Croissant

As I posted last night (my time)....I see you want to get well by the change in your posts.

I'm glad you understand why some maybe seemed a little harsh on you earlier in this thread. It's not personal and I think we see the words of our addict/alcoholic selves sometimes in new posts and we soooooo want you to see how much alcohol etc is soul destroying. I'm glad you could see it's not a personal attack when people aren't so delicate.

I really commend you for coming back here and continuing to share your journey, honestly. And I think it IS important to share when you do feel on the fence...so we can question it and try and talk you down. I think you understand that now.

Re brain damage....I definitely worried about that. I was really dulled, and clumsy for at least the first 3 months of sobriety. Concentration was hard. I felt "dumb" at times, like I couldn't connect thoughts together at work. This was extremely frustrating....to the point where at times it felt I performed better hungover than when recovering. Now I feel fantastic and I'm sure it will improve still more.

I think a 30 day rehab is a good investment now if you have the chance. Your career might not feel like it can wait....but it can wait while you work on the best possible version of you. YOU are worth that investment of time. Particularly with the PTSD. Drugging etc will only delay dealing with it, but you know that, I think.

Keep posting. We all want you to win!

Renarde

I'm glad to see you back and doing better. This is probably going to be the hardest part of this journey for you. I hope you can stick with it. I remember you saying that money was basically no object for you - I wonder if you could get into some top notch PTSD/substance treatment program. Just a thought.

lablife

When I was at Walter Reed I barely remember holding my cell phone, and I was so doped up that I honestly don't remember this incident, but this is what the police told me! I called 911 and was rambling on about something to the dispatcher, and she couldn't understand me so she asked me to speak up. I was told that I screamed that I was a $^%&^*%$ sgt in the &*%$#% %$#&*%& Army, and if she didn't bring me the cookie monster I would blow up the president. It's funny now, but as you can imagine having the VA police question me about the incident was mortifying. But due to "several" calls like this, I was diagnosed with ptsd, and started to heal. Hang in there, things get better in time if you apply yourself.