Punkin7788

I'm a young girl and I've known for a couple years I have a problem with drinking meaning I binge drink. I'll just mean to have a couple beers then I'll black out, do something so humiliating then the self hatred for the next while is almost unbarable. I haven't drank in over a year kind of forgot y I stopped in the first place went to my friends and I felt bad there. I felt boring and lacking so I started drinking and it was fun til it took that dark turn to where I was falling over, was rude to my friend, called my ex, had unprotected sex just and all around messed up night. Needless to say I feel like I want to die. My friendship is prolly over, I made a bad call with my ex n don't know if I can even talk to him again cause I'm horrified at how I acted.i never want to feel this low again and im scared and don't know what to do I don't have anyone I can talk to. It's humiliating enough that I subjected them to me last night much less want to tell anyone else. Any advice would be helpful...

Anna

Welcome!

Alcoholism affects all parts of our lives. It's robs us of self-esteem for sure. The best thing to do is to find ways to feel good about yourself that are healthy. Trying to fill the void from outside of you never works.

Coldfusion

Your post sounds like the story of my life before I quit drinking. Welcome to your new sober life--read around and post often, it works if you work it!

Wastinglife

HI punkin, I am a guy in my late 30's but suffer the same consequences as you when I get drunk. In fact, I am a more reckless drinker today than I was at your age. You would think I would mellow out and mature as a drinker with age but alcoholism progressively gets worse as you go.

I wish I had gotten help ten years ago. Instead, I drank away everything in my life. career, girlfriends, car, condo, finances. Gone.

I see the same warning signs in your story that I ignored until it was too late. It will only get worse. ditch the booze for good!

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here Punkin, but I'm really glad you found us.
This is a great place for advice support and friendship

I know we can help you make this the turning point you want
D

Punkin7788

Definitely want to stop. I noticed yesterday that I've thought I've been hiding this secret but apparently everyone knows n that has me more thrown than anything. I just avoided social situations, friends just so I didn't have to deal with it. Then in one night I think I have it under control n everything is gone. What kills me though is I'm a shy person, responsible in my everyday life n then I just become someone else n I can't blame anyone (even though I want to) for friends distancing themselves from me. I'm a loose canon when I drink n I can't stop myself. I won't drink again, I wish something could take away how much pain I'm in but I know I can't cause I no I need to remember how bad this feels it's just so hard to wanna keep going... I just want to barricade myself from everything.

Soberwolf

Heres some help with urges & cravings http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Heres help with a plan & a booklist to help also http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html

Copper442

I can feel your pain leaping out of your post and that breaks my heart. I've been where you are. Your story sounds a lot like mine when I first started my drinking career. It only gets worse. I know right now you feel lower than low and it is so easy to fall into the trap of self-loathing. But, you can learn from this. You can recover from this. And, you never ever have to add another regretful moment to the list.

Right now, try to be gentle on yourself. Do some things to relax and take care of you. Have you got any sort of plan in place for when you feel like drinking in the future?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Punkin!!

2WheelsGood

Don't beat yourself up too hard. What happened is passed. You can't change it, and kicking yourself does nothing. What did you learn from it?

In my mind the only thing important now is "where do you go from here ?" The fact that you're here says you have an idea.

CaseyW

Welcome to SR, Punkin7788. There is a better life waiting for you in recovery. It is possible to move past this pain and the first step is to not take that first drink today no matter what. Wishing you the best and please check in often...

Coldfusion

Okay, I'm going to share some tough love here. You only have three posts, and appear to log off soon after posting. SoberRecovery can be helpful, but you have to work at it. In addition to the threads Soberwolf suggested you read, here are a couple threads to post in:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5467941

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5464809

FreeOwl

welcome to SR....

advice? find a young people's AA group in your area...

consider getting some help from a qualified therapist...

choose to embrace sobriety now, while you're young, while you can, while you've got a rich, abundant life ahead of you....

instead of waiting until the struggle has become infinitely harder, the consequences orders of magnitude more grave, the life path ahead of you markedly shorter....

What a gift freedom from enslavement of alcohol and drugs would be at a young age.... many of us threw away that opportunity. You don't have to.

Punkin7788

I don't have a plan yet I'm trying to make it hour to hour to b honest lol but I want to start attending aa meetings. I have a parent whose a drug addict as well as a sibling so I know how important meetings are in the recovery process. I just thought it wouldn't happen to me. I didn't have to drink everyday or every month so I wasn't an alcoholic I just sucked at holding my liquor n just needed to improve on it. I've distanced myself from those family members bc they won't fight their addictions n I won't lose any family or anymore friends to this but more importantly I don't want to lose me. I feel such loathing towards myself I feel like I don't want to go on and that's selfish and it scares me. I'm willing to go to any meeting or read anything, do anythingto guarantee to help me. That's all I've been doing is reading other people's stories on binge drinking n guess what? It's alcoholism n their stories r my stories. The funny thing is I don't even like drinking it's just something I do when I feel social pressure to be something more than iam.

nyala

Hello and welcome

You said it As someone with 30 years drinking under my belt, I urge you to give it your best shot right now. It doesn't fix itself.

Good Luck

least

Welcome to the family. If you stop drinking, you never have to feel this badly again.

thomas11

hi Punkin, I believe remorse after drinking and makign a scene is pretty standard. Its done, and that can be good and bad. The bad is that it happened, the good is that it can motivate you to not have a repeat perfromance. By your own admission in your OP, you and alcohol don't mix well. You didn't drink for an entire year and when you did, it ended badly. There is no question you can do it, because you have, right? Stay close to SR and I wish you the best.