Frixion

I've been told I should go to an AA meeting. So I googled the closest meeting and it was being held across the street from me. Great! Not so much. it happened to be held at a homeless shelter that two of my friends work full time in so I was frightened to walk in. I guess I will go to one that's being held tonight at a different location... only problem is my boyfriend will be home at that time and will wonder where I am going. I'm not ready to tell him. What should I do?? I don't want to lie to him.

Alwyshope12

Tell him the truth, you are going to meet with some people about making your life better. There is so much strength hope and courage at those meetings, you embarrassment is only in your mind.

I hope you make it, because when you get there and tell the people you are new, you will be welcomed and start making positive connections. You will be amazed!

I rooting for you!

Hollyanne

Just tell him you are going for informational purposes.
I am sure he kind of understands.
No secrets. Yucky secrets. Bleh.

Soberwolf

Can you trust these friends ?

At one point your going to tell him ?

good luck Frixion

Lusher

Hey Frixion-

Personally, if it was me, I'd fully confide in your boyfriend. There's no such thing as too much support. However, since I don't know anything about your relationship, perhaps I'm way off base.

However, I would not put your sobriety on 'the back burner.' This should be something that you might want to place a high priority on. If that means spilling the beans to your guy, then so be it.

Whatever direction that you choose, just know that it's a very positive thing that you're doing. This booze stuff can get way out of control very quickly, so good for you for taking action.


Lusher

LBrain

tell him

newhope01

If those friends are close to you they most likely already know about your substance abuse problems; I am sure your fiance knows about your issues as well.

But, I feel its better to wait till you are ready to tell your fiance and beyond that its nobody's business whats going on in your life. Share with whom you deem fit.

Hopefully, you have gone to the dr?

CAPTAINZING2000

Does your bf drink? Is your drinking causing problems in your relationship?
Has he ever told you to slow down on your drinking?

Fly N Buy

Sounds like you confided in someone already??? Why not your BF?
Ask him if he'd go with you, check it out together!? He might like to support you if you're to be married?!?!

peace
FlyN

Frixion

No, these friends are more like gossipy acquaintances. They would gossip about me because they are best friends with my boyfriends ex of 7 yrs.

I do plan on telling him, but I am scared he will disapprove or be judgemental. He wants to believe in the best of me and if I tell him I am sure he will reply with "who cares, you don't drink THAT much" - The truth is I do, I black out more than he knows.

Aellyce

I also suggest that you tell him. You hid your drinking from him, now you want to hide your recovery? Why? I believe you would not be able to hide it long if you decided to go to AA regularly. It'll also not support your sobriety if you start living in new lies now, it's always stressful and makes us vulnerable to not be honest especially with people close to us personally.

I started dating someone new not long ago and was a bit scared about how to tell him about my recovery in the beginning. But I could not hold it back long. It was actually surprisingly easy to discuss it and not a big deal at all.

Yes maybe if you end up liking AA, take your bf with you to an open meeting once, or a few.

ScottFromWI

You are the only one that needs to know the truth, and you are the only one that can ultimately make the necessary changes. What he believes is really not important. Being honest is important, but remember that it's just as difficult for non-alcoholics to understand us as it is for us to understand why we are alcoholics. He may never fully "get it" but simply be honest...that's all you can do.

Frixion

I have an appointment with my dr. in a couple of hours. And regards to him knowing I have substance abuse problems, I'm sure he must deep down know. I just think it scares him and he wants to pretend like I don't. Also I'm nervous he will change his mind on the engagement if he sees the gravity of the situation... I know I should be comfortable with who I am & everything, but rejection is still pretty scary.

Frixion

I have an appointment with my dr. in a couple of hours. And regards to him knowing I have substance abuse problems, I'm sure he must deep down know. I just think it scares him and he wants to pretend like I don't. Also I'm nervous he will change his mind on the engagement if he sees the gravity of the situation... I know I should be comfortable with who I am & everything, but rejection is still pretty scary.

least

I'd tell your bf. Ask him for his support as you go into recovery. And try to make a meeting in another location where your gossipy friends won't be.

Welcome to the family.

LBrain

anyone?

so if he finds out later all will be good?

ClearLight

Yeah - it's really tough to let folks know about this.
I finally got myself to a meeting about a month ago. There, in the front row, was a woman I work with. !!!!! I positioned myself as far away from her as I could and bolted to the door about mid way through the meeting.
I'm sure she saw me. And I'm pretty sure she told some people at work. She never said anything to me but my boss mentioned something about letting him know if I had problems outside of work.
But I'm dragging myself to another meeting today. In an area she won't be at. I don't even know if I'll make it into the meeting. I may just wind up sitting outside in my car.
But I'm gonna work on it getting in the door soon.
I sure hope you can be truthful with your boyfriend. It's really tough and there are no guarantees so I hope it works out for you.

newhope01

Very happy that you are going to see the dr soon.

And about telling your fiance, sooner or later you will have too. I can't imagine anyone running away from someone who is working toward their recovery. However, I could understand how someone may run the other direction if that person was still actively using.

I think its okay for you take your time telling him when the moment is right, but don't wait too long. You deserve the support.

Frixion

Well actually it's not so much that I hid drinking, it's more that after he already went to bed I would still be binge drinking (leading to blackouts). And recovery can be tough in more ways than this for me - last time I stopped drinking for about 40 days he was very supportive. But one day we were at a pub restaurant and I told him I was going to order a single drink (weak moment). He actually landed up be ecstatic that I wanted to drink and he said he missed "drinking me" vs sober me. I'm scared that he won't want me to get sober again and right now I just can't handle the rejection.

I don't want to live with lies - he will know for sure that I am not drinking. I'm just not quite ready for him to know yet

Soberwolf

have you checked for other meetings around town ?

I would ultimatly tell him the gravity of the situation you need support him saying he prefers drinking you vs sober you is proving he either doesnt realise or he doesnt care this is why telling him is important

i would nip this in the bud if this was me