Solarion

... that sober is better and drinking is not.

I need some reinforcement.

I feel like I'm about to backslide despite reading SR and my notes to myself in a beer log I kept the past few months.

Thanks!

Nonsensical

I feel like I'm about to punch my boss in the face. Interesting thing about feelings - they don't have to control our actual behavior.

You would know better than anyone why sober living is better for you than drinking. What do your notes say?

Serenidad

Here's my list...I hope it helps!

Vomiting, bed spins, hangovers, headaches, tears, suicidal thoughts, panic, anxiety, depression, weight gain, nausea, night sweats, expensive bar bills, cops, being kicked out of bars, black outs, shame, guilt, feeling like a horrible mom, horrible wife, horrible friend, lonely, no future, wasted days & nights, self-hatred, poor health...the list goes on and on and on. :-( Alcohol is evil poison!

least

You don't really want to drink. That's your addiction talking. Make a list of all the reasons you quit and read it over and over. Drinking just makes things worse. Please don't drink.

Chilledice

You want a raging hangover? shame and guilt? Maybe liver disease? who knows maybe both OR do you want health and freedom and to be assured within yourself that you are doing OK and doing the right thing by being sober

Chilledice

P.S hang on in there, feelings DO pass my friend! rooting for ya!

Dee74

what's got you thinking about drinking Solarion?

D

Incontrol15

All the bad things that has happened to me was a result of alcohol.

The emotional waves I'm experiencing is caused by alcohol withdrawal. The only way to stop the crazy train is to not drink and continue to get better. A single drink will put me back to square 1. That's probably the biggest for me. I hate this at times and I want it to be over. There's only ONE logical (and proven) solution: don't drink.

I want to feel BETTER. Not the same or how I felt before.

OnMyWay7

Ignoring my family so I could drink. Making a fool of myself. Getting a big scare when my liver enzymes shot up - working my life around my next drink. That's really the worse - having your life being about your next drink

Solarion

Non, thanks for the advice and the reminder.

On different days since mid-March my log says:
I'm crazy, aren't I? "Who was that who left me those messages?"

That's why I'm forcing myself to follow protocol and ask for external reinforcement now before the point where I just drop out of SR and go back to the old routine that apparently I was trying to quit.

---

Dee, what's got me thinking about drinking? I don't know. No obvious pretext. Pictures in my head. Maybe just habit, plus having spare money and a weekend.

Everyone: Thanks! I appreciate your replies.

Della1968

Glad you posted. My main reason is I like myself now.

Dee74

Yeah Fridays can be rough for a while.

Push past that nostalgia and get to the real meat of what those drinking fridays left you with...

injuries, being sick, memory loss and the anxiety of not knowing what you did last night or what you might have said to friends or loved ones...

the shame of having aimed to 'drink like a gentleman/woman' and being totally blotto again...the self disgust as you spend your saturday trying to fend off the hangover from hell..

.the fear that now you've reopened pandoras box you may never shut it again....the looking in the mirror and wondering who the hell that sad battered face belongs to, and feeling sorry for them....

Tell your AV to take a hike. There's nothing for you back the way you came.

Nonsensical

Write down the 5 worst things that will happen to you as a direct result of not drinking. I find it to be a useful mental exercise.

newpage119

Two things:

Alcoholic Kindling - google it for more info, but basically each quit gets harder and harder. You may be able to "just quit" on your own this time, but next time might have to check into detox!

If you start drinking again, you will have to start over at the beginning, go through everything you have gone through, to get to where you are today. You will not progress to the easier and better stages, rather stay in the painful and difficult stages.....UGH!

Solarion

Getting ready for work. Drinking some iced tea. Glad I started this thread.

Something I just figured out is that the the benefits of sobriety are subtle, and a lot of them are negative benefits in the sense of certain things and conditions NOT happening, as opposed to the immediate and noticeable effects of the other.

Must be patient and appreciative of the subtle things and the absence of things.

Please feel free to keep posting advice and reinforcement. Thanks! I really appreciate all your contributions.

I need to shed the rest of that old skin and leave it behind.

Fly N Buy

I learned from others that most of us in recovery do not stay abstinent long enough so that the benefits of new found sobriety may begin to emerge.

Today, I completely agree - at 11 months biological and cognitive changes are still occurring. Mending relationships are just beginning to show signs of healing - life is beginning to richen daily. Fruit will bear, I am certain.

This is what ** groups talk about sometimes - don't leave before the miracle happens. I cannot expect to repair many years of damage to body, mind and spirit in a few months. It takes many, many years I can see.

I intend on sticking around and being present for all of it@!

Thanks for the thread - great way for many of us to remind ourselves and each other the why! WE are all so worth it!!

Weasel1966

I am glad you started this thread also.

For me it was tough trying to picture how good I would feel later if I said no now. I would decide that I could handle one more down day to get the drink I craved.

I could have written your journal... Or something very similar... But when i spent enough days saying no and then drinking I realized I did not want to give up this good days. It kinda reversed on me. It took a while.

You can stay sober even when it feels uncomfortable. Get throug this gray period.

Keep going sober please!

Stop by the weekender to see your friends and know we care very much about you!

Ken

Anna

I'm also glad you started this thread.

And, yes the benefits can be subtle in the early days and the cravings can be very strong. But, you know you don't have to act on the feelings. Reading your notes and coming here show that you are on the right path.

strategery

If you relapse, you have to battle the cravings all over again for ~2 weeks.

Also, kindling can occur.

Kaneda8888

Hey Solarion

Think about how you feel when you wake up in the morning sober:

- a clear mind;
- no shame, guilt, remorse;
- being able to enjoy the fresh air;
- remembering everything about the night before;
- able to start the new day with a fresh and curious mind;
- able to enjoy breakfast;

During the day, remind yourself about how you feel:
- no hangover or headache;
- able to respond to colleague's or friends with an open mind;
- being honest, truthful or caring for the sake of it;
- tackle the day's problems with vigour and a smile;
- being able to notice the beauty in simple things like a bird singing;

For the weekend being sober:
- a whole two days of serenity and reflection;
- getting all the stuff around the home done in a leisurely and patient way;
- seeing that movie you always wanted to see, start reading that book you've been meaning to start; listening to some inspirational or cool music;
- having a nice long lunch;
- exploring a new suburb or place;
- going for a run on a Sunday morning when its all quiet and the streets are still;
- above all, having the satisfaction that you can do anything or nothing and there are no consequences;

Just some random thoughts for you !