endlesspatience

It's 100 days since I stopped drinking and smoking - with one exception. I drank about four pints and smoked five or six cigarettes on one night, just after I'd got three months continuous sobreity.

Anyway, I find myself getting angry with strangers I see smoking in the street. I have sometimes confronted them if I see them smoking in public places. Like today, it was really cold in London. A young mother pushed her baby out into the smoking area outside the station so it was sitting in the smoke produced by all the other smokers. Without raising my voice, I went up to her and asked her if she'd thought about the implications. She shouted at me and told it was none of my business and I didn't know her and basically get lost. I said I would leave but first please can she can think about the implications for the kid because the kid can't.

Anyway, all it did was make the woman really, really angry and left me feeling defeated and annoyed for a few hours.

A similar thing happened when I confronted a women who was smoking outside a cancer hospital the other day.

I know I should be able to walk past smokers and ignore them and usually I do but sometimes I get angry and I fear this is going to lead me into a fight and I'll get punched in the face.

Dee74

If you drank after 3 months then you're back to about 10 days complete sobriety, is that right?

Like it or not I think we reset the withdrawal process when we drink again...I think irritability is common in the early days.

I'm not sure what to suggest about your anger towards smokers - I certainly wouldn't be approaching smokers in the street and haranguing them - that's a good way to get a punch in the nose.

D

Anna

I fear it will lead you to a fight too.

Honestly, that is completely inappropriate and none of your business.

Focus on your recovery.

JCMJ

I would not personally appreciate being approached. I agree kids have no choice but it's likely going to always lead to confrontation if you call others out. I get the anger part. My dad chain smoked and trapped me with him when I was young. I still hate the smell and resent smokers in public places but I also have to realize what they are doing is legal and do my best to avoid and ignore.

mavrick

Maybe praying would help you with your anger.
You could try the serenity prayer.

mavrick

Double post

Soberwolf

I completly agree with all of the above

Dont go up to ppl in the street thats asking for trouble

endlesspatience

Yes, you're right. It's 15 days sober and that's all so I need to be honest with myself about that.

Anna, JSMJ - thanks. I know I should stop it now.

When I wrote it down and shared it I realised how nasty it must be. And it achieved nothing so far and doing it again will not make it any more affective just get me in trouble.

Soberwolf

Congrats on your 15 days Endless Patience

biminiblue

What did you expect would happen? That the mother would say, "Thank you, stranger, for getting in my business. In fact, I will never do this again."

Live and let live is far better for your serenity. Other people are those "things we cannot change."

MissOverIt

Oh dear, lol! Yeah, it's probably a really bad idea. You sure do have some guts though, lol!

Altoids

Just curious. . . how would you have replied when you were a smoker and someone approached you like you're doing to these folks? Would it have changed what you were doing? Would you have thanked them and put out the smoke?

Impurrfect

Congratulations on 15 days!!

I am currently a smoker, need to quit, have done it many times before I truly remember the indignation, in the beginning of my recovery of people who still smoked!!

That being said, I realized that I was resenting them for doing something I was no longer doing. Same thing with the drugs.

In time, I was able to say "YAY, that's not me!!!". Yes, I need to quit again, and will probably go through the phase of being angry, but I have enough recovery in me to realize it's just a resentment, and resentments only keep me stuck.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

endlesspatience

You're right. I should think about I would have felt. Pretty sick is the answer.

I'm glad I posted about this now before it escalates further. I'll try to keep posting on it for the next week in the hope this will keep my behaviour in check.

Altoids

You know what I've learned??? It doesn't matter WHAT is going on in our lives, someone in this community has been there before. I'm soooo thankful that SR is here and that THIS community reaches out to help a fellow traveler of this path. I love that you posted about this and I know your post will help others. I learn so much from these threads.

Anna

Endlesspatience, it's normal to feel anger in early recovery. I was angry about everything, mostly angry with myself for becoming an alcoholic. You really need to let the anger go and accept that you are responsible for 'you' and that's all you have to worry about.

Soberpotamus

Why do you think it's making you this angry? Just curious.

Ruby2

Well, I agree that going up to people about their smoking isn't the best course of action. I'm a smoker and I try to be conscientious about the people around me, avoiding babies, young children, etc. I'm not normally a confrontational person but when people have made comments on the smoking I get a very strong urge to blow smoke in their faces.

It's an addiction like alcohol is an addiction. It's a lifestyle just like drinking to excess is and was a lifestyle. When you comment you are attacking the lifestyle. I know I felt defensive and angry when people commented on my drinking. It's the same thing. I know I smoke too much and need to quit but I'm not yet ready. And I am more afraid of quitting smoking than I was of drinking.

Hang in there.

oldsoul1122

I know it's heartbreaking when children are involved and it would anger me too. But in some cases it's best to look the other way. Irritability was top on my list after drinking and I found myself being a bully of sorts. Just be aware if you're sensitive and you should be ok.

anattaboy

Right motive. Wrong delivery for best outcome. Wow, that pretty much defines most of what comes out of my mouth (and fingers here). Alcohol gave me the ability to rant louder, harder and longer. I haven't broke my addiction to that yet nor have I found it very useful. I've been able to see this about me and can do something about it as a result of being sober. No chance at all if I were drinking.