But I was sober
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The way I see it briar you can decide to quit now and save yourself and your loved ones a lot of grief, or you can keep trying to make drinking work and have to quit later when the bottom falls out of your world. Either way you have to quit. D
You gave a valiant effort the first time. I just don't think it was enough time.
I thought I was born to drink and drug too btw.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I'm sitting at my desk trying to work. Hungover, so logical progression...fairly f***ed up. I could be fired on the spot for this. This is so stupid. This is worse than last time. I can't believe I've done this. But all I can think is I need to sober up enough to drive in an hour so I can buy a couple more handles at lunch. I'll need them for the weekend. WTF am I doing?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
YOU don't need them. Try to step outside of yourself and differentiate yourself with your AV. I'm sorry that you are in such turmoil but remember that life is like a pendulum, it just depends on you when it is going to swing back.
I send you good vibes Briar. Don't give up.
I send you good vibes Briar. Don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
All I would say is what is the alternative?
When that realisation of I either keep trying or I go back to my life of misery consumed with alcohol, with my life prospects being cut short, that's when I knew there was no alternative!!
When I was drinking the planning, the preparation, the mental organisation, the stress, the anxiety of facilitating my drinking was like a full time job making sure I had enough to drink each and every evening, imagine if all that energy could be harnessed and focused on Sobriety!!
It's not easy in the beginning, but with time things get better, for me it wasn't days, weeks, or even months, it took quite a while to unchain the hold alcohol had on me and for my body to finally adjust and heal from years if not a decade of drinking!!
You can do this!!
When that realisation of I either keep trying or I go back to my life of misery consumed with alcohol, with my life prospects being cut short, that's when I knew there was no alternative!!
When I was drinking the planning, the preparation, the mental organisation, the stress, the anxiety of facilitating my drinking was like a full time job making sure I had enough to drink each and every evening, imagine if all that energy could be harnessed and focused on Sobriety!!
It's not easy in the beginning, but with time things get better, for me it wasn't days, weeks, or even months, it took quite a while to unchain the hold alcohol had on me and for my body to finally adjust and heal from years if not a decade of drinking!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
i hate that you are dealing with this briar. didnt notice how long you had gone sober, but maybe it just wasn't long enough to get through the funk? after 1/2 year, you should be reaping enough benefits to make the sober choice obvious.
also i noticed that you said you put up a fight, and then just "snapped". did you have a "lifeline" to use? -someone you could've called and told you were ready to give up?
also i noticed that you said you put up a fight, and then just "snapped". did you have a "lifeline" to use? -someone you could've called and told you were ready to give up?
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I am so thoroughly confused and conflicted right now. I went to a recovery meeting this afternoon, but I stopped at the store on the way and bought vodka. I was honest at the meeting about some of what's been going on, and there was much talk of reaching out for help. For someone who shamelessly seeks attention and pity, I suck at reaching out for constructive support. I don't get it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Everyone's conflicted at the start whether they're brand new tp recovery or coming back from a relapse.
I'm sorry you're having so much trouble asking for help.
I was never good at that either, but I had to learn to be.
rooting for you to dump the vodka, Briar
D
I'm sorry you're having so much trouble asking for help.
I was never good at that either, but I had to learn to be.
rooting for you to dump the vodka, Briar
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Have you spoken to your husband yet? If you need to confide in someone and be honest with him that might be a good start. You appear to be in heavy, heavy denial of the seriousness of the situation, and while posting here is a positive step it is truly virtual and anonymous. You may need to let someone else in to help you at least get started as you are taking no action yourself. Please don't wait until you are forced into something agsinst your will.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Have you spoken to your husband yet? If you need to confide in someone and be honest with him that might be a good start. You appear to be in heavy, heavy denial of the seriousness of the situation, and while posting here is a positive step it is truly virtual and anonymous. You may need to let someone else in to help you at least get started as you are taking no action yourself. Please don't wait until you are forced into something agsinst your will.
For you Briar!!!!
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I can't believe I'm doing this. It doesn't seem real. Like I'm in some parallel universe watching my life go on as usual from the other side. Everything looks fine. Everyone's okay. It's fine.
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