Anna

Yes, the hard part about sobriety is the changes we need to make in our thinking.

I hope you find some way to enjoy the weekends. It's great that you are going back to school. Maybe you will be able to find a job that gives you more satisfaction.

ProgressNotPerfection

I hear ya! What's the point if we're just going to miserable? Well, you drank on the weekends since 18? At any rate, 14 years? Do ya think you can fix it in 14 days?

I'm poor as well - I suggest Netflicks - it's 8 bucks a month and just wonderful for movies, etc. - you know, popcorn and a movie on the cheap to forget about life for a while -- it'll get better, it will. In the mean time, put some fun in your life in other ways.

Keep reading the boards, hit a meeting, watch a movie or ten of 'em.

Hang in there!

Mountainmanbob

sorry to hear that's your sober experience NoelleR
but
I must disagree
of the many hundreds of ones I have met in AA over the years
I would say that at least 75% have said that their lives got (much better)
many would have lost their marriages, jobs, homes, investments etc etc etc
if they would have kept on drinking

sure most do not sober up to a just for them perfect world
but
it all takes work and time
then
in (most cases) life get's much better

sorry to hear that you may for now be in the 25 % of the disenchanted ones

I once did 1,350 AA meetings in 1,250 days
I have seen and known more than a few recovered drunks
most would never trade the sober life for the old man or woman they once were

Mountainman

Mountainmanbob

Belle (Tired2012) on November 27, 2012 at 8:26 pm said:

I’ll begin. I have lots of positive changes, big and small, but the BIGGEST difference for me is that I’ve had the energy and bravery to pursue my DREAM job. I’m no longer just working to make money, but now i’m working at something I truly love and that literally gets me out of bed in the morning. When i was drinking i was a bit underwater, and regular life – though i was successful – seemed to be all i could handle. Now i’m able to take on more challenges, with the confidence that I will do what I say I’ll do. And for the first time in my life i’m getting up early with an alarm and i’m loving it : )



texasflash on August 11, 2013 at 9:43 am said:

The best part of being sober for me is the great physical and mental burden of being a drunk has been removed and ever sober breath I breathe is one of contentment. I am 73 and have been a double fist drinker all my adult life and this is the first time, in a long time, I feel free and fulfilled. Best wishes to all of you on your journey to happiness sober.



Mary on November 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm said:

The best thing for me, is mentally being free! I spent so much of my time planning when I would buy, consume, hide, and conceal the effects of all the alcohol I was drinking without people knowing! My days literally revolved around alcohol even though I mainly drank at night. Taking control of my mind and body again has been priceless.



Drunky Drunk Girl on November 28, 2012 at 12:19 am said:

Wow. I can’t even say, but I think it’s both not feeling imprisoned by my obsession to drink (which was a 24-hour deal) AND being conscious of my choices — clear, confident, and unwilling to do anything other than self-validate! I LOVE not feeling like I need to worry about other people’s problems, or apologize for my choices — others remain where they are, but I have moved forward. I know it sounds a bit self-righteous, but it comes from a place of great struggle finally resolving itself; OR, it’s as simple as my desire — and ability and freedom of choice and action — to get out of bed at 7, swim in the ocean (because I moved close to one!), and come home and water my sprouting herbs…and not wonder if I’m doing what others think I should be or whether they approve! I think sobriety allows you to uncover it; stop drinking, and you can finally uncover the landscape of your life.

hypochondriac

I think you misunderstood Noelle Mountain bob... I think he is saying that it requires work to become happy, to adjust our attitude, that it isn't just an automatic given when we quit drinking.

Some people think that is the difference between an alcoholic and a hard drinker... that when the hard drinker quits drinking their life gets better but when the alcoholic quits life gets worse, and that's when the hard work begins...

My own perception has been that it requires some effort. In some respects my life was better when I quit drinking, I didn't have to deal with the side effects of being drunk and hung over, but the prolonged withdrawal effects were tough and I just simply had no idea how to deal with life sober. Everything in my life revolved around booze and I had zero coping strategies to deal with life on life's terms. I am having to learn how to live as well as trying to figure out who I am sober. But the problem is that I have been used to instant gratification so my frustration levels are high and I never get to zone out anymore when things don't go my way. That's why I think stopping drinking involves so much more than just finding a new hobby. Most people learn these things as they grow up and face life, but most alcoholics hide from life and then have to deal with it as a fully grown adult with the coping strategies of a 5 year old

Dee74

yeah, that was the problem I found too - I was still living a life geared to drinking...sitting on the internet and watching TV doesn't really cut it anymore now we're sober.

Even with a lack of funds there must be other things to do - take a walk, take up a hobby, read a book from the library, do something sporty...

It's up to you really - our life is exactly what we make it

D

ProgressNotPerfection

....go to a meeting...or ten

NoelleR

Nowhere, did I say I was disenchanted. Nor did I say this was my experience; it's a fact. Boy.........talk about not reading what's written, and deciding what's meant. Yes, 'lives' may get better, but 'life' just is. Life, in general, just goes on about it's way. My life, my perception, is better since I sobered up. 1350 AA meetings in 1250 days....? Well whoopdidoo. When I was unemployed, or going to school, or working part time (in early recovery), I did a mtg a day (at least); way more than 1350 in 1250 days (whatever that's supposed to mean).

Through sobriety/recovery I am happy, joyous, and free; contented. I love my life.........but life is still life.....there are still floods, and earthquakes, and school shootings, and serial rapists, etc., etc., etc. My sobriety/recovery did not change any of this, only my perception, my reactions......

'n btw, I borrowed that saying from Patty O. from So. CA; a person whose sobriety/recovery I admire (check out some of her talks....here are the steps we took; founders day.....).

NoelleR

.....(cont)

Nowhere, did I say I was disenchanted. Nor did I say this was my experience; it's a fact. Boy.........talk about not reading what's written, and deciding what's meant. Yes, 'lives' may get better, but 'life' just is. Life, in general, just goes on about it's way. My life, my perception, is better since I sobered up. 1350 AA meetings in 1250 days....? Well whoopdidoo. When I was unemployed, or going to school, or working part time (in early recovery), I did a mtg a day (at least); way more than 1350 in 1250 days (whatever that's supposed to mean).

Through sobriety/recovery I am happy, joyous, and free; contented. I love my life.........but life is still life.....there are still floods, and earthquakes, and school shootings, and serial rapists, etc., etc., etc. My sobriety/recovery did not change any of this, only my perception, my reactions......

I believe that telling someone that if they quit drinking their life will get better is not only disingenuous, but it could be dangerous. Take the OP; he's quit drinking (granted for only a short time), and he still feels his life is sh*t. This kind of thinking can lead to a 'wtf' attitude and relapse.

'n btw, I borrowed that saying from Patty O. from So. CA (DOS: 10/4/75); a person whose sobriety/recovery I admire (check out some of her talks....here are the steps we took; founders day.....). or.................:

AA Speakers Tapes Free Speaker Downloads

13unluckyforsom

Yeah your right - some things are bad no matter how sober we get. And there lies the struggle

ProgressNotPerfection

Yep. "It" doesn't get better, we do.

Nighthawk8820

That is your addiction making it seem like there is no difference between sobriety and your old habits. You know its a trick, but a powerful trick most of us have to face on the road of recovery. You have to change more than just not ingesting alcohol. Step out and try new things!!! Life wont come to you, you have to go out and get it. What were some of your interests before alcohol took over? Your life is what you make it man, if it sucks now, drinking wont solve or help anything. You can change the whole thing, but it takes courage and drive.............so go for it.

Mountainmanbob

sounds like you are in the glass is half empty camp
the title of this thread seems to point to that
most people that lead a happy life look at the glass as half full

my point was that few feel as you do after sobering up
and
I don't wish for new ones to recovery who stop by this site
to think that your view is a common one (because it's not)

didn't know that you did more than a meeting a day for three years (congrats)

guess it don't work for everyone

there is a requirement for life "must be willing"

Mountainman

Dee74

Falko, you still out there?

D

DoubleBarrel

I can relate to what you are saying. In fact as long as drinking worked for me, I kept drinking.

It made life more interesting, it helped me with stress, it helped me sleep, I loved it.

Until it stopped working. That's when the hell begins.

No reason you can't get off the roller coaster now, and work towards the life you want.

Things seem dull when we quit because we've neglected our lives. Once we get used to getting sober, we can make the real world, and our real lives better, so there is nothing to run away from.

falko89

Yes I am very much here. I was thinking about this last night, I remember in my teens I would often go out clubbing and then go to a house party after and sit drinking through the night, I'd eventually go home some time on Sunday. Now even though it was a Sunday I still felt like it was part of Saturday as I hadn't had sleep, I think the body needs even a wee nap to help differentiate the days. This is kind of how I feel now with not drinking, the drink broke up my weeks, Waking up hungover on a Sunday = start of a new week. Now at the minute it kind of feels like I am stunk on a long ass week.

Dee74

Find something else to do to break up the week Falko - got any hobbies? interests?

D

NoelleR

Again, you've taken what I've said and decided what it meant instead of exactly what I wrote. Actually, I'm a glass totally full person; more than three years, in fact; most (all whom I've spoken to recently) of my recovered friends believe as I do.....we believe in facts; we're realists (one fact is that 'life' just 'is,' good or bad, but my perception of my life changes). I can change my perception; I can work on my life/sobriety/recovery, but 'life' in general just goes about it's merry way, and to tell folks that if they stop drinking that 'life' will better..........? Well, that's just plain silly; not factual; and not realistic. They can change their perception; they can work on their life/sobriety/recovery, and they can get better. It's all about Attitude Adjustment (from my life is sh*t to my life is getting better).

(o:
NoelleR

hypochondriac

Dude, nap all of Sunday! That is a free way to break up the week.

You were a self professed weekend warrior Falko, it is only natural you feel the way you do. But that doesn't mean that drinking was a good way to break up the week. That's just what you have been doing, and clearly it wasn't an excellent idea or there would have been no reason to quit.

It will take some time for it to feel natural not drinking at the weekend and it seems like it'll take you a while to try something different. But I still think understanding alcoholism and how addiction works would help ya.

Croissant

Totally understand Falco. I definitely had to plan my weekends, turn the tv off, do chores, cook nourishing food, research sobriety methods on the internet. As a few weeks went on, I found that I looked forward to those free days to do all the things that were half undone all the time. Sure, sometimes I felt almost manic, madly trying to fill the time....but that settles into a rhythm of sorts.

I can't imagine writing off my weekends now drinking. Please don't think how you feel now is how you will feel forever.