1 in 20
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe 
I think he has already established the fact that he feels terrible remorse and guilt about the situation with his daughter. How is detailing the trouble that he has caused in her life going to help the situation?.
It's the least I can do.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
I am not patronizing anyone. I don't make anyone of them post on my threads, I don't beg for their ' business". I merely post and they have so kindly offered advice. Giving and getting advice on SR is a choice. Nothing patronizing about it. I think if you can start a computer, register an account and type. You can decide weather you want to reply to one of TDG's threads.
I like the idea of 1 in 3 that is a brilliant argument, I can handle 1 in 3. I can wrap my head around the idea that I am going to be 1 in 3 and beat this.
My daughter and wife our the true victims. My wife has achieved sobriety. She's just shy of a full month and in intensive outpatient. She loves the classes, has had her outlook change and is generally a happy person with a goal now, getting her daughter back. I look to her for strength.
However, I am spinning my wheels. I can muster multiple sober days or even weeks, just haven't been able to muster forever. There is some improvement, in the beginning I couldn't even quit for a day. Now I quit for multiple days at a time, there is just no follow through.
I like the idea of 1 in 3 that is a brilliant argument, I can handle 1 in 3. I can wrap my head around the idea that I am going to be 1 in 3 and beat this.
My daughter and wife our the true victims. My wife has achieved sobriety. She's just shy of a full month and in intensive outpatient. She loves the classes, has had her outlook change and is generally a happy person with a goal now, getting her daughter back. I look to her for strength.
However, I am spinning my wheels. I can muster multiple sober days or even weeks, just haven't been able to muster forever. There is some improvement, in the beginning I couldn't even quit for a day. Now I quit for multiple days at a time, there is just no follow through.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
I am not patronizing anyone. I don't make anyone of them post on my threads, I don't beg for their ' business". I merely post and they have so kindly offered advice. Giving and getting advice on SR is a choice. Nothing patronizing about it. I think if you can start a computer, register an account and type. You can decide weather you want to reply to one of TDG's threads.
I like the idea of 1 in 3 that is a brilliant argument, I can handle 1 in 3. I can wrap my head around the idea that I am going to be 1 in 3 and beat this.
My daughter and wife our the true victims. My wife has achieved sobriety. She's just shy of a full month and in intensive outpatient. She loves the classes, has had her outlook change and is generally a happy person with a goal now, getting her daughter back. I look to her for strength.
However, I am spinning my wheels. I can muster multiple sober days or even weeks, just haven't been able to muster forever. There is some improvement, in the beginning I couldn't even quit for a day. Now I quit for multiple days at a time, there is just no follow through.
I like the idea of 1 in 3 that is a brilliant argument, I can handle 1 in 3. I can wrap my head around the idea that I am going to be 1 in 3 and beat this.
My daughter and wife our the true victims. My wife has achieved sobriety. She's just shy of a full month and in intensive outpatient. She loves the classes, has had her outlook change and is generally a happy person with a goal now, getting her daughter back. I look to her for strength.
However, I am spinning my wheels. I can muster multiple sober days or even weeks, just haven't been able to muster forever. There is some improvement, in the beginning I couldn't even quit for a day. Now I quit for multiple days at a time, there is just no follow through.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 498
Originally Posted by HeartsAfire
She's the true victim in all of this. Frankly I don't really care what you do anymore, Jeremy, but my heart breaks for yet another little girl who is growing up without a father to teach, guide & love her as only fathers can.
You can talk to any of the handful of us on this board who grew up without a father (or an addicted father). We'll tell you in no uncertain terms how it warped our self-image & damaged us to the core. How we looked for love in ALL the wrong places (whether it be booze, drugs, sex or all 3). How we thought sex = love so time & time again we gave our bodies freely looking for just a glimmer of affection from men we would be embarrassed to introduce you to in the light of day. How we wound up (despite our best efforts) marrying someone just like you so we got to add divorced single mom to our resume. How, if we were lucky, we spent many years & thousands in therapy just for the chance to learn how to give ourselves the love we so desperately needed from you. How we spent nights wondering (& sometimes even wishing) if it would've been easier if you were dead instead.
I'm devastated for the road ahead of your daughter. If she's lucky she doesn't become just another statistic. If not she's another light snuffed out before she even gets a chance to shine.
God bless her...
You can talk to any of the handful of us on this board who grew up without a father (or an addicted father). We'll tell you in no uncertain terms how it warped our self-image & damaged us to the core. How we looked for love in ALL the wrong places (whether it be booze, drugs, sex or all 3). How we thought sex = love so time & time again we gave our bodies freely looking for just a glimmer of affection from men we would be embarrassed to introduce you to in the light of day. How we wound up (despite our best efforts) marrying someone just like you so we got to add divorced single mom to our resume. How, if we were lucky, we spent many years & thousands in therapy just for the chance to learn how to give ourselves the love we so desperately needed from you. How we spent nights wondering (& sometimes even wishing) if it would've been easier if you were dead instead.
I'm devastated for the road ahead of your daughter. If she's lucky she doesn't become just another statistic. If not she's another light snuffed out before she even gets a chance to shine.
God bless her...
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
TDG, I used to tell my instructors in college that threw stats out at us, that give me any stat you want and if I dig deep enough, I will find another study that will refute it. They are all full of agenda's depending on who is conducting the study. I think in my years I've heard that coffee, eggs, soda and red meat are all very bad for my health. I also believe that I've heard they all have health benefits. So who's right?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Magellan
Thank you, this helps strengthen my resolve. I have two girls that I love with all my heart and I have always told them that a Daddy's "job" is to Love & Protect, among other things, I'm good so far but feel im falling short of being the best dad I can be. Say yes to being a better father and no to alcohol.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
About fatherhood, I enjoyed being a father enjoy being a father. My daughter recently turned 11 she is autistic and has many problems. I fought vehemently for after she was abused on a school bus. I fought for many children with disabilities after that, I worked for a non profit and was quite successful in that position. I am extremely active in her life and call her everyday 2 or 3 times a day. Nobody, not CPS or otherwise has accused me of being a bad father. As a matter of fact, they think I am an addict but not a bad guy.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Jeremy,
For me it wasn't that I lacked choices, it was that I lacked choices I liked.
Not choosing IS a choice - it's a conscious choice for more of the same (or worse). Think of that the next time you are considering a drink: that you are willingly choosing harm for yourself and your loved ones. It took a whole lot more than a shift in perspective to quit drinking - it took enough desperation that I was willing to choose differently day after day. To be honest, you don't sound all that interested in choosing differently, you want the world to give you a different set of choices.
You write about people who drank themselves to death as though they are a different breed. They are not - in fact, you have all the hallmarks. How can I say that with certainty? I buried my mother from this disease, and then followed right in her footsteps for another decade in my own addiction - unwilling to acknowledge the truth, and wishing for some other option to appear on the horizon. There is no other choice waiting in the wings... it is and always will be this: drink or live.
For me it wasn't that I lacked choices, it was that I lacked choices I liked.
Not choosing IS a choice - it's a conscious choice for more of the same (or worse). Think of that the next time you are considering a drink: that you are willingly choosing harm for yourself and your loved ones. It took a whole lot more than a shift in perspective to quit drinking - it took enough desperation that I was willing to choose differently day after day. To be honest, you don't sound all that interested in choosing differently, you want the world to give you a different set of choices.
You write about people who drank themselves to death as though they are a different breed. They are not - in fact, you have all the hallmarks. How can I say that with certainty? I buried my mother from this disease, and then followed right in her footsteps for another decade in my own addiction - unwilling to acknowledge the truth, and wishing for some other option to appear on the horizon. There is no other choice waiting in the wings... it is and always will be this: drink or live.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
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Jeremy, I know the stats that are given about sobriety. I saw it as a challenge.
Doesn't matter where you live………anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter what you do………….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you went to school…….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter how tall you are…………..anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter how much money you have…anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter who you vote for……………anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you drive a truck or a sedan….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you are left handed or right handed….anyone can get sober
The thing is Jeremy, getting sober is one of the most monumental things any of us will ever do….yet all of the obstacles that often stand in our way with big endeavors aren't there in sobriety.
There is a difference between "I can't" and "I won't". Jeremy, I am really good at spinning my wheels, it kept me stuck for a long time. I heard here you have to act your way into thinking.
You sound like you are still protecting your drinking…don't hand your power over. You have tried to think your way into acting but it is keeping you stuck.
Your avatar is "The Thinker"….how about becoming "The Doer?"
Doesn't matter where you live………anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter what you do………….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you went to school…….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter how tall you are…………..anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter how much money you have…anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter who you vote for……………anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you drive a truck or a sedan….anyone can get sober
Doesn't matter if you are left handed or right handed….anyone can get sober
The thing is Jeremy, getting sober is one of the most monumental things any of us will ever do….yet all of the obstacles that often stand in our way with big endeavors aren't there in sobriety.
There is a difference between "I can't" and "I won't". Jeremy, I am really good at spinning my wheels, it kept me stuck for a long time. I heard here you have to act your way into thinking.
You sound like you are still protecting your drinking…don't hand your power over. You have tried to think your way into acting but it is keeping you stuck.
Your avatar is "The Thinker"….how about becoming "The Doer?"
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Hi TDG,
You know, I'm drawn to post in your threads because you remind me so much of myself in some ways.
I used to post on another forum while I was trying to get sober and spent years wringing my hands and wondering what was wrong with me. I also fought recovery even as I wanted it.
I wanted to get sober, but I still wanted to drink. It was a weird limbo to be in.
Until I was ready to fight 100%, I got nothing.
It was hard for me to get sober. It seems simple in retrospect (Don't pick up the first drink) but it was hard. I had to change a lot.
I got sober through AA, but also had lost everything and had to move back in with relatives. I was unemployed, in debt, had nothing to my name and was severely depressed. I felt hopeless.
One time I heard someone in AA say, "The book says 'half measures availed us nothing', not 'half measures availed us half.'" Something clicked.
I've found that to be true: if you're not giving sobriety your all, you'll probably get drunk.
Help is out here. Come in here or call up someone or go to a meeting and say, "I'm dying for a drink and I don't want to stop and I don't know what to do." Even saying it out loud can help.
I had horrible withdrawals and the cravings were incredibly intense. I get it.
But the cool thing is that it gets easier and better with time. I can't imagine wanting to drink today.
It takes work. If the only thing you do all day is stay sober, then consider that day a success.
I hope you'll consider getting help. It's out there. Use it.
Take care.
You know, I'm drawn to post in your threads because you remind me so much of myself in some ways.
I used to post on another forum while I was trying to get sober and spent years wringing my hands and wondering what was wrong with me. I also fought recovery even as I wanted it.
I wanted to get sober, but I still wanted to drink. It was a weird limbo to be in.
Until I was ready to fight 100%, I got nothing.
It was hard for me to get sober. It seems simple in retrospect (Don't pick up the first drink) but it was hard. I had to change a lot.
I got sober through AA, but also had lost everything and had to move back in with relatives. I was unemployed, in debt, had nothing to my name and was severely depressed. I felt hopeless.
One time I heard someone in AA say, "The book says 'half measures availed us nothing', not 'half measures availed us half.'" Something clicked.
I've found that to be true: if you're not giving sobriety your all, you'll probably get drunk.
Help is out here. Come in here or call up someone or go to a meeting and say, "I'm dying for a drink and I don't want to stop and I don't know what to do." Even saying it out loud can help.
I had horrible withdrawals and the cravings were incredibly intense. I get it.
But the cool thing is that it gets easier and better with time. I can't imagine wanting to drink today.
It takes work. If the only thing you do all day is stay sober, then consider that day a success.
I hope you'll consider getting help. It's out there. Use it.
Take care.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by W4Wizard
It's legitimately baffling to me that you still get the most responses / outreach of anyone I've seen on this forum, all with the never changing stance of "I wont do AA, I won't do inpatient, I won't do outpatient".
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Hi Jeremy, I logged on tonight, the first time in about a month and was thinking I wonder if Jeremy is still around. And it's crazy this was the first post I saw.
Anyhow, after reading through all this Id like to remind you of my situation. I drank for 30 years. Most in front of my daughter. She grew up thinking addiction was acceptable in our home. Now she's addicted to heroine and will die if she doesn't get a heart valve replacement surgery. We have talked to 3 doctors. None will even talk about a plan for the surgery till she's 6 months clean. She's no where near.
My point is, remember if addiction is ok for you, your loved ones may see it as being ok for them as well. I pray you get your life together and your daughter doesn't grow up thinking it's ok. Believe me if I could relive my life, this real life I live now wouldn't be how we ended up.
Best wishes to you and yours.
Anyhow, after reading through all this Id like to remind you of my situation. I drank for 30 years. Most in front of my daughter. She grew up thinking addiction was acceptable in our home. Now she's addicted to heroine and will die if she doesn't get a heart valve replacement surgery. We have talked to 3 doctors. None will even talk about a plan for the surgery till she's 6 months clean. She's no where near.
My point is, remember if addiction is ok for you, your loved ones may see it as being ok for them as well. I pray you get your life together and your daughter doesn't grow up thinking it's ok. Believe me if I could relive my life, this real life I live now wouldn't be how we ended up.
Best wishes to you and yours.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Oh Eddie your mothers story is enough to make me want to cry. Thats sad, and I am sorry that happened. So many go by the wayside an people write them off as having not tried. I don't believe that to be the truth, I believe they've probably all tried and this habit has swallowed them whole.
Thank you Jaynie, that really drives the point home and outlines what I have to do to stay sober. It " doesn't matter" does it?
Waterfalls2014 I am so sorry about your daughter. I don't want anyone to be lost to the abyss of addiction. Good people, as a matter of fact great people get lost. I have a week sober its tentative. However, still a week. I hope for the best for your daughter.
I've thought about addressing some of you, and what you say, but again SR is a choice, so going to stay classy and say hey just move on. I understand, and I don't blame you.
Thank you Jaynie, that really drives the point home and outlines what I have to do to stay sober. It " doesn't matter" does it?
Waterfalls2014 I am so sorry about your daughter. I don't want anyone to be lost to the abyss of addiction. Good people, as a matter of fact great people get lost. I have a week sober its tentative. However, still a week. I hope for the best for your daughter.
I've thought about addressing some of you, and what you say, but again SR is a choice, so going to stay classy and say hey just move on. I understand, and I don't blame you.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
Your statistic is either 0% or 100%. It has nothing to do with others. That helped me when I heard it. I think I said out loud: I'm going to be 100 percent.
My son goes to a school that statistics show is not reaching national targets. That's because national targets are based on academic subjects while a large amount of kids are doing vocational subjects which are not included in the stats. Having said that my son is doing all academic and is sailing through - as are his friends.
I genuinely feel statistics can be used by people as an excuse to fail. It's not my fault as reports say blah blah blah. Using the school example a child can say I won't bother to try as statistics reckon I'll fail.
With the drinking statistics, how many of those who are in the went back to drinking figure are people who don't have a alcohol problem but just wanted a health boost. Or are of the minority that CAN moderate once they're over the initial recovery?
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