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The last Day 1

Old 06-24-2015, 06:17 AM
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The last Day 1

Hey Everyone,

I am attempting another day 1 as things have been spiralling out of control for me lately.
Just a short month and a half ago, I was sober... loving life... running again, had lost 15 lbs and everyone was noticing how great I looked which reflected how I was feeling inside too... then I got dumped... after more than a decade of friendship with this man and a 3 year relationship (we even lived together), he decided he wasn't happy, I wasn't a good match for him, etc etc. I was devastated to say the least. I had to move out of our home because I couldn't afford it on my pay alone.

The day of the break up, I bought and drank a bottle of rum. I thought (of course) it'd just be that one and then i'd pick myself up and be the strong independent woman I know I can be. That one night, has turned into two months of drinking every night. So much so that I don't remember what movie I watched, or what I may have posted on facebook. I don't want to wake up and have to search my phone and hope I didn't text "him" so he'd know how sad and pathetic I am. I feel my drinking is helping me hold on to my sadness and I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be sober, healthy and in control of my life. I want to be smoking hot if I ever bump into my ex, not bloated, hungover and overweight.

I have been reading posts and taking in everyones words of advice and shared wisdom and find this site so encouraging. Yes I know you'll all ask me for my plan.

Today is going to my final day 1. My plan is to come home from work, make dinner, and read Game of Thrones (if anything can distract me from AV, GOT can! ) and i'm going to remind myself that I am better than this. That I don't need to be sad anymore. I will also continue to read other peoples celebratory posts to keep me motivated that I CAN do this, and I have done it before... this past two months has been a set back, but sobriety is possible. Just taking it day by day until it feels normal.

Angela

Last edited by angiebaby33; 06-24-2015 at 06:21 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 06-24-2015, 06:23 AM
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Angie, good for you for not giving up on quitting alcohol! Now, you know you need a plan ... What supports do you have in addition to SR? Alcoholism is a tricky disease and we all have the best of intentions. It does typically take a good deal more than just saying we are going to quit ...
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Old 06-24-2015, 06:34 AM
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Yes, believe deep down that you deserve a good life, and you can do this.
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Old 06-24-2015, 06:49 AM
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Saskia - i'm using SR only for the moment... i've had an addictions councillor before but I didn't find it helpful... I know in my brain what I need to do and what works for me, just need the SR support to implement it
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Old 06-24-2015, 07:50 AM
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I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.
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Old 06-24-2015, 08:04 AM
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Angela,
Welcome! I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling- we can relate. You've done this before, so you know that you can do it again. 15 lbs is awesome!! I know it's devastating right now that the relationship ended, but it was probably for the best. I had a similar situation. I wasted a lot of time self loathing, drinking, depressed etc thinking "what if".... What if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle!!
Your self worth doesn't decrease because he left. Everything in life is a choice. Pick yourself up and get back on track. Go for a walk or a run when the cravings strike and keep that little voice in your head that you are fabulous. In a few weeks time you will be feeling and looking better again. You can do this!
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Old 06-24-2015, 08:11 AM
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I drank for 40 years. I struggled for a long time, believing I could fix myself.
The Counselor ... The Treatment Center ... thinking I had 'recovered' so I could drink moderately again ... doing my best to dissociate from my AV ... going to AA meetings (just don't drink and go to meetings) ...

The only thing that brought a complete renewal and transformation in me was WORKING the 12 Steps of AA, and now continuing to work the Daily Steps. (I do like to go to meetings, because I have made some good friends there and there are 'newcomers' that are in just as bad a state as I was)

Listening to Recovery Speaker Messages I found by doing Web Searches also helped me greatly.

RCBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous, and FREE ... a year and a half + now!
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Old 06-24-2015, 10:34 AM
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You can do this Angela!!
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:34 AM
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Have you got a plan Angela
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:39 AM
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Welcome to SR Angie! Congrats on making the choice to become happy, sober, healthy, and in control of your life... you can do it!!
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Old 06-24-2015, 04:12 PM
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welcome back Angie

what about making a definite plan this time?
Some good ideas here:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
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Old 06-24-2015, 05:48 PM
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Welcome Angela!!
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Old 06-24-2015, 06:20 PM
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Hi Angela, well you've had a period of sobriety before so you are familiar with what it takes. It never ceases to amaze me that folks will convince themselves that one drink, or one night of partying won't be a problem and the next thing you know its been a month, 6 months, a year, and I've even read on here 8 years.
I try to avoid relationship advice, but I've been sober for a little while and I am thankful that my marriage has actually strengthened, BUT, since I have a backbone now because I am not ashamed of any of my behavior my wife and I have locked horns a little more frequently than before because I will stand up for myself. She is not used to that. Its nothing serious, but the dynamic has changed. Best wishes to you. First things first, sober up, get a clear head and keep marching forward, that's about all I can offer.
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