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Not your normal problem

Old 05-07-2015, 08:50 AM
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Not your normal problem

Hi guys

I have been struggling with this, so I dont know why I havent been here before. I hope nobody minds me jumping straight in.

I am now 38 and generally have drunk every Friday and Saturday night since I was 16. This was when my friends and I could get into pubs. I started working at 18 and every weekend from Friday through to the morning of Sunday would be spent partying and drinking lots of beer whatever was available.

To be honest, I have always been good at not having anything to drink when I know that I am working the next day, although I do go to bed earlier on a work night than on a weekend, so this could be part of the problem.

Now I dont know if I have a problem or not, but every Friday and Saturday night I will have far too much to drink, normally at home. My wife doesnt drink and I think as the alcohol doesnt really change my personality and I can tolerate quite a bit she doesnt really mind.

The problem might be that I really enjoy beer/wine etc. Tomorrow night my wife and I are going out for a meal and I am already looking forward to the pint of lager I will have before the meal, the bottle of white and then bottle of red during the meal and then a couple of large glasses of whisky after the meal. Probably a few more whiskys at home before bed.

On Saturday I dont have anything to do and so with the british weather being quite nice at the moment, in the afternoon I will probably be sat in the garden reading the papers and working my way through a crate of beer. In the evening probably some wine and then maybe some whisky or martinis.

Sunday I wont drink and then thats it for the week, although on Friday I will be at the races, that starts with alcohol at 12:30 and then will continue till midnight.

I think that this is more habit then anything else. I have always had rules where I wont have anything to drink before midday and I wont drink if I am working the next day, but if I am on holiday for a week, I will drink every day. This might be a problem if I ever retire.

The final issue is that I dont know if I want to give up drinking, I really enjoy wine and beer, but I know that I consume far too much. I would be lost on a Friday evening after a hard working week not having a drink, its just what happens.

I have looked at all the alternative things to do besides drink, but I do these anyway. If I watch a film, I drink, read a book, I drink. Most months in England its dark in the evening, so going for a walk wont work, plus only pubs are open in the evening. I run, I swim, I do it all, but I also drink too much on a weekend.

I know I am a minor case in comparison to some in here, thanks for reading and I hope I havent wasted anybodys time.

Dan
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Old 05-07-2015, 08:58 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Even if you aren't drinking "alcoholically" the amount you are drinking will take it's toll on you physically. Doctors recommend no more that two drinks a day for men. You are exceeding that. So for health reasons alone, you should probably cut back.

If you can't cut back, or moderate your drinking, then you do have a problem.

I spent my whole life trying to control my drinking. I found quitting easier.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:07 AM
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As Carl said, if you can successfully moderate your drinking, then you are not an alcoholic. But, if alcohol is causing problems in your life, maybe you will think about stopping drinking for good.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:07 AM
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Amazing. I read that post and thought, "I was in exactly the same place when I was 38"! I'd down quite a few pints or glasses on Friday and Saturday nights, but would stay sober for the rest of the week. But that gradually deteriorated, especially as my marriage started to fall apart. Of course, the boozing and the marital problems were related.

I began drinking other nights, and sometimes even during the day. It got worse. Last year, I was drinking several days per week, to the point of blacking out. Sadly, I still haven't completely given up the booze, in spite of the fact that it's making me ill.

Don't let it get the best of you, my friend.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:28 AM
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Really, thank you for the replies.

Once I start drinking the only way for me to stop is to go to bed. If we have a lunchtime social at work where most of the guys are having beer I will have mineral water as I know I cannot just have one or two drinks.

I dont know how to not drink on a weekend, I have been doing it for so long that I feel it is an ingrained habit. I feel that I need a distraction that would make me incapable of drinking. For me it is a problem as I am incapable of not having a drink on a weekend.

What did you all do to not drink, how did you fill the time?
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:17 AM
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There's a weekend thread on this forum right now. It's up every weekend. People join on and tell what they are doing for the weekend. A few laughs. Camaraderie. Maybe check it out.

Even if your drinking is bad habit, it still is a lot. More than is recommended for health reasons. It was hard to disassociate drinking with everything I did. The reading, the TV watching, the gardening. It's so interwoven I understand you saying "now what?". But, it can be done.
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Irondan View Post
Hi guys

I have been struggling with this, so I dont know why I havent been here before. I hope nobody minds me jumping straight in.

I am now 38 and generally have drunk every Friday and Saturday night since I was 16. This was when my friends and I could get into pubs. I started working at 18 and every weekend from Friday through to the morning of Sunday would be spent partying and drinking lots of beer whatever was available.

To be honest, I have always been good at not having anything to drink when I know that I am working the next day, although I do go to bed earlier on a work night than on a weekend, so this could be part of the problem.

Now I dont know if I have a problem or not, but every Friday and Saturday night I will have far too much to drink, normally at home. My wife doesnt drink and I think as the alcohol doesnt really change my personality and I can tolerate quite a bit she doesnt really mind.

The problem might be that I really enjoy beer/wine etc. Tomorrow night my wife and I are going out for a meal and I am already looking forward to the pint of lager I will have before the meal, the bottle of white and then bottle of red during the meal and then a couple of large glasses of whisky after the meal. Probably a few more whiskys at home before bed.

On Saturday I dont have anything to do and so with the british weather being quite nice at the moment, in the afternoon I will probably be sat in the garden reading the papers and working my way through a crate of beer. In the evening probably some wine and then maybe some whisky or martinis.

Sunday I wont drink and then thats it for the week, although on Friday I will be at the races, that starts with alcohol at 12:30 and then will continue till midnight.

I think that this is more habit then anything else. I have always had rules where I wont have anything to drink before midday and I wont drink if I am working the next day, but if I am on holiday for a week, I will drink every day. This might be a problem if I ever retire.

The final issue is that I dont know if I want to give up drinking, I really enjoy wine and beer, but I know that I consume far too much. I would be lost on a Friday evening after a hard working week not having a drink, its just what happens.

I have looked at all the alternative things to do besides drink, but I do these anyway. If I watch a film, I drink, read a book, I drink. Most months in England its dark in the evening, so going for a walk wont work, plus only pubs are open in the evening. I run, I swim, I do it all, but I also drink too much on a weekend.

I know I am a minor case in comparison to some in here, thanks for reading and I hope I havent wasted anybodys time.

Dan
Irondan writes>>>The final issue is that I dont know if I want to give up drinking, I really enjoy wine and beer, but I know that I consume far too much. I would be lost on a Friday evening after a hard working week not having a drink, its just what happens.

I have looked at all the alternative things to do besides drink, but I do these anyway. If I watch a film, I drink, read a book, I drink. Most months in England its dark in the evening, so going for a walk wont work, plus only pubs are open in the evening. I run, I swim, I do it all, but I also drink too much on a weekend.<<<

I didn't want to give up drinking. I was a world class athlete, a performing artist and was successful in business.

I kept drinking even after it didn't work anymore. When alcohol began to stop working is when I began questioning a drinking pattern change. This drinking pattern change is due to tolerance.

It's sort of like my automobile, if its running smoothly attention is not drawn, but when it runs ruff, I pay attention. The difference is, with a machine a defective part can be replace, but the damage alcohol will do to the human body may not be repairable. Permanent organ damage is not uncommon.

Contrary to the popular notion, which is backed by some science, that moderate amounts of alcohol can be beneficial, e.g. health benefits for the cardiovascular system is erroneous. This is just another way the alcoholic beverage industry promotes their products.

With the exception of trace amounts of alcohol in many foods, there's no safe level of alcohol consumption. Alcohol is poison, it's a toxin that kills cells such as microorganisms, which is why it's use to preserve food and sterilize skin, needles etc. The toxicity of alcohol is worsened because in order for it to be cleared from the body it has to be metabolized to acetaldehyde, an even more toxic substance. I view it this way, any food or drink contaminated with acetaldehyde that an average person consumes would be immediately banned as having an unacceptable health risk.

At the point alcohol wasn't working for me anymore, I educated myself re: alcoholism, including attending AA meetings and psychotherapy. Nothing mattered including my love ones and friends telling me I needed to abstain. Until my awareness was either life or death, then and only then did I reached my bottom and surrender and was set free.

The odds are, telling alcoholics not to drink almost enviably won't work. It may make the people of concern feel good, but as it was with me, my deniability was symptomatic of alcoholism.
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:04 PM
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Hello & Welcome IronDan
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:27 PM
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Hi Irondan, you are ahead of the game. I personally feel you should be commended for being so aware of your situation. Your situation is not uncommon but as you will find out around this site, can balloon into something completely undesirable and possibly disastrous. If you can handle your alcohol, good for you. But if you are worried about getting out of control, better to nip it in the bud now, than later. Later will mean detox, rehab, inpatient, lost wages, relationships...the works. I'm sure others on this site will agree with me, you don't want to go there. Good for you that you are aware early on.
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:41 PM
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Here's our list of things to do:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
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Old 05-07-2015, 03:10 PM
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Hi and welcome IronDan

Great advice here already. You'll find a lot of support here

D
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Old 05-07-2015, 03:54 PM
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I don't think there is anything remotely abnormal about your post. I would say the vast majority of us passed through your stage on the way to full blown alcoholism.

One thing I have found is people without a problem do not go on sobriety websites and post about their alcohol consumption.

Alcoholism is progressive it only gets worse and the longer we wait the harder it is to get out of it's grasp. Unfortunately many wait too long and can't break free then end up dead.

I know I didn't want to quit but when things got bad enough I didn't really have much of a choice. None of us had to wait until our lives were falling apart but many of us did
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Old 05-07-2015, 03:58 PM
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Welcome IronDan!

I agree that if you're looking to cut back but you're having trouble doing it, that could be a sign of a bigger problem.

Glad you're here to figure out now though! You're way ahead of a lot of us
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Old 05-07-2015, 04:04 PM
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Very good to have you with us Dan. I think it'll really help to talk it over with people who know what you're going through.

I drank the same way in my 30's. I refused to acknowledge I was becoming more & more dependent. As a result, I ended up an all day drinker. I never imagined it could happen to me. I'm glad you're taking a look at what it's doing to your life.
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Old 05-07-2015, 04:07 PM
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If you can moderate your drinking, if you can go without thinking about it constantly, then maybe you don't have a problem. But the fact that you're worried and found SR indicates something is wrong.

Why not give it up completely for three months and see how you feel then.
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Old 05-07-2015, 04:32 PM
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That sort of drinking led to a worse sort of drinking for me....

I've thankfully found there is another way to live that's a lot more rewarding.
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Old 05-07-2015, 05:37 PM
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Welcome. I can relate to the feeling of not being able to imagine a night after a hard day at work without drinking alcohol to "relax" and "enjoy" the evening. I put those in quotation marks because I don't think drunk people are really enjoying themselves. Sure, alcohol relaxes normal people, but I think that drinking quantities like you or I did it no longer qualifies as relaxing.

If you're not an alcoholic then stopping for a while should not be much of a problem. Do 90 days and see how you feel.
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