's different between us ( alcoholics ) and everyone else is that we associate alcohol with everything. But in reality, drinking is a distinct activity in istelf...and we can choose to do anything we like - either with or without drinking.
Yes - it's true that if you want to hang out at bars there aren't many alcohol-free bars. But there are plenty of other things to do besides hanging out at bars that will allow you to be social. Coffee shops, book clubs, church groups, sports/gym activities, civic and volunteer groups, the list is literally endless.
The real crux is simply that our addiction tries to tell us that the only way we can have fun is to drink. And it's a flat out lie.
I'm a member of Toastmasters, we meet once a week. The people used to go out after during the summer and I didn't drink....and nobody said anything (we went out for an hour or two, a quick bite to eat)
I was taking danse classes twice a week again for the social aspect. I've met people from there, made a decent friendship with a guy that doesn't seem to accept I don't drink. The danse classes where amazing during the week....good atmosphere, a lot of fun. the problems come when there is a social once a week.....in a club....what do I do? not go? I've gone and not drank.....I've also gone and not drunk in that club but then a group with go out to another club and I succumbed. When I don't go I got questioned on why I don't go....that if I want to learn to danse I need to practice......now the danse class people have a whatsapp group to socialise....
As I'm writing this I can see the stupidity. Rational brain: I'm not drinking again, so go where you want and don't drink. and it all seems so simple...
it's the emotional brain that's getting me....
Another "issue" I suppose is "relationships" or meeting the opposite sex. I know the aa say wait a year. And the Rational part of my brain says "yes, get your act together. get your house in order, get firm in your sobriety and firm in your goals"
Then loneliness creeps in and the emotional brain takes over...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
"However, one of my problems seems to be these normal drinkers trying to convince me to drink. "
This is absolutely not a problem at all if you do two simple things;
1 - don't hang out in bars
2 - stop hanging out with people who do that to you
As for meeting the opposite sex... the LAST place you want to be trying to meet someone for a relationship when you've chosen sobriety for your life is in a BAR.
Start making a list of anything and everything you've ever thought might be fun to try in life that doesn't involve drinking. Then - start going and doing those things.
See, the thing is.... people live their lives. People DO things. A LOT of people (of all sexes), do a LOT of things other than drink.
SO.... if you go DO things that interest you, that don't involve drinking. You will meet other people. Some of those people will invariably be of the opposite sex and since you've met them doing things NOT about drinking, there is at least a decent chance that drinking isn't their highest priority in life.
GO LIVE YOUR LIFE..... the rest will follow.... Life is beautiful, amazing, miraculous, infinitely interesting, filled with wonderful potential just WAITING FOR YOU....
This is absolutely not a problem at all if you do two simple things;
1 - don't hang out in bars
2 - stop hanging out with people who do that to you
As for meeting the opposite sex... the LAST place you want to be trying to meet someone for a relationship when you've chosen sobriety for your life is in a BAR.
Start making a list of anything and everything you've ever thought might be fun to try in life that doesn't involve drinking. Then - start going and doing those things.
See, the thing is.... people live their lives. People DO things. A LOT of people (of all sexes), do a LOT of things other than drink.
SO.... if you go DO things that interest you, that don't involve drinking. You will meet other people. Some of those people will invariably be of the opposite sex and since you've met them doing things NOT about drinking, there is at least a decent chance that drinking isn't their highest priority in life.
GO LIVE YOUR LIFE..... the rest will follow.... Life is beautiful, amazing, miraculous, infinitely interesting, filled with wonderful potential just WAITING FOR YOU....
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The details differ, but our stories are basically the same. It all is underscored by insidious(stealthy/treacherous) insanity. We forget we can't, think we can and the merry go round starts yet again.
When we run out of tokens for the rides, we meet acceptance and become willing to change.
I was taught don't not drink alone. That helped me, as with many of us - we do isolate. Especially as we get towards our endgame.
So, I go to meetings - do the best I can with AA, log on a lot on SR - learn from others with both more sober time and less sober time and get on with my life.
When I take drink # 1, 2 and 3 I trigger a physical craving I cant' (and don't want to) shut off. I suppose I never really wanted to drink normally - I like the effects of a lot of alcohol> >>>>
I have learned if I never take #1 I don't ever have to worry about the rest. Life is so much more peaceful. I don't wake up with my first thoughts wonder WTH happened last night>?!! That's a great feeling......
Thanks for the post, it helped me remember the "good old days".
Acceptance is the start!
When we run out of tokens for the rides, we meet acceptance and become willing to change.
I was taught don't not drink alone. That helped me, as with many of us - we do isolate. Especially as we get towards our endgame.
So, I go to meetings - do the best I can with AA, log on a lot on SR - learn from others with both more sober time and less sober time and get on with my life.
When I take drink # 1, 2 and 3 I trigger a physical craving I cant' (and don't want to) shut off. I suppose I never really wanted to drink normally - I like the effects of a lot of alcohol> >>>>
I have learned if I never take #1 I don't ever have to worry about the rest. Life is so much more peaceful. I don't wake up with my first thoughts wonder WTH happened last night>?!! That's a great feeling......
Thanks for the post, it helped me remember the "good old days".
Acceptance is the start!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 36
We are right there with you
After going 60 days without alcohol, my cravings got the best of me and I caved in this weekend. Luckily, it was without any damage aside from feeling exhausted. There was a music festival in my city than I love to go to and many nights were late for me. My goal here will be to Samurai some thoughts. Short and sweet. A draw is a blow.
Alcohol, and addiction, takes over every want and desire we crave. As we adult (Adult: [verb] to be become childlike and less fun), we begin losing that which makes us enjoy life. We then substitute alcohol, drugs, sex, ect to fill in those voids because they are easy, quick fixes. When we are in a position to act like a kid again, and have fun, we may stiffen up and feel negated to do so. To counter that feeling, we drink or do drugs. Our body is already equipped with the ability to enjoy life with plenty of hormones. We just have spent 0-20,4-,60 years telling our mind to shut them off and act like an adult.
"Act like an adult" We are told. It is an act. It isn't real. We have atrophied our natural ability to love life. I'm struggling with this myself, immensely. Which explains why my guard was let down and I drank this weekend.
So what can you and I do? It's hard, but find and pursue ways to be a kid again. Play.
Working out is tricky. Especially if you find yourself comparing and wish you were x,y,z. Working out at a gym can be isolating even while amongst many people. You are doing activities around people, but those are activities are generally done by yourself, and any partner ship is hard to find unless you are very friendly with someone already. You may literally interrupt someone's agenda by talking to them which can be frustrating. Ect.
On the flip side, for myself, jogging is super therapeutic. It is isolating in a good way to the point of meditation. At times, my brain is solving complex issues with my current life and other times, I forgot that I just ran 3 miles. Throughout the run, I graze past lakes, animals, art, other runners, ect.
If you can and it is financially available, possibly try a boxing, krav maga, martial arts gym that feels friendly and inviting. They are there to train and help you be your best, while staying fit, being a part of a team, and much easier place to make friends. Talk to the teachers and get to know them. (I'm learning this myself)
Find other ways to be apart of something. Community service like habitat for humanity will fill you with purpose as you literally build a home for someone less fortunate than yourself who may actually be going through something similar. It involves teamwork again. A purpose. Find that greater purpose.
Alcohol, and addiction, takes over every want and desire we crave. As we adult (Adult: [verb] to be become childlike and less fun), we begin losing that which makes us enjoy life. We then substitute alcohol, drugs, sex, ect to fill in those voids because they are easy, quick fixes. When we are in a position to act like a kid again, and have fun, we may stiffen up and feel negated to do so. To counter that feeling, we drink or do drugs. Our body is already equipped with the ability to enjoy life with plenty of hormones. We just have spent 0-20,4-,60 years telling our mind to shut them off and act like an adult.
"Act like an adult" We are told. It is an act. It isn't real. We have atrophied our natural ability to love life. I'm struggling with this myself, immensely. Which explains why my guard was let down and I drank this weekend.
So what can you and I do? It's hard, but find and pursue ways to be a kid again. Play.
Working out is tricky. Especially if you find yourself comparing and wish you were x,y,z. Working out at a gym can be isolating even while amongst many people. You are doing activities around people, but those are activities are generally done by yourself, and any partner ship is hard to find unless you are very friendly with someone already. You may literally interrupt someone's agenda by talking to them which can be frustrating. Ect.
On the flip side, for myself, jogging is super therapeutic. It is isolating in a good way to the point of meditation. At times, my brain is solving complex issues with my current life and other times, I forgot that I just ran 3 miles. Throughout the run, I graze past lakes, animals, art, other runners, ect.
If you can and it is financially available, possibly try a boxing, krav maga, martial arts gym that feels friendly and inviting. They are there to train and help you be your best, while staying fit, being a part of a team, and much easier place to make friends. Talk to the teachers and get to know them. (I'm learning this myself)
Find other ways to be apart of something. Community service like habitat for humanity will fill you with purpose as you literally build a home for someone less fortunate than yourself who may actually be going through something similar. It involves teamwork again. A purpose. Find that greater purpose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by loud430
After going 60 days without alcohol, my cravings got the best of me and I caved in this weekend. Luckily, it was without any damage aside from feeling exhausted. There was a music festival in my city than I love to go to and many nights were late for me. My goal here will be to Samurai some thoughts. Short and sweet. A draw is a blow.
Alcohol, and addiction, takes over every want and desire we crave. As we adult (Adult: [verb] to be become childlike and less fun), we begin losing that which makes us enjoy life. We then substitute alcohol, drugs, sex, ect to fill in those voids because they are easy, quick fixes. When we are in a position to act like a kid again, and have fun, we may stiffen up and feel negated to do so. To counter that feeling, we drink or do drugs. Our body is already equipped with the ability to enjoy life with plenty of hormones. We just have spent 0-20,4-,60 years telling our mind to shut them off and act like an adult.
"Act like an adult" We are told. It is an act. It isn't real. We have atrophied our natural ability to love life. I'm struggling with this myself, immensely. Which explains why my guard was let down and I drank this weekend.
So what can you and I do? It's hard, but find and pursue ways to be a kid again. Play.
Working out is tricky. Especially if you find yourself comparing and wish you were x,y,z. Working out at a gym can be isolating even while amongst many people. You are doing activities around people, but those are activities are generally done by yourself, and any partner ship is hard to find unless you are very friendly with someone already. You may literally interrupt someone's agenda by talking to them which can be frustrating. Ect.
On the flip side, for myself, jogging is super therapeutic. It is isolating in a good way to the point of meditation. At times, my brain is solving complex issues with my current life and other times, I forgot that I just ran 3 miles. Throughout the run, I graze past lakes, animals, art, other runners, ect.
If you can and it is financially available, possibly try a boxing, krav maga, martial arts gym that feels friendly and inviting. They are there to train and help you be your best, while staying fit, being a part of a team, and much easier place to make friends. Talk to the teachers and get to know them. (I'm learning this myself)
Find other ways to be apart of something. Community service like habitat for humanity will fill you with purpose as you literally build a home for someone less fortunate than yourself who may actually be going through something similar. It involves teamwork again. A purpose. Find that greater purpose.
Alcohol, and addiction, takes over every want and desire we crave. As we adult (Adult: [verb] to be become childlike and less fun), we begin losing that which makes us enjoy life. We then substitute alcohol, drugs, sex, ect to fill in those voids because they are easy, quick fixes. When we are in a position to act like a kid again, and have fun, we may stiffen up and feel negated to do so. To counter that feeling, we drink or do drugs. Our body is already equipped with the ability to enjoy life with plenty of hormones. We just have spent 0-20,4-,60 years telling our mind to shut them off and act like an adult.
"Act like an adult" We are told. It is an act. It isn't real. We have atrophied our natural ability to love life. I'm struggling with this myself, immensely. Which explains why my guard was let down and I drank this weekend.
So what can you and I do? It's hard, but find and pursue ways to be a kid again. Play.
Working out is tricky. Especially if you find yourself comparing and wish you were x,y,z. Working out at a gym can be isolating even while amongst many people. You are doing activities around people, but those are activities are generally done by yourself, and any partner ship is hard to find unless you are very friendly with someone already. You may literally interrupt someone's agenda by talking to them which can be frustrating. Ect.
On the flip side, for myself, jogging is super therapeutic. It is isolating in a good way to the point of meditation. At times, my brain is solving complex issues with my current life and other times, I forgot that I just ran 3 miles. Throughout the run, I graze past lakes, animals, art, other runners, ect.
If you can and it is financially available, possibly try a boxing, krav maga, martial arts gym that feels friendly and inviting. They are there to train and help you be your best, while staying fit, being a part of a team, and much easier place to make friends. Talk to the teachers and get to know them. (I'm learning this myself)
Find other ways to be apart of something. Community service like habitat for humanity will fill you with purpose as you literally build a home for someone less fortunate than yourself who may actually be going through something similar. It involves teamwork again. A purpose. Find that greater purpose.
This is the thing: I've always had sports in my life....but I've always been a weekend binge drinker.....granted maybe I'm fooling myself saying always a weekend binge drinker......the last summers I've had binges that lasted....well all summer...
I remember at around 19 being in a job and I used to lift weights and do kick boxing, I was a healthy eater. Bruce Lee was an inspiration. Then we would go out after work on Fridays....the binging, the flirting, smoking during the weekend....I discovered damn I like this too....I feel like Jim Morrison. What I remember was saying to myself Jesus it's like I have two sides now.....Bruce Lee and Jim Morrison.......I have to make a choice
Jim Morrison allowed the abandoned child to come and play and go on a deathwish. It was almost like a fantasy state...
I don't think I've made that choice. I don't think I've separated the two.
See everything seems to be going fine, and then I go on these horrific benders and I end up missing work, missing gym.....missing life.....then spending the next few weeks or whatever trying to repare the damage
It's true I need to find people that are in align with the way I wish to live my life.
Maybe I shouldn't have abandoned this site four weeks ago.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by TheRake
However, one of my problems seems to be these normal drinkers trying to convince me to drink.
I have only had one situation where someone was actually pushing a drink on me. This was during one of my former sobriety attempts a few years ago. We were at a restaurant and everyone was having wine. She made a comment that I looked so bored and miserable (I was, I was new to sobriety) and was really pushing me "come on, just have one, we won't let you have any more, just take it easy, it is fine" After more than enough "no thank you's" I had had enough of this bullish*t so I cleared my throat and calmly and clearly went on about a 5 minute spiel offering the most gory and horrendous examples of my over drinking. Explaining clearly and calmly that once the first sip of alcohol gets in my system I would rather rip her face off with my bare hands rather than stop. Telling the whole table about waking up in the morning and pouring a glass of wine just to get right enough to address the day then continuing to drink upwards of three bottles of wine throughout the day. The uncomfortable laughter stuttered into stunned silence. It was outrageously embarrassing. For her.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 636
We share many similarities. I use to ask myself "what the hell am I going to do now that I'm sober?" Some of my friends don't even want to hang out with me now that I don't drink. I've went to a few bars recently and only had water but now I get irritated being around drunk people.
It,s time to change our environment, remember birds of a feather flock together
It,s time to change our environment, remember birds of a feather flock together
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
You seem to be operating on the precept that sobriety is the outcome of the decision to quit drinking. And yes, it starts with a decision. But that's merely the first step.
Anatole France once wrote:
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
France wasn't writing about recovery, but he could have been. Recovery takes change. Massive change. Death to the old self. A degree of change you don't seemed to have grasped. And if you have grasped it, you don't accept it, as you seem unwilling to make the changes necessary to support your decision to quit drinking.
Anatole France once wrote:
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
France wasn't writing about recovery, but he could have been. Recovery takes change. Massive change. Death to the old self. A degree of change you don't seemed to have grasped. And if you have grasped it, you don't accept it, as you seem unwilling to make the changes necessary to support your decision to quit drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I have had the "just drink slower, have a glass of water between drinks, limit yourself to only 3 drinks a night" comments and you are right, they grate on the nerves.
I have only had one situation where someone was actually pushing a drink on me. This was during one of my former sobriety attempts a few years ago. We were at a restaurant and everyone was having wine. She made a comment that I looked so bored and miserable (I was, I was new to sobriety) and was really pushing me "come on, just have one, we won't let you have any more, just take it easy, it is fine" After more than enough "no thank you's" I had had enough of this bullish*t so I cleared my throat and calmly and clearly went on about a 5 minute spiel offering the most gory and horrendous examples of my over drinking. Explaining clearly and calmly that once the first sip of alcohol gets in my system I would rather rip her face off with my bare hands rather than stop. Telling the whole table about waking up in the morning and pouring a glass of wine just to get right enough to address the day then continuing to drink upwards of three bottles of wine throughout the day. The uncomfortable laughter stuttered into stunned silence. It was outrageously embarrassing. For her.
I have only had one situation where someone was actually pushing a drink on me. This was during one of my former sobriety attempts a few years ago. We were at a restaurant and everyone was having wine. She made a comment that I looked so bored and miserable (I was, I was new to sobriety) and was really pushing me "come on, just have one, we won't let you have any more, just take it easy, it is fine" After more than enough "no thank you's" I had had enough of this bullish*t so I cleared my throat and calmly and clearly went on about a 5 minute spiel offering the most gory and horrendous examples of my over drinking. Explaining clearly and calmly that once the first sip of alcohol gets in my system I would rather rip her face off with my bare hands rather than stop. Telling the whole table about waking up in the morning and pouring a glass of wine just to get right enough to address the day then continuing to drink upwards of three bottles of wine throughout the day. The uncomfortable laughter stuttered into stunned silence. It was outrageously embarrassing. For her.
You know something like that did cross my mind. If someone keeps pressing me for why I don't drink, it's probably pointless saying the truth with the word "alcoholic", as probably most people have a misconception of what that is. But if I was to demonstrate...."eh because the last time I drank I ended up spending a night of torture in a police cell with blood streaming out of my mouth and my hands thightly handcuffed around my back. Kind of looking to avoid that happening again. Funny when I don't drink alcohol, nothing happens like that, go figure"
I think it was last April, I went to a barbecue and I was not drinking....actually I think I'd gone two months sober...working out, eating well, looking good....I went to the barbecue...fresh haircut, nice clothes looking good.......and it's incredible how people try to pull you back down.......It was commented on that I "work out and don't drink" so I must be cocky.......whatever that was supposed to mean....a form of shaming
There was an English guy and a Polish girl still half cut from the night before, putting the vodka away and smoking like chimneys.....and I clearly remember the overweight Polish girl being offended by the fact that I wasn't drink and that I worked out....
"you look after yourself, but are you happy?" perfectly love, perfectly. Oh all I want is to have that state back now and people can say what they want..
I'm glad I opened up the account, it's definately making me think and the responses are very helpfull. Thanks!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You seem to be operating on the precept that sobriety is the outcome of the decision to quit drinking. And yes, it starts with a decision. But that's merely the first step.
Anatole France once wrote:
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
France wasn't writing about recovery, but he could have been. Recovery takes change. Massive change. Death to the old self. A degree of change you don't seemed to have grasped. And if you have grasped it, you don't accept it, as you seem unwilling to make the changes necessary to support your decision to quit drinking.
Anatole France once wrote:
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
France wasn't writing about recovery, but he could have been. Recovery takes change. Massive change. Death to the old self. A degree of change you don't seemed to have grasped. And if you have grasped it, you don't accept it, as you seem unwilling to make the changes necessary to support your decision to quit drinking.
I don't think your shaming language is helpfull, saying that I seem unwilling to make the changes necessary...
You seem to be ignorant to the nature of addiction.
I've made huge changes in my life. I'm not the same person that I was this time last year. I've evolved. That's my point and that's my frustration: I'm able to go a few months and my life is progressing and then I make a decision to drink based on emotion....and that's what I'm trying to figure out.
Your incorrect assumptions are based on your own life paradigm. You know nothing of my life.
We do agree on something: "The boy must die"
The butterfly can never go back to been a catterpillar.
Again you'd have no idea the amount of work I've done on myself and I do feel that I'm close to solving this once and for all.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I don't think carl was trying to shame you....
I do see how you might interpret it that way.
But I think within his comments was a nugget worth considering... I don't think he was discrediting the changes you've made. I think he was emphasizing the degree of change that sobriety can take.
As I read your original post, I could see elements of my own journey to finally being in successful, happy sobriety. When I was making similar statements - I was still caught in old cycles. Still not ready to let go of some of the patterns trapping me in addiction. I had not yet totally embraced sobriety and become willing to step into a totally new paradigm of life to see how deep, rich and full it could be.
I can't say whether that's where you are - but your words seemed familiar.
I do see how you might interpret it that way.
But I think within his comments was a nugget worth considering... I don't think he was discrediting the changes you've made. I think he was emphasizing the degree of change that sobriety can take.
As I read your original post, I could see elements of my own journey to finally being in successful, happy sobriety. When I was making similar statements - I was still caught in old cycles. Still not ready to let go of some of the patterns trapping me in addiction. I had not yet totally embraced sobriety and become willing to step into a totally new paradigm of life to see how deep, rich and full it could be.
I can't say whether that's where you are - but your words seemed familiar.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by GhostFace
We share many similarities. I use to ask myself "what the hell am I going to do now that I'm sober?" Some of my friends don't even want to hang out with me now that I don't drink. I've went to a few bars recently and only had water but now I get irritated being around drunk people.
It,s time to change our environment, remember birds of a feather flock together
It,s time to change our environment, remember birds of a feather flock together
water finds it's own level...
I kind of do realise why I'm still going out. There is a reason and it's probably better that I remove that reason. Believe it or not I actually find going to bars just to "socialise" quite boring....so if I can remove my other reason....it should be relatively simple.
I never drink because of a "problem" anymore. I went through a period of that but that's long being put to bed. I've let go of thinking that i'm a wine expert....those days are gone. It's just this social aspect and I now see the reason.....
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by TheRake
I train in a martial art. The gym is fantastic. The atmosphere, the comaradity, the training itself.
It's true I need to find people that are in align with the way I wish to live my life.
Maybe I shouldn't have abandoned this site four weeks ago.
It's true I need to find people that are in align with the way I wish to live my life.
Maybe I shouldn't have abandoned this site four weeks ago.
Glad you're here with us......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I do not go out.... Have not for years... Has nothing to do with or without drinking... Just don't like the 'out' scene.. My idea of being out is outside in nature.. Alone with Creation and communing with nature and that Higher power...
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