terrified at the thought
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 171
terrified at the thought
Hi everybody , i havent posted in a while ,i got up to a few months here and there ,then the eventual relapse thinking i could have one beer or drink on a friday after work ,dilusional thoughts i know ,it was soon a bottle a nite again. i was disgusted with my self and wasnt every going to post again .I just hated myself for being weak. Today i decided to go to my first AA meeting ,i was scared ******** , I thought maybe 6-8 people? I was terrified at the thought of sharing in front of a handful of people .turns out 70 people there and i was the only new comer so everybody was super nice and welcomed me and I listened intently and got my 24 hour chip and the accompanying hug .I dont know how i will be able to share to that many people when they enevitably ask me to ? ,i was always terrified speaking in front of people in high school,20 people how can i do it in front of 70 ,im a shy person and feel terrorized at the thought of doing this ,but i want to go to meetings and try this different approach because my approach obviously doesnt work long term
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Give yourself some time. You'll be okay when you get more comfortable with being in a room with other people, many or most of whom you don't know. You did a courageous thing.
Living a better, sober life often means stepping out of our comfort zone, and true growth absolutely requires it.
Many of us drank because we imagined that there were plenty of things we simply could not do or could not be. Accompanied by our considerable fears, we often talked ourselves out of doing things that would bring us to a better place. The drinking, of course, only made things worse.
If you're interested in living a better life, then get used to doing things you don't like to do. At least not now. We only ever get the Golden Ticket when we work for it, and that's what makes it golden.
Living a better, sober life often means stepping out of our comfort zone, and true growth absolutely requires it.
Many of us drank because we imagined that there were plenty of things we simply could not do or could not be. Accompanied by our considerable fears, we often talked ourselves out of doing things that would bring us to a better place. The drinking, of course, only made things worse.
If you're interested in living a better life, then get used to doing things you don't like to do. At least not now. We only ever get the Golden Ticket when we work for it, and that's what makes it golden.
Originally Posted by junk33 
Hi everybody , i havent posted in a while ,i got up to a few months here and there ,then the eventual relapse thinking i could have one beer or drink on a friday after work ,dilusional thoughts i know ,it was soon a bottle a nite again. i was disgusted with my self and wasnt every going to post again .I just hated myself for being weak. Today i decided to go to my first AA meeting ,i was scared ******** , I thought maybe 6-8 people? I was terrified at the thought of sharing in front of a handful of people .turns out 70 people there and i was the only new comer so everybody was super nice and welcomed me and I listened intently and got my 24 hour chip and the accompanying hug .I dont know how i will be able to share to that many people when they enevitably ask me to ? ,i was always terrified speaking in front of people in high school,20 people how can i do it in front of 70 ,im a shy person and feel terrorized at the thought of doing this ,but i want to go to meetings and try this different approach because my approach obviously doesnt work long term
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
WoW, You did a great job.
No need to speak till you are ready. Perhaps say a few words to people before or after meetings for a while. Work up to saying just a few sentences to the group eventually. People know it's hard for the newcomer. They'll cut you lots of slack. Just make sure you cut yourself some. Keep your ears open. That's the most important thing in the beginning.
Good job. That first meeting is typically the hardest one to go to.
No need to speak till you are ready. Perhaps say a few words to people before or after meetings for a while. Work up to saying just a few sentences to the group eventually. People know it's hard for the newcomer. They'll cut you lots of slack. Just make sure you cut yourself some. Keep your ears open. That's the most important thing in the beginning.
Good job. That first meeting is typically the hardest one to go to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 171
thx ,for the support , iwas shaking walking up there thats for sure ,this morning i have a calmness that i never had before ,i feel like im not alone anymore .its a surprise seeing 70 people with the same addiction as yourself .I was invited to different meeting tonite ,apparently they get 70-90 everytime ,not sure i can go thru the newbie thing again .i may just stick with my home group
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hey Junk, good for you. I'm going to my very first meeting tonight (hopefully it won't be cancelled or anything). Am not too nervous about it now... well, a little bit 
The only one thing left in my imagination that I feel weird about is getting all that attention... Luckily I'm quite used to public speaking through my job although I doubt I would give them much the first few times Well, who knows, I try not to predict anything.
Good luck with your meeting tonight, hope you will have a good time!
The only one thing left in my imagination that I feel weird about is getting all that attention... Luckily I'm quite used to public speaking through my job although I doubt I would give them much the first few times Well, who knows, I try not to predict anything.Good luck with your meeting tonight, hope you will have a good time!
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by junk33
Hi everybody , i havent posted in a while ,i got up to a few months here and there ,then the eventual relapse thinking i could have one beer or drink on a friday after work ,dilusional thoughts i know ,it was soon a bottle a nite again. i was disgusted with my self and wasnt every going to post again .I just hated myself for being weak. Today i decided to go to my first AA meeting ,i was scared ******** , I thought maybe 6-8 people? I was terrified at the thought of sharing in front of a handful of people .turns out 70 people there and i was the only new comer so everybody was super nice and welcomed me and I listened intently and got my 24 hour chip and the accompanying hug .I dont know how i will be able to share to that many people when they enevitably ask me to ? ,i was always terrified speaking in front of people in high school,20 people how can i do it in front of 70 ,im a shy person and feel terrorized at the thought of doing this ,but i want to go to meetings and try this different approach because my approach obviously doesnt work long term
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Living a better, sober life often means stepping out of our comfort zone, and true growth absolutely requires it.
Many of us drank because we imagined that there were plenty of things we simply could not do or could not be. Accompanied by our considerable fears, we often talked ourselves out of doing things that would bring us to a better place. The drinking, of course, only made things worse.
If you're interested in living a better life, then get used to doing things you don't like to do. At least not now. We only ever get the Golden Ticket when we work for it, and that's what makes it golden.
Many of us drank because we imagined that there were plenty of things we simply could not do or could not be. Accompanied by our considerable fears, we often talked ourselves out of doing things that would bring us to a better place. The drinking, of course, only made things worse.
If you're interested in living a better life, then get used to doing things you don't like to do. At least not now. We only ever get the Golden Ticket when we work for it, and that's what makes it golden.
To Junk33, kudos for going to that meeting! As you know, that's the first step.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
good job junk, I wouldn't forsake a new meeting because of the nervousness of being new. If I went to only that one meeting it would be one a week. Venture out, you'll probably start to see familiar faces. Over time you'll be one of the 'crowd'.
As for fear of speaking. I had it too if you can believe it. When you do finally decide to say something, think of it as doing them a favor. It should not be as much of a chore as it sounds. People are interested in hearing what you have to say. Even if it is just one sentence or two. It gets easier. But as always, you don't have to do anything but show up and listen for now.
As for fear of speaking. I had it too if you can believe it. When you do finally decide to say something, think of it as doing them a favor. It should not be as much of a chore as it sounds. People are interested in hearing what you have to say. Even if it is just one sentence or two. It gets easier. But as always, you don't have to do anything but show up and listen for now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by junk33
thx ,for the support , iwas shaking walking up there thats for sure ,this morning i have a calmness that i never had before ,i feel like im not alone anymore .its a surprise seeing 70 people with the same addiction as yourself .I was invited to different meeting tonite ,apparently they get 70-90 everytime ,not sure i can go thru the newbie thing again .i may just stick with my home group
My first meeting was an almost identical experience , ...big meetings are great , imo ,... esp for the newcomer . My second meeting , someone else was picking up a 24 chip, so it was nice to hear folks sharing , ...without being quite so self conscious . Unless you got back to drinking , that will be the last one you get.
The reason I loved bigger meetings , is the dynamic, ;;;.......I was lucky because there were more than a small handful of members that were so talented at getting their point made , ;;...not unlike talented Professors, ..
I've witnessed some Professors (genius in their field ), but suck at teaching.
I was surprised to learn some of the members in my homegroup were retired professors, and many were retired professionals from all walks of life. No wonder they were so eloquent !?!
This one old guy , had a quiet shaky voice, but always had an incredible way of expressing himself , .....found out a year later , he was a retired writer for the New Yorker. ...dang !?! no wonder he spoke like he did !?!
I happy for ya, ...get there early , and hang out afterward. Folks will pick up on your vibe, ...they'll see your intentions. remember, ...some of the oldtimers , have seen plenty;, ...but the members with shorter amounts of "time " so ta speak, keep meetings vibrant.
That calmness you describe , .... that's exactly how I felt.
...enjoy the journey,
TS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 171
Ive been told that by a few guys that took me under thier wing so to speak, out of all the people there nobody declined, so i was hoping not to be asked on my first time,it was a little unerving when other talkers were pointing me out during thier turn and talking directly to me ..i was kind of hoping to sit at the back and blend into the woodwork and take it all in.I was really surprised about all the different ages and races ,old and young ,it was really a eye opening experience.I would like to go tonite and sit at the back and listen , i never sit in the front row ever at any meeting
painless
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: somerset
Posts: 138
its alot easier and much healthier to talk to 70 fellow addicts verses drinking a bottle a night. Take it slow.. You dont have to share right away. Go to a couple meetings and get the feel of everyone and when your comfortable your share will want to jump out of you so u wont care if theres a thousand people there. your time will come... best to you... Painless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 171
well ,i just got back from my second meeting ,it was at a different hall ,a different home group , somebody there was getting a 35 yr cake ,it was packed probably 130 people .some of the same people i saw from yesterday .i like the meetings and will probably go again thurs and sunday ..i dont think i can keep pace on the 90/90 thing ..something is driving me to go here, because i had this thought again while in the parking lot that i should just drive away ,a whole new set of people i didnt know and a different group but i forced myself to go and am glad I went again ..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by junk33
i want to go to meetings and try this different approach because my approach obviously doesnt work long term
Don't worry about sharing, if the meeting is a strong one they don't ask you for a long time yet. Even if they do ask you can say you aren't ready yet.
An mportant thing is to get to know some people by staying after the meetings for an extra few mins, getting there early etc. Sounds like you are doing great already on this front!
Anyways at the moment keep going to the meetings and don't pick a drink one day at a time.
So a sponsor next when you find someone I am guessing will be one of your posts in the near future:-)
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