How To Have A Social Life Without Drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 23
How To Have A Social Life Without Drinking
Does anyone know how? How can I have a social life without drinking alcohol?
I live in a small town and usually spend the entire day in my bedroom on my laptop, the only time I leave the house is to work.
I used to go for works and cycle and things but I have got bored of it.
I get lonely but I dunno how to have a social life without entering the pub scene.
I am considering drinking again, just so that I can have a "normal" social life. I hate having no life.
I live in a small town and usually spend the entire day in my bedroom on my laptop, the only time I leave the house is to work.
I used to go for works and cycle and things but I have got bored of it.
I get lonely but I dunno how to have a social life without entering the pub scene.
I am considering drinking again, just so that I can have a "normal" social life. I hate having no life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I have a great social life ZimZam - far better than I had as a drinker.
I think you need to get out there tho...sitting alone at home was fine when we drank but it rarely cuts the mustard when we get sober.
What are your interests? hobbies?
are there groups you can join in town that are either sober or where the focus is not on drinking - volunteering maybe? local church? community groups?
D
I think you need to get out there tho...sitting alone at home was fine when we drank but it rarely cuts the mustard when we get sober.
What are your interests? hobbies?
are there groups you can join in town that are either sober or where the focus is not on drinking - volunteering maybe? local church? community groups?
D
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
I have much more of a social life since stopping drinking. Towars the end of my drinking i was drinking by myself wvery night. Now that I'm sober people enjoy spending yime with me. Your life doesn't have to revolve around alcohol. What are your interests? Do you have kids? Do you have loved ones who you would like to see? Thats my social life...i just do it sober. I hope you find your way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
I know it's hard. I am originally from a very small town and now live in a large city. Surprisingly, a big city can be just as challenging.
You're hearing some good ideas from others. To that I'd add to avoid assuming that everyone wants a social life that revolves around alcohol. There may be people who you know who would really appreciate the opportunity to do something that doesn't involve a bar or drinking.
Hang in there. And as challenging as things might seem at the moment, alcohol will only make things worse.
You're hearing some good ideas from others. To that I'd add to avoid assuming that everyone wants a social life that revolves around alcohol. There may be people who you know who would really appreciate the opportunity to do something that doesn't involve a bar or drinking.
Hang in there. And as challenging as things might seem at the moment, alcohol will only make things worse.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Zam zam I'm struggling with this too, but I had already forsaken social life a couple of years before I quit.
If you're still in early sobriety you may well regain interest in those activities you listed of which you got bored. And perhaps you'll have new drive to find friends to share it with without emphasis on drink.
Lately I've been going to AA and fitness classes to get human interaction. It's not the same as saucy bar talk but it feels more real.
If you're still in early sobriety you may well regain interest in those activities you listed of which you got bored. And perhaps you'll have new drive to find friends to share it with without emphasis on drink.
Lately I've been going to AA and fitness classes to get human interaction. It's not the same as saucy bar talk but it feels more real.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I've been sober about 15 months to observe how normal people socialize. Do they go to the bars after work and have a beer or two? Of course they do. Do they get drunk? No. Do they drink more when they get home? No. Do they plan their day around the happy hour at the bar? No.
I guess just plenty of observations of helped me to accept that I just don't think like they do. I never will. I sure tried though.
My social life actually improved after I stopped drinking. 99% of my drinking. And it wasn't one or two to take the edge off. It was 12 or 14 drinks and I would often blackout. Without even planning on blacking out. Oh boy that was hangovers.
My social life is actually in the toilet when I was drinking. Even when I was with people and having fun I was more focused on where my next drink would come from that I was conversation or the company. And my friends didn't like it when I would black out and cry and yell. Sometimes I was a happy funny drunk. Sometimes I was a mean sad drunk.
I also never socialized on weekends during the day or at night because I was hung over during the day and then drunk again at night.
Geez actually typing this out makes me realize just how crappy my social life really was when I was drinking.
I guess just plenty of observations of helped me to accept that I just don't think like they do. I never will. I sure tried though.
My social life actually improved after I stopped drinking. 99% of my drinking. And it wasn't one or two to take the edge off. It was 12 or 14 drinks and I would often blackout. Without even planning on blacking out. Oh boy that was hangovers.
My social life is actually in the toilet when I was drinking. Even when I was with people and having fun I was more focused on where my next drink would come from that I was conversation or the company. And my friends didn't like it when I would black out and cry and yell. Sometimes I was a happy funny drunk. Sometimes I was a mean sad drunk.
I also never socialized on weekends during the day or at night because I was hung over during the day and then drunk again at night.
Geez actually typing this out makes me realize just how crappy my social life really was when I was drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,124
I ended up isolating . I didn't think I needed anything except my wine. I might suggest giving AA a try. I'm learning about myself via the 12 Steps. I find getting sober was the easy thing believe it or not. I struggle with friendship, that is opening up and letting someone in. I am seeing a therapist, in addition to my wonderful Sponsor. I'm a firm believer in using the tools I've come across in my recovery.
Progress Not Perfection
So true for me ...
Bobbi
Progress Not Perfection
So true for me ...
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
Even when I was with people and having fun I was more focused on where my next drink would come from that I was conversation or the company..
I am a much better friend and companion when I am not drinking.
There are a lot of things you can do, some good ideas are listed above. Are you into any sports? Sometimes there are pick-up games at local parks. YOu could also join a running or biking club.
Though I wouldn't really recommend hanging out in pubs for the first part of this journey, I think that later on you could stop by to visit with friends- once you are feeling strong and solid.
I am avoiding my favorite local bar right now, and aside from cutting back on my commitments the rest of my social life has remained pretty much the same. A week or so ago I went to dinner at a restaurant with a large group of friends. As we were ordering they were taking a count on beverages to decide on the number of bottles of wine. They asked me "C, red or white?" I simply replied "I'm fine with water" and then they moved on to the next person without the slightest bit of reflection on my beverage choice. We had a nice dinner and I felt good really being there to listen and share in the conversation.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I remember asking the same at AA when I first went along. They told me, it'll sort itself out as you find things. This didn't sound very convincing to me. I'd gone from weekends whizzing past in a social and alcohol fuelled blur (for the last 20 or so years) to them dragging. Filling me with loneliness and emptiness. They were a huge void that needed to be filled.
Anyway - gradually that have been filled, and now I'm back to them whizzing by, with me trying to figure out how to fit everything and everyone in. These are some of the things I've tried / found worked for me...
AA - at least one meeting at a weekend, but usually two. Now I know the people there I really look forward to seeing them, and know we'll have a giggle. And there are usually people who'd be up for a coffee and a chat after the meeting or later in the weekend.
I started thinking about (and getting resentful about) the more sober friends from my past and had 'dropped me'. When I did my step 4 work I realised that they hadn't dropped me. I had dropped them. I had been unavailable to anyone who was not in my personal drinking club. There were family who I loved who I'd neglected as well. Anyway - I have gradually started to get in touch with those people again. Only one didn't respond at all. The others have been happy to hear from me and keen to get together and catch up. If you think back there may be people who would be good for your sobriety if you were to get back in touch. I must admit, it was hard for me to swallow my pride, because I'd spent a long time feeling self-pitying rage about some of those people 'deserting' me lol. I'm glad I did though. I really enjoy seeing my mum, brother and cousins now, but still don't do that as often as I like, because guess what, I can hardly find the time nowadays! Go figure!
Getting on the bus and exploring neighbouring towns (even if there is no reason to go there - it beats rattling around the house feeling bored and lonely).
I joined a running group (beginners level). I'm pretty useless, but getting better. Anyway, there are running events that they always need marshals for. It didn't sound appealing at first, but I find that it cheers me up to be encouraging the runners and seeing some touching scenes of determination and achievement. While standing around I've got to know others from the club and enjoyed chatting to them.
I have volunteered to help with a church creche one Sunday a month, and make the tea and toast on another Sunday. It means I've got to know people I wouldn't usually have even spoken to.
I love books so try to get along to a book group meeting (I started the book group but it's in a pub, fairly typically, so I don't go all the time now) or an author event every so often which then gets me reading stuff I wouldn't usually chose for myself.
I am aware that I am starting to sound like a churchey-geeky type (which actually I don't think I am, or would seem to be to anyone who met me), so hesitate to put the next thing in... but I have started sewing. My mum bought me a sewing machine years ago, and it'd been sitting there gathering dust. Anyway - I got it out and tried some simple stuff. The satisfaction of making something from scratch is pretty good. I'm working my way up to making my own dresses, as I hate wearing the same as other people. If I had more space I'd love to do a dolls house from scratch, but I pretty much live in a dolls house so no room for that kind of gear.
There are some weird and wonderful hobbies out there. For example, I know a few people who are into the historical re-enactment stuff. This means they go away a lot, and meet others who are at the events and make friends. When not there they are researching and making things for the next event. Not that I'm suggesting this for you - just saying that sometimes we need to think out of the box a little, and try things we never have before. Because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
I suppose I do spend more time on my own now than I used to though, when all's said and done. But that isn't such a problem now I don't hate myself like I used to.
Anyway - gradually that have been filled, and now I'm back to them whizzing by, with me trying to figure out how to fit everything and everyone in. These are some of the things I've tried / found worked for me...
AA - at least one meeting at a weekend, but usually two. Now I know the people there I really look forward to seeing them, and know we'll have a giggle. And there are usually people who'd be up for a coffee and a chat after the meeting or later in the weekend.
I started thinking about (and getting resentful about) the more sober friends from my past and had 'dropped me'. When I did my step 4 work I realised that they hadn't dropped me. I had dropped them. I had been unavailable to anyone who was not in my personal drinking club. There were family who I loved who I'd neglected as well. Anyway - I have gradually started to get in touch with those people again. Only one didn't respond at all. The others have been happy to hear from me and keen to get together and catch up. If you think back there may be people who would be good for your sobriety if you were to get back in touch. I must admit, it was hard for me to swallow my pride, because I'd spent a long time feeling self-pitying rage about some of those people 'deserting' me lol. I'm glad I did though. I really enjoy seeing my mum, brother and cousins now, but still don't do that as often as I like, because guess what, I can hardly find the time nowadays! Go figure!
Getting on the bus and exploring neighbouring towns (even if there is no reason to go there - it beats rattling around the house feeling bored and lonely).
I joined a running group (beginners level). I'm pretty useless, but getting better. Anyway, there are running events that they always need marshals for. It didn't sound appealing at first, but I find that it cheers me up to be encouraging the runners and seeing some touching scenes of determination and achievement. While standing around I've got to know others from the club and enjoyed chatting to them.
I have volunteered to help with a church creche one Sunday a month, and make the tea and toast on another Sunday. It means I've got to know people I wouldn't usually have even spoken to.
I love books so try to get along to a book group meeting (I started the book group but it's in a pub, fairly typically, so I don't go all the time now) or an author event every so often which then gets me reading stuff I wouldn't usually chose for myself.
I am aware that I am starting to sound like a churchey-geeky type (which actually I don't think I am, or would seem to be to anyone who met me), so hesitate to put the next thing in... but I have started sewing. My mum bought me a sewing machine years ago, and it'd been sitting there gathering dust. Anyway - I got it out and tried some simple stuff. The satisfaction of making something from scratch is pretty good. I'm working my way up to making my own dresses, as I hate wearing the same as other people. If I had more space I'd love to do a dolls house from scratch, but I pretty much live in a dolls house so no room for that kind of gear.
There are some weird and wonderful hobbies out there. For example, I know a few people who are into the historical re-enactment stuff. This means they go away a lot, and meet others who are at the events and make friends. When not there they are researching and making things for the next event. Not that I'm suggesting this for you - just saying that sometimes we need to think out of the box a little, and try things we never have before. Because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
I suppose I do spend more time on my own now than I used to though, when all's said and done. But that isn't such a problem now I don't hate myself like I used to.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by ZamZam
I get lonely but I dunno how to have a social life without entering the pub scene.
Take a cooking class.
Volunteer at the animal shelter.
Visit people in a retirement home.
Take a yoga class.
Sponsor a mile of road and pick up litter.
Train for a marathon.
Volunteer as a tutor at the local school.
Join the local trails club.
Take a photography class.
I can do anything I want, or I can drink. Not much of a choice, really.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by ZamZam
Does anyone know how? How can I have a social life without drinking alcohol?
I live in a small town and usually spend the entire day in my bedroom on my laptop, the only time I leave the house is to work.
I used to go for works and cycle and things but I have got bored of it.
I get lonely but I dunno how to have a social life without entering the pub scene.
I am considering drinking again, just so that I can have a "normal" social life. I hate having no life.
I live in a small town and usually spend the entire day in my bedroom on my laptop, the only time I leave the house is to work.
I used to go for works and cycle and things but I have got bored of it.
I get lonely but I dunno how to have a social life without entering the pub scene.
I am considering drinking again, just so that I can have a "normal" social life. I hate having no life.
I relate to what you are saying. I know from experience that I am far more connected and sincere in social settings when I'm sober. I drink alone and isolate...booze being all I think I need in that moment.
I live in a small town. I live in a small state for that matter. We do have meetups however and I have joined ones centered around meditation and buddhism. But there are also social singles groups too. I have made a list of volunteer opportunities...now I have to get off my butt and do it. I attend yoga but that's not very social per se but it gets me in a room full of people. I'm only a few months sober, and getting over a break up, so I'm taking my time. I guess when the time comes I'll start dating...not there yet. I know if I just do something, something will happen. But I do relate to how you're feeling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi Zam Zam......Presently I'm lacking the initiative to commit to anything long term like projects, classes, volunteer work, etc. What I'm going to try are various events to get me out of the house and around people. For example, next week there's an event called "Pawlooza". It's a charity event sponsored by an animal organization where they hope to adopt out the animals in the shelters. There will be games, free food, etc. and of course animals. Animals are a huge interest of mine and so I'm looking forward to it. Anyway, perhaps a series of events will inspsire you to take on a more long term commitment.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
It can be tough. I found it important to distinguish between being bored and being lonely. It is easy to think of things to do if bored, but not so easy to think of situations where you can just sit and talk with people. In fact, I can only really think of coffee or a meal. I guess there are also low impact activities like hiking and such. I don't really have much advice, but I look forward to hearing from others on this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Start a poetry and music night at a local coffee shop
Join art classes
Join a gym
Start a running or hiking club
Join community theater
Volunteer in the local schools or community organizations
Take interesting evening classes
Organize a beautification effort and get people together to address local community problems like trash pickup or playground repair
Host a book club
Start a non alcoholic drinks group
Play golf with other sober people
Endless possibilities
Join art classes
Join a gym
Start a running or hiking club
Join community theater
Volunteer in the local schools or community organizations
Take interesting evening classes
Organize a beautification effort and get people together to address local community problems like trash pickup or playground repair
Host a book club
Start a non alcoholic drinks group
Play golf with other sober people
Endless possibilities
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 20
Hello Zam Zam. I joined a gym and started mountain biking again doing each once a week. I met more positive and happier people doing these things. I also starting praying and meditating daily. The above worked for me. Also try less TV. Just start over. Do it sober. Take care. Keep the faith!!!
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Lots of great ideas already . So I will mention the last part of your post . I not sure about saying a Normal social life drinking . When I drank there was nothing normal or for that fact social . It was just a bunch of crazy stuff & ended up making me feel like Crap day in & day out . Almost cost me my health . Those things aren't worth wasting a great sober life over 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Beccybean
I remember asking the same at AA when I first went along. They told me, it'll sort itself out as you find things. This didn't sound very convincing to me. I'd gone from weekends whizzing past in a social and alcohol fuelled blur (for the last 20 or so years) to them dragging. Filling me with loneliness and emptiness. They were a huge void that needed to be filled.
Anyway - gradually that have been filled, and now I'm back to them whizzing by, with me trying to figure out how to fit everything and everyone in. These are some of the things I've tried / found worked for me...
AA - at least one meeting at a weekend, but usually two. Now I know the people there I really look forward to seeing them, and know we'll have a giggle. And there are usually people who'd be up for a coffee and a chat after the meeting or later in the weekend.
I started thinking about (and getting resentful about) the more sober friends from my past and had 'dropped me'. When I did my step 4 work I realised that they hadn't dropped me. I had dropped them. I had been unavailable to anyone who was not in my personal drinking club. There were family who I loved who I'd neglected as well. Anyway - I have gradually started to get in touch with those people again. Only one didn't respond at all. The others have been happy to hear from me and keen to get together and catch up. If you think back there may be people who would be good for your sobriety if you were to get back in touch. I must admit, it was hard for me to swallow my pride, because I'd spent a long time feeling self-pitying rage about some of those people 'deserting' me lol. I'm glad I did though. I really enjoy seeing my mum, brother and cousins now, but still don't do that as often as I like, because guess what, I can hardly find the time nowadays! Go figure!
Getting on the bus and exploring neighbouring towns (even if there is no reason to go there - it beats rattling around the house feeling bored and lonely).
I joined a running group (beginners level). I'm pretty useless, but getting better. Anyway, there are running events that they always need marshals for. It didn't sound appealing at first, but I find that it cheers me up to be encouraging the runners and seeing some touching scenes of determination and achievement. While standing around I've got to know others from the club and enjoyed chatting to them.
I have volunteered to help with a church creche one Sunday a month, and make the tea and toast on another Sunday. It means I've got to know people I wouldn't usually have even spoken to.
I love books so try to get along to a book group meeting (I started the book group but it's in a pub, fairly typically, so I don't go all the time now) or an author event every so often which then gets me reading stuff I wouldn't usually chose for myself.
I am aware that I am starting to sound like a churchey-geeky type (which actually I don't think I am, or would seem to be to anyone who met me), so hesitate to put the next thing in... but I have started sewing. My mum bought me a sewing machine years ago, and it'd been sitting there gathering dust. Anyway - I got it out and tried some simple stuff. The satisfaction of making something from scratch is pretty good. I'm working my way up to making my own dresses, as I hate wearing the same as other people. If I had more space I'd love to do a dolls house from scratch, but I pretty much live in a dolls house so no room for that kind of gear.
There are some weird and wonderful hobbies out there. For example, I know a few people who are into the historical re-enactment stuff. This means they go away a lot, and meet others who are at the events and make friends. When not there they are researching and making things for the next event. Not that I'm suggesting this for you - just saying that sometimes we need to think out of the box a little, and try things we never have before. Because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
I suppose I do spend more time on my own now than I used to though, when all's said and done. But that isn't such a problem now I don't hate myself like I used to.
Anyway - gradually that have been filled, and now I'm back to them whizzing by, with me trying to figure out how to fit everything and everyone in. These are some of the things I've tried / found worked for me...
AA - at least one meeting at a weekend, but usually two. Now I know the people there I really look forward to seeing them, and know we'll have a giggle. And there are usually people who'd be up for a coffee and a chat after the meeting or later in the weekend.
I started thinking about (and getting resentful about) the more sober friends from my past and had 'dropped me'. When I did my step 4 work I realised that they hadn't dropped me. I had dropped them. I had been unavailable to anyone who was not in my personal drinking club. There were family who I loved who I'd neglected as well. Anyway - I have gradually started to get in touch with those people again. Only one didn't respond at all. The others have been happy to hear from me and keen to get together and catch up. If you think back there may be people who would be good for your sobriety if you were to get back in touch. I must admit, it was hard for me to swallow my pride, because I'd spent a long time feeling self-pitying rage about some of those people 'deserting' me lol. I'm glad I did though. I really enjoy seeing my mum, brother and cousins now, but still don't do that as often as I like, because guess what, I can hardly find the time nowadays! Go figure!
Getting on the bus and exploring neighbouring towns (even if there is no reason to go there - it beats rattling around the house feeling bored and lonely).
I joined a running group (beginners level). I'm pretty useless, but getting better. Anyway, there are running events that they always need marshals for. It didn't sound appealing at first, but I find that it cheers me up to be encouraging the runners and seeing some touching scenes of determination and achievement. While standing around I've got to know others from the club and enjoyed chatting to them.
I have volunteered to help with a church creche one Sunday a month, and make the tea and toast on another Sunday. It means I've got to know people I wouldn't usually have even spoken to.
I love books so try to get along to a book group meeting (I started the book group but it's in a pub, fairly typically, so I don't go all the time now) or an author event every so often which then gets me reading stuff I wouldn't usually chose for myself.
I am aware that I am starting to sound like a churchey-geeky type (which actually I don't think I am, or would seem to be to anyone who met me), so hesitate to put the next thing in... but I have started sewing. My mum bought me a sewing machine years ago, and it'd been sitting there gathering dust. Anyway - I got it out and tried some simple stuff. The satisfaction of making something from scratch is pretty good. I'm working my way up to making my own dresses, as I hate wearing the same as other people. If I had more space I'd love to do a dolls house from scratch, but I pretty much live in a dolls house so no room for that kind of gear.
There are some weird and wonderful hobbies out there. For example, I know a few people who are into the historical re-enactment stuff. This means they go away a lot, and meet others who are at the events and make friends. When not there they are researching and making things for the next event. Not that I'm suggesting this for you - just saying that sometimes we need to think out of the box a little, and try things we never have before. Because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
I suppose I do spend more time on my own now than I used to though, when all's said and done. But that isn't such a problem now I don't hate myself like I used to.
I've also discovered that I need rekindle things that I used to love to do and get satisfaction from before addiction overtook my life. I feel that exercise is essential but not always easy to do, but once I get started is so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
... I feel that exercise is essential but not always easy to do, but once I get started is so worth it.
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