Unspeakable cruelty
Glad for you!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,050
Hey AF
I am echoing the thoughts of the posters above but yes, I also think it was a sad and mean spirited act by your brother.
Unlike friends, its not easy to cut off your relations. There is that conventional sense of obligation to stay connected and supportive because they are your 'family'. When times are tough and your friends desert you, your family are meant to be the ones that will rally to your cause.
Theoretically.
I had always thought that with my siblings. However, after getting sober, I discovered, much to my dismay, that one of my siblings has a truly mean spirited heart. He only gets enjoyment out of the misery of others. The classic definition of schadenfreude. He actually goes out of his way to create scenarios for someone to experience misery. This includes our own mother. Initially, I despised him for this. However, I now understand that he must be truly suffering and miserable himself in order to do such things. So, I have compassion for him. However, that doesnt mean I need to have any contact with him. I will keep threads on him from my other sibling and mother but no direct contact.
So, I think I understand a little about how you're feeling. Its probably best that you dont take any action but simply ignore the package. Throw it away. If you respond, it means you're feeding your own emotion of anger and resentment. Let those emotions die. Move on and focus only on those folks that support you. Time is too short to focus on toxic folks irrespective of who they are.
Be strong AF !
I am echoing the thoughts of the posters above but yes, I also think it was a sad and mean spirited act by your brother.
Unlike friends, its not easy to cut off your relations. There is that conventional sense of obligation to stay connected and supportive because they are your 'family'. When times are tough and your friends desert you, your family are meant to be the ones that will rally to your cause.
Theoretically.
I had always thought that with my siblings. However, after getting sober, I discovered, much to my dismay, that one of my siblings has a truly mean spirited heart. He only gets enjoyment out of the misery of others. The classic definition of schadenfreude. He actually goes out of his way to create scenarios for someone to experience misery. This includes our own mother. Initially, I despised him for this. However, I now understand that he must be truly suffering and miserable himself in order to do such things. So, I have compassion for him. However, that doesnt mean I need to have any contact with him. I will keep threads on him from my other sibling and mother but no direct contact.
So, I think I understand a little about how you're feeling. Its probably best that you dont take any action but simply ignore the package. Throw it away. If you respond, it means you're feeding your own emotion of anger and resentment. Let those emotions die. Move on and focus only on those folks that support you. Time is too short to focus on toxic folks irrespective of who they are.
Be strong AF !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Thanks for the lovely thoughts and concerns. My mom taught me to try and rise above things and not sink to their level. And that is what I am trying to do. One of my brother's favorite fictional dialogues is from Atlas Shrugged. The main character John Galt asks "what do you think of me?" and it responded with "I don't think of you". The ultimate dismissal. Unless you exist in someone's mind, you are basically invisible. So, I guess I need to get my brother out of my mind and make him invisible.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Sorry, AF, that's from The Fountainhead. Ellsworth Toohey, the worst kind of bad guy, implores Howard Roark, our hero: "Tell me what you think of me." Roark replies, "I don't". Crushes Toohey psychologically.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Could be Trachs. I dunno because I never read either book. This was how it was presented to me by my brother. So according to you he had it wrong. You are missing the over arching point though. It doesn't matter which book it is, the message is the same.
p.s. It is not considered good form to correct people. Just sayin'
p.s. It is not considered good form to correct people. Just sayin'
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Atlas Shrugged is beyond epic. It requires great determination. That's why the movie is six hours long and still doesn't tell all the story.
The Fountainhead made a very good, standard length movie. Much more accesible story.
If you need the ideas in short format, try Anthem. Lot's of powerful thought in a brief format.
The Fountainhead made a very good, standard length movie. Much more accesible story.
If you need the ideas in short format, try Anthem. Lot's of powerful thought in a brief format.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I saw an interview with Ayn Rand. She is a devoted atheist. Her husband was dead and the interviewer asked Ayn where she thought her husband was now. She said "he's dead. I don't believe in an afterlife. If I did I would commit suicide immediately to be with him again"
Interesting woman.
Interesting woman.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Dear AF, this kind of thing always stuns me - despite having had years of varying types of on - off estrangements and simmering conflicts with various family members, including my own kids. I also occasionally visit a couple of online support groups on that very issue - estrangements - and never cease to be horrified to hear of the kinds of truly cruel, as in intentionally cruel, behaviours in families.
I feel from reading this thread that yes, indeed, your brother's actions with the note attached with the photos show deliberation / intentionality from within his own self. Not to mention you having been 'dis-invited'(wtf?) in the first place. For whatever psychological reason, it almost doesn't matter from where his stuff stems.
For you, though - leaving him aside (great idea!) - and regardless of how, or in what manner or timing, you cut him off: if it were me, AND only IF I had some sense of pleasant connection with the bridal couple (i.e. your nephew and wife, is that correct?), I personally would at least keep for myself any shots of them on their own. Or of them and their sibs, if you feel any connection with them too. Why should you not have at least those pics for your future enjoyment, as their aunt? I've too often got rid of stuff when it's too painful to keep - for now; then even years later, regretted it. Up to you of course, but just a thought.
Glad you are feeling a little better (and the gods know what fried pickles are!? Must say, though, they sound quite tasty! )
PS maybe do a bit of angry-ant type art, luv! Slap a lot of paint around or something for comfort. Jackson Pollock technique can be quite therapeutic, I've found many years ago :-)
x Vic
I feel from reading this thread that yes, indeed, your brother's actions with the note attached with the photos show deliberation / intentionality from within his own self. Not to mention you having been 'dis-invited'(wtf?) in the first place. For whatever psychological reason, it almost doesn't matter from where his stuff stems.
For you, though - leaving him aside (great idea!) - and regardless of how, or in what manner or timing, you cut him off: if it were me, AND only IF I had some sense of pleasant connection with the bridal couple (i.e. your nephew and wife, is that correct?), I personally would at least keep for myself any shots of them on their own. Or of them and their sibs, if you feel any connection with them too. Why should you not have at least those pics for your future enjoyment, as their aunt? I've too often got rid of stuff when it's too painful to keep - for now; then even years later, regretted it. Up to you of course, but just a thought.
Glad you are feeling a little better (and the gods know what fried pickles are!? Must say, though, they sound quite tasty! )
PS maybe do a bit of angry-ant type art, luv! Slap a lot of paint around or something for comfort. Jackson Pollock technique can be quite therapeutic, I've found many years ago :-)
x Vic
Seriously though I'm glad you're feeling better, AF. Don't let someone else pettiness bring you down.
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