mebutmuchbetter

This is the right thing to do. I keep considering the ultimate challenge of having one drink at the end of 100 days. Just one. Then doing another 100 days.

There you have it, 34 days has made me a bit too **** sure. Probably best to celebrate with a cup of tea and a slice of cake.

mebutmuchbetter

Hmm, the forum settings have starred out a word.. just to clarify, the context was not rude. **** is a male bird, especially of domestic fowl, rooster, cockerel

mebutmuchbetter

Yesterday was day 101 and I got completely drunk.

I guess somewhat deliberately to see how I felt but I also wanted to see if I felt strong enough to push through. Clearly I did not.

Today is day 1 and I am now going to remain permanently sober. In terms of days, the difference this time is that christmas is at the end of 100 days and I am going to spend it sober.

The inkling in the back of my head to have a drink at the end of 100 days has led to disappointment and physical sickness. The answer is not at the bottom of the glass.

I learnt so much in my 100 days sober. I started to find myself.. something that I never knew the meaning of.. and I liked it. So I am going back there... to the sober me, the better me. This time it will be permanent. The 100 days is less important.. the focus is what is beyond the 100 days.

I know I have not kept this diary up to date like I intended. I guess it was partly focus, not wanting to engage but now I have shown to myself how poor the reward is for drinking again, I thought I would share it and share what I think is a more important milestone which is day 1 of permanent sobriety.

Much love to all in recovery xx

thomas11

I appreciate your perspective. You've proven to yourself that you can live without alcohol. I'm glad you intent to do it permanently now.

ccam1973

Great job on hitting your goal M. Sorry you're back on day 1, but it can be the last day 1 you will ever have.

I came to the realization that I was done for good after my last relapse. I had 9 months sober time then one drink sent me spiraling out of control for an entire year.

Good for you on coming right back and resetting your goals.

Upwardspiral

Welcome back mebutmuchbetter. Way to get right back in the saddle!

Rar

Hi Me - I read all of the posts and was hopeful your story would end with Day 101. It's a good thing that you've recommitted and declared another Day 1. You've already proved you can do this, so keep it going.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan bud

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

OpenTuning

I only just saw this thread today, and as I read the beginning I immediately wondered what would happen on day 101. And I wasn't surprised by your post today.

The thing is, my final journey to sobriety was almost exactly the same. I took a fixed 6 week period off booze for various reasons. Not even remotely planning to quit drinking entirely. The 6 weeks ended, I had my celebratory pint. And I didn't enjoy it. Or the three more I had in quick succession after it. Like you, I felt disappointed. I'd accidentally learned that alcohol wasn't what it was cracked up to be. I saw it as the unthinking habit I'd got into for over 30 years. The next day I started googling and found SR, and a month after that, after reading about AVRT, I made the decision to quit. 4 months ago now. Not had a drop since, and not wanted any. And my life is better because of that decision. Good luck with your journey to a new sober life.

mebutmuchbetter

Thanks for the comments all - I guess day 101 was pretty predictable. I was actually nervous the day before but I really believe good is going to come of this. I showed to myself what I don't want to happen again. I feel really sick in my stomach today, I was almost willing myself to drink yesterday to show myself how I don't want to feel again (there is an excuse if ever I there was one!)

One powerful thing that I did during my 100 days was to learn how to code. Ok, I am no expert but I feel like I sowed the seeds for something I feel will probably take over moving forward. It is fulfilling in a completely different way and as I am inexperienced with the logic, this learning experience is totally incompatible with drinking.

I have a stinking hangover but I feel positive about the future. I really now believe that I will not drink again.. not for 100 days but ever. I don't want to feel like I feel today, I don't want to think about drink much of the time. I am ready to move on.. I started to reveal the real me and not the man behind the mask and I am going to carry on where I left off on day 100.. this time not counting but being grateful for a new life and fully engaged with life's opportunities.

The journey has been much much longer than 100 days though. I think it has been years in the making, many ruined relationships, missed opportunities, failed ventures and soul searching, and a gradual but vital change in the people that I associate with. I scaled back my consumption over the last two years but I still knew I had a problem but really feel as though the problem is receding now with the 100 day experiment. Of course I am not out of the woods, I still need to be extremely careful but I feel ready to kick the cumulative 23 year habit which has shaped where I am today. The rest of my life will be so much different.

MIRecovery

The problem is alcohol is a dead end street. What we want is to drink to excess and have no consequences. This is just a lie alcohol tells us. It is fantasy that does not exist.

What is true is that there is an incredible sober world out there waiting to be discovered and enjoyed

least

My last relapse was almost six years ago, at six months sober. But I became more determined to make it and did. You can too.

OpenTuning

Mebutmuchbetter, that's terrific to read. Really recognise my own journey in what you wrote. My decision came as a surprise to my wife, and friends, but that's just because I started the process probably 2-3 years ago. Gradually making changes to my drinking patterns. Until stopping completely just made sense. It was so gradual I didn't even realise where I was headed with it. I was just trying to drink more responsibly. My "relapses" were the occasions I slipped up and drank to the point of blackouts, which became rare, but were proof that permanent moderation wasn't a realistic option. And in the end it's almost a relief to be able to forget about the counting units and constantly obsessing about alcohol. It's gone from my life. There are much more rewarding things to focus all that time and energy on instead.