phoebe64

May I ask what has you thinking about cutting back, Domichou? Do you have hangovers, any health issues? Has there been any negative consequences? Something made you think about it, no?

Carlotta

This is a forum which promotes total abstinence from alcohol and drugs (unless taken as prescribed by the doctor) not a moderation management site.
We support people who want to attain and maintain sobriety
Since you are moderating and all is peachy, what do you expect to accomplish posting here?
By the way, I was born and raised in Europe too (Burgundy which is wine country). Being European is not an excuse for not addressing one's alcoholism.
A lot of our members here are European and are sober.

Dee74

Just so we're on all the same page:

That's it.

There's no rules against people being here who want to moderate - most of us start there, after all.

You will find though that the vast majority of us who have tried to moderate have failed, and you will find that reflected in the responses, Domichou

D

Domichou

Thanks for your input. I have already many posts in this site and others.
I guess the chief reason people become sober is because they do not want to damage their health, which is definitely an excellent reason. If alcool were safe, I guess everybody would continue to drink because from time immemorial drinking has been associated with "having a great time". Maybe it is that which I am afraid to loose. But all things considered, your guys are without any doubts right.

least

Welcome! I tried to moderate my drinking but it never worked. I was miserable just drinking a little bit, I wanted to be drunk. I found it easier to stop completely than to try to moderate.

Domichou

No, no hangovers. But I am aware that drinking every day for many years is not exactly a smart choice. And the disagreeable and guilty feeling in the morning that it is not right... Thanks for asking.

Domichou

Ok Carlotta, I am sorry. I would like to apologize for being a "trouble maker". My attention was just to share my experience with members. I was starting to find the site interesting. Yet, will try to find a more inclusive group.

courage2

Hi Domichou, no need to apologize! You're not a trouble maker, & this site is a good -- and mostly welcoming -- place for you to explore and try to figure out if your relationship with alcohol is still a healthy one. It sounds like you have some significant doubts and bad feelings about drinking, but that you find yourself unable to stop. You'll find a lot of people here with similar experiences.

Delilah1

Not a trouble maker at all, Dee's post clarifies the purpose of this site. Welcome Domichou!

360shoes

Hi Domichou,
I think that it's a good thing to ask questions. I understand that not everything is so black and white for everyone. I think someone who may be in just the beginning of thinking about this has a right to ask. And who better to ask then a bunch of us who used to drink?

I can only speak for me but I have found most of us here are just better off not drinking it at all so you probably won't find many folks who have learned to moderate. I found I'm not very good at it anyway. I always ended up right back where I started.

I will tell you though. I wasn't one who drank more over the years. It was just pretty much a constant. And I didn't have any physical issues either. I just hated that I drank it all the time. That I used it and it became what I thought was enjoying life. I knew drinking every day wasn't really a virtue for me so I ended up being disappointed in myself most days.

But if you decide you ever do want to get rid of it, you now know there is a place to come and find support. That's a good thing.

I could go into more detail but you get the point I'm sure. Anyway, I just remember a time where hearing just the really bad stories didn't help me when I first started asking my own questions. Some of what I heard I couldn't relate to at the time. I understand now but not so much back then.

I hope it's helpful to hear that not everyone has had the worst experiences that can happen but still, for whatever their reasons, want to not drink and is just fine giving it up for good anyway. I'm one of those.

I wish you the best and if you ever want to know more or you find cutting back isn't working for you, you know where to find us.

SonomaGal

Just a thought but why not try a set period of consecutive days with no drinking? Say 30, or even better 100 days. Then you can reevaluate at the end, and see where you want to go. For me, I set my goal at 30 days, and then later 100 days. I allowed myself to think about the possibility of resuming drinking, but ultimately realized it had been so challenging to abstain that I should just keep going. I finally understood that not drinking is only hard for people who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It was very freeing to finally accept that life is better without alcohol, even if it's a challenge. Good luck with whatever you choose!

sober4metoday

Domichou. You are healthy…that's great! So am I. As a matter of fact I would challenge anyone to match my dietary lifestyle and exercise regimen. This is what allows me to be such a fantastic alcoholic, after all! And WOW! when I think about the lengths I went through to not have to give up alcohol!! I gave up refined foods, fried foods, dairy, beef, chicken, pork, gluten, refined sugars and followed a fructose malabsorption diet that prevented me from eating a variety of plant based foods as well. Lots of wheatgrass, lots of green smoothies. Yoga 3x week, meditation daily, Pilates 2x week and daily walks. I would even do the Master Cleanse 2x year for good measure. As I always told myself I would do anything ANYTHING AT ALL to be healthy and vibrant BUT give up alcohol. And wouldn't ya know no matter what I did, no matter how well I ate or how much I exercised alcohol had it's death grip on me and I didn't even know it. I thought I was in control. The ONLY answer for me is abstinence. Nothing else matters without that. The fact that you feel guilty about your drinking and that you are having trouble moderating (and the thought of abstinence scares you) should be red flags for you. Please know that there are people in here who have been where you are. And if you didn't think there was a problem you wouldn't be in here in the first place.

Good luck and hang in there!

Domichou

How long have you beeb sober?

Ali2013

Had to speak up here.

Don't let the jerks keep you from posting. Stay here. It could save your life. Read around and post as much as you like. You will find way more supportive people than not.

Domichou

I read again this post and your message and found it very supportive. May I ask you how much your used to drink and for along? I really admire all of you for your success in quitting.

Ali2013

I started at one bottle a night for years.
Then I needed 1.5 for the same effect.
At my worst, 3 bottles over 24 hours.
Took it back down to 1.5 a night.
Took myself to detox but had to stop by the ER on the way
Stayed clean a little over a month and decided to try moderate drinking.
I was quickly back to 1.5 to 2
After much reading on SR, decided to taper over a two-day period and then quit.
The only reason I tapered over two days is because I was physically-dependent.
A taper that lasts for weeks doesn't work. I tried that multiple times over the ten years described above.

Good luck to you and stick around.

PurpleKnight

When I first realised I had a problem with alcohol, regardless of the terminology, I didn't use the term alcoholic etc at the time, but I knew things couldn't continue, I started to compromise and almost make agreements with myself.

I started off with, I'm only going to drink at weekends, and when that didn't work, only on days I didn't have work the next morning, then it was 2/3 days in row without alcohol, I then couldn't do that so agreed as long as I have any 2/3 days a week with no alcohol that will be progress.

My point is I moved the goal posts in an attempt to succeed and feel I was making progress, but it all spiralled and progressed back to as bad as ever.

For me, having that first drink was the real problem, not the volume consumed or number of days I drank, if I tackled the first drink then I can have my 2/3 days and I could also have as long as I wanted as the addiction of alcohol doesn't get to work it's magic!!

Marcher13

Good to see you again Domichou.

I drank that bottle of chardonnay a night for years, sometimes nudging up to 1.5 or 2, trying to ignore the increasingly bad effects. I was still working, running a business and household -- I told myself I was a functioning alcoholic/heavy drinker. When I still had a hangover in the evening and I would drink to relieve it I knew there was a problem.

I stopped drinking 15 months ago and my life has never been better, I feel great at 59.

Hawkeye13

These two sentences are contradictory to me.

If you can't stop drinking daily you are not in control of your drinking.

I was also "fit" and working out daily for many years while alcoholic.
I could even stop for weeks or months at a time.

However, alcohol was something I could not walk away from easily for good so I clearly had a problem.

If you feel that is true for you, you may find you cannot reduce your drinking but will need to stop entirely.
The fact that you've come back suggests your "bottle reduction" method did not work. It didn't for me either.

I wish you good luck and welcome back to SR

LBrain

without breaking it down, let's just say a lot every day for as long as I can remember.
I got drunk before Aerosmith released their first album.


it took a life changing event to wake me up. have been sober since - almost 6 months without a drink.