Loml1224

I consider you lucky to have a friend who is honest and is not giving up on you. Like people are messaging, he is taking care of himself. Taking care of himself is healthy and smart. It doesn't sound like he wants to not be friends but he realizes that for him this friendship isn't healthy at the moment. It will take you to change and you CAN do it! You deserve friends...give yourself some time to become clear and know that the past is the past but you can pave your future. I, personally, would at least email your friend and say thank you for sticking by you and you understand his decision. Sobriety is difficult, I fell off the wagon for one day and now I start over. It's a lot better (for me to stay sober) It feels overwhelming, but ironically the solution is simple-don't drink. I hope you give yourself some time and be happy you made the step to tAlk about your drinking.

Avice

I did make the decision to email him...and found that he'd emailed me first.
He basically told me that I might be past the point of rescue - that I don't know what I'm missing - that this is the wakeup call before it's too late.
I emailed him back with as much respect and compassion as I possibly could, and I took the advice that was given to me here. No excuses.
I need to take a break from the computer for a while because I actually can't stop crying. I just hate this. I wish I could...just not be me right now. I don't like myself at all.

Soberwolf

Avice sorry I sounded stern but sometimes its takes something like this to realise

If you get sober and stay sober you will have a better life fact if your not feeling better after a month I will donate 20 English pounds to the charity of your choice that's how certain I am in knowing you can turn this around so that your happy being you and not crying wishing you wasnt

Its going to take an effort from you and it's got to be for you for your well being and happiness

I know you can do it because I done in I hated myself drowned in all the bottles I wasn't happy and it got a lot worse and that's what I don't want for you

I am on your side you know we all are

Get some rest and hit up the forum whenever you want

whalebelow

Down load a Pdf of the book

Alcoholics Anonymous

Read "the Doctors Opinion" and "Bills Story "

In just two short chapters, 40 mins of reading, you'll have a much greater understanding of yourself and your drinking.

I've been there, I took it nearly all the way. By the time I got help, I was bleeding from places you shouldn't bleed, couldn't hold a drink down but still tried to keep getting them in and keep them down.

It gets to be even more fun

Dee74

Hi avice - welcome

I lost a lot of really good friends - some of them for good.

Some made ultimatums to me too - I was *incensed* - how dare they?

I remember telling one friend, 'if I'm such a burden to be around, then just go..be rid of me'.

Then, I despised them for doing just that.

I say this as gently as I can...the problem isn't actually your friend here avice- it's you...and the really important thing is what you choose to do next.

I lost a lot of things - friends, career, health, because I routinely chose drinking over everything else...

Be smarter than me, avice

D

Thatdeliveryguy

Do what you feel is right for you. If you think you have a drinking problem then quit. However, don't quit just for him, it won't work in my opinion. There is a lot of support here and welcome!

melki

Hang in there Avice. I hope for your sake that this is the wake up call and stopping point you needed. It may not seem like it right now, but it's completely in your power to turn your life around. You can feel better, you can look people in the eyes again, you can like yourself again. When you decide to quit drinking, you may be surprised how quickly these things start to transpire! Keep posting and hang in there, we're here for you.

Inchworm

Have a good cry and come tell us how you feel in the morning. We care.

Mags1

Hi Avice, my heart goes out to you. This alcohol has got a lot to answer for, how can a liquid rule out lives.

We here are all just one drink away from that deep abyss.

Get yourself on the right track, lots of experience and help here for you, marvellous people who know how you feel and what you're going through.

It is a much better life without the booze. I couldn't think of living without it but now I don't want to live with it .

Do this for you, there's no regrets, no memory loss,you can hold your head up, the fog lifts and no, Prince Charming won't come and sweep you up and life happy ever after, but yes, you will be able to take all life gives to you, good and bad, and happiness will follow.

I met a good friend a few months ago and I'd not told her I'd stopped drinking, but she said something's different, the old 'Mags' is back. She's known me from being 25 so 30 years and I was so happy she saw me, for who I really am.

She said one thing to me. Don't ever drink again. No, I did not like that person I'd become.

Stop the drink and when the old AV comes calling, kick it's butt.

FeenixxRising

Not a bad way to respond IMO. If he is a good friend, he will be back once you have a few months of sober time.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, Avice. I feel for you, and I was in the same spot in my life. It got so bad that I decided I was going to quit no matter what. I decided that if withdrawals killed me at least I'd die sober and that it would be better than being a drunk. Not a great idea on my part but I'm still here!

There is hope! I'm proof of that. I drank a lot. It even scared my drunk friends. AVRT is what finally saved me.

AlcoholFree66

I got sober when my husband gave me a ultimatum - stop drinking or lose him and my children. However, that would not have been enough to keep me sober. Truly appreciating how much easier and more enjoyable my life is and how much happier I am as a person is the driving force for me to maintain sobriety. I guess what I'm saying is - the choice to stay sober must come from within.

Jupiters

This was pretty much me minus kids.
I had come clean to my employer as well (unsure if that was a wise decision, but cannot go back now!)....so my BF, parents and work have all told me if they find me drinking, they are done. That was 110 days ago. I also did jailtime which was a huge motivator to keep me on the straight and narrow. Those were all my original incentives to stay sober - but not anymore. Everyday I wake up sober and STAY sober for ME. At just over 3 months, I feel like a new person. Is life perfect? Is it all unicorns, rainbows and pixiedust? oh hell no.....BUT I am sober. It's hard to want to go back to the feelings of despair when this just feels SO good
I know I cannot get complacent though. I keep the memories of jail and my last detox/withdrawl very very close to me for those times the AV starts lying and saying "just one, go on"

Avice

Thanks for all your replies. We had a couple emails back and forth (I tried to call him but he emailed and told me not to). Basically, the last email just said that he's not mad...he just doesn't want to see me flush my life down the toilet.
I get it - but I don't want him to turn into the Drinking Police, because I know that's not good for either of us. He's not a certified addictions counselor, if you know what I mean. I hope I can deal with this in a sane way. There's one thing I do know - I won't want to have anyone around me for the initial week of withdrawal.
For those of you who think that I might be doing this just for him...no. I downloaded a sobriety app more than a week ago and I managed to log 3 sober days out of 7, which is better than the 0 out of 7 which is my norm. Yes, I would like to quit entirely. I've wanted to for a long time. Sadly, my record in the past 5 years has been 1 month without a drink. I remember feeling a lot better, but it's a distant memory that's hard to access.
As for today, I feel all right I suppose, but I'm wondering whether it's safe to stop entirely. It probably is. I had approx. 10 drinks yesterday, which is down from my usual total. I'm wondering whether it's wiser to cut it down to 3 tonight or just not drink at all.

MelindaFlowers

Avice, my heart goes out to you too. I wanted to comment on what you said about him becoming the drinking police. In the last year of my drinking I had several people become he drinking police. It made me mad and I resented them so I hid my drinking more. When I was out of town staying with them I would hide alcohol in my suitcase and drink it alone in the guest room. I stopped calling them after 6 PM because I was worried they would think I was drunk. They definitely became the drinking police and it was a thorn in my side.

This sounds obvious, but please take this to heart. Once you stop drinking it doesn't matter if they are the Drinking police. I can't tell you how good it feels to have to hide it anymore. I also don't resent them anymore. When I was drinking and hiding it from them I felt so pathetic. I felt like a child stealing candy.

It is not easy to stop but it is worth it. Just the fact that I have nothing to hide makes it all worth it. There are no more drinking police in my life. Well, they are still in my life but I am choosing not to drink myself.

Inchworm

Good morning, Avice. Thank you for posting. Do you think you might need something for withdrawal? Check with your doc, why don't you. Tapering might work for some folks. It has never worked for me. Be well.

Avice

The Drinking Police concept scares me because...well, what if I screw up? It's been known to happen. Also, he doesn't understand this like you guys do. He really doesn't understand why I can't seem to put the drink down and say - well, I've had enough. It must look like I'm doing it willfully.
I do have something for withdrawal. I have a few Xanax, which I've never had a problem with for some reason. I can take them or leave them - mostly I leave them. Can I taper? Well, yeah. But only if it's for 1-2 days. Anything beyond that is way too difficult and I fail pretty much every time.

Avice

OK. Really weird development. I'm sticking to the withdrawal schedule and I have no need for the Xanax, though I do want to have more to drink.
I wrote my friend a long email this morning...trying to explain to him that alcohol is not a 'friend' to me...that I'm basically in the grip of an addiction. I suggested that after a week, we could maybe get together for some activities that I don't do drunk - like going to a museum or on a long bike ride, etc. I told him that things like BBQs are real triggers for me, so maybe we'd better hold off on those kinds of activities for a while. There was more, but that was the gist of it.
Tonight, he emails and tells me that it's none of his business whether I drink or not and invites me over for a BBQ. He's bought my favourite BBQ food, and get this...a 24 pack of my favourite beer.
What the hell is going on here? Is he just testing me? Is this guy looking for an excuse to be angry with me? I tellya - all this makes me want to drink. A lot.
HOWEVER, as I said before...I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for myself. I didn't join this forum for him. I joined it because I recognise that my life is not what it could be.
Honest thoughts here, guys.

Alphabet

You said it yourself Avice - he's not a certified addictions counselor. While I do think this invite was a bit careless on his part, I don't think it's coming with malevolent intent. I'd suggest declining the invitation, maybe explaining again why if you feel so inclined, and get back to him after a few days of sobriety under your belt to maybe make some coffee plans or something.

Avice

I don't know what's going on here. He's saying that he doesn't want me to be alone. I keep declining his invitation (3 times now), and every time he comes back with a more attractive offer - basically just promising that he'll be nice to me...we can have fun...etc. Honestly, I feel like I could cry my eyes out all night (again) and I am SO confused. I don't know what his motivations are. Could it be that he just doesn't understand or could it be a weird form of control?