I can do this
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: League City, TX
Posts: 4
RazaR- Stay strong and focus on all the reasons your choosing to stay sober. I, myself, am only on day 24 so I'm struggling right there with ya but I focus on one day at a time. I wake up and tell myself, today I'm not going to drink, just got to make it through today, I can do it, it's just one day. I'm so happy when bedtime comes because I can end the day and cross it off, I did it. Then I wake up the next day and get a chance to choose that again, just for that day and so on it goes. The "only for today and I can make a choice again tomorrow" really helps me A LOT!
Good luck, eye on the prize!
In solidarity, your "neighbor" - League City, TX
Good luck, eye on the prize!
In solidarity, your "neighbor" - League City, TX
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,528
Me too Raza - didn't see this when you first posted.
It's wonderful to have you join us. SR helped me find the courage to change my life, & it felt so good to no longer be alone. Congratulations on reaching Day 4.
It's wonderful to have you join us. SR helped me find the courage to change my life, & it felt so good to no longer be alone. Congratulations on reaching Day 4.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Day 5 now...
I got through a playoff hockey game with just soda. That's a new one for me. Another one of those "I can't remember the last time..." and I'm sure many more of those to come. It's not just quitting drinking, it's a lifestyle change. Admittedly I watched the game at home snuggling with my little ones so no real pressure but that wouldn't have stopped me in the past.
I'm also noticing how much time I wasted drinking when I could have been doing other things.
Spending time doing anything sober whether it's productive or not is time exponentially better spent. I have this game on my computer that is kind of like a NASA simulator only with a very cartoonish feel. I went looking at some of my past saved games (when I was lit) and wondered what the hell was I thinking. We all know the answer to that one. To be able to go back and look at a snapshot of what you were doing and realizing that you were operating under a special kind of stupid is just priceless. "Wow... That ship will never reach orbit, let alone leave the pad in 1 piece."
Thanks for all the support.
Thanks for SR even existing so I can read others experiences and post mine.
I got through a playoff hockey game with just soda. That's a new one for me. Another one of those "I can't remember the last time..." and I'm sure many more of those to come. It's not just quitting drinking, it's a lifestyle change. Admittedly I watched the game at home snuggling with my little ones so no real pressure but that wouldn't have stopped me in the past.
I'm also noticing how much time I wasted drinking when I could have been doing other things.
Spending time doing anything sober whether it's productive or not is time exponentially better spent. I have this game on my computer that is kind of like a NASA simulator only with a very cartoonish feel. I went looking at some of my past saved games (when I was lit) and wondered what the hell was I thinking. We all know the answer to that one. To be able to go back and look at a snapshot of what you were doing and realizing that you were operating under a special kind of stupid is just priceless. "Wow... That ship will never reach orbit, let alone leave the pad in 1 piece."
Thanks for all the support.
Thanks for SR even existing so I can read others experiences and post mine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Ugh.. Day 6 today...
I woke up on the wrong side. It almost felt like waking up with a hangover, migraine city. Most everything annoys me, especially my AW. I need to pay more attention to myself and how I respond. The one silver lining so far was the hugs from my 7yr old as we made pancakes together. She is such a sweetheart her heart is bigger than anyone I know.
She took my dad's passing particularly hard and still does on occasion. Last night she had tears rolling down her face as she was looking at our tablet. I asked her what was bothering her and she turned it around to show me a picture of my dad. All I could do was hug her and cry with her for a bit and then we talked about how it's all part of life. Tough talk to have with such a young sweetheart, it's not the first one and won't be the last.
Today's focus will be going through all my old RC aircraft stuff.... I need to throw away what needs to be thrown away. Consolidate my new RC car stuff into a cleaner workspace. It'll keep me busy.
Coffee coffee coffee
I woke up on the wrong side. It almost felt like waking up with a hangover, migraine city. Most everything annoys me, especially my AW. I need to pay more attention to myself and how I respond. The one silver lining so far was the hugs from my 7yr old as we made pancakes together. She is such a sweetheart her heart is bigger than anyone I know.
She took my dad's passing particularly hard and still does on occasion. Last night she had tears rolling down her face as she was looking at our tablet. I asked her what was bothering her and she turned it around to show me a picture of my dad. All I could do was hug her and cry with her for a bit and then we talked about how it's all part of life. Tough talk to have with such a young sweetheart, it's not the first one and won't be the last.
Today's focus will be going through all my old RC aircraft stuff.... I need to throw away what needs to be thrown away. Consolidate my new RC car stuff into a cleaner workspace. It'll keep me busy.
Coffee coffee coffee
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
You can do this Raza! I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm sure he would be proud of you for trying.
Maybe your wife will take your example and stop also.... maybe she is feeling like she needs to quit and doesn't know how to bring it up either?
Maybe your wife will take your example and stop also.... maybe she is feeling like she needs to quit and doesn't know how to bring it up either?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 556
Keep at it Raza. You are giving such a gift to your kids and your dad. It is hard to get sober with an active heavy drinker in the house, but not impossible. I have found I needed extra support (for me, that's AA) because sometimes i need to remove myself physically from the situation for a bit to re-set. But I think that can also be a walk with the kids or a trip out for ice cream.
My mom died last year, also a long time recovering alcoholic and wonderful woman. I talk to her every day. I'm so sorry for your loss.
My mom died last year, also a long time recovering alcoholic and wonderful woman. I talk to her every day. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
Hi RazaR,
I struggled mightily with an alcoholic wife. We had both had fairly long periods of sobriety, but were both actively drinking during our marriage. We both knew and admitted we were alcoholics and I knew I had to stop again. In the beginning she said she wanted to stop but was not ready. So, I drank with her. At some point we were both on the same page and would quit. Although in many respects I was a heavier drinker than her, I had an easier time stopping. Typically we'd go a couple of weeks sober and then I'd come home one day and find her drinking. That was always enough to get me angry and to pick up again. That vicious cycle of two weeks off a month on lasted for some time until this past August.
Last July, she got a DWI. In August I got one. We both quit drinking the day after mine, August 18, 2013.
We stuck to it that time, but without alcohol fueling our relationship and dealing with the legal wreckage and other damages from our drinking, our relationship deteriorated.
We separated, her decision, this past December. I think she picked up again shortly after that. That makes me sad as I still care for her a great deal, but I cannot control her issues.
I'm almost 9 months sober now and I've got to say that while I'm moving along in my life, not a day goes by that I don't think of her. We had much going for ourselves aside from the alcohol and it's a damn shame that booze did us in.
I have lots of empathy for your situation and hope your outcome is positive. I know how difficult it is.
I struggled mightily with an alcoholic wife. We had both had fairly long periods of sobriety, but were both actively drinking during our marriage. We both knew and admitted we were alcoholics and I knew I had to stop again. In the beginning she said she wanted to stop but was not ready. So, I drank with her. At some point we were both on the same page and would quit. Although in many respects I was a heavier drinker than her, I had an easier time stopping. Typically we'd go a couple of weeks sober and then I'd come home one day and find her drinking. That was always enough to get me angry and to pick up again. That vicious cycle of two weeks off a month on lasted for some time until this past August.
Last July, she got a DWI. In August I got one. We both quit drinking the day after mine, August 18, 2013.
We stuck to it that time, but without alcohol fueling our relationship and dealing with the legal wreckage and other damages from our drinking, our relationship deteriorated.
We separated, her decision, this past December. I think she picked up again shortly after that. That makes me sad as I still care for her a great deal, but I cannot control her issues.
I'm almost 9 months sober now and I've got to say that while I'm moving along in my life, not a day goes by that I don't think of her. We had much going for ourselves aside from the alcohol and it's a damn shame that booze did us in.
I have lots of empathy for your situation and hope your outcome is positive. I know how difficult it is.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Just remember to do what is best for you RazaR. I may have lost my wife because of my addiction + other stuff I did and didn't do during that time. At first I was getting sober for her and the kids then realized I have to do this for me. If she is not meant to stay with me,I won't be happy but so be it, I will move on sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Day 7 today...
I'm sure some if not most could relate but I'd really like for the "lower half" of my digestive system to work properly. I'll leave out the details on that one.
I had to attend a family function last night where alcohol was present. I know it's very early to be doing something like that. Even though I was offered a couple times I had no problems turning it down and sticking to my soda.
I did wake up very disappointed in myself this morning. One of the dreams I had was in a bar setting and I found myself tipping a drink so steeply to guzzle it that it was pouring out down the sides of my face. When I realized what I was doing I was shocked at myself and just couldn't believe what I was doing. That feeling carried over to my initial waking moments and it took me a minute to realize that it was just a dream. Thank god.... just a dream.
I'm sure some if not most could relate but I'd really like for the "lower half" of my digestive system to work properly. I'll leave out the details on that one.
I had to attend a family function last night where alcohol was present. I know it's very early to be doing something like that. Even though I was offered a couple times I had no problems turning it down and sticking to my soda.
I did wake up very disappointed in myself this morning. One of the dreams I had was in a bar setting and I found myself tipping a drink so steeply to guzzle it that it was pouring out down the sides of my face. When I realized what I was doing I was shocked at myself and just couldn't believe what I was doing. That feeling carried over to my initial waking moments and it took me a minute to realize that it was just a dream. Thank god.... just a dream.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Go day 7!!! Don't be disappointed with yourself, you did great last night. That dream is just the AV trying to screw with your head, like you said it was just a dream.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
1 week in the books. Onward to day 8...
It certainly has not been an easy week, though I can't imagine any of us had an easy first week. The strength required to pull this is off is enormous. Anyone who has setbacks or lapses in judgement should be met with an outreached hand to pick them up and encouraged to continue trying. The lack of sleep, cravings, emotional roller coaster, etc..etc.. The bodily changes related to the sudden lack of our desired substance to me, are akin to torture.
"Vee have vays of making you talk!"
You will never break me again.
I read someones experience over the weekend about how it's one thing to turn down a drink at a function.... but, get home afterwards and the craving is much more severe than usual and very difficult to deal with. I must agree with this assessment wholeheartedly. I couldn't have even begun to understand what they meant until this past weekend. I'm glad this past weekend is not the norm for me.
I'm looking forward to when it gets easier, if at all. Until then, one day at a time.
Congrats to all who are fighting this.
It certainly has not been an easy week, though I can't imagine any of us had an easy first week. The strength required to pull this is off is enormous. Anyone who has setbacks or lapses in judgement should be met with an outreached hand to pick them up and encouraged to continue trying. The lack of sleep, cravings, emotional roller coaster, etc..etc.. The bodily changes related to the sudden lack of our desired substance to me, are akin to torture.
"Vee have vays of making you talk!"
You will never break me again.
I read someones experience over the weekend about how it's one thing to turn down a drink at a function.... but, get home afterwards and the craving is much more severe than usual and very difficult to deal with. I must agree with this assessment wholeheartedly. I couldn't have even begun to understand what they meant until this past weekend. I'm glad this past weekend is not the norm for me.
I'm looking forward to when it gets easier, if at all. Until then, one day at a time.
Congrats to all who are fighting this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Day 9.
I'm still not sleeping much, working on about 4 hrs of total sleep which I got probably about an hour at a time last night. 2 of those hours were on the couch, I love my couch. I had to migrate there at about 3AM just to get some peace and quiet away from the passed out and snoring wife. That woman can saw logs like no other. Still, it's better than the alternative and I know that sleep will get better with time.
It is increasingly difficult to stay calm and not snap at my wife. When I get home from work it's not so bad. As the night progresses though, and she drinks more and more, her stumbling around is highly annoying to the point that I avoid looking. Her slurred voice is like nails on a chalkboard and increasingly so when she feels the need to repeat herself. On the drive into work this morning I wondered if it may because I'm jealous that she's still drinking. In my discussion with myself I came to the conclusion that I don't desire that "lifestyle" and seeing it sober and thinking that was both adults in the house acting in that way just increased my disappointment in myself. Disappointment and disgust comes to mind when I think of the situation and I'm lashing out at her most likely because I don't think she realizes what she's doing. You show me someone who can have 1 or 2 drinks and stop... and ya... I can be jealous of that.
I'm glad my kids are still young in that I can turn this around at least for myself so they don't grow up remembering that mommy & daddy were both drunks.
Trudging forward, through 4ft of mud.
I'm still not sleeping much, working on about 4 hrs of total sleep which I got probably about an hour at a time last night. 2 of those hours were on the couch, I love my couch. I had to migrate there at about 3AM just to get some peace and quiet away from the passed out and snoring wife. That woman can saw logs like no other. Still, it's better than the alternative and I know that sleep will get better with time.
It is increasingly difficult to stay calm and not snap at my wife. When I get home from work it's not so bad. As the night progresses though, and she drinks more and more, her stumbling around is highly annoying to the point that I avoid looking. Her slurred voice is like nails on a chalkboard and increasingly so when she feels the need to repeat herself. On the drive into work this morning I wondered if it may because I'm jealous that she's still drinking. In my discussion with myself I came to the conclusion that I don't desire that "lifestyle" and seeing it sober and thinking that was both adults in the house acting in that way just increased my disappointment in myself. Disappointment and disgust comes to mind when I think of the situation and I'm lashing out at her most likely because I don't think she realizes what she's doing. You show me someone who can have 1 or 2 drinks and stop... and ya... I can be jealous of that.
I'm glad my kids are still young in that I can turn this around at least for myself so they don't grow up remembering that mommy & daddy were both drunks.
Trudging forward, through 4ft of mud.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Day 10 ... hooray for double digits!
Yesterday was probably one of the better days that I've had since I decided to stop drinking. Met with the in-laws for an evening out with family for a nice dinner (I ate entirely too much). No drinks involved what so ever, they are both ordained ministers and run a non-profit so they really aren't the boozing type ;-). Great people, I couldn't ask for better in-laws. Mother in law took the kids for the night after dinner so that made for a nice quiet evening at home. I went to bed and fell asleep before the AW came back inside from the garage. The most stress free night in a long time... I needed that.
I still have little projects that I need to get to. I did manage to sift through some of my old stuff last weekend and get done what I wanted to. It seems though that I'm starting to stack little projects on myself before I get to finish any. At least I'll have plenty to do for about a week. Computer hardware upgrades, wireless network upgrade, RC car upgrades....
Ohh another good thing I've noticed since I've stopped.... The skin on my hands used to peel on a daily basis, I looked like a shedding snake. That condition has drastically improved! My wife asked me this morning if I started using lotion. I just replied "Nope, just doing things a little differently". I wonder how long it will be until she puts 2 and 2 together.
Yesterday was probably one of the better days that I've had since I decided to stop drinking. Met with the in-laws for an evening out with family for a nice dinner (I ate entirely too much). No drinks involved what so ever, they are both ordained ministers and run a non-profit so they really aren't the boozing type ;-). Great people, I couldn't ask for better in-laws. Mother in law took the kids for the night after dinner so that made for a nice quiet evening at home. I went to bed and fell asleep before the AW came back inside from the garage. The most stress free night in a long time... I needed that.
I still have little projects that I need to get to. I did manage to sift through some of my old stuff last weekend and get done what I wanted to. It seems though that I'm starting to stack little projects on myself before I get to finish any. At least I'll have plenty to do for about a week. Computer hardware upgrades, wireless network upgrade, RC car upgrades....
Ohh another good thing I've noticed since I've stopped.... The skin on my hands used to peel on a daily basis, I looked like a shedding snake. That condition has drastically improved! My wife asked me this morning if I started using lotion. I just replied "Nope, just doing things a little differently". I wonder how long it will be until she puts 2 and 2 together.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
I love reading your daily updates, RazaR. Keep them coming, at least until you feel like you have a handle on things. And that may take awhile. Your updates are actually quite compelling, not unlike those playoff hockey games that you are watching. Many of us can relate to the physical and emotional adjustments that you are making.
Know that, from my view on the outside looking in at your situation, you are doing FANTASTIC. The adjustment process that you are going through is exactly like what many of us went through in the early stages of sobriety.
So, now for the good part. You WILL start to sleep better soon. The urges to drink will, slowly, start to subside. Those physical improvements that you have started to notice will continue, from the digestion issues, to your physical appearance improving, and on and on.
Keep posting, and keep doing what you are doing. Do it for your kids. Do it for your dad. And do it for yourself.
Good luck. We are pulling for you.
Know that, from my view on the outside looking in at your situation, you are doing FANTASTIC. The adjustment process that you are going through is exactly like what many of us went through in the early stages of sobriety.
So, now for the good part. You WILL start to sleep better soon. The urges to drink will, slowly, start to subside. Those physical improvements that you have started to notice will continue, from the digestion issues, to your physical appearance improving, and on and on.
Keep posting, and keep doing what you are doing. Do it for your kids. Do it for your dad. And do it for yourself.
Good luck. We are pulling for you.
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