Boyfriends journey towards recovery

Old 10-22-2015, 08:33 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 13
Boyfriends journey towards recovery

Let me start with some background info.. My boyfriend is 25, I am 22 and I have a 3 year old daughter (he is not her father). We are 100% in love and we're so happy. When we met he was clean from heroin and actually had just returned from his 2nd stay at a rehab (I didnt know about the rehab or drugs when we met). He relapsed 2 months ago IV'ing heroin daily and ever since then he has lost EVERYTHING. He lost his job, his car, all his $, his sober friends ditched him, he started stealing from his parents home and he also stole $ from me.

His family and I are very close and we decided to no longer provide him with $, rides, or even a place to live. It was extremely hard but I had a child to protect and I couldnt afford for him to take anything else from my home or bank account. He was homeless for 2 weeks when he violated probation by failing a random drug test. He expressed how badly he wanted his life back, he missed my daughter and I, he missed his job, he was becoming so depressed, miserable and extremely thin.

Well 8 days ago he was arrested for the probation violation (his 2nd offense). He detoxed from heroin in jail and was miserable and cried everyday to us. He now is feeling better and has been moved from the medical pod to general population. He has asked for me to bring him books on addiction and he says he cant wait to be transfered to rehab (thats the plan) so he can get better for himself and for his family/me. He seems to be taking this very seriously and I am so proud of him.

I cant express how terrible this whole expierence has been, watching someone you love slowly destroy themselves, seeing them lose their passions and goals and the constant worry that they will OD was ALWAYS running through my mind. This has taught me to love without expectations and give beyond reason, some people sincerely need your love and support.

As long as you believe someone is worth the "hassle" be strong and be there for them. In the same breath I want to say YOU are always FIRST priority, your happiness, safety and well being should always come FIRST. Do NOT let their addiction consume you negatively. You have no obligation to try to make someone better and it is in no way your fault if they never seek help. I hope someone finds strength in our journey. We have a long way to go but I have positive vibes about this. <3
Marissa2212 is offline  
Old 10-22-2015, 09:19 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 251
That is a really tough situation- especially raising a child (who is likely at this age to not remember any drama associated with this at this point) . But I hope you give it a shot and also know how to protect yourself in the event things do not go as well after his rehab as everyone hopes. I've never done heroin (I have done about everything else) but I've heard it is a whole different level of addiction. Hang in there, be strong, and most of all protect yourself and your child and know when to say enough is enough if this becomes a cyclical behavior.
KidsEverywhere is offline  
Old 10-22-2015, 09:32 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 13
Yes everyone has their breaking point and if he ever was to relapse again I would support him and help him get back on track but if he keeps messing up or he doesnt even attempt to get back on track after a slip up then I would have to walk away. I would be okay with that, knowing I did what I could.
Marissa2212 is offline  
Old 10-22-2015, 12:45 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
saoutchik's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,346
It sounds like you are doing and excellent job Marissa of being supportive of your boyfriend without jeopardising the security of your child or your own long term happiness

I hope everything works out for you and him
saoutchik is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 03:10 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
PurpleKnight's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Marissa!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 04:17 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393

Welcome to the forum!

It sounds like you are on the right path to protect yourself and child but still lend support to your boyfriend.

JimC60 is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 05:59 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Do your best
Soberwolf's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,046
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 08:47 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 13

I like to think I am handeling all of this in a good manner. Thank you all for the support and replies. I will update when I can, I am expecting a phone call or letter any day now. I miss him so much and I really hope this stay at rehab/jail will really stick with him forever. Anyone have a loved one go through jail or rehab? How was the adjustment when they came home? Did it lead to recovery? Did they relapse? I need to know all I can.
Marissa2212 is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 09:02 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Marrisa, there's a Friends and family of substance abusers forum here. You might want to also ask in that forum too. I've never had a loved one go through rehab but I have. It's really going to be up to the individual on whether its successful or not. So no one is going to be able to tell you with any certainty. I was sober for 9 months but part way through my wife at that time said she wanted a divorce, the marriage was rocky for a number of years. I ended up relapsing. 10 years later I'm back here. This time doing it for myself and not to save a marriage.
JD is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 09:13 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New York State
Posts: 13
I posted this in that forum too just now, thank you. Also, I know noone can tell me what will happen but hopefully there are some people on here that can shed some light on what the expierence is like and how I can be better prepared and what things were like when their loved one came home. We are just waiting for a bed to be avaliable then he will be outta jail and into a rehab. Hopfully will hear some news soon!
Marissa2212 is offline  
Old 10-23-2015, 01:16 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Carver's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Hi there!

I can't give any advice on heroin addiction, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on things so far.

All I can say is that he needs to know that if he does relapse, he's gone. I know what it's like to be addicted and I'm glad he has you to support him. But don't let it ruin your life or your child's life
Carver is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:08 PM.