croydonlad

I thought I'd start this off as a kind of boost and to offer encouragement so we could all read about other experiences which might remind us of why we want to stop drinking and why we should could continue not to drink.

I have only been sober four days after a binge of 4 days. During that binge I only didn't drink when I was asleep or when I was planning not to drink but was hungover and ended up giving in because I felt too awful as I started to withdraw.

On the fourth day of my binge I developed an irregular heartbeat and went to the hospital. It didn't hurt but I could feel palpitations and knew something wasn't right. The doctor said it wasn't serious but it did need to be treated as it could have lead to other problems. They sedated me so I didn't know what was going on and gave me an electric shock to my chest to put my heartbeat back into a normal rhythm. It worked but they said excessive alcohol, illegal drugs and lots of caffeine in coffee, tea and chocolate can cause it. Only thing it could have been for me was alcohol as I don't drink coffee or the other caffeine-based things or do drugs.

This was frightening for me and before this I was starting to think I could get no lower and was sensing something big was going to happen as a result of drinking. Maybe this was it?

Anyway, I've refused to believe I've drunk too much when people have told me in the past, blamed my drinking on depression, have been in and out of AA, to counsellor but never really wanted to do anything for myself before. This has happened over a number of years.

Now I want to do it for me because I don't want to waste my life anymore. I want to enjoy it and I no longer enjoy alcohol but only days ago was still drinking it.

A couple of days ago I felt terrible - exhausted, scared, paranoid, tearful, depressed, I couldn't sleep.

My sleep pattern is still not back to normal but it is getting there and with that I am feeling better by the day.

I know I am only on day 4 and this is the short term and in the long term I need to do more but I am not planning to drink today and that helps me right now.

So how long have you been sober? How do you feel now? Why did you stop drinking and how did you feel then?

Hopefully we can draw from each other's experiences and get some encouragement to continue not to drink.

Mountainmanbob

on sober day 2,169 today

I will never forget how it was towards the end of my drinking

wife was mad at me
was in jail once again
family was disappointed
sponsor wondered why I didn't call him
motor home was totaled
couldn't focus
lost contact with God
the list goes on and on

today many times thru out the week I will think to myself
this is the best my life has ever been
continued sobriety turned out to be everything that I heard it would be
it never falls short compared to the old days of drinking

it's Sunday morning here right now 6:49am
will be waking the sweet little wife up for church in a short while
I remember being in church in the old days thinking to myself
I can't wait for this service to be over
so I can buy some beer on the way home
then before even getting home
I would be chugging beers as I drove up the mountain

I always got to a point in time where I could not or would not
drive around town without a tall beer in my hand

Mountainman

Toomutch

Day 11

Quit because I hated myself for it, changed my personality for the worse, almost drove my love away, did not want to go anywhere that there was not alcohol, therefore isolating myself and the list goes on.

DAB

My wife was making plans to leave me.
My 5 year old daughter was making comments about my drinking.
My health was poor, I felt like I was counting down the seconds to a heart attack.
I was spending way too much money on booze.
I was depressed all the time.

Now my wife is still with me.
My daughter doesn't hardly remember me drinking.
All my blood levels are back to normal.
I still spend too much money but now it's on the whole family instead of just myself.
I know serenity and peace.

silentrun

Love this thread!!! It's been the people where I am on this road that have comforted me but it's been the people ahead of me that have inspired me.
I went back to March and got my first post ever on here:

I have been an alcoholic for over 10 years. 2 years ago I admitted it to myself and took steps to contain it so noone would try to make me stop. I had no clue how progressive this is and how dark it would get. Recently I had a moment of lucidity and realized I am now at the piont that either I go "all in" or "all out". I feel as if I am in some horror movie and suddenly the movie is paused at the point that the killer has the axe in the air over my head. One drink and the movie resumes and it will be too late. I am over 5 weeks in and experiencing changes. I am terrified to fail. I don't know if I am being granted a second chance or just a chance to get my affairs in order before this things takes me down for good

What I would say to that now:
Good. Use that fear it is going to save your life. Recovery isn't the alternate reality the hell your in is. Don't worry about anything else right now but just don't drink. That is your only assignment right now. Later on you will be given more. You don't know what is real and what is chemically induced. Give yourself some time and the bad will fall away. Also the winning lottery numbers for next Saturday are.....

Mountainmanbob

14 But afterward Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.”
John 5:14 (NLT)

jat14

this if my 4th day and I feel more human. I was getting ready to go for a walk earlier and had the tv on Will and Grace - they had partied too hard the night before and were major league hung.over. I was so grateful that wasn't me on this fine Sunday morning. Party days are over.. oh and by the way.. aren't you supposed to have fun at parties? well my 'party' stopped being fun 2 DUI's/2 failed relationships etc... ago. I don't want to waste any more time or have my loved ones bear the burden of picking me up from the police station or worse identifying me at the morgue. I think that's reason enough to stop, plus I'm worth it and can do better. I wish everyone a peaceful, sober Sunday

Mirage74

Day 12 here. I've gotten this far several times before only to fall off, so I know I'm not out of the woods. In fact I'll never be. But I can say day 12 is light years from day 3-4. Physically I feel a lot better. I still get cravings, even severe ones, but they are gradually fewer and farther between. And every morning when I wake up, the relief I feel that I didn't drink is a rush in itself. I actually feel good in the mornings as opposed feeling like crap.

jstar

Day ZERO for the millionth time, but you know what, today I'm okay with this. In this morning I'm finding some clarity in the midst of this haze in my brain. Each time my "experiment to drink" fails miserably. I think this is me feeling sick & tired of being tired. I'm sure I've said that before but sitting here, I'm feeling hope & I actually think I WANT to be sober instead of feeling like I NEED to be sober for my husband and kids. Want & Need...funny things. I don't know if I was ever really totally honest with myself. I had been lying to everyone about everything.

Mizzuno

I am coming up on 7 months.
I had a drunken episode in a plane in the sky. Lost my job. Lost myself in that madness. I had to rebuild and discover who I really was. I would not change it, but the lesson was extremely hard and downright humiliating. It was the catapult into a different life.
I keep walking forward.

Mountainmanbob

sounds like you may be ""willing"" if so that may be a good start




The original version of the AA Big Book stated that

"the only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking”


to bad later on they took out the word "honest"

leave it to man to mess things up !!!

Amajorityofone

I was released from Jail on August 20, 2012.

Counting days has never made much sense to me. This is something people do when they're in the "prison" of sobriety. I prefer to look at it from the perspective of "freedom" from alcoholism. Thus, no need to count. I have found keeping a clean and sober journal to be far more beneficial.

How do I feel? Up and down like everyone else, I suppose, just more grown up. Sharper. Cleaner. Wealthier. More refined, if you will. Life is far more undulating than most people realize. Sobriety reduces the extremes of our highs and lows, but, like the wind which comes out of nowhere, those highs and lows are still there, and they always will be.

I'll never drop LSD and ride a roller coaster or find myself in the middle of a sprinkled joint laced with cocaine being passed around. Both of which I thoroughly enjoyed. On the other hand, I don't associate with people that drink, drunk text, make a fool out of myself or worry about getting pulled over on my motorcycle when I'm doing 80 in a 55 anymore either.

Its a package deal, and I accept that.

The day I stopped drinking was more like a road to damascus moment. I was walking in one direction, got hit with a lightening bolt of bad news, said "I'm done", and started walking in another direction. No AA, no counseling, no nuthin. Just clarity. I've been putting one foot in front of the other, albeit painfully slowly, ever sense.

My one piece of advice would be live each day as a separate life; not putting any energy into yesterday, which is in death's hands, or any into tomorrow, which will never be guaranteed.

Good day

ScottFromWI

Haven't been counting actual days anymore, but Oct 7 will be 9 months for me. I was laying in bed the morning of Jan 7th and knew it was either the end of my drinking, or the beginning of my descent to death eventually. I had spent the better part of the holiday week off work and pretty much a 12 day binge. Anxiety, fast heartbeat, sick to my stomach, we all know the drill. I came back here to SR and now I sit here today feeling like a much different person. Still have bad days, but it's amazing how much better life is when I look back to how horrible it was. Right about now would be the time I thought about cracking a beer in preparation for Sunday football, and the day would go downhill from there. Not so much anymore...big plans to enjoy a warm fall day and get things done with the family. Will keep an eye on football too, the great thing is Ill remember the scores and not pass out on the couch halfway through the night game.

Mentium

Day 34 here. I feel pretty good. Even getting some glimpses of something like serenity. I just sat in the sun and did nothign but 'sit' earlier and loved it. The first week was horrible, the second less so, the third was pretty good with a few lingering 'I wish I could drink' thoughts passing through my mind and this week has been exceptionally good. I am very lucky - I have had virtually no cravings either.

I strongly believe that whatever else motivates us to stop drinking it is close to impossible without a strong personal commitment and a very powerful desire to leave alcohol and the life it has created behind you. I go to AA and that helps a great deal, but I wouldn't actually even be going there without the strong commitment I made to myself a month ago.

Alcohol is **** for us. Why tolerate it longer than you have to? You never have to pick up a drink again.

least

Coming up on four years this December. I was desperate when I was drinking, thought I was destined to die a drunk.

Now I feel good most of the time and wake up feeling great most mornings. I'll never go back to that miserable existence again!

ZeldaFan

I have been sober for 28 days. Prior to that, I was drinking excessive amounts of vodka on a daily basis. I would take down a fifth every other day during the week and a fifth or more on weekend days or days off from work. My drinking started in 2006 in college my senior year. Prior to that, I didn't drink at all. I asked a girl to marry me in 2009 and, when she said no, I was left alone and the road to heavy drinking started. By 2010 it was getting out of control and by 2012 - 2013 I was at my heaviest. I started taking days off from work to drink and was calling in from being hungover.

Finally, I had some coworkers express to me that I smelled like booze all the time. Even though I didn't drink in the mornings before work, they could still smell it from the night before as it was coming out my pores. For whatever reason, that was the turning point for me. I decided over Labor Day weekend that I was done for good. I didn't want to lose my job, wanted my friends and social life back and, most importantly, wanted to get my health back on track.

My first day sober was horrible. I was experiencing a lot of anxiety, couldn't stop sweating and shaking and had an overall feeling of doom and gloom. All I wanted to do was sleep but I could not. When I tried to sleep I got excessively sweaty and my heart would start pounding and I felt like I couldn't breathe. This feeling lasted through day two as well. I was off work on day one because it was Labor Day but went in on day two. I couldn't stop sweating and it was obvious and embarrassing. Sleep did not come day two either. Finally, by day three I was able to take an Advil PM and get some sleep but was still sweaty. By day five I was finally able to be able to sleep and the sweats subsided along with some of the anxiety.

Fast forward to day 28. I'm starting to feel like the me I knew back in college before I started drinking. My sense of humor is back, I feel like being social again, the anxiety is mostly gone, my appetite is back, I actually get a nice deep sleep without waking up thirsty and sick and my mind is clearing up. Also, my stomach has gotten much better. I have IBS and when I would drink that made it a hundred times worse. I was have 6-8 very unhealthy looking BMs a day and now I'm like a normal person and don't spend half my day in the bathroom.

The first week I craved alcohol. Every day driving home from work all I wanted to do was stop and get a bottle for that evening. The first two weekends were a challenge as well. Now, I drive home without even thinking about stopping to get something. I actually look forward to the weekend because I always have a list of things I want to get done and actually do them! Now that I have almost a month sober behind me I can't imagine going back to my old, lonely and sick life. I gave up my friends, family and hobbies when drinking. Now I'm enjoying all those things and I'm back into enjoying cycling, music, friends, video games, etc.

Giving up drinking was the best decision I ever made. All the great folks at SR helped me so much along the way and continue to inspire me to stay on the sober track. Stopping drinking was the best gift I could have possibly given myself. I would take it over winning the lottery any day!

alphaomega

Had 45 days. Slipped. Immediately returned to sobriety. Now a week. But I'm not counting days. Counting makes me crazy and gives me the agita.

Every sober morning literally feels an unwrapped gift. And I don't want to rip the paper or the bow so I open it ever so gently. Within that box, there are more and more little presents, like, moments of profound peace, and anger, and joy, and strength beyond measure, bits of fear, and love that pours out from the bottom and sides.

And grace. A whole hell of a lot of grace.

Be well.

WantToDoThis

Congratulations on your 4 days and on mobilizing lots of us to speak out. You've given us a nice gift to take stock of our own situations, strength of will, and so many good reasons not to drink. Thank you.

Thankfully (maybe), I was never a binge drinker; just slow and steady, but have consumed larger and larger amounts of hard alcohol as I got into my 50s, which is just the time when one's body stops adapting to such abuse. You have had a similar experience, and for me the health rationale... quality of life and longevity, is the strongest motivation I have; especially when I think of others in this world whom I love and love me.

I'm on Day 13 this time. I've quite for at least 6 weeks in the past, several times, maybe longer, but I'm really trying to make it for at least several months this time.

However, I do realize that I can't do it alone. I have a loving wife who supports me, and a couple of good doctors who keep remind me what is likely to happen if I do and do not stop, and I decided to join this virtual group of souls who share my challenge.

I appreciate the AA approach, but I'm not religious, so I'm not comfortable formally joining AA meetings, but I can see how powerful they could be as there is no substitute for personal interaction.

Anyway, that's part of my story. Thanks again for sharing yours. I look forward to seeing an update.

roomsforall

Day 24. Feeling good, but I also have no responsibilities right now. I'm on a self-imposed house arrest right now. I was really desperate a month ago. The past year was awful. I lost my boyfriend, a job, opportunities... I'm still sad and afraid sometimes. I am healing. I feel more at peace with myself. I am content to get stronger slowly and see what develops. That is a good feeling.

mecanix

Day 757 , i feel great today thanks , calm and tranquill
Then i was a tangled ball of emotions , jittery , up and down all the time , hot and cold , bloated , sweaty , quick to anger , stressed out , miserable and angry about anything that got in the way of my drinking time , financially insecure , emotionally insecure , shakey , eating poorly , making bad choices for friends & lovers , not there for my family , unable to commit to anything outside of work ,

Bestwishes, m