Alphabet

I don't know your relationship with this person so I really can't say - sounds like it could be either. What's important here though is you do what's right for YOU and your sobriety right now.

Soberwolf

It could be he doesn't understand and also rather than saying no for a forth time just say you need some breathing space and that you'll be in touch when you feel ready

Could be he is over worried but he's sounding a bit persistent and if its making you feel this way tell him so

Youl soon see if his motives are true

Good luck BTW avice and well done on your journey to finding a better you

Keep posting

melki

That's a very strange development indeed. Avice, we don't know your relationship but it doesn't sound like this is what you need at the moment. Definitely NO to BBQs, listen to your heart and be kind to and nurture yourself. Keep posting.

Avice

Well, since I last posted he's suggested an alternative. A pizza place. He just wants to see me...I think. I'll find out what kind of relationship this is tonight.

Man, before it was just me and my booze. I'm not used to having people noticing or being concerned. This is weird for me. Very weird.

ScottFromWI

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at the present time. And obsessing about it is no help to you when you have a much larger issue to deal with. Politely stepping away for a time would be my suggestion. If he persists after that consider blocking his number. You need to focus on you now.

Avice

Well, I'm about to go see him, Scott. I realize what you're saying, but I need to find out for myself whether this guy has my best interests at heart.
I can't just cut him off or block his number right off the bat. He's done a lot for me. But...tonight will determine whether he really wants me to get better.
I feel like I have enough strength to see the real answer - whatever it may be.

ScottFromWI

Read back through this thread and your posts and see if you can answer your question above. I think you can.

melki

I agree 100%.

Avice

Well, I'm back now and I'm glad I went. He may be a bit clumsy in dealing with this issue, but he told me that he doesn't want to control my drinking. I am free to drink as much as I want, or none at all. He also told me that when I do quit drinking, he'll clear every bit of alcohol out of his apartment. No beer in the fridge - no wine in the cupboard. He's one of those guys that can have one or two glasses of wine and then stop...man, I wish.

We went for a walk to the park and I explained to him that I really do need a week to recover from the initial withdrawal symptoms. He seemed to understand that. To be honest, I think he might have talked to someone about this, because his attitude had changed completely. He apologized for getting angry with me.

I had to leave soon after that because nausea started to hit me (you know how it is). It'll be worse tomorrow.

But...on September 1st I plan to join the Class of September 2014.

Things are really messed up in my head at the moment, but time will tell whether I can deal with this or not. Wish me luck. Send prayers or vibes or whatever. I can't lose any more friends or opportunities or just little bits of life. I'm sick to death of this thing.

Avice

Oh, by the way, the nausea was from alcohol withdrawal..not because I went nutso on the 24 pack. I just felt I had to clarify that.

whalebelow

Would you like to know a theory as to why he can have a few drinks and stop and you cannot.

Or if you ever do pull up after a few, you feel so unsatisfied.

Avice

I can pull back after a few drinks maybe twice a month. Other than that, it's all systems go. Theory? Sorry, I've got nothing.

hopeful4

It sounds like your friend is very frustrated with your drinking. It's wise not to make any promises you may break as that would hurt even more. I would say maybe this would be a time to take a break from each other so you can focus on your own recovery without feeling pressured if that is how it made you feel.

Fly N Buy

hmmm......nice boy meets nice girl who drinks too much.....
Careful, please!

At 86 days sober, I hold no corner on wisdom. In terms of the drink I will share what worked for me to this point.

Total and complete surrender / willingness to sobriety. Meetings - Lot's and lot's and lot's of meetings = AA.

Tried the following over many years of drinking: Only drink beer, wine, under 80 proof, alcohol I did not like, really expensive booze, really cheap booze, only buy a pint, only buy two pints, only drink on weekends, only drink on Friday, only drink to celebrate, only drink when feeling bad, only drink.....well, everyday.

Took Antabuse, wellbutrin etc. Put pictures of my loved ones close by so maybe that would arrest my obsession........

Then, Ah- Ha! Finally I learned I have an obsession of the mind. When I take one drink I (alcoholics) get a physical(Body) craving that does not stop. I now desire sobriety more than anything else - I became WILLLING to ask for help and gain tools(spirit) to get and keep me sober - based on this, I get a one day at a time reprieve from the obsession at this point.

Things are still changing in my short term sobriety for the good. I jealousy protect that TODAY and refuse to give it up for anything or anyone......

You have to ask yourself one question only.....

Want some????

Avice

I've made him promise not to see me for a week. We have been communicating through email, but I did screw up...I wrote about it in my latest thread aptly titled I Screwed Up.
I don't want to hurt people in my life anymore. If I have to fake it til I make it, that's OK. He's never been through this stuff and you guys have. I'm sure that plenty of people have screwed up and regretted it. It sure isn't an easy thing to deal with.
He has very little idea of what's actually been going on with me, and that's the way I want to keep it for now. I only want to be around him when I can be the friend that he deserves.

Avice

Flynbuy. I don't think you have an accurate picture of me. Nice guy meets nice girl who drinks too much? No. Two people with their own set of problems. I don't like painting things in black and white.

whalebelow

I believe my body craves alcohol. I would, 9 times out of 10, drink till I passed out. Not in public so much, although that happened but not frequently, but I would get home and "finish the job"
The times I could muster all my will power and go to bed after only 6-7 drinks, I would literally
Open my eyes that morning and my first thought would be "drink "

Then I'd spend that day trying to mentally push that thought out, but I'd cave within a day or two and then drink till I passed out again.

What i eventually did was begin to think what is the point, if I don't finish the job, I'm just going to eventually and so I finished the job each night.

That was when things got really bad, both mentally, physically and not to mention, financially.

Fly N Buy

Hey, no problem. Read my disclaimer.....I have no corner on wisdom.
Won't ever bother you again......

peace

Avice

whalebelow. I've been an 'alone drinker' for quite a while. I had alcoholic friends and friends that drank normally. I screwed up a lot of relationships with people that weren't on my hellbent quest to get drunk. I still wonder what kind of relationships I may have missed out on.
Flynbuy. Just because I disagree with you on one point doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to me again. I didn't mean it that way.

Fly N Buy

Matters of the heart really are none of my business and I should stay out of them. Sharing how I stayed sober for 86 days is really all the experience I have that might help someone else.

peace