To recap...
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Nothing till monday...
But they are not gonna let me in for 15 days.
So I got a plan C.to convince a friend of mine that is retired doctor that she will keep an eye when I come out.
Not very happy to.ask the favour and might not want the responsibility....
I told my mum I am going on holiday and she is happy.
I am solving problems at work and then I get the holiday.
I have to find somewhere!
Will let.u know as soon as...
Big hug and have a gteat weekend XO
But they are not gonna let me in for 15 days.
So I got a plan C.to convince a friend of mine that is retired doctor that she will keep an eye when I come out.
Not very happy to.ask the favour and might not want the responsibility....
I told my mum I am going on holiday and she is happy.
I am solving problems at work and then I get the holiday.
I have to find somewhere!
Will let.u know as soon as...
Big hug and have a gteat weekend XO
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Thank you for your thoughtful words.
I am really really getting worse now...
most of the time gone...
and earlier I smoked pot and with all the benzo in the blood
I collapsed luckily I had one sofa near...
They made me a coffee cos my blood pressure dropped under the floor and I could see flashes....
Got to wait till f**** tomorrow,
MONDAY TO DO LIST::::::
Get admitted somewhere...
Solve some problems at work... then F······· I am leaving ASAP
then pop in and tell my parents I am going away...
Sound Very convincing that I am going to another opposite city and with a ghost friend....
phone my brother IDEM... will get pissed that I leave now!!!!
Get my stuff and run...............
But I am not strong enough to drive that far away,,,,,,
I do not know If I can convince someone to take me to another county...
and have to leave my car in another city hidden... Godddd
THIS IS ALL A CASTLE IN THE AIR!!!!!
Do you know how hard is to do this on my own.... ???
MY OWN decision!!!!
I baked IT!!!!
I eat IT!!!!
starting to get weaker... even to walk...
So tomorrow coffee and phone calls...I find difficult to maintain a conversation mishaps...
You know I am actually worried they will take my mobile away
God I am thinking to give them a Dummy phone LOL
jajajajaja the next SR page is for Mobile addictssssssss LOL
I do tend to mumble too LOL
I am really really getting worse now...
most of the time gone...
and earlier I smoked pot and with all the benzo in the blood
I collapsed luckily I had one sofa near...
They made me a coffee cos my blood pressure dropped under the floor and I could see flashes....
Got to wait till f**** tomorrow,
MONDAY TO DO LIST::::::
Get admitted somewhere...
Solve some problems at work... then F······· I am leaving ASAP
then pop in and tell my parents I am going away...
Sound Very convincing that I am going to another opposite city and with a ghost friend....
phone my brother IDEM... will get pissed that I leave now!!!!
Get my stuff and run...............
But I am not strong enough to drive that far away,,,,,,
I do not know If I can convince someone to take me to another county...
and have to leave my car in another city hidden... Godddd
THIS IS ALL A CASTLE IN THE AIR!!!!!
Do you know how hard is to do this on my own.... ???
MY OWN decision!!!!
I baked IT!!!!
I eat IT!!!!
starting to get weaker... even to walk...
So tomorrow coffee and phone calls...I find difficult to maintain a conversation mishaps...
You know I am actually worried they will take my mobile away
God I am thinking to give them a Dummy phone LOL
jajajajaja the next SR page is for Mobile addictssssssss LOL
I do tend to mumble too LOL
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I hope you get positive news tomorrow aiko and secure a rehab place.I echo other posters about your mother- she will want you to look after yourself and get better. We cannot take care of others properly until we first take care of ourselves
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Aiko, please know that we stand behind you and with you; we care deeply about our dear Aiko. We may be thousands of miles apart, but we are only a breath away in mind and spirit.
Please let us know what you are able to work out tomorrow.
Please let us know what you are able to work out tomorrow.
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
3I searched lots of places.... no luck... no place... only men..tomorrow we phone you...
NO way you will get clean you need at least 1 to 3 months min,,, you are going to waste money for nothing and get more demotivated........
Another saying to cut down benzo slowly..........
No way... I rather go mad a week than to have to control the intake I go mad.
or black or white...
bla bla bla
others only want to extirpate my kidneys...
So was giving up!!!
BUT
TACHANNNNNNN!!!
my doc phoned and he does not mind to get in touch with the DETOX...
to say I visit him once a week.... to be an outside follow up
8
15 days... as an exception...
So I am nervous... what if they accept me... what if they do not?????
Pros.... I get to rest fighting!
I can not even park... I can not work... People notice..
will not live physicaly much longer with 53kg...
Cons...How the hell I am going to get there????????????
I do not even know my finance LOL
And then Hide it!!!!!
And got problems at work I have to stop and account embargo with the Devil's Advocate so I can get a """"""""""""" holiday.
Is like swimming against the tide...
weaker by day...
PRAYING THEY LET ME IN EVEN IF FOR 15 DAYS OF PEACE!
I need HELP! So I keep swimming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO way you will get clean you need at least 1 to 3 months min,,, you are going to waste money for nothing and get more demotivated........
Another saying to cut down benzo slowly..........
No way... I rather go mad a week than to have to control the intake I go mad.
or black or white...
bla bla bla
others only want to extirpate my kidneys...
So was giving up!!!
BUT
TACHANNNNNNN!!!
my doc phoned and he does not mind to get in touch with the DETOX...
to say I visit him once a week.... to be an outside follow up
815 days... as an exception...
So I am nervous... what if they accept me... what if they do not?????
Pros.... I get to rest fighting!
I can not even park... I can not work... People notice..
will not live physicaly much longer with 53kg...
Cons...How the hell I am going to get there????????????
I do not even know my finance LOL
And then Hide it!!!!!
And got problems at work I have to stop and account embargo with the Devil's Advocate so I can get a """"""""""""" holiday.
Is like swimming against the tide...
weaker by day...
PRAYING THEY LET ME IN EVEN IF FOR 15 DAYS OF PEACE!
I need HELP! So I keep swimming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Aiko , you sound lovely and just want to do what's right for everyone else .
But seriously honey , you have to do what is right for you first .
You are no good to anyone if you dont fix yourself.
You deserve this rehab and if you are going to do it , do it properly . You are so worth it .
EVERYTHING else comes second whilst you are getting well .
Do this for yourself , sobriety is the greatest gift you can give yourself
good luck sweetie :-)
Xox
But seriously honey , you have to do what is right for you first .
You are no good to anyone if you dont fix yourself.
You deserve this rehab and if you are going to do it , do it properly . You are so worth it .
EVERYTHING else comes second whilst you are getting well .
Do this for yourself , sobriety is the greatest gift you can give yourself
good luck sweetie :-)
Xox
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Still waiting to see if they let me in 15 days...
tried to phone today no answer yet.
I am so tired and upset...
In the meantime more and more pills and pot...
but I do not drink...
still waiting when the surgeon will see my mum.
Work is hell, can not finish work I got something very important to solve before I can get out!
I really am sick and tired of living...
I wish I could I would end all.... I really mean it...
Go in the middle of nowhere take a big bunch and f^^^^^^ all.
I wish I was like normal people they are happy...
I see them on the street and I feel empty...
But my family needs me so I have to live whether I like it or not.
I feel stuck...
I do not want to exist I just want to sleep!!!!
So keep the fachade at daytime and get hammered as soon as I can!
Is like a merry-go-round... I walk dizzy!!
Plan D... if can not get help is go on holiday on my own and stuff myself by a pool...
And maybe go back to drinking if I Fççççç it I really FÇÇÇÇÇ
that is my AV talking in the background...
I am hanging and hanging... but I need to get somewhere soon...
I can not cope much longer... starting to crumble.
Hope tomorrow I get some news... I am starting to be desperate!!!!
tried to phone today no answer yet.
I am so tired and upset...
In the meantime more and more pills and pot...
but I do not drink...
still waiting when the surgeon will see my mum.
Work is hell, can not finish work I got something very important to solve before I can get out!
I really am sick and tired of living...
I wish I could I would end all.... I really mean it...
Go in the middle of nowhere take a big bunch and f^^^^^^ all.
I wish I was like normal people they are happy...
I see them on the street and I feel empty...
But my family needs me so I have to live whether I like it or not.
I feel stuck...
I do not want to exist I just want to sleep!!!!
So keep the fachade at daytime and get hammered as soon as I can!
Is like a merry-go-round... I walk dizzy!!
Plan D... if can not get help is go on holiday on my own and stuff myself by a pool...
And maybe go back to drinking if I Fççççç it I really FÇÇÇÇÇ
that is my AV talking in the background...
I am hanging and hanging... but I need to get somewhere soon...
I can not cope much longer... starting to crumble.
Hope tomorrow I get some news... I am starting to be desperate!!!!
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Drug out totaly...
On momday. They. Will. Have ammeting to see if the take me in 15 days... And.they say is no good.
But is getting worse.
So wait agsin :-(
I reslly need help... I am mixing,
Have to be very carful..
3 more alive!
Lots of Love Aiko
On momday. They. Will. Have ammeting to see if the take me in 15 days... And.they say is no good.
But is getting worse.
So wait agsin :-(
I reslly need help... I am mixing,
Have to be very carful..
3 more alive!
Lots of Love Aiko
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