Spacegoat

Can anyone please share some tips for managing depression without pharms??? I'm slipping big time...

I don't have very much to be grateful for that I haven't already listed or mentioned already, I hate to say that but thats what it feels like. I've had way more to be grateful for in the past - thats for sure, yet I still became depressed or couldn't cope with certain things.

My ex in London claims that since I got depressed 'I'm just a weak person'. Well that may be true but I think its more complex than that. I was never 'a weak person'. I was always a fighter, both figuratively and literally if push came to shove. I was also captain of a football team, and 'head shaman' of my group according to a knowledgeable dude I know. Anyway she's just pissed as I took a logical/pragmatic approach when she got pregnant (on purpose by the way) and she saw how she wasn't going to be able to manipulate me emotionally as was the case with my first child. Not good that.

Why am I depressed? I could list a load of things over 25 years that would lead a person to a general state of unhappiness, theres no point though. Whats stressing me out now is my family law case. It's not for another month, which will make it over two months since I contacted the brief to get the ball rolling, I spent a month finding one before that as a few of them wouldn't take the case! So I will be waiting over 2 months just to get a hearing? And the problem is, far as I'm concerned the real battle only starts then. This waiting in between is making me question if I can even make it until then. So much for getting it sorted before xmas which was my initial goal, and ever since I contacted the brief I've been starting to sink. I've been spending 20 hours a day in bed asleep the majority of days which is outrageous I know...



Getting back to the present moment - Yeah 'I can't even' anything. My aunt who I am living with is off work today, I literally cannot face her because i am feeling so miserable. I'm stuck in my room here hoping she will go to the shop or something so I can get a cup of tea or a bite to eat even, my appetite has been non existent the past month also. I know she takes it personally when I'm avoiding her too which only makes me feel worse. The house is grim asf and cold, I'm not complaining nor can I do anything about it but its a fact, and sometimes I wonder if I would be better off homeless just to feel more alive sometimes. Thats not a good idea as the winter is setting in plus it would be dangerous asf. I don't know what else to say really…



I'm not looking for any pity. I could do with some advice as to how people are coping with this thing??? I could really use a good smoke, or a bag of smack or something. Oh lord, I would grateful then believe you me.

Anyway. Thanks for listening

Della1968

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I struggle with depression as well. I guess I am sort of the fake it till you make it type. Maybe instead of waiting for your aunt to leave you could get out of the house for a bit. I make myself do that instead of sitting home inside my own head.

PurpleKnight

There should be a few around here dealing with a similar thing with some advice!!

SR is in your corner Stratman!!

MyShadow

My advice would be education. Learning how the mind works, google everything you can to get the ball rolling. Get to know yourself. Who am I sober? I don't know, I've drank more of my life than I was sober. Plus by figuring what's changing in me without alcohol, it makes men stronger. Your not week. Good luck.

Wholesome

I don't mean to sound trite or minimize your depression, but have you tried getting some exercise? I know it's a really basic suggestion but it could get some endorphin's pumping and make you feel better. It is a temporary solution though. I've been through a break up with kids involved and I know how low I was for awhile, it's not easy. This too shall pass.

courage2

It sounds like you're in a dangerous place, Stratman.

If your depression is situational, and it's being affected by early sobriety, taking steps to change the situation like with your living situation will help the depression -- even if it's all you can do, making your aunt's place homier for you. Also practice basic self care -- get dressed and take a walk every day, speak to another human being, practice deep meditative breathing.

But if you've had periods before similar to this, that were not related to alcohol use, then the current episode might be an underlying or separate problem and you should see a doctor.

I'm curious about why you say no pharms? But... "a good smoke, or a bag of smack or something" is much worse a way of management than the pharmaceutical path, I think.

Anna

I completely understand how depression can pull you down and make it very difficult to get up again. My depression led to self-medicate with alcohol. I needed to find proper treatment that worked for me and could give me a chance to level the playing field. I take medication and am grateful for it. It could be a good idea for you to talk to your dr and get his opinion.

Tonks

Get outside in the sun and do some work. Exercise under the sun does amazing things.

Volunteer work is also extremely gratifying and can really provide a psychological boost.

See a doctor. There could be underlying biological issues causing the mood change if it's not situational.

See a therapist. For some reason there's a stigma attached to seeing a shrink but I've found therapy to be an amazing resource.

mns1

Hey Stratman, when in doubt, I think it's always a good idea to talk to the doc. Even if you don't want to take meds, the doctor/therapist is the pro in this area.

I don't believe that anyone is inherently "weak". There are people who have been knocked down, dealt a tough hand, never shown the care and guidance they needed. But I believe that everyone has the ability to pick themselves back up.

What qualities make you a fighter? What made your coaches appoint you captain of the team? And how can you use those same attributes to your advantage now?

Soberwolf

Strat have you looked into CBT ? it really helps, i have friends who say it has helped

You could ask your Dr to arrange some CBT sessions ?

Spacegoat

Went back to bed after I wrote that with a splitting headache, seems to be a new development

Not a bad idea Della. I'l have to take a a walk around the estate one of the days, as I literally haven't stepped foot outside the house in over 5 weeks. Luckily I did a big shop before that and had a full freezer also. I'm not from this town so its 'all eyes on me' for some reason, and not like I can reach out to anyone here either.

Purpleknight that is good to know man. Thank you

And MyShadow thanks

Spacegoat

Zenchaser sorry to hear that, and yes I know. I bought a very decent multi-gym last month which took me 2 days to assemble fully almost. But since I had my relapse/whiskey blackout its just been sitting there. I keep telling myself Im going to put the last few screws in and get myself into it but I can't get motivated now, haven't even used it once.

Hi courage, yeah thats basically where I was at before the relapse thing. I bought some bookshelves for my room, and some picture frames and posters. I haven't got around to assembling or putting them up since. The house needs a lot of work though, carpets or 30-40 years old and the couches same, uncomfortable and manky, nothing I can do about that though - its not my house. I'm not from around here so the talking to people, nowhere to go etc isn't an option.

About the pharms - yeah I was begging for them for years and the docs kept on saying 'we want to treat the underlying causes not the symptoms for you'. Well I was young and suicidal at the time, I just thought they were putting me through torture for no reason which made things twice as bad. I had a bad attitude after that. Well anyway it turns out they were right. I don't see what the point of me sitting here eating tablets to mask the symptoms and convince myself that 'hey everything is ok now', because its really not.

As for the weed thing - well I have managed my days well with weed in the past, but ended up messing it all up with drink. I really have nothing bad to say about cannabis apart from yes its very more-ish by times (and crazy expensive here) but my life has been way shittier without it. All this waiting about - I really have nothing better to be doing, and I have a deep appreciation for the herb basically. As for the smack thing - yeah its not really my thing… But the one time I smoked it, I do remember the sense of wellbeing it gave me. I had incredible anxiety at the time which seemed to vanish. But its not a long term solution I know, I wouldn't F about with that. Just fed up here

retiredusaf

Depression has nothing to do with being weak, despite what some may think. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Sometimes medication and or therapy is the only solution. I stopped taking my meds a few weeks ago and have noticed no difference. Since I quit drinking my depression has gotten better. For those that suffer from it, hearing someone say things like just get up and walk or exercise is like telling us to do brain surgery on our self. I wish I had better advice but all I can say is to see a doctor and or a therapist.

Spacegoat

Hi Anna thanks for sharing that. I know loads of people who are on the meds and thats ok, but I am kind of a hippie at heart, its just seems so unnatural to me at this stage. I would really willing to try anything before that now, and I don't see what is the point in me taking those just to feel good about nothing in particular. It would seem like the past 5-10-15 years have been in vain, which would be depressing in itself. I take St Johns wort as it is but sometimes its not enough, in saying that if I forget to take it for a few days I really notice the difference and thats what could be up i haven't been taking it as regular

Tonks man thats ok for you in sunny Cali maaaaan! Haha, this is Ireland… The weather is miserable and a lot of the people are too! Not least myself right now. I have been through a bit of that doctor type stuff, I dunno maybe it would be different now that I'm sober- I'm a different person without alcohol anyway thats for sure.

Spacegoat

Hi mns appreciate the advice. Well the whole doctors thing, not complaining but the last things they said to me was "Well life isn't fair" and "nobody cares" which was good enough advice in itself. They just seem more interested in writing stuff onto my file the last few time I went to them. I requested a copy of my file under the freedom of information act by the way. Well it never came anyway, they wrote back "which bit" I said "all of it please"

Well you hit the nail on the head - I have never got the care or guidance I needed at home. My mother though, is an expert at covering up for this fact. But the fact is that she is a gas lighting, pathological lying (quite likely), thieving b*itch and always has been. She has thrown me to the wolves because her crap doesn't work on me, and relieved me of my life savings in the process. That money was enough to either emigrate, or put a deposit on a house - its a serious setback for the stage I am at in my life. Well anyway I got to the truth about her! Which is why I trusted her with the money, I needed to know. But still, I ended up on the street after that, unable to see my kid which my life was devoted to. Look it gives me no pleasure to say those things and sometimes I try to look at the underlying causes there, it becomes difficult when I am the one out getting my head stomped on potentially.

What made me a fighter? No flipping choice pal! I been stuck between my parents for long as I can remember, in a physical way… As for your second question? I suppose I had leadership qualities I suppose… And your third Q… Not a clue dude, some guidance on that front would be valuable for sure...

Frostyfrost

Ooo Ireland, my sister lives there. Are you North or South? Irish people are crazy, what's the craic and all that haha.
I tried St Johns wort once, it was crap. I put off taking meds for ages because like you, I didn't want to be on drugs, like more natural remedies. But eventually I thought ok, so I take pills everyday and I don't care cus I feel great. This wasn't for depression but I get really bad panic attacks...or used too lol, not for years now though. So anyway there's a thought for you.
What's the famoly law case? It'll probably be on here somewhere?
top o the mornin to ye haha I had to add that in

Frostyfrost

I wrote famoly there if you noticed because I was narrating that particular part in my head in an Italian accent haha

Spacegoat

Soberwolf, yeah I think I did a bit of that in rehab. Cooking, working in the garden all that? I was going about helping all the older men as usual. I was really off my head that time, was having a breakdown…

Hi retired. Appreciate the advice but I am a bit of a natural, that is really the last port of call for me. Where do those chemicals even come from? I don't know, but this depression/anxiety does all seem to be a very western society condition, maybe its the weather i don't know. I hear what you are saying about 'pull yourself together man, go out more' advice when things are bad, that frustrated the heck out of me. That was years ago though.

Frosty oh really, is she good looking? lol… I'm from the Irish part, the south. Yeah look I really feel that I haven't exhausted all the other options yet. I'm taking the doctors advice in that i don't need the tablets, I'm just a good few years behind them. I don't know what else to say really. Family law thing is where I have a kid, and my ex has been a b*tch and refusing to let us see him.

Oh and nobody has ever said that over here! Lol… We do good music here though http://youtu.be/mYF4mo1Ze7I

Frostyfrost

Honestly that is properly ****, can we swear on here? I don't know why people do this, my friend has exactly the same issue, they broke up when the kid was about 4 months old and she denied all access, she's married with another kid now and the little girl is almost 5 now, it's bad because dads really do not get the proper rights, even if they are on the birth certificate! He did try to take her to court but it was too expensive and she still denied access, I mean why? Why do people use the kids as weapons, it's pathetic. I mean, you want to be a part of the kids life or else you wouldn't be trying! I'm annoyed for you because we have been through this with my friend.
Ok,some men don't deserve kids because they are arseholes but a good majority do and i still think in this day and age it's absurd that women can do this, if you said yoir kid wasn't going to see its mum all hell would erupt but somehow it's ok for the mothers.
I don't agree with it at all, I am just ranting on now.
When I separated from my ex 4 years ago, despite that fact I didn't like him, or we didn't like each other, we still agreed to keep it amicable for the kid and that it would be equal responsibility, and now we get on great it's good and he even got a house on our street so our son could come and go to see him.
Seriously why are some people arseholes! She needs to wise up.
Yeah my sister lives in Monaghan, ha well I'm not gonna say shes a right dog am I hahaha, yeah she's pretty, pretty and married sorry lol.
Did I see somewhere you smoked pot? I can't smoke it, just makes me paranoid so no point, although once when I was a teenager I smoked it cut with acid or something cus holy ****, people turned into paper cut outs and **** it was crazy!
So kinda went off it cus it was horrible and bizarre and the come down lasted days, I felt like my insides were on fire, like I was burning up.
I will listen to that song in a min cus I'm sat in the kids room waiting till they fall asleep.
Late to bed late to rise, nope never seems to work.

Soberwolf

Hi Strat ive sent you a link on CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy)

CBT is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think & behave

Ask your GP as this therapy does not involve medication & has proven to be very useful

Really worth checking out bud