Class of January 2014 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by IreLander 
Im sorry and embarassed to say this, but I am back to square one...I got my first DUI last night...I feel helpless, hopeless, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty...while I have never been a suicidal thinker, or could ever understand how someone could want to kill themselves, I can honestly say that I know now that a feeling of deep dark hopelessness, and powerlessness, can cause people to have suicidal thoughts...This DUI ruins my life. I drive a company truck for a living... My career in this field is over... Sick thing is...when I got home this morning I walked over to QT to buy some alcohol and drank like a dehydrated camel...thats some eff'd up **** right there folks... Please stay sober you guys, your SLIPS, can ruin your life... I plan for today to try and convince my boss to keep me on in some capacity...get my keys from my car that's in impound, find a way to tell my dad (who will be crushed) and sleep off today's nightmare before doing everything in my power to stay sober from tomorrow on. Im an AA type, and was in it for 7 years before relapse 5 years ago. I know that works for me, and while I have gone to an AA meeting recently or 2...I have not been serious about sticking around... It works if you work it. Thanks for being here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 465
So much is going on in this thread!! It's a little hard to keep everything straight! 
Something that kind of spoke to me while reading today was the general question of "Well, what do I do now?" I've been having that same question too. Adding something to my day/routine is something I must do at this point. I'm really not sure what to do, so I Googled "30 day health challenge" (not even sure what sparked that particular search!!), which led to searching for other "challenges", like general well-being and spiritual stuff. I'm not really positive which one I'm going with yet, but the idea of sinking myself into something new for a defined period of time seems like a good idea to me. Something new and healthy to focus on. We'll see....lot's of good stuff out there.
Have a peaceful day, and much love.
MV
Something that kind of spoke to me while reading today was the general question of "Well, what do I do now?" I've been having that same question too. Adding something to my day/routine is something I must do at this point. I'm really not sure what to do, so I Googled "30 day health challenge" (not even sure what sparked that particular search!!), which led to searching for other "challenges", like general well-being and spiritual stuff. I'm not really positive which one I'm going with yet, but the idea of sinking myself into something new for a defined period of time seems like a good idea to me. Something new and healthy to focus on. We'll see....lot's of good stuff out there.
Have a peaceful day, and much love.
MV
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
[QUOTE=IreLander;4422574]Im sorry and embarassed to say this, but I am back to square one...I got my first DUI last night...I feel helpless, hopeless, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty...while I have never been a suicidal thinker, or could ever understand how someone could want to kill themselves, I can honestly say that I know now that a feeling of deep dark hopelessness, and powerlessness, can cause people to have suicidal thoughts...This DUI ruins my life. I drive a company truck for a living... My career in this field is over...
IreLander, I got goose bumps when I read your post, it was like I was experiencing the pain you felt. Please don't give up or feel that this is the end. We will all help you get through this dark place you are in. Let us know how you are please.
IreLander, I got goose bumps when I read your post, it was like I was experiencing the pain you felt. Please don't give up or feel that this is the end. We will all help you get through this dark place you are in. Let us know how you are please.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 64
well done kris 
the "why"s and "what for"s serve no purpose to us.
blame is of no consequence - no matter where we want it to lay.
"Responsibility" is the answer. we need not be concerned with giving or taking blame.
all of the responsibility to do something about the problem lands squarely at our feet, though. so we can simply take responsibility and act. whatever it takes.
happy days! and welcome home Kris! (hope i'm making sense today)
the "why"s and "what for"s serve no purpose to us.blame is of no consequence - no matter where we want it to lay.
"Responsibility" is the answer. we need not be concerned with giving or taking blame.
all of the responsibility to do something about the problem lands squarely at our feet, though. so we can simply take responsibility and act. whatever it takes.
happy days! and welcome home Kris! (hope i'm making sense today)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I plan on making health and fitness my top priority. I obviously couldn't go on a run when I was hungover, so it will definitely be something different and new. I live in a rural area with loads of beautiful back roads and a huge snowmobile path that is used for biking and walking and horse riding in the summer.
I want to run a 5K race this summer and that is my goal.
My passion is horses and I recently sold my horse.I only had her for 2 months. It breaks my heart and I'd like to think alcohol had nothing to do with it, but in retrospect, it did.
Horses are hard work, and when you're at the bottom of your game, it doesn't work well. Hauling hay and shoveling manure is not for the faint of heart or hungover. They also cost a lot of money. $60 a week/$240 a month that I spent on alcohol could've bought a lot of feed that I thought I didn't have the money for.
I was trying to train her and I had no confidence in myself, since I was always hungover. The last straw is when she threw me to the ground and I slammed my head. Could've happened regardless of drinking, but yes, I was hungover, bleary-eyed and had no energy, and was completely out of shape. I hurt for days.
If I was in good, sober shape, I would've had more money for her, more energy, and probably wouldn't have landed quite so much like a fat, pasty, weak sack of potatoes.
So just had to get that off my chest. It has been haunting me, and I haven't admitted it until now.
I want to run a 5K race this summer and that is my goal.
My passion is horses and I recently sold my horse.I only had her for 2 months. It breaks my heart and I'd like to think alcohol had nothing to do with it, but in retrospect, it did.
Horses are hard work, and when you're at the bottom of your game, it doesn't work well. Hauling hay and shoveling manure is not for the faint of heart or hungover. They also cost a lot of money. $60 a week/$240 a month that I spent on alcohol could've bought a lot of feed that I thought I didn't have the money for.
I was trying to train her and I had no confidence in myself, since I was always hungover. The last straw is when she threw me to the ground and I slammed my head. Could've happened regardless of drinking, but yes, I was hungover, bleary-eyed and had no energy, and was completely out of shape. I hurt for days.
If I was in good, sober shape, I would've had more money for her, more energy, and probably wouldn't have landed quite so much like a fat, pasty, weak sack of potatoes.
So just had to get that off my chest. It has been haunting me, and I haven't admitted it until now.
I think you are very brave and I admire bravery!
keep writing your truths
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by Mvngon
So much is going on in this thread!! It's a little hard to keep everything straight!
Something that kind of spoke to me while reading today was the general question of "Well, what do I do now?" I've been having that same question too. Adding something to my day/routine is something I must do at this point. I'm really not sure what to do, so I Googled "30 day health challenge" (not even sure what sparked that particular search!!), which led to searching for other "challenges", like general well-being and spiritual stuff. I'm not really positive which one I'm going with yet, but the idea of sinking myself into something new for a defined period of time seems like a good idea to me. Something new and healthy to focus on. We'll see....lot's of good stuff out there.
Have a peaceful day, and much love.
MV
Something that kind of spoke to me while reading today was the general question of "Well, what do I do now?" I've been having that same question too. Adding something to my day/routine is something I must do at this point. I'm really not sure what to do, so I Googled "30 day health challenge" (not even sure what sparked that particular search!!), which led to searching for other "challenges", like general well-being and spiritual stuff. I'm not really positive which one I'm going with yet, but the idea of sinking myself into something new for a defined period of time seems like a good idea to me. Something new and healthy to focus on. We'll see....lot's of good stuff out there.
Have a peaceful day, and much love.
MV
Autobrew Anon Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 599
Oh, Irelander 
I echo what GoldCoast said .....
I can imagine how you feel. I've had a DUI before and just felt like my life had ended. I didn't know what to do esp when I was waiting to go to court and going through my license being taken away and then having to get them back. It was a horrendous ordeal. There were tons of mornings I would wake up in a panic attack, my heart beating so hard and just a feeling of doom. I went thru years of high risk insurance - it was financially devastating.
My heart truly goes out to you. I wish I could write something that would help you feel better. The only thing I could do was stand still and hurt. And just get up and do the things I had to do to make it to the next day and to get back to my life. I cried a lot and I wrote in a journal a lot. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I knew I had done it to myself. But the days went by and I got past it. You will too.... just have to let wicked old time pass.
I hope you keep coming back here and don't give up on yourself!!
I echo what GoldCoast said .....
I can imagine how you feel. I've had a DUI before and just felt like my life had ended. I didn't know what to do esp when I was waiting to go to court and going through my license being taken away and then having to get them back. It was a horrendous ordeal. There were tons of mornings I would wake up in a panic attack, my heart beating so hard and just a feeling of doom. I went thru years of high risk insurance - it was financially devastating.
My heart truly goes out to you. I wish I could write something that would help you feel better. The only thing I could do was stand still and hurt. And just get up and do the things I had to do to make it to the next day and to get back to my life. I cried a lot and I wrote in a journal a lot. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I knew I had done it to myself. But the days went by and I got past it. You will too.... just have to let wicked old time pass.
I hope you keep coming back here and don't give up on yourself!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Surprise AZ
Posts: 293
Thanks for your kind words SoberMarathon, GoldCoastGirl, NewStar, and Grindilow - This has to be my time now - So many people on these boards give me motivation and courage. The people with hardly any sober time at all, like a lot of us in this class - and the ones with a boat load of time like Dee74, and Anna. Its my time to take this sobriety thing and fly. Quite frankly my only other option is death...and thats just not in my DNA.
Ive been a part of many many newbie starter months - Marches, Augusts, Novembers, and Aprils....Januarys too of course... Ive said many times "THIS IS THE LAST STRAW blah blah blah...blah blah... blah." I have to change everything about my life...every dark cloud will have a silver lining. I will find it. I have to.
Ive been a part of many many newbie starter months - Marches, Augusts, Novembers, and Aprils....Januarys too of course... Ive said many times "THIS IS THE LAST STRAW blah blah blah...blah blah... blah." I have to change everything about my life...every dark cloud will have a silver lining. I will find it. I have to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 246
I got my first DUI last night...I feel helpless, hopeless, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty...
Irelander - I said the same thing when I got a DUI...I handed the cop my ATM card instead of my license like I was going to pay???? Then I was in jail overnight. The shame of that didnt make me quit either - why, because we turn to alcohol when all else fails...so why wouldn't you do what you did? I feel your pain I really do. this is my second attempt last time I made it 3 months...I'm only in 21 days so far. I am one of those who is mostly miserable while trying to get out of this fog. I have some good days...but mostly you can find me bitching in the corner some where. I don't wear kid gloves, I don't like group hugs..but I will stand with you and walk the walk with you as long as I can...
Irelander - I said the same thing when I got a DUI...I handed the cop my ATM card instead of my license like I was going to pay???? Then I was in jail overnight. The shame of that didnt make me quit either - why, because we turn to alcohol when all else fails...so why wouldn't you do what you did? I feel your pain I really do. this is my second attempt last time I made it 3 months...I'm only in 21 days so far. I am one of those who is mostly miserable while trying to get out of this fog. I have some good days...but mostly you can find me bitching in the corner some where. I don't wear kid gloves, I don't like group hugs..but I will stand with you and walk the walk with you as long as I can...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Surprise AZ
Posts: 293
Gypsy - You just did say something the helped me feel better thank you You have also strengthened my resolve, lets laugh about this in a couple years when we have 2 years sobriety under our belts.
Pataphor - Thanks, when the cop asked me to step out of the car my wallet fell on the ground and I never even saw or heard it, cop saw of course.
Funny thing was, The officer kinda felt bad afterwords, I just said Im probably losing my job, and thats ok I told him. He just said, Jon, You're a nice dude. I know this is all going to seem overwhelming at first. You just need to move forward. What good will it do to look backwards? Focus on your future. I appreciated those words.
You have also strengthened my resolve, lets laugh about this in a couple years when we have 2 years sobriety under our belts.Pataphor - Thanks, when the cop asked me to step out of the car my wallet fell on the ground and I never even saw or heard it, cop saw of course.
Funny thing was, The officer kinda felt bad afterwords, I just said Im probably losing my job, and thats ok I told him. He just said, Jon, You're a nice dude. I know this is all going to seem overwhelming at first. You just need to move forward. What good will it do to look backwards? Focus on your future. I appreciated those words.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by IreLander
Im sorry and embarassed to say this, but I am back to square one...I got my first DUI last night...I feel helpless, hopeless, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty...while I have never been a suicidal thinker, or could ever understand how someone could want to kill themselves, I can honestly say that I know now that a feeling of deep dark hopelessness, and powerlessness, can cause people to have suicidal thoughts...This DUI ruins my life. I drive a company truck for a living... My career in this field is over...
Sick thing is...when I got home this morning I walked over to QT to buy some alcohol and drank like a dehydrated camel...thats some eff'd up **** right there folks...
Please stay sober you guys, your SLIPS, can ruin your life...
I plan for today to try and convince my boss to keep me on in some capacity...get my keys from my car that's in impound, find a way to tell my dad (who will be crushed) and sleep off today's nightmare before doing everything in my power to stay sober from tomorrow on.
Im an AA type, and was in it for 7 years before relapse 5 years ago. I know that works for me, and while I have gone to an AA meeting recently or 2...I have not been serious about sticking around... It works if you work it.
Thanks for being here.
Sick thing is...when I got home this morning I walked over to QT to buy some alcohol and drank like a dehydrated camel...thats some eff'd up **** right there folks...
Please stay sober you guys, your SLIPS, can ruin your life...
I plan for today to try and convince my boss to keep me on in some capacity...get my keys from my car that's in impound, find a way to tell my dad (who will be crushed) and sleep off today's nightmare before doing everything in my power to stay sober from tomorrow on.
Im an AA type, and was in it for 7 years before relapse 5 years ago. I know that works for me, and while I have gone to an AA meeting recently or 2...I have not been serious about sticking around... It works if you work it.
Thanks for being here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by SoberMarathon
Hi Ace...I've had this same attitude since the time I first started to try and give up drinking over a year ago. For me, this approach clearly hasn't worked. Sure I have been to a pub and managed not to drink. I've also been to parties and stayed sober. But...I haven't changed enough of my past activities that are associated with drinking and have put myself at a high risk of relapse and eventually caved, multiple times. Some things are easier said than done and I just want to share my experience, that's all. A lot of my friends were more drinking buddies than friends. I honestly don't think I can hang out with them anymore, not if I'm true about my commitment to sobriety.
IreLander - Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there and done it myself as a 23 year old, lost my licence for two years. I still remember how bad it all seemed at the time so I can sympathise a lot, I hope you get it all sorted out.
Just back from the gym and knackered so checking out, will be starting my fourth week tomorrow which I'm really chuffed about.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 64
Hey Irelander
it does indeed work if you work it. so work it - you ARE worth it Sunshine!
i hope you've found a gift of utter desperation that will see you grab this program by the nuts Irelander.
i crawled in on my hands and knees bawling my eyes out and ready to meet my maker. that's what it took for me to see reason and do this s*** in earnest - like my life depended on it (because it did!)
i wish you well my friend
it does indeed work if you work it. so work it - you ARE worth it Sunshine!
i hope you've found a gift of utter desperation that will see you grab this program by the nuts Irelander.
i crawled in on my hands and knees bawling my eyes out and ready to meet my maker. that's what it took for me to see reason and do this s*** in earnest - like my life depended on it (because it did!)
i wish you well my friend
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 226
Made it to day 13. It is really going so fast. I had a bout of depression yesterday. Luckily I worked last night, and was able to distract myself. I feel pretty good today. I have been watching a marathon of the TV show on Showtime, Shameless. The alcoholic character, (the father) on their is so addicted, and pathetic I just keep thinking, but for the grace of God, there go I. Thank you everyone, as usual for the great advice and support. I do believe together we can do this.!!
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