1st Bad Meeting
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by dwtbd 
Learning about AVRT helped me to see that there is a 'part' of me that thinks differently about drinking and drugs. I associate all positive feelings about drinking and drugs as coming from this 'part' of me, it's not separate from me the total being, but I try and isolate the thoughts and emotions of this part and deal with it as if it were.
Since it(AV, beast) is a part of me I experience the feelings or emotions. Being cognizant of these emotions or feelings is not the same as acting on them, I am uncomfortable with people who would tell me to ignore things about myself.
Recognizing the 'romancing' aspects is not unhealthy, imo. Acting on them would be though, obviously.
The AV's attitudes toward drinking tend to color the rememberances of those experiences, but thinking through them and recognizing the positive or enjoyable aspects is helpful, I think, in being able to have a better understanding of what addiction is and be better prepared to not fell back into its trap.
Since it(AV, beast) is a part of me I experience the feelings or emotions. Being cognizant of these emotions or feelings is not the same as acting on them, I am uncomfortable with people who would tell me to ignore things about myself.
Recognizing the 'romancing' aspects is not unhealthy, imo. Acting on them would be though, obviously.
The AV's attitudes toward drinking tend to color the rememberances of those experiences, but thinking through them and recognizing the positive or enjoyable aspects is helpful, I think, in being able to have a better understanding of what addiction is and be better prepared to not fell back into its trap.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Sorry you had that experience jdooner. It has happened to me before and I know it is very uncomfortable. At most meetings I attend, cross talk is NOT allowed. I believe it is for this reason. I frequently see this targeting behavior coming from long timers and it seems to be a mere way for them to fluff their feathers---seems pretty ego centered to me, everything we strive NOT to be. Anyway, after this happened to me, I shared in that same meeting the next week that I don't always feel comfortable or safe sharing how I am really feeling. And if I can't do that at a meeting where can I do it? No one of us is better than the other...we are all only sober just for today. I saw this happen to a newcomer at a meeting this week and it happened to be to my sponsee. She handled it quite well after the meeting and told the long timer who was inappropriately cross talking to shove it in a really nice and classy way haha Remember...some people in the rooms are sicker than others. But feel free to share your experience in meetings. It may prevent it from happening again..some people need a friendly reminder now and again 
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Just a suggestion, why not turn what started as a negative into a positive? You worked through negative feelings without taking a drink. To be this early in your sobriety, and work through those feelings, well, I'd say that is a really, really positive thing!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by quitforme79
Sorry you had that experience jdooner. It has happened to me before and I know it is very uncomfortable. At most meetings I attend, cross talk is NOT allowed. I believe it is for this reason. I frequently see this targeting behavior coming from long timers and it seems to be a mere way for them to fluff their feathers---seems pretty ego centered to me, everything we strive NOT to be. Anyway, after this happened to me, I shared in that same meeting the next week that I don't always feel comfortable or safe sharing how I am really feeling. And if I can't do that at a meeting where can I do it? No one of us is better than the other...we are all only sober just for today. I saw this happen to a newcomer at a meeting this week and it happened to be to my sponsee. She handled it quite well after the meeting and told the long timer who was inappropriately cross talking to shove it in a really nice and classy way haha Remember...some people in the rooms are sicker than others. But feel free to share your experience in meetings. It may prevent it from happening again..some people need a friendly reminder now and again
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I noticed something when I was inpatient that became really apparent to me as the weeks wore on, and I wonder if this had anything to do with the cross talking newcomer. When the new people arrived after 2 or 3 days in the detox unit a lot of them were really annoying. I did't realize this until the last week because it truly became a pattern. New guy would get out of detox, and be totally narcissistic manic annoying nails on a chalkboard persona. I would get cornered and my eyes would be sending up flare guns to anyone who walked by me "warning warning danger will robinson". i called them "we egonostics".
A week or so later this same person would be a total sweetheart, like my favorite person on earth. It was interesting because it was so pronounced (I don't even want to think about what I was like...).
I guess removing a major depressant from our systems can send us into orbit. That and feeling included and identifying so strongly when you have felt like you were the only one grappling with this crap for what feels like forever can be a fairly heady tonic. I would be curious to know if this person that was so acerbic ends up being someone you actually end up becoming friends with....just a thought JD, but when you said a newbie I was like "hmmm, I wonder if it was the old "we egonostic" syndrome.
A week or so later this same person would be a total sweetheart, like my favorite person on earth. It was interesting because it was so pronounced (I don't even want to think about what I was like...).
I guess removing a major depressant from our systems can send us into orbit. That and feeling included and identifying so strongly when you have felt like you were the only one grappling with this crap for what feels like forever can be a fairly heady tonic. I would be curious to know if this person that was so acerbic ends up being someone you actually end up becoming friends with....just a thought JD, but when you said a newbie I was like "hmmm, I wonder if it was the old "we egonostic" syndrome.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Thanks all - the outpour has been truly encouraging, honestly.
Jaynie04 - I think you hit it on the head. This woman was just out of a spin dry program by her own admission and she was cross-talking on everyone. To me the people who agreed bothered me as much or more though. Either way, the moment has passed and I am okay and still sober. I am sure there is an element of truth in her statement that affected me so much, so I will take this as misguided but useful criticism. They say they worst meetings and the best meetings are the ones with value...right?
I am going to share at the next meeting and let people know how this affected me. I am also going to mention something to the woman running it. BC if this affected me it may affect others in a similar way that could undermine someone's sobriety. I don't want to call this woman out though for fear that it might trigger her, so I will have to see if she is there - if she shows again (this was her first time) then I will perhaps just mention it to the woman chairing the meeting, so I am not calling anyone out.
I meet with my therapist today, I am looking forward to this. We are focusing more on my past and childhood to figure out the root of my insecurities, which in turn creates the need to escape, build resentment and thus release by drinking and reckless/dangerous behavior (self destruction).
A friend helped me learn that I identify myself through the eyes of others and was likely due to a mother that did not have the capacity to show me the love I needed coupled with some traumatic events that caused me to grow up way to early. So while early, I feel like I am closing in on some of the root causes of my core issues - what I don't know is how to go about amending or resolving these issues (may take a lot of time). I do know that sobriety is step one and I got that going for me.
I hit my 60 day (Sunday), which happens to be my 12th anniversary too (this was not planned this way). I am celebrating with some good laughter at an Standup Improv Club (sober of course) coupled with a nice dinner at NYC's Gramercy Tavern - should be much cheaper without the wine:-)
Thanks all - SR helped a lot with this.
Jaynie04 - I think you hit it on the head. This woman was just out of a spin dry program by her own admission and she was cross-talking on everyone. To me the people who agreed bothered me as much or more though. Either way, the moment has passed and I am okay and still sober. I am sure there is an element of truth in her statement that affected me so much, so I will take this as misguided but useful criticism. They say they worst meetings and the best meetings are the ones with value...right?
I am going to share at the next meeting and let people know how this affected me. I am also going to mention something to the woman running it. BC if this affected me it may affect others in a similar way that could undermine someone's sobriety. I don't want to call this woman out though for fear that it might trigger her, so I will have to see if she is there - if she shows again (this was her first time) then I will perhaps just mention it to the woman chairing the meeting, so I am not calling anyone out.
I meet with my therapist today, I am looking forward to this. We are focusing more on my past and childhood to figure out the root of my insecurities, which in turn creates the need to escape, build resentment and thus release by drinking and reckless/dangerous behavior (self destruction).
A friend helped me learn that I identify myself through the eyes of others and was likely due to a mother that did not have the capacity to show me the love I needed coupled with some traumatic events that caused me to grow up way to early. So while early, I feel like I am closing in on some of the root causes of my core issues - what I don't know is how to go about amending or resolving these issues (may take a lot of time). I do know that sobriety is step one and I got that going for me.
I hit my 60 day (Sunday), which happens to be my 12th anniversary too (this was not planned this way). I am celebrating with some good laughter at an Standup Improv Club (sober of course) coupled with a nice dinner at NYC's Gramercy Tavern - should be much cheaper without the wine:-)
Thanks all - SR helped a lot with this.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
The fact that you recognize and admit this is HUGE in sobriety! 
That is a very healthy statement. See it for what it is. I still maintain that things like this should be addressed. However, you were able to see that there may have been some merit to what she was saying and come to a healthy conclusion!
I am sure there is an element of truth in her statement that affected me so much, so I will take this as misguided but useful criticism.
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