ru12

Well it seems you need to just sit tight and let the legal process work.

I do wonder, after reading all this, do you see yourself rational and stable enough to be a positive influence on your kid? I'm not judging you, I'm just asking you to take a wee peek. Twenty hours in bed doesn't smack of a balanced life I'm afraid.

I've suffered from depression all my life. I still do. Meditation helps. Exercise helps. Doing things (even when I don't want to) helps, medication helps, but nothing fully takes it away. It is my burden. Others have cancer or no legs.

Spacegoat

I know that. Oh I'm stable alright. I'm just either pissed off or unhappy about this whole thing. There's not a lot to be rational about.

What am I supposed to do, just give up? I raised the kid for 7 years remarkably, but now cos I'm depressed I can't be his father anymore? Should I go for euthanasia so I can keep everyone else happy? No I won't.

What do other people do? Because I don't know. The whole reason I got this depressed in the first place was because she moved the kid to another town. He was 2 then. 5 years ago I was emigrating and I had the money, I said I would go for one year then come back, hopefully a happier person with some money to live a life. When I told her this she summoned me to court for maintenance. I stayed like an idiot 'to do the right thing' -

Yeah someone said this to me already 'oh sure, you won't be much of father if your depressed'. Well sorry but I don't have a happy switch. For years I have told that girl that look, stop with all the controlling crap: stop tying me into a set routine with him that you see have no problem not sticking to if you see fit, or are partying 'or forgot' Thats its F'n me up completely doing that. I said why don't you let me get on with and explore my life you know, and I will take him wherever, whenever I am in top form and have the money to do nice things…

"oh no he needs to be in a set routine with his dad, you just need to sit there and wait and do what we tell you". Whats all that about??? New rules now is it...

Soberpotamus

Strat, maybe bring the focus back on you and what you can do in your life to make things better? If someone is removing the child from your life, you still must go on in the meantime.

It sucks, I'm sure. But you must pick up the pieces around you that only you can pick up. You can't control a controlling ex. You can only take care of you.

If you are depressed, why not see the doctor immediately?

Spacegoat

They have sucked out my F'N life blood man. Her and her family. I don't have a right to be in the kids life now because she has decided to go for someone else, is that what you are saying to me? Because thats the attitude around here ya.

They want me 'out of the way', cos I refuse to be used anymore. It's not enough that I gave the child everything, all my time, all my money, gave up partying gave up all my friends gave up my noisy hobbies, my entire life ffs. Nobody gives a hoot about that part. They don't respect me even for that. Its not enough, no she has to be controlling my whole life, I can't dare meet anyone else, I can't move about or feel free.. Any of that or I'm being irresponsible. How dare I. And then they wonder why I'm depressed! And people agree with this!!! Thats a new thing WTF is all that about! How can I be all things to all people at all times? I can't… I don't even know who am I am anymore.

They say I should be settling down, but they won't give me any social housing here. Oh I'm not acting right, I'm not passing every test etc. Anyone can be pushed past breaking point in their personal life. If get a job man, she takes half my wages and I still have nowhere to see the kid as Im renting a box room somewhere with a bunch of strangers. What kind of life is that. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, is that not the case???

I F'n gave up all my dreams to stay in one place to be there for the kid that was the direction of the courts. Now everyone is putting the opposite spin on it! F*ck sake welcome to the nightmare buddy

So F her man and F this. Yes I am p*ssed why wouldn't I be. As for this thread- it has nothing got to do with the child. This is me looking for advice, and having a vent for good measure. Where else can I do that - nowhere.


Thanks.

Kg1015

I've started with CBT a couple weeks ago and I really think it is going to be useful. Strat, check out the link and even consider getting a book about CBT and reading up. I think it could really help. I'm hoping you start to feel better soon, we are all here for you.

Aellyce

Hey Stratman.

Once again, I second these recommendations about therapy. Here is a video about a CBT-like approach that I posted on SR before. (There are also many other videos on youtube about how therapy sessions work, different approaches, etc, some more realistic others less so.) Maybe watch it while you are tucked up in the bedroom, contemplating your life It's kinda long, and it's a film played by actors and at times seems a bit forced, but I think it's a good summary of how it works. Also funny at many places, especially the guy who plays the patient. It's about his going to a therapist with depression, anger issues, and lots of denial, and his progress with both shredding the denial, changing things in his thinking and actions, and I also like how he loses a lot of his resistance and develops a liking of the process and of the therapist. Some of his issues in the film are related to his wife's behavior and their relationship.

If nothing else, just have fun watching

Spacegoat

I know Jennie I spent years focusing on that and the answer is always the same - a fresh start. Independent from abusive people. Like what I have always envisaged. I was all really positive about if a few years back, spent one full year bribing my ex with weed and cash saying to her - look I am going moving away to explore my life, what is going to be the situation with the kid etc. Anyway she sold me out and I end up F'n homeless and broke living with my aunty here. I don't know what to do next. I would happily emigrate just to find myself again, go and live with a tribe in the jungle for a while if I got the money I'm owed but it just isn't coming, meanwhile I inch a bit closer to death very day.

In fairness I havent talked about any of this before. Haennie I might watch that. The CBT thing sounds good yes, but everything I have looked at I'm still unsure what you give them a load of information about yourself, and what to expect in return? Nobody is on my side around here! Her family has got all the money and connections etc, nobody gives a damn about me I do know this. So I'm just not sure what is the point, maybe I could get another chance out of it I don't know. I'm not very good at coping with the stress of it all guys. Oh and thanks kg I will look at more about the CBT I appreciate the comments. I was putting out a bad vibe around here guys when i was drinking cos I was suppressing all my emotions, Ah F it anyway I'm tired now. Peace

Soberpotamus

I'd like to recommend a book if you think you are up to reading - The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay, Wood and Brantley. Not that CBT wouldn't help, as I'm sure it would. DBT helps with distress tolerance. I think you might benefit from it. That is, if you actually follow the suggestions

Soberwolf

Good luck stratman

Spacegoat

Thanks sober wolf.

Yeah that looks interesting Jennie, I was just on a website there. Don't know how or if I'l ever get a clean slate.

I'm not giving up anyway.W ell that was a bit of a tirade today! ru12, you really touched a nerve.

Haven't felt like that in a while, I was craving a drink a drink too for the first time. All that stuff is past tense so not much point is there.

ru12

Sorry buddy. Not my intention at all.

Spacegoat

No no I don't mean it like that, I'm just saying in retrospect you really must have! Because that was a bit of a ramble. Well its good to get it off your chest right?

I agree what your saying. I would never project my depression, my hopes or fears onto my child and I never have done. Thats really how I ended up giving up so many pursuits, I put focus in to making the kid happy.

I was doing a great job, many people have complimented me on that. We used to have a great time. In fact, the first time I spoke to him on the phone after we broke up, it was many many months.

He said "When am I going to see you again daddy, its been so long now. We used to have so much fun together. I think about you very day in school, and I say a prayer to God every night that I will see you again. I wish I could be with you every day"

I knew he was in pain. I tried to appeal to his mother again after that, I really did. I was strong, everything I did was in good faith for about 6 months I couldn't take it anymore after that I hit the booze

Spacegoat

Oh man its after killing me after writing that I just cried like I haven't done in years. That was tough man

awuh1

I'm not sure what made me think of this story again, much less relate it to this thread. Perhaps it was the theme of depression. Perhaps it was a private conversation about the spiritual. I'm not sure, yet I feel strangely compelled to share it (again). In any event, here it is.

As we finished, a young waitress with tangled, dirty-blond hair and a beaded headband began clearing our table. She stopped to listen to the conversation and finally sat down, abandoning her work. After a while, when there was a pause, she spoke to the Dalai Lama. “You didn’t like your cookie?”

“Not hungry, thank you.”

“Can I, um, ask a question?”

“Please.”

She spoke with complete seriousness. “What is the meaning of life?”

In my entire week with the Dalai Lama, every conceivable question had been asked—except this one. People had been afraid to ask the one—the really big—question. There was a brief, stunned silence at the table.

The Dalai Lama answered immediately. “The meaning of life is happiness.” He raised his finger, leaning forward, focusing on her as if she were the only person in the world. “Hard question is not, ‘What is meaning of life?’ That is easy question to answer! No, hard question is what make happiness. Money? Big house? Accomplishment? Friends? Or …” He paused. “Compassion and good heart? This is question all human beings must try to answer: What make true happiness?” He gave this last question a peculiar emphasis and then fell silent, gazing at her with a smile.

“Thank you,” she said, “thank you.” She got up and finished stacking the dirty dishes and cups, and took them away.

Spacegoat

It's definitely the latter no question. I've been thinking about this too on a deeper level again evening. Not every one is on the same playing field though, clearly. And I struggle a lot.

I bought a packet of cigarettes today, been off them for 6 months. I'm going for a little walk. Thanks awuh

Spacegoat

Well it's both!!!

The reading Jennie suggested earlier is really alluding to a duality, I noticed that.

What makes things difficult for me is the whole 'single father' thing, in all honesty. It's been hard