Back2Basics

Raza!
Dude, you're awesome! I just got done reading all your posts. You're beginning to see the other way of life, the one that we have avoided for some time.
I am, today, 71 days clean, and it feels great. I know you too are feeling the difference. I just wanted to comment on some of the themes running through some of your posts. You've said something to the effect of "I hope it gets easier." Let me tell you, It Does. I remember not-so-long-ago when I was at the beginning of my 70 days. The only thing I latched on to was Faith; I heard many, many people in AA meetings say that it does improve. I kept the faith that things would get better, transitioning away from one life (crappy), into another life (the one I am supposed to have, sober) My sleep has finally leveled out, my thinking has begun to clear, my body has heavily detoxed, an overall feeling of well-being has slowly become a pervasive commodity.
I am proud of you, brother. I know many people on SR are too. Think that there are people out there with even less days than you, who look up to your words to help give them hope through their hard times. We are all just a giant family, us alcoholics and addicts. We need each other to keep up the good fight, to press on.
The reason I got sober: my wife and I are having our first child. Your stories of your little ones coming by to randomly bestow innocent love on you is heart-warming. I cannot wait for that. My wife was ready to leave; she gave me an ultimatum. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose my child, having him-or-her grow up thinking that "dad did not love me enough to be in my life." I can't even imagine the pain that situation could bring. You might not feel like it, but you are a walking miracle. You are a good person. Not a bad person...a sick person.
I wish you absolutely nothing but the best, and hope your Day 11 is doing ya right! I'll definitely continue checking in, to see how life is treating you. Always remember that you can do anything, your life can be whatever you want it to be...if you stay clean! One day at a time!

- Rich

RazaR

Thank you all for the support and votes of confidence.

I wanted to put at least something down in writing every day so I can look back at it. Keep a record of sorts, but I didn't think I'd make it 10days consecutively. It's not really something I normally do, write. I'll keep going daily as long as I have something to say, odd, I'm usually a man of very, very few words. Maybe someone else can gain a little perspective as well.

Anyways, thanks for reading

Oh and Back2Basics... There really is nothing better in this world than children, I would die for each one of em a thousand times over.

ChickChick

You do sound like you are doing great Raza! I enjoy hearing how your days have been. Wow I cringed and wanted to hide in a hole when you talked about your wife's slurring and repeating herself. I know that is how I've sounded to my hubby night and night again... Poor guy, I must make him a nice meal or something tonight!

I agree about children, my children are my whole world. I'm glad I am sober enough to be the best Mom I possibly can now.

Hope you are having a good day!

Upward2Enlightenment

I bet we all would, I know I would for them and my wife, weather they believe it or not.

Stay strong.

RazaR

Day 11 . . .

Although it was nice to have the kids away for a night I missed them terribly. Everyday I look forward to getting home from work and trying to sneak into the house to spook someone. That hardly ever happens, instead the first one to see me yells "Daddy's Home!!!" and they come from nowhere to tackle me. I am truly blessed. OMG, I must tell you a quick one about my kids. Specifically the 5yr old. She thinks she's spiderman.... We have this archway in our house that is just wide enough for her to support herself spread eagle. It's about 8ft high and she managed to shimmy all the way to the top. "DADDY LOOK!!!" You can imagine my surprise. That one's always been the daredevil. When she started walking she started climbing onto the dining room table and jumping off. She'd land, laugh, and do it again. Always gotta keep my eye on that one.

I did manage to get one thing done yesterday. Not that anyone is particularly interested in such a subject but it's one of my hobbies... *Warning**Technical jargon Alert* I spent most of the evening tweaking my desktop computer after installing the new memory. I spent at least 2 hours adjusting the cpu/mem voltage and bus speeds to eek out another 10% gain in clock speeds.

"Daddy why does your computer keep beeping?" ... It's complaining dear.
"About what?" ... Well these beeps mean there's a memory error.
"But you got new ones." ... Yup, and they're fine, I just need to increase the clock speed.
"Whatever Daddy"
I think she was quickly getting bored. Either that or she thought I meant the clock as in time in general and thought I was crazy lol

Other than that it was an uneventful evening for me.

Dee74

sounds like a good day RazaR

D

Upward2Enlightenment

Glad you made it through day 11, and yes you are blessed. Don't ever take it for granted. Also good luck with your daughter, she sounds like she is gonna test your nerves for years to come.

Well done on the 10% increase.

RazaR

Day 12 . . . Onwards and upwards

Yesterday was somewhat annoying but I got through it. My wife occasionally babysits for the neighbors and they have 2 obnoxious little boys. Maybe I'm biased or just used to my girls but these boys truly annoy me... their breathing annoys me lol. On top of that I had to go to the liquor store for momma again. I go nearly every other day I just don't always post about it. This time I did stop and look at my favorites, gave them the middle finger, and moved on. It's getting easier little by little.

Today seems pretty good so far. I slept through the night though it took longer than I wanted to fall asleep. Almost like being a newborn... weened off the bottle and little johnny finally slept through the night. I woke bright and refreshed this morning. The greens are greener, the reds are redererer (or something) you get the idea. Almost like the "Clariton Clear" commercials.

I have a phone interview today for a new position that I think will go well. I am currently employed but it's contract work. I'm not a permanent employee so no benefits, no paid vacation, nuthin. The new position is permanent so that would include benefits etc.. would be great. Working contract in my line of work isn't without it's perks (higher pay) but the fact that I could be working today and not tomorrow is a stress that I do not need and I have the little ones to think about.

Anyways... y'all stay strong
It's gonna be a good day tater.

firstymer

Great post, RazaR. Your life seems to be gradually evolving into the type of "normal" that most people have. Not too flashy. Not too dramatic. Just.....comfortable. It is so much easier to enjoy and appreciate basic things - like the beauty of your children - when you are sober and guilt-free, isn't it? Congratulations on what you have accomplished so far. You are doing great.

jessie65

Sorry to hear about your dad Raza.
Just wanted to say it is Awesome what you are doing. I am only on day 6 (and praying I can stay sober tomorrow, my hardest day).

I know the shame the next morning, I constantly worry that my kids (teens now) think bad of me. I should be setting an example for them and here I am drinking like a college kid, it's really pitiful. God give me strength.
Keep going, you'll never regret it..

Upward2Enlightenment

I am proud of you, that has to be tough going there for her. I like how you flipped off you old favorites. Hang tough and good luck with the interview.

RazaR

firstymer- I think you're right... The needle is moving from FUBAR to NORMAL and it's feeling good.

ScrewdUpInDe- Nice correction there on the "old favorites". It's hard to think of something in the past tense that has been the norm for years.

RazaR

Day 13 . . .

Last night was mostly uneventful up until the end. No real cravings or desire to drink. My AW once again reminded me of the foolishness that is alcoholism and continues to be an anti-inspiration of sorts. She stuck to her daily routine of guzzling vodka but she must have had a touch more than usual. The poor woman lost her balance and did a face plant in the garage. Last time she did she chipped a tooth. She still has all her teeth but she did give herself a fat lip.

This morning was an interesting conversation.
AW- "Why does my face hurt? "
Me- Because you fell on it sweetheart.
AW- "Ohhh yeeeaaaah" *feels her lip* "OH MY GOD!!"
Me- Yup
AW- "Did I make a mess?"
Me- Ya but I cleaned it up
AW- "What happened after I fell, I don't remember a thing"
Me- I put you to bed.
AW- "Aww thank you"

*sigh*

Upward2Enlightenment

Had to chuckle at the conversation. You are a good husband to her, just think of how bad it could have been if you were trashed too. Stay strong and maybe you can lead by example.

RazaR

Tick off 2 weeks...
Day 15 . . .

This past weekend was not without it's challenges. Neighbor kid birthday party, Wife in pain due to an alcohol related fall, having to explain myself to others before I wanted to.... To begin with I posted earlier how my wife did a face plant in the garage. More of the story came out yesterday, as she put it, she tripped over one of the metal folding chairs and the back of the chair hit her in the ribs on the way down. Short version, she thinks she cracked a rib. We'll see how she feels in another day or 2.

I spent about 6hrs in a neighbors driveway drinking iced-tea this weekend at his kids birthday party. At one point early on my wife noticed my hands again. The peeling has almost completely stopped. She asked (again) if I had been using lotion and I told her no and that I haven't had a drink in 13 days. She seemed a bit taken aback by that notion at first but then realized it had in fact been a long time since she saw me with a drink. I explained to her that I was done and told her my reasons. To her credit this was the first time in a long time that she went an entire Saturday & Sunday without a drink.

I cant tell ya how many times I was offered a beer at this party. I just kept politely refusing and holding up my huge mug of iced-tea. At on point someone jumped in and asked "Long island iced-tea, right?" Nope, just regular and my wife decided to jump and say I haven't had a drink in nearly 2 weeks. You can imagine the conversations that led to.... thanks babe. I really didn't want to go into it so I tried to keep it short. "I just felt I was having more than my fair share and I wasn't enjoying it anymore." Drunk neighbors seemed to take it well and at least I was no longer offered any drinks

RazaR

Day 16 . . .

I think, for me... the physical need/want for alcohol has subsided if not completely gone. My body still has a long way to go to recover from the damage that I've done and I continue to notice little changes here and there. That's not to say I don't crave it anymore.... but I think that's more a psychological wanting more than anything. My bathroom time is almost back to normal. I can actually sleep consecutive hours now without resorting to a sleep aid (thank god).

Another positive note. My wife hasn't had a drink in 3 days now. She's aware of what I'm doing and I'm not sure if it's a sign of solidarity, or if it's related to my physical improvements, or to her most recent injury related to alcohol. Maybe a bit of each, either way, it's been nice to not have a stumbling slurring wife for however long this lasts. It's also our 8yr anniversary today... we both suck at anniversaries/gifts/etc... I did get her a little something though. Hope she likes it.

Upward2Enlightenment

Congrats RazaR. ani Maybe she will decide to join you in your sobriety, an new start to your marriage.

nmd

congrats on day 16 and your anniversary. rarely are gifts as meaningful as experiences, hope you have a great day

StormiNormi

Congratulations Raz, both on the anniversary and 16 days of sobriety.
I am sure your wife will appreciate and love whatever you give to her.

The best gift you could give her is gratitude for the three days she has abstained. Encouragement goes a lot further than criticism. Not saying you do, just from my own experience.
Have a wonderful day.

Verte

Hey RazaR!

So inspiring. You are doing such a great job.

I just read your Day15 post and laughed so hard (with all due respect to your wife) after I read this part:

My immediate reaction was, "oh sheet, here it comes...", and felt the flush of anxiety.

And then I remembered that this is not a story about me! I'm sober Day7! I never have to experience that feeling again!

I realize this is a totally self-absorbed reaction to your post. But wanted to say thanks. I love reading your sober stories.

Happy anniversary to you and your wife and keep doing the good work.