Raider

What time is it on Mars?

Aiko

James,

I am the same,... when I do it... I do it completely...
when I f**d it... I f**d it.

But

Just give it a rest
and go to sleep till tomorrow...
you are just giving yourself a hard time...
you do not think straight...

Is not point to continue,... leave it
and through away the rest tomorrow
when you are conscience that you do not want this living!

And all the paying will go away... when you take the decision... but sober up first...

Good night

HeadLump

It wasn't worthless at all, James. You will have helped many people. And your posts here now will help even more

james872

Haha, 10 past 32 Crotons.

ScottFromWI

It only works that way if you let it. You control your hands and your arms and you know where the drain in your sink is. Recovery is a long road, but it must always start with a simple physical act ( or lack thereof ) to not pick up, or physically put down a bottle. Nothing your psychologist or doctor is going to tell you will make that decision any easier or harder, but if you do put it down it will make their suggestions on how to help in other areas of your life much easier to deal with.

Raider

Hahahah. I should have known!!

james872

HeadLump

Crotons? Don't you get those in posh soup?

jaynie04

James I shared here recently about something that I was having difficulty with. I was floored at how much the consideration and support I received here helped me. I read what you wrote about offering advice to others and how you are now discounting that too. That's not correct, I think when we are too close to something we really don't have perspective. One of the biggest things that was emphasized over and over when I was in rehab was learning to ask for help. We did a lot of group work that involved leaning on our teammates, and it proved that there are things we can't accomplish alone that are solvable with the help of others. I think reaching out for help here is important. I am glad you have the wheels in motion to pursue counseling.

When something is done to us that hurts us and we have no control over it it feels terrible. One of the ways to start to regain our power is to take hold of the things we do have control over. Right now, that is getting rid of the alcohol that is in front of you. I am sorry that you were hurt, and that you are hurting. You don't have control over the past, but right now, in this moment, you can control whether you drink anymore when you know it is hurting you. Sending hugs.

james872

That would be croutons. Crotons are part of how we measure time here on Mars. Of which I am King.

If you think that I have gone nuts, I was joking when I filled out my details. You can see in my profile. I like to listen to: Compliments. How I found this site?: 6. It's just my sense of humor.

james872

Jaynie, this reached me on a pretty deep level. You told me something that is deep inside me.

Why do we get out of touch with the knowledge that is deep inside us?

Oh God, I'm beginning to talk without inhibition on a deeper level as alcohol causes me to do.

Tomorrow I'll feel pretty exposed, and possibly know that I have humiliated myself.

But this reply was very helpful, thank you!

SkyeSea

James, maybe being 'open' is long overdue Sounds like you've carried a LOT inside you for a long time.
As you said previously, we don't even know your real name, so there is really no need to feel 'exposed' and I can't see a single word you've written, that would warrant you feeling humiliated

ImperfectlyMe

Hey James sorry you are going through this please don't regret posting anything!!!! These things need need to come out in order to heal. We are all here for you

I'm kind of the queen of not dealing with things. And I can tell you they only get worse and bigger.

Tomorrow is a new day!

HeadLump

This is so true, James.

Raider

No need to feel humiliated. No need at all.

james872

Thanks.

Along the way I have become afraid of expressing myself because it was too intense for people. I would talk to some friends and they looked at me with big eyes and a stunned look on their face and say "Wow... you're like Jesus Christ". They wanted to record my conversations with people...

And I would talk to people and they would end up crying. Thanking me for it.

Or I would know exactly what was going on with people, even just online like here, talk to them about it, and... have them be freaked out.

So I stopped really connecting with people. I see right through anyone in real life and often online as well.

And this is part of the problem. People might think I'm bragging. Pretending. So I keep it to myself.

I'm going to regret this tomorrow I fear...

Raider

I don't think your bragging. I was just going to ask you to describe me☺

Raider

If its too ugly , PM me.

ScottFromWI

If you are still drinking than perhaps you might want to drink some water and sleep it off. Might be better for all concerned.

james872

It depends on what you consider to be too ugly.

One thing is that you tend to have a shield against input like that. If it hits home too closely, you move away from it and say something along the lines of "Thanks, I'll see..." and you move back to your comfort zone where you don't have to face it.

Other things might be better for PM. If you're going to be open to it this time.

PM me if you want, I might have a blackout of this very moment.