I am busted!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
My spouse had cancer. She belonged to a number of online support groups including some that were "female only.". She didn't initially tell me about them, but when I noticed one day she was posting on a forum I asked her what it was about because I was curious. When she explained, I was 100% supportive because I knew it was helping her get mentally better. I'd hope a loving spouse wouldn't have issue with a recovery support group.
My Own Muse
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,150
Maybe he was just curious. Do you think that maybe he could be reaching out? If you do discuss it let him know he is not excluded from reading discussions. There are other groups to identify with. Take out all the mystery and explain who we are and why we support eachother.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I am going to leave it alone and if he brings it up then I will have to tell him that I am not comfortable with him reading what I have here. He thinks that I am a voyeour by being here. He is completely against online forums (at least for himself). This is the only online activity that j have other than email and he does see that I am making it happen, I have 13 months. something is working!
Thanks everyone. I feel better.
Thanks everyone. I feel better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Dundee UK
Posts: 23
My hubby is over the moon I have found this place. Although I don't post very much, I do read other posts on here almost every day and I found this has helped me more than anything I have tried before.
This forum is a godsend & your hubby may also be quietly happy you have found SR.
Initially my hubby thought I should be going to therapy & group meetings but we talked about this & I told him to have a look through the site if he wanted to.
If its working for me then he is also happy.
You have 13 months!! That is excellent & obviously what you are doing is working for you
xx
This forum is a godsend & your hubby may also be quietly happy you have found SR.
Initially my hubby thought I should be going to therapy & group meetings but we talked about this & I told him to have a look through the site if he wanted to.
If its working for me then he is also happy.
You have 13 months!! That is excellent & obviously what you are doing is working for you
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
When I joined here back in 2010 and I was thinking about stopping drinking I was terrified of my guy glancing over my shoulder, or even worse, leaving the browser open. Why was I so scared? Because I didn't want anyone to see it. The reason was that I wanted the option to start drinking again whenever I wanted, casually without any questions, just as easy as "hey, would you pick up some wine while you're out." I have always known that once my guy, family, or friends knew about it I would then have to stop. I continued four more years of sneaking on here, minimizing the browsing window when he even walked in the room, and not saying a peep about actually stopping. Once I actually drove home on my lunch break to see if I had left the browser open. I was sure that I had but it turned out I didn't. He was home that day and boy was my heart racing on that ten minute drive home.
I was on the sly here at SR for four years. I also drank for four more years.
Last June when I knew in my heart and soul that I was done drinking I became less secretive. I'm still very quiet about it but by chance he has peeked over my shoulder a few times and I finally said I just go on here and read sometimes.
I'm not saying we all need to announce to everyone that we're on here. In fact, I would be horrified if friends or family came in here and browsed my posts. Just as I would be horrified if they read my journal. However, if he did, I'd get over it. This is my space and I just prefer to keep it private.
I was on the sly here at SR for four years. I also drank for four more years.
Last June when I knew in my heart and soul that I was done drinking I became less secretive. I'm still very quiet about it but by chance he has peeked over my shoulder a few times and I finally said I just go on here and read sometimes.
I'm not saying we all need to announce to everyone that we're on here. In fact, I would be horrified if friends or family came in here and browsed my posts. Just as I would be horrified if they read my journal. However, if he did, I'd get over it. This is my space and I just prefer to keep it private.
I commiserate with much of what's been said as well.
I haven't told my husband about me being on this site. More at issue for me is that he never knew my problem was as bad as it was and so to talk to him about being here on SR would be to tell him everything, which I'm not sure I'm comfortable with yet. I do worry about the idea of being secretive equating to not being done with drinking or being hopeful about returning to drinking... Working on that. I do need to be less secretive about what's really going on with me, but I also need to protect SR as my own private space as I work through my issue. My SR family is the only people know what what's really going on! And for that I'm grateful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
I can totally agree with NikTes and Nowsthetime! I haven't told anyone that I am a member here, nor have I told anyone that I stopped drinking. I think it's not because I want to leave the door open to drink again, but it's because I don't think anyone knows how deep I am. I was a closet drinker, sneaking here and there, and I drank alone. I hated being drunk in a social setting, unless it was close family and the odd friend (my drinking buddies). So if and when I tell, I am also telling that I drank myself to oblivion every second night. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Cauliflower
I can totally agree with NikTes and Nowsthetime! I haven't told anyone that I am a member here, nor have I told anyone that I stopped drinking. I think it's not because I want to leave the door open to drink again, but it's because I don't think anyone knows how deep I am. I was a closet drinker, sneaking here and there, and I drank alone. I hated being drunk in a social setting, unless it was close family and the odd friend (my drinking buddies). So if and when I tell, I am also telling that I drank myself to oblivion every second night.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by NikTes
There's a lot of wisdom here, and in this whole thread -- thank you!
I commiserate with much of what's been said as well.
I haven't told my husband about me being on this site. More at issue for me is that he never knew my problem was as bad as it was and so to talk to him about being here on SR would be to tell him everything, which I'm not sure I'm comfortable with yet. I do worry about the idea of being secretive equating to not being done with drinking or being hopeful about returning to drinking... Working on that. I do need to be less secretive about what's really going on with me, but I also need to protect SR as my own private space as I work through my issue. My SR family is the only people know what what's really going on! And for that I'm grateful.
I commiserate with much of what's been said as well.
I haven't told my husband about me being on this site. More at issue for me is that he never knew my problem was as bad as it was and so to talk to him about being here on SR would be to tell him everything, which I'm not sure I'm comfortable with yet. I do worry about the idea of being secretive equating to not being done with drinking or being hopeful about returning to drinking... Working on that. I do need to be less secretive about what's really going on with me, but I also need to protect SR as my own private space as I work through my issue. My SR family is the only people know what what's really going on! And for that I'm grateful.
I also don't think privacy always means we want to keep drinking. In my case it was for those four years but not for everybody.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 187
I told my boyfriend I am on here, but I to worried he would read it. I do not know he would even care to, because like your husband he doesn't care to talk about my alcoholism much, but I worry he would just to see if I had relapsed again or try to find out things I haven't owned up to. But I think it is just paranoia, so I do not let it stop me from being open and even blogging about my daily struggles. I would bet he hasn't given it a second thought. Don't let it deter you from posting and doing what you need to do for you.
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