least

You're just not used to the idea of living a sober life. When I was drinking I couldn't envision a life where I wasn't drinking. Now that I'm sober I can't imagine myself drinking.

I hope you find what you need to get sober for good. The life you're living is no good. I hope you dump your alcohol and give sobriety another go. And give it your all.

Dee74

Briar, reality check time.
things are a long way from fine.

Unless you take action to change things you'll be swept along in the tide...

D

Briar

Oh man, it really wants to scream at you guys to leave her alone.

Dee74

Briar's AV:

If that's meant to put some of us off it's not going to work

You have a lot of friends here briar - sometimes friendship is about holding firm when you feel your friend is in danger.

you know your av is full of it or you wouldn't be here posting

D

strategery

Why not start getting things under control by dumping the vodka?

Briar

I know. I know. This is insane.

ScottFromWI

Please get help. There's not much else to say Briar. I am guessing you are drunk by now, potentially blacked out by the nature of your responses. If not say so. And get rid of the booze.

Briar

No I'm not blacked out. I wouldn't even say I'm drunk. I never really feel drunk anymore. I'm fine. I'm cleaning the house.

ScottFromWI

Not really even sure how to respond to that. I hope you can get some sleep and get rid of all the vodka.

strategery

So why do you need to drink? You can clean the house sober.

Briar

I still don't understand why I can't just stop. I stood in the bathroom and had a whole conversation with myself. Just stop. I thought about dumping it all out, then I thought that's crazy. Then I thought what's crazy is that you've been drunk for a month. Just stop. You can pour it all out right now and this will stop. Just stop. But I knew I wouldn't. I heard that conversation like I was evesdropping on it. I was aside with a warm arm around my neck.

Dee74

I really hope you decide to see your Dr or therapist Briar.
Something needs to shift here.

D

venuscat

I am afraid for you now Briar. And I love you very much. Last week Dee said you are heading for a brick wall at 100 miles per hour; that is 100% true.

I am not going to tell you to toss the vodka. But you need to talk to your husband.
You may well need a medically supervised detox at this point, and I think you should talk to your doctor as well.
You are drinking and driving now love; your family could easily lose you for good.

Two and a half years ago, I hit that brick wall.
My mother died without me there, and quite possibly because I wasn't there.
I missed her funeral.
I lost the rest of my family.

I was smoking grass 24/7, and after that I started drinking heavily.
My boyfriend finally intervened, and gave me an ultimatum.
He was the last person left in my life, and I had no choice but to listen.
I was terrified and almost destitute. I was only alive because I couldn't abandon my cat. So I did what I was most afraid of, and called my sisters and my dad.

Their anger didn't last long, and it certainly didn't stop them from helping me.
Your husband, doctor, therapist and support group will all be there for you.
We will all be here for you.

You are precious to me, and to all of us.
It is not too late, and you can do this.
And as Scott said, if you had truly given up, you would not be here.

Please decide to ask for help love. ♥

ScottFromWI

How are you doing today Briar?

strategery

I hope you're doing well today Briar.

Aellyce

Briar, I read your other thread where you were asking how to tell your husband about your drinking problem. You mentioned that when you tried to talk with him once, he asked if you had to go to rehab. Maybe that would be a good move, to get you stabilized a bit? You would also have access to mental health evaluation and treatments there...

I agree with what Dee said yesterday, I also hope you see someone about all this, someone who's qualified to help you with your problems, and that you can be completely honest with them. I know it's not easy... but something just needs to change.

AddictGuy

Briar,

The problem with drinking is that it makes you a drunk. As much as you may struggle with this, it sounds to me that at your deepest level, you don't want to be a drunk. You can't let anything but your deepest levels run your life. If you do, you betray yourself. It would be very hard to stay so drunk that you could escape that knowledge.

Briar

Thanks for checking on me, guys. I'm really confused. I had lunch with my husband about an hour ago after I had been sober for a couple hours. He told me how exhausted and overwhelmed he is with his work. It's the most intense time of year for his work, and he's lost two employees, one of whom left behind a terrible mess for them to clean up. He carried on about how he's stressed and on the brink of a meltdown. He said he's glad I've been able to shoulder more of the burden at home because he can't possibly be stretched another inch.

By this part of the conversation, I was starting to feel dizzy and trembly from sobering up.

I can't tell him. Everything will fall apart. I have to fix this myself. I just have to figure out how to stop.

When I get sober, I feel terribly alone. I've texted a friend from LifeRing to see if he is available to talk to me later today. I hope he is. When I'm alone and sober, everything I've set my mind to starts to unravel.

venuscat

You are not alone.
You have us.
And gosh love, of course you feel lousy right now...you need to be gentle with yourself.
And you need to rehydrate. And eat something.

If you cannot talk to your husband, please consider talking to your therapist again.
Aren't you able to email him? Even if he doesn't answer until tomorrow, wouldn't that help you even just a little here?

I hope your LifeRing friend gets back to you quickly. You need some support here.

Love you heaps girl.
We are by your side.

Briar

I feel like I need a very specific plan. Like a schedule for the day. When I think about being sober, it looks overwhelming. So many things to do and think about. I don't know how I'm going to pull it all off. It's all the stuff I do anyway, but when I drink I don't really think about it. I'm going to start by deciding what to make for dinner and make sure I have all the stuff. I think I will feel a little more in control once I do that...