anchorbird

Yesterday morning my husband said something to me that was offensive and hurtful. He realized how it made me feel, apologized and said he stepped over the line and I thanked him for his apology. We handled it actually pretty maturely but he could still tell I was a bit annoyed about it, which I was, and I couldn't help it. He got very upset with me for still being annoyed, saying I was in the wrong. I didn't yell or scream at him, kept my cool, but he cornered me, got in my face and rose his fist to me and said he wanted to punch me so bad. He then wouldn't let me leave the room when I tried to get away. All of this happened 15 minutes before our super bowl party, so I had to put on my happy face and go about my night. I was in shock I guess but today I am beside myself.

Mags1

Oh anchorbird, I hope you're ok. Does your husband often threaten violence. Take care of yourself. Sending you love and hugs xx

milly4me

That is ABUSIVE AS HELL!!!!!!

And the most abusive part isnt that he raised his fist and cornered you. .. It's that he treated you as though you didn't have a right to you're feelings. He was more concerned about how your feelings affected him than how they affected you.

What utter bullsh*t!!

Ive been there. Boy do I know.

You know what? ? You didn't have to put on a happy face. .. I dont care if it was five minutes before your Broadway debut. .. This type of emotional (not to mention physical) abuse SHOULD have brought all plans to a screeching stop.

I feel for you. I do.

But dont let his abusive issues derail your plans to be healthier.

What a jerk!

EverySngleNight

Anchor- I'm so sorry that happened. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Can you get out of your environment for a while to let your emotions settle- so you can figure out the best way to deal with this?

KateL

Get rid! xxxxxxxxxxx

KateL

Mine used to beat the crap out of me and I threw him out. He drinks still but I don't. He is an abuser and needs to be in control still. We aren't even together and just speak regarding the kids who are all practically grown anyway. It's any excuse and he came round today, uninvited because I hadn't answered my phone. I only went to the post office and didn't bother taking the phone. I think he thinks I am out with men which I'm not and it's none of his business anyway. I told him to get out and stop being controlling (didn't raise my voice either) He had the look, the same look as when he used to punch me, so I quickly showed him the door. Abusive men are scum. It has depressed me badly today. Sorry just had to get that off my chest. xxxxxxx

anchorbird

I hate to say this, but I drank over it last night once everyone left. I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I wish I hadn't, I really do, but I need to figure a lot out now.

milly4me

((Oh Kate)) thats horrible. I'm glad your shared. This should be discussed. Every time we remain silent
there is someone getting away with this crap. These guys (and women too) are big whiney wussy bullies.

KateL

It made me drink one time, I even blamed myself but no more. There is a lot more to abuse than meets the eye. Not just the physical but the mental. Even the look or a threat is battery in my eyes. I would never let that bastard make me drink now. He would love it. xxxxx

milly4me

Anchor- dont worry about drinking last night. PLEASE dont beat yourself up (you already have someone else in your life tearing you down). You need to lift yourself above this ******** and drinking won't help you do that. Stay strong.

ReadyAtLast

You don't have to put up with this and you deserve so much better.Is there a local womens domestic abuse hotline/service who you can speak with?

KateL

He said. 'I worry about you' and I said 'no you don't, you worry about how what I do will affect you. You are worried about you and losing control over me and the kids (who he is also driving away) Sorry to go on. x

KateL

Yeah, don't drink over him anymore. He aint worth it (says me who used to do it all the time ) xxxxx I'll shut up now

EverySngleNight

Anchor- the drinking happened. You know? Do not let the fact that you drank over it fool you into thinking that you don't deserve to be treated better than that. You did one of the only things that you've learned to do to cope. That doesn't mean you're "bad" or "deserve" to be treated that way. I want you to be in a supportive environment where you feel safe! Do you really feel safe right now?

kflee

Stay strong and thanks for sharing your story. Do not get to upset with yourself for drinking because you came and told SR and realized it was wrong. That is only way to get back up on our feet. Being honest with yourself. I hope today is better.

milly4me

Kate - I think the saddest thing about these sorts of personalities is that I'm sure your ex had no idea what the difference was. He said "I'm worried about you Kate". And you said "No you're just worried about yourself". And I'm sure he thought "whats the difference?"

Cause these people think EVERYTHING'S about THEM.

And I'm sure thats why Anchor's husband was upset that she was hurt...cause it made HIM look/feel bad.

anyistoomuch

holy crap anchorbird! tell him next time he decides to be a menacing bully that he can explain it to the police. and the court system.

anyistoomuch

Kate! oh i am so angry for you. i hope you are ok and can get him the hell out of your life.

Mags1

Kate my dad used to mental torture my mum and us kids when I was young, I know what you're all going through, but only through a child's yes, though it has never left me. I don't hold a grudge now, he couldn't give the drink up but mellowed I his later years.

Alcohol has so much to answer for, I'm so glad I'm free of that now xx

ArcticSA

A man should NEVER say or do something like that.
Sounds like a start of worse things to come to me.
GET RID OF THE SCUM.