1st Bad Meeting
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I am an Engineer by background, so I like to try and get to the root cause of problems and fix things.
When I have a problem that I don't know how to fix, I learn how, and do it. That is how I got sober.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
I would not let it get to you, we are all far from perfect (especially those of us in AA) for addiction to alcohol lol. People are jerks sometimes. That is just the way life is. Brush it off! 
Very good to hear that you were able to overcome the urge to drink.
Very good to hear that you were able to overcome the urge to drink.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Lots of good feedback here, I echo much of it, and add this one thought.
How many times at meetings have you heard someone speak and not agree with what they say, or think it's BS, or that they are kidding themselves, etc etc? Now, perhaps because of the no cross talk rule, or having the maturity to keep your mouth shut, or fearing ridicule, you kept your thoughts to yourself.
Well, this night, that woman and a couple other people didn't keep their thoughts to themselves.
It stings, but the reality is that no one ever shares and has everyone in the room agreeing with them. And the good thing is that we can learn either because on some level we relate to what the person shared, or because of how we react to what they shared, or because what they say is really BS and we analyse the thinking behind it and come out the wiser.
The fact that you considered that grabbing some vodka as a result of your feelings...I think there is something to be learned from that.
If you felt someone's share was BS, would you think that was a good reason for them to go out and drink? I'm guessing not, so apply the same wisdom to yourself.
How many times at meetings have you heard someone speak and not agree with what they say, or think it's BS, or that they are kidding themselves, etc etc? Now, perhaps because of the no cross talk rule, or having the maturity to keep your mouth shut, or fearing ridicule, you kept your thoughts to yourself.
Well, this night, that woman and a couple other people didn't keep their thoughts to themselves.
It stings, but the reality is that no one ever shares and has everyone in the room agreeing with them. And the good thing is that we can learn either because on some level we relate to what the person shared, or because of how we react to what they shared, or because what they say is really BS and we analyse the thinking behind it and come out the wiser.
The fact that you considered that grabbing some vodka as a result of your feelings...I think there is something to be learned from that.
If you felt someone's share was BS, would you think that was a good reason for them to go out and drink? I'm guessing not, so apply the same wisdom to yourself.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I apologize because I don't mean to offend but I'm going to speak my piece and I'm done hiding from saying what I want to say.
I'll start with the fact that I participate but I also bump heads with some situations. This would be one of them. I agree with the fact that we can't fix others we can only fix ourselves and that needs to be the focus. jdooner, I am so glad that you didn't go and drink after this.
However, what has been increasing lately are more and more stories of situations occurring with certain groups or at meetings. The reply is always to focus on yourself and understand that those who are attending are in recovery themselves. I agree with that on some level.
On another level I think that it's only right that when something is blatantly not followed in a meeting that the person should address it with a group member AFTER the meeting. The reply should not be to focus on yourself and not what happened. That's BS. jdooner, I think that perhaps you might have been romanticizing and someone briefly should have spoken and politely asked that you move to the positive and the resolution. Then, leave it at that and tell you if you want to discuss it after the meeting that's fine. There was no excuse whatsoever for anyone calling you out or speaking up at that meeting when you were talking. Even worse, others chiming in. If they had an issue that could have been addressed after.
The woman and the people who joined in are just as wrong. Before every meeting it's stated outright that there should be no talking while others speak.
Any time that there's an issue in an AA meeting and someone speaks up about it the answers are all focused on the fact that you can only change you.
However, how are things like this ever going to be corrected if there is no accountability and the person is made to feel like they have no right or should not take what happened in consideration at all?
AA is a great program that has helped a lot of people including me. I wouldn't be sober today without it.
That doesn't mean that if groups veer from the norm or do something as out of whack as talking over a person that it shouldn't be addressed. There has to be accountability somewhere. If there isn't then groups are allowed to get away from the original intent of helping other alcoholics and that's what I've been experiencing a lot of lately.
Somewhere in the world the worst AA meeting is happening right now and the sad thing is, there are people who are attending.
I wanted to edit to add that these occurrences do not negate the good that this program does. It's just too bad that situations such as this need to exist at all.
I'll start with the fact that I participate but I also bump heads with some situations. This would be one of them. I agree with the fact that we can't fix others we can only fix ourselves and that needs to be the focus. jdooner, I am so glad that you didn't go and drink after this.
However, what has been increasing lately are more and more stories of situations occurring with certain groups or at meetings. The reply is always to focus on yourself and understand that those who are attending are in recovery themselves. I agree with that on some level.
On another level I think that it's only right that when something is blatantly not followed in a meeting that the person should address it with a group member AFTER the meeting. The reply should not be to focus on yourself and not what happened. That's BS. jdooner, I think that perhaps you might have been romanticizing and someone briefly should have spoken and politely asked that you move to the positive and the resolution. Then, leave it at that and tell you if you want to discuss it after the meeting that's fine. There was no excuse whatsoever for anyone calling you out or speaking up at that meeting when you were talking. Even worse, others chiming in. If they had an issue that could have been addressed after.
The woman and the people who joined in are just as wrong. Before every meeting it's stated outright that there should be no talking while others speak.
Any time that there's an issue in an AA meeting and someone speaks up about it the answers are all focused on the fact that you can only change you.
However, how are things like this ever going to be corrected if there is no accountability and the person is made to feel like they have no right or should not take what happened in consideration at all?
AA is a great program that has helped a lot of people including me. I wouldn't be sober today without it.
That doesn't mean that if groups veer from the norm or do something as out of whack as talking over a person that it shouldn't be addressed. There has to be accountability somewhere. If there isn't then groups are allowed to get away from the original intent of helping other alcoholics and that's what I've been experiencing a lot of lately.
Somewhere in the world the worst AA meeting is happening right now and the sad thing is, there are people who are attending.
I wanted to edit to add that these occurrences do not negate the good that this program does. It's just too bad that situations such as this need to exist at all.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
Not everyone at an AA meeting is there to get sober, and not everyone is in perfect mental health.
True, but they should still mind themselves whilst others are sharing. Especially if the ones talking are "not there to get sober" (I assume otherwise though)
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
I apologize because I don't mean to offend but I'm going to speak my piece and I'm done hiding from saying what I want to say.
I'll start with the fact that I participate but I also bump heads with some situations. This would be one of them. I agree with the fact that we can't fix others we can only fix ourselves and that needs to be the focus. jdooner, I am so glad that you didn't go and drink after this.
However, what has been increasing lately are more and more stories of situations occurring with certain groups or at meetings. The reply is always to focus on yourself and understand that those who are attending are in recovery themselves. I agree with that on some level.
On another level I think that it's only right that when something is blatantly not followed in a meeting that the person should address it with a group member AFTER the meeting. The reply should not be to focus on yourself and not what happened. That's BS. jdooner, I think that perhaps you might have been romanticizing and someone briefly should have spoken and politely asked that you move to the positive and the resolution. Then, leave it at that and tell you if you want to discuss it after the meeting that's fine. There was no excuse whatsoever for anyone calling you out or speaking up at that meeting when you were talking. Even worse, others chiming in. If they had an issue that could have been addressed after.
The woman and the people who joined in are just as wrong. Before every meeting it's stated outright that there should be no talking while others speak.
Any time that there's an issue in an AA meeting and someone speaks up about it the answers are all focused on the fact that you can only change you.
However, how are things like this ever going to be corrected if there is no accountability and the person is made to feel like they have no right or should not take what happened in consideration at all?
AA is a great program that has helped a lot of people including me. I wouldn't be sober today without it.
That doesn't mean that if groups veer from the norm or do something as out of whack as talking over a person that it shouldn't be addressed. There has to be accountability somewhere. If there isn't then groups are allowed to get away from the original intent of helping other alcoholics and that's what I've been experiencing a lot of lately.
Somewhere in the world the worst AA meeting is happening right now and the sad thing is, there are people who are attending.
I'll start with the fact that I participate but I also bump heads with some situations. This would be one of them. I agree with the fact that we can't fix others we can only fix ourselves and that needs to be the focus. jdooner, I am so glad that you didn't go and drink after this.
However, what has been increasing lately are more and more stories of situations occurring with certain groups or at meetings. The reply is always to focus on yourself and understand that those who are attending are in recovery themselves. I agree with that on some level.
On another level I think that it's only right that when something is blatantly not followed in a meeting that the person should address it with a group member AFTER the meeting. The reply should not be to focus on yourself and not what happened. That's BS. jdooner, I think that perhaps you might have been romanticizing and someone briefly should have spoken and politely asked that you move to the positive and the resolution. Then, leave it at that and tell you if you want to discuss it after the meeting that's fine. There was no excuse whatsoever for anyone calling you out or speaking up at that meeting when you were talking. Even worse, others chiming in. If they had an issue that could have been addressed after.
The woman and the people who joined in are just as wrong. Before every meeting it's stated outright that there should be no talking while others speak.
Any time that there's an issue in an AA meeting and someone speaks up about it the answers are all focused on the fact that you can only change you.
However, how are things like this ever going to be corrected if there is no accountability and the person is made to feel like they have no right or should not take what happened in consideration at all?
AA is a great program that has helped a lot of people including me. I wouldn't be sober today without it.
That doesn't mean that if groups veer from the norm or do something as out of whack as talking over a person that it shouldn't be addressed. There has to be accountability somewhere. If there isn't then groups are allowed to get away from the original intent of helping other alcoholics and that's what I've been experiencing a lot of lately.
Somewhere in the world the worst AA meeting is happening right now and the sad thing is, there are people who are attending.
Awesome post
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Well done you! I didn't think it was protocol for people to butt in like that. You must say however you are feeling whether they think it is romancing or not. It is free speech and I have never heard the like before.xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
I've had some experiences like this. It's so surprising the first time something like this happens...It's like you have finally found this place where you can talk about yourself and all of the shameful sh*t you've done as an alcoholic with no judgement, you're feeling comfortable, you can share openly...and BAM! Judgement! From someone far newer to sobriety than you ! And other people in the group are agreeing with their comments! And they're breaking cross talking rules! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
The important thing is that even though you felt like drinking, you didn't. Every time you are able to get through a situation that makes you uncomfortable you build up your sobriety muscles. I agree completely that the person who confronted you in this meeting was out of line, but don't make the situation worse by giving up your hard won sobriety over it (and you didn't...I'm just calling attention to what could have happened if you had let your emotions rule your actions). Some meetings will be amazing. You will walk out feeling on top of the world. Others, hopefully not too many, will be like the meeting that upset you. For whatever reason, things will go south. Chalk it up to lessons learned and move on. I know I'm making it sound so easy, and its SO not. Trying to be logical about emotions is such a contradiction in terms. But it's hard. It's not impossible.
You are accomplishing what may be the most important, positive change of your life. You're doing it! Don't let anyone, or anything get in the way of your victory.
The important thing is that even though you felt like drinking, you didn't. Every time you are able to get through a situation that makes you uncomfortable you build up your sobriety muscles. I agree completely that the person who confronted you in this meeting was out of line, but don't make the situation worse by giving up your hard won sobriety over it (and you didn't...I'm just calling attention to what could have happened if you had let your emotions rule your actions). Some meetings will be amazing. You will walk out feeling on top of the world. Others, hopefully not too many, will be like the meeting that upset you. For whatever reason, things will go south. Chalk it up to lessons learned and move on. I know I'm making it sound so easy, and its SO not. Trying to be logical about emotions is such a contradiction in terms. But it's hard. It's not impossible.
You are accomplishing what may be the most important, positive change of your life. You're doing it! Don't let anyone, or anything get in the way of your victory.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I've nothing relavent to say about AA Jd ,
But wanted to say keep on, sometimes we do unfortunately trigger eachother or "rattle skelingtons" but with time, learning and experience on your path you'll be able to ride out waves like this with ease . Keep your eye on the goal and keep working your program
Bestwishes, m
But wanted to say keep on, sometimes we do unfortunately trigger eachother or "rattle skelingtons" but with time, learning and experience on your path you'll be able to ride out waves like this with ease . Keep your eye on the goal and keep working your program
Bestwishes, m
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I was at a meeting once where someone was thrown out for being drunk and they weren't particularly abusive or anything. I was fairly new and didn't know quite what to make of it. There was also a woman who kept chatting me up and she managed to find out where I lived and came to my house one night with a bottle of vodka.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Weaver
True, but they should still mind themselves whilst others are sharing. Especially if the ones talking are "not there to get sober" (I assume otherwise though)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 164
I've been to a few bad AA meetings myself, and it's definitely a trigger for me. A BIG trigger, actually.
Go to another meeting. Go to a good one. That usually washes away the negative feeling from the last one for me.
Go to another meeting. Go to a good one. That usually washes away the negative feeling from the last one for me.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
I am intrigued by this statement. Why would someone attend an AA meeting if they weren't there to get sober?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by TomSawyer
I've been to a few bad AA meetings myself, and it's definitely a trigger for me. A BIG trigger, actually.
Go to another meeting. Go to a good one. That usually washes away the negative feeling from the last one for me.
Go to another meeting. Go to a good one. That usually washes away the negative feeling from the last one for me.
Definitely DO NOT give up. If it weren't for AA and this board I would have no sober network whatsoever.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 58
Yeah that old thing in our heads when we are hurt...I will show you..i will hurt Me! In the meanwhile the person that hurt you doesn't have a clue what you are going through or care. It is amazing what we can convince ourselves of..just to justify..see i deserve to drink and forget all that has happened to me. It is a cunning disease.
I am so glad you shared and didn't drink..congrats on 60 days! You should be so proud of yourself for that and I am sure your wife and family are proud of you!
The best things in life are not things at all...i think peace of mind and contentment are much better
I am so glad you shared and didn't drink..congrats on 60 days! You should be so proud of yourself for that and I am sure your wife and family are proud of you!
The best things in life are not things at all...i think peace of mind and contentment are much better
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
I am intrigued by this statement. Why would someone attend an AA meeting if they weren't there to get sober?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
