Frixion

I fooled myself. I stopped drinking for months then bam I had a few drinks. To my surprise I didn't enjoy it. I thought I had officially gotten past my addiction. So now that I was no longer an addict of alcohol, I could drink with my friends again - Great! So I had a few drinks with friends once in a while. Then I started to get stressed out with life so I would have a drink or two just to take the edge off. Soon it evolved into me drinking to get drunk with people, not just a mere buzz. Now I'm starting to get hang overs from drinking, even when I have important tasks that must be completed. The addiction is not gone, but now my hopelessness is at an all time high. I no longer have that drive in me to tackle anything in life. I'm not completing school assignments, not volunteering, sleeping in till noon, not cleaning or working out, and I just don't have it in me to tackle this addiction. My boyfriend is fed up with me, and I can see it in his eyes. I love him and I want to save the relationship. I want to save me. I just feel incapable, and I feel depressed.

CaseyW

You've taken a good first step by coming back in here, Frixion. Good news is you never have to feel this way again. Hang close in here, post often, listen to what others have to stay, come up with a plan of action to stay sober, and the possibilities are limitless! Wishing you the best...

Thepatman

You can definitely achieve sobriety. I understand how hard it can be discouraging at times. But you must put everything you have into it.
A happier life is waiting for you, free of the constant pain and misery alcohol brings us.

Rooting for you, keep your chin up, we are in your corner.

least

Drinking made me feel hopeless, incapable, and depressed. When I got sober for good, those things took some time going away, but things did get better. You've got to put the bottle down! As long as you're drinking you're going to feel horrible. Alcohol makes us miserable.

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll stay sober.

Greenwood618

You didn't enjoy it so that made you figure you could go back to doing it?

Dee74

I'm glad you're back Frixion.

I too made that leap of illogic more than once - if I didn't enjoy I must not be alcoholic anymore...

What's your plan for this time?

D

Hevyn

Frixion - Very happy you wanted to talk this over.

I'm sure most of us have made this foolish mistake. I did, many times. Long after drinking was fun & relaxing - I continued playing with it. As a result, I ended up completely dependent on it. I have no idea what I was looking for, or why I kept trying to manage it. There's nothing in it for us anymore. I'm glad you see that. You can kick it out of your life for good.

Greenwood618

Forgetting the "I am not an alcoholic anymore" part, I am still somewhat flummoxed. Alcoholic is just a label, would be different if the word was "frankenpanzer" or something else nonsensical?

The important part is the "did not enjoy so figured should do it again."

Why would anyone purposely do something they did not enjoy that is purely optional?

EndGameNYC

I'm sorry that you learned what you did the hard way. I relapsed for three years after long-term sobriety. It was extremely difficult for me to function for some time, to say nothing of getting back to where I was before I picked up the drink again. I rarely gave myself credit for it at the time, but I had to force myself to go to meetings and to outpatient treatment, one or the other every day, often both.

I had little else but time, a dim hope that things would get better, and support from other people who'd gone through the same thing. Joy was not on the menu for me for a very long time, but I managed to persevere despite all of that. I'm no different than anyone else in what I did. I only acquired a sense of purpose over time, doing pretty much the same things every day, and relying on the good will of helpful others to get me through. My motivation was to make it through another day without drinking, and that was enough at the time.

Things did change for the better over time, and now I'm at a place in my life that I dare not have dreamed of during early sobriety. We do not need to, nor can we possibly fix everything at once. It only takes a little bit of faith and a little bit of action in the beginning.

It may sound crazy, but now is the best time to get yourself together and start living the life you were meant to live.

Hope2014

Frixion,
We have all been in your shoes. You've managed some sober time before, so you know you can do it again. The first few days are challenging, but if you decide, you never have to do that again. Keep checking in and posting. We're all rooting for you!