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In a state of panic about my future

Old 10-03-2014, 05:16 PM
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In a state of panic about my future

Just woke up from a nightmare. It's after 1 am.

I am coming up to three months sober.

I had three job interviews this week. Already got one rejection e-mail this morning.

I am in a panic about my future. I will be 34 in two weeks.

My dad says stop panicking. If I don't get these jobs, I will not be homeless. I still have a bed and food.

He was asking me about what career I would like. I have a degree and a couple of diplomas but I am still out of work.

My therapist said to me today "You are doing so well. I wish you could see how far you have come".

I met my aunt and uncle this week. They were rambling on and on about my cousin and how he has just gotten a new big job, and a company Audi car. I hate conversations like this. Actually they said "he is head of IT for Ireland". My dad was laughing when I told him. He said "they told me he got a big job 6 months ago. Maybe he is head of IT for that particular company, but not for Ireland" lolz.

I have to stop comparing myself to others. My road is different from theirs. And I do have my health now, which I didn't before and that is priceless.

I feel very disorientated. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. I just needed to reach out to you guys.
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:19 PM
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You will get a job if you keep looking. It might take a while but one will come that's perfect for you.
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:30 PM
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tetra, finding a job is hard in the current economic environment anyway. Even if you are a shy or nervous person, something will come your way eventually, but you can't dwell on past rejections, or take them personally.

There's no point comparing yourself to your cousin, it doesn't get you closer to your goal if it's making you feel bad.
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:33 PM
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I have a couple recent qualifications nothing in your league im sure something will come both our ways in terms of work

I get nightmares they calm down with time
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:33 PM
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Glad you reached out! I agree with every word your therapist said. You have come so far, you really have! Don't start taking it for granted now, your accomplishment to stay sober and gaining your health back is HUGE!!! Now it's only on to better things from here. Keep looking, something will come your way. Keep your mind open and apply for different types of jobs. Jazz up your resume, practice your interviewing skills. Come into every interview prepared and confident. Stay flexible, keep showing up, and an opportunity will be sure to find you.

Now off to bed with you.
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:38 PM
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Hi Tetra, I know what you are going through. I was all set on the career path in my 20's. Got a great job out of college with a big bank with great future opportunities if I worked hard. I was there for about 5 years when my drinking started to take over and eventually ruined my career there.

5 years of alcoholic drinking ensued with sporadic employment. Lost many jobs because I just couldn't stay sober. At 34, after being evicted from my apartment, I went to rehab, then when I got out, moved back with my parents (very humbling). I spent the next 6 months there applying for jobs and interviewing. Must have sent 50 resumes out and done 10 interviews before I got a decent offer.

I eventually got a job and moved out to my own place, but I am over-qualified. I have a degree from a good school and fret that I ruined my chances and that I am going to be a failure. I am 38 now and still putting my life back together.

You are doing fine. I have been in your shoes and did it the same way you are doing it. You have a caring family for support so just worry about being sober and keeping up the job hunt. It's competitive out there so don't think a rejection letter means anything. I have about 50 rejection emails in my inbox
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:45 PM
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I know the feeling. Being out of work myself, thinking of when I do start applying after being terminated from my last job for alcohol is beyond nerve racking.

Since you won't be homeless take your time and find the right one. Waking up from a nightmare can leave you feeling a little morbid.
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Old 10-03-2014, 05:59 PM
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Ugh, i know the feeling when relatives say "Cousin Sally got a great job with lots of $ and massive prestige!". My experience is that all jobs are tenuous and fraught with daily challenges. My cousin had what she described as "head of regional sales for the northern area of the southern hemisphere" or something like that. And the company needed her to do more than any other human could. And within a year, they had a big layoff and she was impacted.
So when your mind starts comparing you to others, don't allow it to happen. Nobody knows what the future brings. A lot of high-profile jobs come with a lot of scrutiny and demanding senior executives who have created the job to be all the political tasks even 10 year execs couldn't accomplish, and the new exec is given a frustrated staff who have been through this before but aren't forthcoming with the information. And all of them are expecting you to make life perfect just for them. So just take one step at a time, because it's all any of us can do anyway.
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:03 PM
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Tetra, keep looking and try to keep a positive attitude. The right job will come along.
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Old 10-03-2014, 07:04 PM
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Tetra we are here. You are doing great. Do not measure your life against another's. Measure your life by your own progress. Celebrate your accomplishment and take great solace in the fact that you have your family and friends.
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Old 10-03-2014, 08:03 PM
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Hey Tetra! Hang in there. I know it's easy for me to say that but when you are on the doorstep of fifty like I am you will look back and think how really young 34 truly is in the grand scheme of things.

I've had my job for 14 years now so that puts me at 35 when I was hired. Until that time I wandered around doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I bought my house at 36. I met my husband when I was 39 and had my first child at forty, my second at 43. So look at all that life I've crammed in over the span of 14 years. I never thought I would have any children let alone 2. I always thought I would bounce around and never settle in any one job and here I am. And I did all of that despite my drinking. I've only seriously worked on quitting (other than when I was pregnant) when I was 46/47. So look how much further ahead in the game you are than I ever was.

And before getting the job I lived with my parents for 2.5 years. So, you are doing really, really well. And I love the pumpkin. I forgot to tell you that earlier.
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Old 10-03-2014, 08:10 PM
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If money, big houses and flash cars are the key to a happy and contented life....

Why are some people in Hollywood in rehabilitation, on their fifth, sixth, seventh marriage and why did one famous actor just commit suicide?
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Old 10-03-2014, 08:15 PM
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You've been doing great Tetra - I know how this can be overwhelming...especially thinking about it in the dead of night...but I have faith for you that everything will be OK

D
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Old 10-03-2014, 08:39 PM
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Hi Tetra, great success in your three months of sobriety!

I wish you the very best in finding a good job!!
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Old 10-04-2014, 01:07 AM
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My father constantly tells me how all my childhood friends went to Ivy League schools and are now ceo's and captains of industry. I'm just a crappy mid level employee. I'm learning to shrug it off. You should too.
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Old 10-04-2014, 01:23 AM
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Tetra
You sound on the right track to me.
If you are anything like me in a years sober time (or less) you will have a job, and be mumbling about having to get up in the morning! lol
Night frights are pretty common i think and the light of day and sober friends soon restore some proper perspective.
Sounds like your therapist knows the score.
Pretty soon your Dad will be boasting about your achievements....
My Mum still tells people that i was the head of the civil service bless her.
G
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Old 10-04-2014, 01:59 AM
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Could you do some voluntary work while you are looking for a job? It would boost your confidence, get you out of the house, and look good on your cv good luck, be positive.
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Old 10-04-2014, 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Tetra
Just woke up from a nightmare. It's after 1 am.

I am coming up to three months sober.

I had three job interviews this week. Already got one rejection e-mail this morning.

I am in a panic about my future. I will be 34 in two weeks.

My dad says stop panicking. If I don't get these jobs, I will not be homeless. I still have a bed and food.

He was asking me about what career I would like. I have a degree and a couple of diplomas but I am still out of work.

My therapist said to me today "You are doing so well. I wish you could see how far you have come".

I met my aunt and uncle this week. They were rambling on and on about my cousin and how he has just gotten a new big job, and a company Audi car. I hate conversations like this. Actually they said "he is head of IT for Ireland". My dad was laughing when I told him. He said "they told me he got a big job 6 months ago. Maybe he is head of IT for that particular company, but not for Ireland" lolz.

I have to stop comparing myself to others. My road is different from theirs. And I do have my health now, which I didn't before and that is priceless.

I feel very disorientated. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. I just needed to reach out to you guys.
Your situation is not unique.

Sometimes i have similar thoughts and wonder "shouldn't i be further along at this age?".............. but then i remember i started my adult life in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the Great depression.

I'm sure there are tons of people out there who are stuck in a similar situation right about now......... more than care to admit it, remember the shame factor.

I've noticed that much of personal wealth and success seems to involve a "momentum" of sorts. Those who get "momentum" early in life via connections, cronyism, good genetics, big breaks, scholarships, and assistance from family tend to maintain that "momentum" and go further and further ahead economically, to higher and higher on the totem pole.

On the other hand, there are those who have some "momentum" early on but lose it along the way via a sudden un-expected job loss, illness, injury, divorce, bankruptcy or other major life set-back. These people get thrown back to "square one" and lose their momentum, having to start all over.

Then of course are the people who start off with "negative momentum".......... or in other words they start out way behind right out of the gate, facing an up-hill battle. People who come from broken families, drug problems, people who need to self-finance with college loans, disability, etc.

But yea, as you mentioned, comparing oneself to others is futile in the end since everyone's situation is different and of course there is that varying level of "momentum" intertwined into each person's story.
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Old 10-04-2014, 07:53 AM
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This is all perfectly normal. You will be OK. It will all unfold exactly as it should and for your higher good.

Hold faith, stay rooted in today and keep taking steps.

I'm right there with you.. Except I'm 41 and employed but about to lose my job and scrambling to find another.

It'll be ok.
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Old 10-04-2014, 08:35 AM
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You are making HUGE changes in your life. Even though they are positive, of course you're going to be scared. Push through it and know that you'll come out better than ever on the other side. You will have a sense of self-worth and accomplishment.

I know you can do it. You know you can do it. GOOD LUCK!
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