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Old 05-19-2015, 09:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi guys,

I was 210 days sober yesterday, hooray for me

I have been back to work for a month now and my manager and a HR rep met me today. It was a capability meeting.

My manager advised he feels he has done all he can to support me, but that he is concerned as to how the job is affecting my health and whether I'm able to perform at the required standard. He advised I was not at the required standard currently but when asked by the rep what areas I can improve in, he had no concrete information which confused me as I don't have anything to go away and reflect on.

Which translated to me as "now your back and have been back a month, we have to get past all this nonsense and you need to buck your ideas up"

I wouldn't say he (or they) were concerned at all. More like testing me to see if I'll throw the towel in. They want me to "go away and have a think about things"- I've been thinking, I HAD 4 MONTHS OFF TO THINK!!!

I can do the job, I've been doing it for 4.5 years but yet I apparently shouldn't be looking at promotion (which I want to get) but instead, look at how I can start performing in this job.

* sorry I was off for 4 months, and it's taking time to get my confidence back up, and sorry for having aspirations that don't involve just falling in line, shutting my mouth and rolling over like a dog and being a good worker *

I mentioned training and that I was unsuccessful with 3 promotion opportunities with no constructive feedback as to why I didn't get an interview. I was told I should of tried harder for the feedback- maybe I should of..........but it sounded like a cop out for a company that has in the past worked with integrity and good values, the least if expect is a call to say if not made the cut.

I get told there are upcoming people, people waiting in line for the jobs me and my colleagues have, that I should be fortunate to be earning what I am.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I think it's that my manager has put a good bit of distance between me and him and I have lost some respect for him today. I trusted him to support, he has, but now I'm on my own.

There are people working for this company that I know I could do just as good if not a better job at a higher level.

Do I need to change up my attitude? Is it me guys? Should I just be getting on with it?
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Do I need to change up my attitude? Is it me guys? Should I just be getting on with it?
Only you can answer that. To be quite frank though, many of your posts here are negative about your job and your attitude about it. I'm not saying that in an accusatory way...you are dealing with depression and anxiety and this could certainly be the root cause.

What do you think - are you performing to the level that you think you can? Are you doing everything you can to work on your depression and anxiety issues with your therapist?

It sounds to me like your employers are being very accommodating....you had a very extended absence and it's clear that they are working with you to give you chances to improve your performance...and you are still employed, which means they are not only investing time but money in you too.
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:14 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Stewy - from your post it appears you are building resentments against your position, the boss, coworkers and the company. Maybe something to look at deeper.

In today's market, many would be grateful to have been gainfully employed with the same organization for over 4 years with the ability to take off 4 months to rejuvenate.

I have not read your previous threads - so maybe I am missing a big part of your story, If so - my bad.

But, if it were I a gratitude list would be first and foremost!

Glad you're here and congrats on 211 days!!!
keep coming back
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I am going to say this, and I hope it does not sound harsh. The company I work for has been very accomidating to me in the past as far as letting me off when I was hurt, supporting me during my divorce, etc.

HOWEVER....If the things going on in my life have caused chaos that has no end in sight, and affects my work, they would most certainly let me go. I have worked here for 12 years.

While it's great for an employer to support their employees, they are in business to do business.

I would continue to push for what areas they would like to see you excel in. Keep it very business like, and stay calm and respectful. I would give them a written proposal on how you plan to carry that out. Stop looking at other people in the company and look only at you, your position, and your own performance.

Keep the personal aspect out of it. It's easy to be hurt, but business is business. They want to know that you are reliable and a hard worker.

That is just my .02

I manage a department for my firm, and that is how it is here. While we will try to accomidate those who need it, ultimately, it makes the entire firm short handed, and we need to know when they are back, it is at 100%. The same is expected of me.
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It sounds like they're putting you on notice. You have to make a choice here. Either get with their program or look for something else. It may be that you're just unhappy with your position and the company. Have you considered looking for something else?

Also, does your employer know the specifics as to why you were on leave?
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Are you sure you're living up to expectations? There must be something wrong, because managers / bosses don't pull their employees into offices for these types of conversations for fun. They will do it, because it's part of their job, but they don't enjoy it. They'd much prefer to have a well running ship.
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Only you can answer that. To be quite frank though, many of your posts here are negative about your job and your attitude about it. I'm not saying that in an accusatory way...you are dealing with depression and anxiety and this could certainly be the root cause. What do you think - are you performing to the level that you think you can? Are you doing everything you can to work on your depression and anxiety issues with your therapist? It sounds to me like your employers are being very accommodating....you had a very extended absence and it's clear that they are working with you to give you chances to improve your performance...and you are still employed, which means they are not only investing time but money in you too.
I think I'm lazy to be honest Scott and I don't mean physically, more down to gearing my mind up in a more positive way.

I agree, they're being very supportive and I need to repay them with hard work
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Stewy - from your post it appears you are building resentments against your position, the boss, coworkers and the company. Maybe something to look at deeper. In today's market, many would be grateful to have been gainfully employed with the same organization for over 4 years with the ability to take off 4 months to rejuvenate. I have not read your previous threads - so maybe I am missing a big part of your story, If so - my bad. But, if it were I a gratitude list would be first and foremost! Glad you're here and congrats on 211 days!!! keep coming back
Cheers Flynbuy, I appreciate you feeding back to me, a change of attitude could be what's needed
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I am going to say this, and I hope it does not sound harsh. The company I work for has been very accomidating to me in the past as far as letting me off when I was hurt, supporting me during my divorce, etc. HOWEVER....If the things going on in my life have caused chaos that has no end in sight, and affects my work, they would most certainly let me go. I have worked here for 12 years. While it's great for an employer to support their employees, they are in business to do business. I would continue to push for what areas they would like to see you excel in. Keep it very business like, and stay calm and respectful. I would give them a written proposal on how you plan to carry that out. Stop looking at other people in the company and look only at you, your position, and your own performance. Keep the personal aspect out of it. It's easy to be hurt, but business is business. They want to know that you are reliable and a hard worker. That is just my .02 I manage a department for my firm, and that is how it is here. While we will try to accomidate those who need it, ultimately, it makes the entire firm short handed, and we need to know when they are back, it is at 100%. The same is expected of me.
Thank you, I appreciate this advice it helps out things into perspective
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It sounds like they're putting you on notice. You have to make a choice here. Either get with their program or look for something else. It may be that you're just unhappy with your position and the company. Have you considered looking for something else? Also, does your employer know the specifics as to why you were on leave?
Yes I have considered other roles however too much upheaval at the minute.

Yes they have awareness but pretty much done everything they can to help so it's really down to me
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:32 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I think I'm lazy to be honest Scott and I don't mean physically, more down to gearing my mind up in a more positive way.

I agree, they're being very supportive and I need to repay them with hard work
I have had periods during my sobriety that my anxiety has gotten the better of me and it has affected my daily life, not just in my job but as a parent/husband too. You are not alone by any stretch of the imagination in your situation.

Why not share some of this with your therapist ( if you haven't already ) and see if they have some suggestions for things that you could do to help improve?
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:33 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Are you sure you're living up to expectations? There must be something wrong, because managers / bosses don't pull their employees into offices for these types of conversations for fun. They will do it, because it's part of their job, but they don't enjoy it. They'd much prefer to have a well running ship.
Yes they would prefer to have a tight ship. I too am a manager and I know I would!

Thanks
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm sorry, Stewy. I have followed your posts and I think your company has been very accommodating while you took time off to take care of yourself. Now that you've been back for a month, they have expectations. What do you think you can do to make things go smoothly at work?
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I have had periods during my sobriety that my anxiety has gotten the better of me and it has affected my daily life, not just in my job but as a parent/husband too. You are not alone by any stretch of the imagination in your situation. Why not share some of this with your therapist ( if you haven't already ) and see if they have some suggestions for things that you could do to help improve?
I will do, I had a session today actually and did a bit on self talk and dealing with silences in conversations, going to try this out.

My self talk has deteriorated over the years so I need to improve this
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:43 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm sorry, Stewy. I have followed your posts and I think your company has been very accommodating while you took time off to take care of yourself. Now that you've been back for a month, they have expectations. What do you think you can do to make things go smoothly at work?
Thank you Anna

Well I have to work on my attitude, I feel I have a good grasp of the systems / job so that's the base set.

I think it would go a long way to stay busy, focused and industrious for the time being.

I have the GP again in the morning to review my anti depressant- not even sure what to say there!
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Old 05-19-2015, 01:21 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Some exellent posts here Stewy

Keep on keeping on
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Old 05-20-2015, 06:53 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Some exellent posts here Stewy Keep on keeping on
I agree mate, there is some brilliant advice

I still feel angry and it's not sitting well what's the solution?
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