Stuggling to end a month long bender.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Yew-Kay
Posts: 279
Originally Posted by mavrick 
They've wrote to my doctors in the past.
Not that I'm suggesting you do that...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by mavrick
The most annoying and embarrassing thing is that I have been through a 12 step program.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.
The head of the house ought to remember that he is mainly to blame for what befell his home. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime.
So my advice is to get with your sponsor and start working the steps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Maverick, first of all, you need to leave the embarrassment behind. We are all battling our demons, which is why we come to SR. Some of the stories are similar, some different, but all have one common element... battling our addictions. Nothing to be embarrassed about, end of story.
The important part is you are back here, posting. That's a sure sign that you truly want to make this change. You just need to turn that "want" into dedication.
For me, the first week was the hardest. Days 1 and 2 were always so tough; and I had plenty of "day 1's and 2's". My last relapse was in June where I spent over a month drinking around the clock. I never gave up though. You don't have to give up either!
Nothing to be embarrassed about and you are not a failure. You just have to want to be sober today more than anything else. Do what ever it takes to make that happen. Stay home, don't talk on the phone, watch TV all day, eat chocolate all day, sleep all day, go for long walks... what ever you need to do for you so that you don't pick up that first drink.
Make today your day 1 and stick to it. I counted the hours early on. I also keep a calendar of the days I don't drink; day 113 today and helps me to check each day off after I wake up sober. I spent, and still spend a lot of time here on SR; reading and posting as much as I can.
We are all different; find what works for you, make a plan, stick to your plan and stay sober. For me, I just had enough of the lying, deceit, lost memories, hurt feelings, money wasting, and generally overall despair and misery that drinking brought to my life and my family's lives (because of me).
Getting sober is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's also the best.
Maverick, you can do this. Make the decision and stick to it. Use the strength from your past sober days to get over the initial hump of these first days. You have done it before, now do it for good.
Best of luck!
The important part is you are back here, posting. That's a sure sign that you truly want to make this change. You just need to turn that "want" into dedication.
For me, the first week was the hardest. Days 1 and 2 were always so tough; and I had plenty of "day 1's and 2's". My last relapse was in June where I spent over a month drinking around the clock. I never gave up though. You don't have to give up either!
Nothing to be embarrassed about and you are not a failure. You just have to want to be sober today more than anything else. Do what ever it takes to make that happen. Stay home, don't talk on the phone, watch TV all day, eat chocolate all day, sleep all day, go for long walks... what ever you need to do for you so that you don't pick up that first drink.
Make today your day 1 and stick to it. I counted the hours early on. I also keep a calendar of the days I don't drink; day 113 today and helps me to check each day off after I wake up sober. I spent, and still spend a lot of time here on SR; reading and posting as much as I can.
We are all different; find what works for you, make a plan, stick to your plan and stay sober. For me, I just had enough of the lying, deceit, lost memories, hurt feelings, money wasting, and generally overall despair and misery that drinking brought to my life and my family's lives (because of me).
Getting sober is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's also the best.
Maverick, you can do this. Make the decision and stick to it. Use the strength from your past sober days to get over the initial hump of these first days. You have done it before, now do it for good.
Best of luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
My drinking has to stop today, it's still been going on since my last post.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Welcome Maverick. I know that feeling like it was yesterday. "If I can just get 24 hrs. I can do this". Not long after I did get a plan together for detoxing and have been here ever since (5 months). There are as many recovery methods as are people doing it. I got some great tools from perusing SR. Hope you can do the same.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by mavrick
My drinking has to stop today, it's still been going on since my last post.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mavrick
The most annoying and embarrassing thing is that I have been through a 12 step program. And im still a serial relapser people around me who know about my alcoholism are fed up with me saying this time is the last.
Im struggling with the obsession atm my head is saying "you have blown it anyway you might as well just carry on"
Im struggling with the obsession atm my head is saying "you have blown it anyway you might as well just carry on"
And remember, a 12 step program isn't something you get 'through'. You don't go on it like you'd go on an afternoon boat ride. Done correctly, it is a way of living. You don't 'do a 12 step' program and then check it off your list and move on.
Maybe it's time to get back to the tables and find a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mavrick
My drinking has to stop today, it's still been going on since my last post.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Ive reached a all time low in my life, the stuff has me beaten.
I just hate day ones with a passion, ive had so maney to count it's just ridiculous. Just feel like a total failure.
Today.
Pick up the book and get reading.
Today.
Stop railing and rationalizing and victim-ing and letting your AV drive.
Choose and act. Today. Now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
I do understand that the 12 step program is a program for living and when worked correctly it will result in a change or spiritual awakening.
I love AA and what it gave me when ive been sober in the past. I have learnt so much from the big book ,my sponsor and some of AA's members.
I don't think that the AA way is right for me this time around. I'm going to try a different approach based on all the different recovery methods until I find something that feels right for me.
I love AA and what it gave me when ive been sober in the past. I have learnt so much from the big book ,my sponsor and some of AA's members.
I don't think that the AA way is right for me this time around. I'm going to try a different approach based on all the different recovery methods until I find something that feels right for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mavrick
I do understand that the 12 step program is a program for living and when worked correctly it will result in a change or spiritual awakening.
I love AA and what it gave me when ive been sober in the past. I have learnt so much from the big book ,my sponsor and some of AA's members.
I don't think that the AA way is right for me this time around. I'm going to try a different approach based on all the different recovery methods until I find something that feels right for me.
I love AA and what it gave me when ive been sober in the past. I have learnt so much from the big book ,my sponsor and some of AA's members.
I don't think that the AA way is right for me this time around. I'm going to try a different approach based on all the different recovery methods until I find something that feels right for me.
But you're going to try something different that feels 'right' for you.....
Uhm. Ok then.
'I am suffering. But the thing that kept me from suffering before isn't right for me'
This seems a bit odd to me.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
G'day Mavrick
It's not easy coming back from a bust or series of sprees.
But I can assure you it's easier than carrying on drinking.
I'm 120 days away from a 4 year bust.
"Just do it".... As the wise shoemaker says.
12 steps are the only thing that ever worked for me.
If I could have just stopped or made a choice or just changed my mind...... I would have done it years ago.
The program didn't fail me, I dropped out of the program.
Self sabotage is normally how busts happen.
You aren't beyond help.... Just another plain old uncomplicated alcoholic.
We only tend to think "my case is different "
Good luck with your sobriety decisions
It's not easy coming back from a bust or series of sprees.
But I can assure you it's easier than carrying on drinking.
I'm 120 days away from a 4 year bust.
"Just do it".... As the wise shoemaker says.
12 steps are the only thing that ever worked for me.
If I could have just stopped or made a choice or just changed my mind...... I would have done it years ago.
The program didn't fail me, I dropped out of the program.
Self sabotage is normally how busts happen.
You aren't beyond help.... Just another plain old uncomplicated alcoholic.
We only tend to think "my case is different "
Good luck with your sobriety decisions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
You love AA and what it gave you when you were sober in the past.....
But you're going to try something different that feels 'right' for you.....
Uhm. Ok then.
'I am suffering. But the thing that kept me from suffering before isn't right for me'
This seems a bit odd to me.
But you're going to try something different that feels 'right' for you.....
Uhm. Ok then.
'I am suffering. But the thing that kept me from suffering before isn't right for me'
This seems a bit odd to me.
If you're going to start picking holes in the things im saying then i would rather you kept your thoughts to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm not looking for an argument or trying to pick holes my friend...
Just offering my sincere reflection on your comments. If they don't resonate for you, then you needn't consider them.
You came here seeking help and advice... This is what I am called to offer.
I apologize if my words engender anger or defensiveness.
I wonder why.....
Just offering my sincere reflection on your comments. If they don't resonate for you, then you needn't consider them.
You came here seeking help and advice... This is what I am called to offer.
I apologize if my words engender anger or defensiveness.
I wonder why.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
There are MANY ways to quit drinking and get on with life and don't give much attention to those that tell you there is only one true paths... Zealots all. If AA isn't your thing then try SMART or Rational Recovery or Life Ring or Save Our Selves. Some get sober and happy by making a decision to never drink again and never doing it. But what you must do is stop drinking. And there is no other time to stop than now. Get the poison out of your place. Don't buy anymore. Stay away from friends and places where drinking is the main theme. Cone here and help the people that come after you.. .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
