11 days sober and looking to moderate.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Hi,
I am a microbrew, homebrew type of drinker. I would have a small cocktail before dinner (between 1/2 and 1 oz gin), a small glass of nice wine with dinner, put the kids to bed and then have 2-3 pints of really good beer. That is obviously heavy drinking (esp since I'm a 115 lb woman), medically speaking, but I was rarely drunk because it was stretched out from like 5-10pm, and then I'd go to bed. My problem was that I would sometimes binge on much, much more (like 6-10 beers) and those binges were becoming more and more frequent - from once a quarter to once a month to twice a month to once a week... and then I saw myself down the road doing this nearly every night. Drinking is progressive for me. I have been sober 2 times in the past - once for a year and once for two, plus my 3 pregnancies. And EACH time I think I can moderate, I start down the same path that ends a year or two later in the increasingly frequent binges.
I am afraid that one of these times, I will not make it back. It gets harder and harder each time, as I get older and older and my brain becomes more rigid in addiction (I'm only 35!).
I would love to drink moderately, and honestly, I often say to myself "someday, you can have that beer again. you can drink that 2 hearted IPA. you can drink that awesome homebrew your brother and husband make." But I know that as long as those are wistful feeling thoughts - thoughts that feel like planning, I'm under the spell of my addiction. It's a deep irony that the more I think about moderation, the more obvious it becomes to me that no non-addict obsesses over the idea of moderation, and so, I'm in that bind. I can't betray myself by thinking I don't have a problem. There are loads of tasty things in the world that I don't think about all the time... I can easily say I can live the rest of my life never tasting a chocolate cake again, and I love chocolate cake. I still have trouble saying "I'll never have another Stone IPA again." Why is that? Because it does something more to me/for me than a chocolate cake, and what it does isn't healthy.
I am a microbrew, homebrew type of drinker. I would have a small cocktail before dinner (between 1/2 and 1 oz gin), a small glass of nice wine with dinner, put the kids to bed and then have 2-3 pints of really good beer. That is obviously heavy drinking (esp since I'm a 115 lb woman), medically speaking, but I was rarely drunk because it was stretched out from like 5-10pm, and then I'd go to bed. My problem was that I would sometimes binge on much, much more (like 6-10 beers) and those binges were becoming more and more frequent - from once a quarter to once a month to twice a month to once a week... and then I saw myself down the road doing this nearly every night. Drinking is progressive for me. I have been sober 2 times in the past - once for a year and once for two, plus my 3 pregnancies. And EACH time I think I can moderate, I start down the same path that ends a year or two later in the increasingly frequent binges.
I am afraid that one of these times, I will not make it back. It gets harder and harder each time, as I get older and older and my brain becomes more rigid in addiction (I'm only 35!).
I would love to drink moderately, and honestly, I often say to myself "someday, you can have that beer again. you can drink that 2 hearted IPA. you can drink that awesome homebrew your brother and husband make." But I know that as long as those are wistful feeling thoughts - thoughts that feel like planning, I'm under the spell of my addiction. It's a deep irony that the more I think about moderation, the more obvious it becomes to me that no non-addict obsesses over the idea of moderation, and so, I'm in that bind. I can't betray myself by thinking I don't have a problem. There are loads of tasty things in the world that I don't think about all the time... I can easily say I can live the rest of my life never tasting a chocolate cake again, and I love chocolate cake. I still have trouble saying "I'll never have another Stone IPA again." Why is that? Because it does something more to me/for me than a chocolate cake, and what it does isn't healthy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 9
In my experience, if you have to "cut back" or "moderate" your drinking, then it's already become a problem. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It doesn't go backwards.
However, it has never been my place to call another person an alcoholic. The only person who can rightly say that you are addicted to alcohol is you. I went many years trying to convince myself that I was not an alcoholic, and I resented anyone who had the audacity to suggest otherwise.
But non-alcoholics don't have to convince themselves (or others) that they are not alcoholics.
Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember that the door to sobriety is always open.
However, it has never been my place to call another person an alcoholic. The only person who can rightly say that you are addicted to alcohol is you. I went many years trying to convince myself that I was not an alcoholic, and I resented anyone who had the audacity to suggest otherwise.
But non-alcoholics don't have to convince themselves (or others) that they are not alcoholics.
Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember that the door to sobriety is always open.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 84
I've been through many attempts at moderation. It's the main lie my alcoholic voice tells me to get it's foot in the door. No offense but 11 days is barely even a start at sobriety.. maybe 11 months... Oh well, be safe. This site will be here for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
I think 11 days is too soon and you're probably under the 'pink cloud' effect which is a trip up for many. Sorry but after initial detox many people start feeling really great and like they're in control of things, which gives them the mistaken impression they can drink again, that's what is known as the 'pink cloud' in early recovery and many programs warn of it.
Alcohol is very sneaky how it works, never ceases to amaze me after a long time in recovery.
Alcohol is very sneaky how it works, never ceases to amaze me after a long time in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Yorkshire, England
Posts: 91
I can only tell you about my ability to moderate what I drink - I cannot do it. People I know who moderate their drinking do so 'intuitively', i.e., they do not think about not drinking. Having a drink when they come home from work is something that will simply not cross their minds. Whereas, for me, I would be thinking about it all afternoon. The ritual of going to the shop to get it. The locking the door behind me. The swigging it down to get the 'hit' my brain is 'wired' to crave. I do not have the same relationship with alcohol as my friends who moderate. They will only drink at weekends and on special occasions. They will not drink during the week, or even give it a second thought. Whereas, for me, I could say to myself that I would moderate by not drinking during the week.....as I have tried to do these past eight years, constantly failing to do so. However, I now understand that for me at least, the only way to not drink dangerous levels of alcohol is to not drink any at all.
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