I want a life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
I've been on SR but reading mostly. I'm back on Day 2 and feeling pretty ashamed of myself. I honestly feel like I have no dignity or self respect left and this just makes me cry everytime I think about. I need to remember this feeling when I get a few days under my belt and start to feel like I'm unbeatable. Alcohol is my enemy and has ruined my life little by little, it's insidious. I'm sick and tired of being alone I want love in my life and there is no room for drinking.
I've taken a few days off work and that's been really helpful. The insomnia has already kicked in and because I don't need to be up in the morning I'm not getting stressed and I'm just going with it and sleeping when I can. I'm also finding online AA meetings helpful and I'm doing 2 a day.
It's not easy but God I want this so much.
I've taken a few days off work and that's been really helpful. The insomnia has already kicked in and because I don't need to be up in the morning I'm not getting stressed and I'm just going with it and sleeping when I can. I'm also finding online AA meetings helpful and I'm doing 2 a day.
It's not easy but God I want this so much.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by CaseyW 
Glad you made it back in here, Carrie. Good news is this can be the very last time you ever have to feel this way. Please check in often!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Carrie, good for you on coming right back here. You do have the power to make this change and never have to feel this way again. People on SR used to tell me the same thing and I really didn't believe them. Now I believe 100%. You just need to commit 100%, have a plan, have a back-up plan for if unexpected hurdles present themselves, and just don't drink.
It does get easier with time. Life is so much better when we eliminate this addiction!
Try to use SR more often. I know I was online literally in the middle of the night almost every night, early on. My insomnia was hard, but it will get better as your body adjusts.
Do this for you, you won't regret the decision to not drink today... that goes for tomorrow too.
Lean on us as much as you need.
It does get easier with time. Life is so much better when we eliminate this addiction!
Try to use SR more often. I know I was online literally in the middle of the night almost every night, early on. My insomnia was hard, but it will get better as your body adjusts.
Do this for you, you won't regret the decision to not drink today... that goes for tomorrow too.
Lean on us as much as you need.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: southeastern USA
Posts: 310
Carrie1974:
Glad you're back! This disease devours us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The mental obsession, without action against it, leads to the sip and the sip leads to the allergic reaction of compulsion to continue bathing our brains in alcohol. On our own we have no defense; but with proactive actions and the help of others who understand, you can stop the cycle.
Glad you're back! This disease devours us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The mental obsession, without action against it, leads to the sip and the sip leads to the allergic reaction of compulsion to continue bathing our brains in alcohol. On our own we have no defense; but with proactive actions and the help of others who understand, you can stop the cycle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by ccam1973
Carrie, good for you on coming right back here. You do have the power to make this change and never have to feel this way again. People on SR used to tell me the same thing and I really didn't believe them. Now I believe 100%. You just need to commit 100%, have a plan, have a back-up plan for if unexpected hurdles present themselves, and just don't drink.
It does get easier with time. Life is so much better when we eliminate this addiction!
Try to use SR more often. I know I was online literally in the middle of the night almost every night, early on. My insomnia was hard, but it will get better as your body adjusts.
Do this for you, you won't regret the decision to not drink today... that goes for tomorrow too.
Lean on us as much as you need.
It does get easier with time. Life is so much better when we eliminate this addiction!
Try to use SR more often. I know I was online literally in the middle of the night almost every night, early on. My insomnia was hard, but it will get better as your body adjusts.
Do this for you, you won't regret the decision to not drink today... that goes for tomorrow too.
Lean on us as much as you need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by ishallnotwant
Carrie1974:
Glad you're back! This disease devours us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The mental obsession, without action against it, leads to the sip and the sip leads to the allergic reaction of compulsion to continue bathing our brains in alcohol. On our own we have no defense; but with proactive actions and the help of others who understand, you can stop the cycle.
Glad you're back! This disease devours us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The mental obsession, without action against it, leads to the sip and the sip leads to the allergic reaction of compulsion to continue bathing our brains in alcohol. On our own we have no defense; but with proactive actions and the help of others who understand, you can stop the cycle.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Although I required a supervised rehab detox, not everybody does. I was a chronic alcoholic. Quitting wasn't ever easy for me. It did though become easier the sooner I realized to stay quit I needed to change how I lived with myself, and how alcohol wasn't ever going to be in my new lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I failed at quitting by allowing myself to continue to believe alcohol could still be in my life. With this kind of romancing the drink, the stronger I became in sobriety, the more likely I was going to test things out to see if I could manage alcohol. Of course I failed.
I've many years of sobriety now. Not because I learned a secret or became smarter, but really just because on my last quit I also kept my mind open to changing whatever I needed to change to keep that quit going. So, I spent most of my effort on changing me to stay quit, rather than chasing down sobriety. In fact, the more I didn't define my early sobriety, the more room I had to adapt and create new boundaries for my life without alcohol.
I think people can get hung up on certain methods, whatever they may be, on managing their sobriety going forward. I'm more of the take-what-you-need-from-whatever and move on with staying quit and creating a new lifestyle based on the success of staying quit.
I've learned sobriety eventually became an important part of my life, but it doesn't run my life, like it did back when I was still learning about quitting. Is there more for me to learn about sobriety itself? Yeah, learning is always ongoing, although there is even more for me to learn about real living as a recovered alcoholic man who hasn't been concerned about alcohol for decades now. I'm not the same guy who quit back when. I'm very different now. I'm unconcerned now about my past chronic alcoholism. It really pays to keep that last quit going. Its the one thing I did right which was vastly more important than whatever program, technique, or method I chose throughout the years while staying quit.
So, yeah. I'm suggesting you put everything you got into keeping your quit going. Opportunities will open up for you to follow through on as you learn how to adapt. This is way better strategy than trying to create a "better and improved" adjusted sober plan based on previous and ongoing failures to stay quit.
Just food for thought.
I'm pretty sure I failed at quitting by allowing myself to continue to believe alcohol could still be in my life. With this kind of romancing the drink, the stronger I became in sobriety, the more likely I was going to test things out to see if I could manage alcohol. Of course I failed.
I've many years of sobriety now. Not because I learned a secret or became smarter, but really just because on my last quit I also kept my mind open to changing whatever I needed to change to keep that quit going. So, I spent most of my effort on changing me to stay quit, rather than chasing down sobriety. In fact, the more I didn't define my early sobriety, the more room I had to adapt and create new boundaries for my life without alcohol.
I think people can get hung up on certain methods, whatever they may be, on managing their sobriety going forward. I'm more of the take-what-you-need-from-whatever and move on with staying quit and creating a new lifestyle based on the success of staying quit.
I've learned sobriety eventually became an important part of my life, but it doesn't run my life, like it did back when I was still learning about quitting. Is there more for me to learn about sobriety itself? Yeah, learning is always ongoing, although there is even more for me to learn about real living as a recovered alcoholic man who hasn't been concerned about alcohol for decades now. I'm not the same guy who quit back when. I'm very different now. I'm unconcerned now about my past chronic alcoholism. It really pays to keep that last quit going. Its the one thing I did right which was vastly more important than whatever program, technique, or method I chose throughout the years while staying quit.
So, yeah. I'm suggesting you put everything you got into keeping your quit going. Opportunities will open up for you to follow through on as you learn how to adapt. This is way better strategy than trying to create a "better and improved" adjusted sober plan based on previous and ongoing failures to stay quit.
Just food for thought.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Although I required a supervised rehab detox, not everybody does. I was a chronic alcoholic. Quitting wasn't ever easy for me. It did though become easier the sooner I realized to stay quit I needed to change how I lived with myself, and how alcohol wasn't ever going to be in my new lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I failed at quitting by allowing myself to continue to believe alcohol could still be in my life. With this kind of romancing the drink, the stronger I became in sobriety, the more likely I was going to test things out to see if I could manage alcohol. Of course I failed.
I've many years of sobriety now. Not because I learned a secret or became smarter, but really just because on my last quit I also kept my mind open to changing whatever I needed to change to keep that quit going. So, I spent most of my effort on changing me to stay quit, rather than chasing down sobriety. In fact, the more I didn't define my early sobriety, the more room I had to adapt and create new boundaries for my life without alcohol.
I think people can get hung up on certain methods, whatever they may be, on managing their sobriety going forward. I'm more of the take-what-you-need-from-whatever and move on with staying quit and creating a new lifestyle based on the success of staying quit.
I've learned sobriety eventually became an important part of my life, but it doesn't run my life, like it did back when I was still learning about quitting. Is there more for me to learn about sobriety itself? Yeah, learning is always ongoing, although there is even more for me to learn about real living as a recovered alcoholic man who hasn't been concerned about alcohol for decades now. I'm not the same guy who quit back when. I'm very different now. I'm unconcerned now about my past chronic alcoholism. It really pays to keep that last quit going. Its the one thing I did right which was vastly more important than whatever program, technique, or method I chose throughout the years while staying quit.
So, yeah. I'm suggesting you put everything you got into keeping your quit going. Opportunities will open up for you to follow through on as you learn how to adapt. This is way better strategy than trying to create a "better and improved" adjusted sober plan based on previous and ongoing failures to stay quit.
Just food for thought.
I'm pretty sure I failed at quitting by allowing myself to continue to believe alcohol could still be in my life. With this kind of romancing the drink, the stronger I became in sobriety, the more likely I was going to test things out to see if I could manage alcohol. Of course I failed.
I've many years of sobriety now. Not because I learned a secret or became smarter, but really just because on my last quit I also kept my mind open to changing whatever I needed to change to keep that quit going. So, I spent most of my effort on changing me to stay quit, rather than chasing down sobriety. In fact, the more I didn't define my early sobriety, the more room I had to adapt and create new boundaries for my life without alcohol.
I think people can get hung up on certain methods, whatever they may be, on managing their sobriety going forward. I'm more of the take-what-you-need-from-whatever and move on with staying quit and creating a new lifestyle based on the success of staying quit.
I've learned sobriety eventually became an important part of my life, but it doesn't run my life, like it did back when I was still learning about quitting. Is there more for me to learn about sobriety itself? Yeah, learning is always ongoing, although there is even more for me to learn about real living as a recovered alcoholic man who hasn't been concerned about alcohol for decades now. I'm not the same guy who quit back when. I'm very different now. I'm unconcerned now about my past chronic alcoholism. It really pays to keep that last quit going. Its the one thing I did right which was vastly more important than whatever program, technique, or method I chose throughout the years while staying quit.
So, yeah. I'm suggesting you put everything you got into keeping your quit going. Opportunities will open up for you to follow through on as you learn how to adapt. This is way better strategy than trying to create a "better and improved" adjusted sober plan based on previous and ongoing failures to stay quit.
Just food for thought.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Day 3 and emotions are just all over the place. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I do know that it's not unusual though, I know others on SR have mentioned how many feelings that were usually drowned by alcohol suddenly surface.
In other news Ireland voiced a resounding yes to equality so a few of the tears were pride :-)
In other news Ireland voiced a resounding yes to equality so a few of the tears were pride :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Day 4 almost done. I went out today for the first time with family. I took some time off work last week to make the first few days earlier and during that time I stuck to SR like glue. Strangely today I almost felt like I left my comfort blanket at home without it! It's amazing how much of the advice here really sticks and is there in my mind to dip into when things are difficult. I was out today with my sister and mum. My sister can be hard work because her moods are as changeable as the weather and her and my mother can clash. It's never anything serious at all and they are close but for some reason I just find it stressful and usually at some stage my AV would helpfully make me feel better by telling me that I can buy a bottle of vodka to have later. Today I didn't let it get to me and just thought - I didn't cause this situation, I can't control it and just with those thoughts I felt that I could detach myself and the moment passed and everyone moved on.
I also told my sister today that I had a problem with alcohol and I've stopped drinking. I just said it like that in conversation and she didn't make a huge issue about it, I suspect because she knew that I didn't want to discuss it at length, and just acknowledged what I said. This probably doesn't seem like much but I have never told anyone (outside of you guys!) so it is quite important to me and I'm glad I did it. Back to work tomorrow morning which should be fun since with the early days insomnia I've been averaging a 4am bedtime
Hope you are all having a nice weekend and thanks so much for being here.
I also told my sister today that I had a problem with alcohol and I've stopped drinking. I just said it like that in conversation and she didn't make a huge issue about it, I suspect because she knew that I didn't want to discuss it at length, and just acknowledged what I said. This probably doesn't seem like much but I have never told anyone (outside of you guys!) so it is quite important to me and I'm glad I did it. Back to work tomorrow morning which should be fun since with the early days insomnia I've been averaging a 4am bedtime
Hope you are all having a nice weekend and thanks so much for being here.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congrats on day 4! Telling your sister is a big step towards accountability.
Speaking of accountability, glad you keep checking in regularly here. I hope you'll join us on the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a good way to meet and talk with others who are also in early recovery.
Speaking of accountability, glad you keep checking in regularly here. I hope you'll join us on the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a good way to meet and talk with others who are also in early recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Congrats on day 4! Telling your sister is a big step towards accountability.
Speaking of accountability, glad you keep checking in regularly here. I hope you'll join us on the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a good way to meet and talk with others who are also in early recovery.
Speaking of accountability, glad you keep checking in regularly here. I hope you'll join us on the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a good way to meet and talk with others who are also in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Well done with day four Carrie. It is good to see you posting about your recovery. A very good idea as you can always go back and read it if you feel like a drink or the AV gets too strong.
Best wishes going forward. You will see, it does get easier everyday.
Best wishes going forward. You will see, it does get easier everyday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by ZaBoozer
Well done with day four Carrie. It is good to see you posting about your recovery. A very good idea as you can always go back and read it if you feel like a drink or the AV gets too strong.
Best wishes going forward. You will see, it does get easier everyday.
Best wishes going forward. You will see, it does get easier everyday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 28
Hey all Day 5 just about done and dusted.
Was back at work today and had to get up at 7am, the last time I looked the clock it was 5am and I had still not slept. The insomnia is driving me nuts! Can barely keep my eyes open though so hopefully tonight will the night I get to sleep, my bed is calling
Still trying to sort through the financial mess my drinking caused, feeling a bit stressed about it but I have to keep it in perspective. Being sober is everything and needs my energy for now. I have to keep remembering that the money issues are temporary and without my daily drinking purchases they will get better.
Hope Monday goes easy on you all
Was back at work today and had to get up at 7am, the last time I looked the clock it was 5am and I had still not slept. The insomnia is driving me nuts! Can barely keep my eyes open though so hopefully tonight will the night I get to sleep, my bed is calling
Still trying to sort through the financial mess my drinking caused, feeling a bit stressed about it but I have to keep it in perspective. Being sober is everything and needs my energy for now. I have to keep remembering that the money issues are temporary and without my daily drinking purchases they will get better.
Hope Monday goes easy on you all
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi, Carrie!! Good work!!! Sticking close to SR really helps me, too. I have been on and off quitting for the last year - now I finally believe I have this beat. You can too....being sober is so far amazing amd I can't wait to post the same thing a year from now....and I hope you will too!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Carrie,
I am on day 7, but have had many day ones, more than I care to count. I always feel worried or ashamed coming back, and the best thing about SR. is that you are alphas welcomed back with open arms,msupport, and people trying to help make sure you have a plan.
I know it isn't essy, bit we can do this if we really want it.:-)
I am on day 7, but have had many day ones, more than I care to count. I always feel worried or ashamed coming back, and the best thing about SR. is that you are alphas welcomed back with open arms,msupport, and people trying to help make sure you have a plan.
I know it isn't essy, bit we can do this if we really want it.:-)
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