Dee74

Thats taking something I said one time about your emotional state at that time and making a generalisation

I really don't think you're any more overwrought than anyone else here including me (I have my moments)

I also don't think you're a bad mom, or a slacker at your job or anything else. I think you engage in a lot of negative self talk tho and you can beat yourself up mercilessly.

I don't know your husband at all.

But you seem to painting yourself as a burden here, and from what I know of you,. I think thats that self-talk too.

I know if my wife were having problems I'd want to know about it - I'd want to discuss it.

D

Briar

Maybe I think I don't deserve to change.

Briar

I understand what you're saying, and thank you. You often refer to negative self talk. I need to get my head around that concept and try to think of it as optional.

Briar

I have a hard time distinguishing self-loathing from a healthy measure of humility.

Dee74

I *really* hesitate to call my self humble...it makes me throw up in my mouth a little...

but from my perspective, there's a false perspective in self loathing that's really insular and focused inwards...whereas humility focuses outwards.

self loathing says I am crap. Humility says what/who can I be; how can I help?

D

Briar

Okay, thank you, that makes sense. I will try to hold that in my mind. It's such a hard habit to break, but I guess I don't have to tell you that. As destructive as it is, in a weird way it feels safe, protective. Maybe it's just the familiarity of it.

Sorry if I made you throw up.

Dee74

LOL only figuratively

D

JanieJ

You are waaayyyy to hard on yourself, girl. Waaay too hard.

But you won't begin to love yourself or sort anything out until you stop drinking.

I had a similar attitude to you about myself. I think I was a "bad" mum.

You know that critical voice inside you ? The one that makes you feel so bad about yourself ? How about telling it to shut the f**k up, Briar ?

You think that you can never be well. But you can. I thought that too. xx

Arbor

Sorry if I'm oversimplifying your problem Briar. To me I see it as choice you have to make right now. Your stuck in limbo letting alcohol get the best of you. The rest will come later and fall into place once your ready. I feel for you. I really do. I want to see you happy.

fini

Briar,

yes, it can be protective and safe, that convincing yourself you're crap. then, nothing much is possible and no-one should have expectations of you, including most of all yourself, and you don't need to change because you're not worthy it and are so crappy that you can't change anyways.
is that somewhat how that goes?

and when i came across the humility-thing...nah, it sounded awful. people crawling, thinking they were nothing. doormats. worth zilch. who'd want it? nothing but crap there, too.

you can see, i bet, where that came from and how it made sense to me in my screwed-up thinking and my distorted perception.

one day i came across a word in some AA-stuff i was making myself read while disdaining it: right-sized.
wow.
it spoke to me immediately. i wanted it. right there i wanted it desperately.
right-sized.

with flaws and strengths. not too big, not too small. okay with limitations. seeing the strengths.

i could get to be right-sized and see myself that way, too.
wow. lots of hope in that little hyphenated word.

ps: hire someone to do the cleaning. see if you can let go of the need to do that perfectly yourself. practice

ArtFriend

Hey Briar - just catching up on this post. Lots of stuff here. Have you ever considered seeing a professional therapist? It can help you sort out your issues. You are struggling with so many different things at the same time. Of course you always have SR too, but some face to face with a professional may be the thing you need right now.

anattaboy

Gosh Briar, It's been only 8 months for me but I was right where you are when I quit. I had no Idea if I would feel better or not--had to lean toward faith and did not want to hurt. Tapering greatly reduced WD's for me and it did not hurt too much--either way I was going to do it cuz I was very sick. I've been surfing so high the past few days I forgot where I came from...thanks for the reminder. This side of the fence IS much much greener. May you make the jump sooner than later. I certainly cannot judge anyone doing what I did and we all wish we could help you put the plug in the jug NOW--but only you can do that. Everything else we and others will go out of their way to help. Believe that!

tomsteve

Don't listen to that thought. It's just a thought and a lie.

Dee74

How are you, Briar?

D

Briar

Thanks for checking on me, I'm okay.