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I am busted!!!

Old 04-26-2015, 05:40 PM
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I am busted!!!

My husband didn't know that I post on SR. Well, he found out about 5 days ago. He really hasn't said much about it. He is always uncomfortable speaking about my sobriety/alcoholism. I have shared things here that I don't want him to read.

What should I do?!?!? Just not mention it and act like it didn't happen or talk to him about it?

He wasn't mad. I said that I need an outlet to vent about this and that it is helping.

Argghh.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:42 PM
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How did he find out? Does he know your user name?

If he does, and if you want more control over your privacy, you can send a message to Anna to change your username, then set your browser to delete cookies when you log out. Then always log off and close your browser after using SR.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:44 PM
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He saw an email response from SR... I have been logging off and he doesn't know my name or password.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:49 PM
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What am I missing? How can posting on a sobriety website be construed as anything other than positive? I guess I don't understand what the issue is.

Does he drink as well?
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:49 PM
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Why is this a bad thing for him to know?
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
He saw an email response from SR... I have been logging off and he doesn't know my name or password.
Well, then I'd say don't worry about it.

If he already doesn't like to talk about your alcohol problem, I doubt if he's going to want to read back through your 800 posts.

If he asks, tell him you hope he understands that it's like going to an AA meeting. I bet he doesn't even push it.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:54 PM
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I don't have to explain my internet habits to anyone.

I said that I need an outlet to vent about this and that it is helping.
what more is there to say?
I'm not sure what the issue is, nowisthetime?

D
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:54 PM
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I don't have to explain my internet habits to anyone.

I said that I need an outlet to vent about this and that it is helping.
what more is there to say?
I'm not sure what the issue is, nowisthetime?

D
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:56 PM
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I'm assuming somewhere in her 841 posts is her being critical of her husband, in-laws, friends, or something along those lines.

EDIT: If the e-mail was regarding a PM, he knows what your username is.
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Old 04-26-2015, 06:01 PM
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He knew I read here all the time but didn't know I had made it to the posting side of things. I didn't tell him because I didn't want him to want to read what I'm writing because I don't want him to know some of the things I share. He didn't think it was bad, I don't believe so because of his reaction. He did tell me he hopes that I am not complaining about him here but then I said that I am jokingly but seriously…

I just hope he doesn't ask me to let him read what I am writing... This place is MY thing, my meetings...
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Old 04-26-2015, 06:06 PM
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Exactly.
I very strongly believe this should be a safe place and a private place - noone, not even spouses, have the right to ask what I post here unless I want them to share in that.

D
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Old 04-26-2015, 06:30 PM
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Well if my wife was on any forum (other than a dating forum) I would not wish to invade her privacy, no matter what. Things such as this should not bother a healthy marriage.

I'm 100% sure that neither my wife or I would be found on a dating site - even for a million dollars.

MM
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Old 04-26-2015, 06:35 PM
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Nowsthetime my husband knows I read and participate on SR because I have told him. We have a very open relationship but I do not share what I post here or what I read because I don't want to. There is no guilt involved in this, I am behaving honourably towards him and our relationship but SR is my space.

As Mountainmanbob said

Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
. Things such as this should not bother a healthy marriage.
If I were you I would pleasantly but firmly briefly explain what this site is about and what it means to you, then I would ask him to respect your privacy because you wish to keep it as your space.

Then pleasantly change the subject.
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Old 04-26-2015, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
My husband didn't know that I post on SR. Well, he found out about 5 days ago. He really hasn't said much about it. He is always uncomfortable speaking about my sobriety/alcoholism. I have shared things here that I don't want him to read.

What should I do?!?!? Just not mention it and act like it didn't happen or talk to him about it?

He wasn't mad. I said that I need an outlet to vent about this and that it is helping.

Argghh.
Well, if he feels uncomfortable talking about your drinking issues then SR is a Godsend to him because you have all of us to yap with for support.

Maybe he saw the site and thought "oh, thank god!"

I don't talk to my guy ever about being a non-drinker but I'm on here everyday.
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Old 04-26-2015, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Marcher13 View Post

I would ask him to respect your privacy because you wish to keep it as your space.
All of us need that space in our relationships, otherwise we feel trapped.

The loved little birdie that stays in the cage, even though the cage door is left wide open.

MM
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Old 04-26-2015, 08:22 PM
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Are you sure he would even care to read your posts. I recently tried to get my husband to read a thread I started. He doesn't have a problem with alcohol so it totally bored him.
If you have a good marriage I can't imagine him wanting to check up on you. Maybe if he wants so see what you are going through but that is unlikely if he is already uncomfortable talking to you about it.
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Old 04-26-2015, 10:21 PM
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I agree with just about everyone else. It's fine to have a sober outlet. My partner has known all along I post here, happens to know my username, I leave myself logged on indefinitely, she respects me so she wouldn't dare snoop anymore than we would ever dare to read each other's journals without invitation. Occasionally, I have let her read a post when I've thought it would help us.

This is your place to help you get better. He gets to reap the benefits of that, but doesn't need to be a part of this side of the process.
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Old 04-26-2015, 10:50 PM
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When I joined here back in 2010 and I was thinking about stopping drinking I was terrified of my guy glancing over my shoulder, or even worse, leaving the browser open. Why was I so scared? Because I didn't want anyone to see it. The reason was that I wanted the option to start drinking again whenever I wanted, casually without any questions, just as easy as "hey, would you pick up some wine while you're out." I have always known that once my guy, family, or friends knew about it I would then have to stop. I continued four more years of sneaking on here, minimizing the browsing window when he even walked in the room, and not saying a peep about actually stopping. Once I actually drove home on my lunch break to see if I had left the browser open. I was sure that I had but it turned out I didn't. He was home that day and boy was my heart racing on that ten minute drive home.

I was on the sly here at SR for four years. I also drank for four more years.

Last June when I knew in my heart and soul that I was done drinking I became less secretive. I'm still very quiet about it but by chance he has peeked over my shoulder a few times and I finally said I just go on here and read sometimes.

I'm not saying we all need to announce to everyone that we're on here. In fact, I would be horrified if friends or family came in here and browsed my posts. Just as I would be horrified if they read my journal. However, if he did, I'd get over it. This is my space and I just prefer to keep it private.
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Old 04-26-2015, 11:20 PM
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Whatever he has read is how you are/were feeling. If it is anything that will upset him, then try to talk to him. It seems from what you have wrote, that he doesn't want to talk about your issues, maybe this is a way to start the Comms up? I really hope you continue posting here. You can do this!
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Old 04-27-2015, 01:28 AM
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I agree with all the other folks on this thread.

This is a positive, safe, place. It's a good forum to be on and sobriety is a wonderful choice :-)

I can understand he doesn't really like talking about your drinking as it's not always understood and it can be upsetting to talk about. Maybe in time he'll ask you about it or be more open to sharing.
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