LuLu13

I am very hard to offend, no worries. I think I was happy the first 43 years because I knew who I was, I was secure in my identity. I was a single parent from the time my daughter was born, her dad walked out when I was pregnant and we never saw him again. For 18 years I was Sara's mom. I did not start to drink until she left for college, I just did not know what to do with myself. At first it was just beer at night then I lost my job when my company was acquired. The rest of my identity was taken at that point, I had a very good job. Beer turned to rum and just at night turned to all day. I needed to figure out who I was without being Sara's mom and an account executive. There were a few other life events tossed in there, the death of my brother at the age of 52, unexpectedly. I just have to find my new place in the world and I am working on it.

Fandy

being sober is enough for me too. i connect here, and go on about my life as a non-drinker. no program no dwelling and discussing, 2+ years, i accept that life is better for me without booze.
white knuckling term used here is coming across as condescending from others who prefer the whole AA concept.
if that works it's great, but it is not white knuckling for some of us who are now "nondrinkers"...some folks can't tolerate peanut butter, they don't have tolerence. same with booze for me, i do not have tolerance for alcohol, makes me sick.
if your husband went to rehab, he is working the concept that has helped him, you are working concept that has helped you. agree to disagree, if you debate the subject, it might make you both very stressed?

Cormat

Then best of British with it. I guess I can seem a tad ranty when it comes to this isolation stuff because for me it was the one single notion that I found in AA that really hit home with me and its a constant theme in almost every share I hear.

I had the sterotypical image of alcoholics living on park benches or staggering about in public and so on and to discover that for the vast majority of alcoholics, many of whom had contrasting lives and consequences, the way in which they isolated themselves more and more was just mind blowing to me. It really was. I kidded myself for decades that my own company was more than enough and looking back on it now I realise that it was actually my condition trying to seperate me from life. To make me that weak animal on the edge of the herd that gets bought down by the predator.

But what ever your journey good luck and I hope things all work out for the best.

Threshold

Sobriety is enough for some people, hey, if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.

You came to SR and are posting, so you feel the benefit of support, and SR may well be it for you.

about the relationship, sobriety alone is not always enough to fix them. Neither is AA or any other recovery program. Sometimes they need to be addressed through other means.

Junegirl

[QUOTE=Fandy;4125618]being sober is enough for me too. i connect here, and go on about my life as a non-drinker. no program no dwelling and discussing, 2+ years, i accept that life is better for me without booze.
white knuckling term used here is coming across as condescending from others who prefer the whole AA concept.
if that works it's great, but it is not white knuckling for some of us who are now "nondrinkers"...some folks can't tolerate peanut butter, they don't have tolerence. same with booze for me, i do not have tolerance for alcohol, makes me sick.

I agree 100% with this. If we're isolating or not using a program, it doesn't mean we're white-knuckling. I'm a private person too, and find SR to be more than enough support, as it's been for others. My doctor has been very helpful too. I have done a fair amount of work on myself over the last few months and have found tools to help me do this. It's working well and I feel very very good about it.
I really hope you find what works for you and feels right too, whatever that may be. And if you don't mind me saying, maybe some marriage counseling is a good idea? Sounds like there's some stuff to work out with hubby...

Best to you,

June

resolute50

IME,everyone can become an alcoholic.
Happy,sad,successful,down trodden it makes no difference.
Alcoholics drink when they're happy to celebrate.And drink when they are sad to drown out the pain.
Any excuse to pick up that bottle.

bbthumper

I think it is enough for some, but not for many. For a person whose problem is just drinking, then just stopping is the answer. But many people, myself included, drank to ease other problems. For me it was the inability to live life comfortably. When sober I was always anxious, depressed, restless, scared etc. Drinking was my solution to that. When I put down the drink, I needed a new solution because the real problem was still there. For me, the support I needed was in AA. Other people find support elsewhere. Regardless, it seems that a true alcoholic can seldom, if ever, stay sober without support.
Best wishes to you! Congrats on the 2 weeks.

neferkamichael

MTD, 2 weeks sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. If that's all it takes for you to stay sober, by all means do it, tell hubby to shut up and leave you alone. Rootin for ya.

LadyBlue0527

Congrats on two weeks MTD! You have to do what works for you. As much as I am an AA advocate I also respect that everyone is different. If you don't think that AA will work for you then maybe it won't.

I can tell you that when quitting previously my total attempts at isolation were for an underlying reason. The less involved I was in a program the less people I had to deal with and answer to when I eventually drank. Without realizing it I was planning to drink subconsciously.

Once I was committed and determined to quit and went to AA it became something entirely different. The basis for AA may be to assist people in getting and maintaining sobriety but truth be told it's a lot more than that. It just takes some listening and work to understand that. I've matured more and grown more spiritually in the past 80 days than I have in my entire life. I've paid money to therapists and not gotten out of those sessions what I get out of this program.

I'll get off the platform now and tell you that you do need to find out what works for you. That could be just coming here, some have done that. It's whatever works and to remember, even if your choice is to use SR as your program you're not alone in this. We are all here for you!

Nuudawn

Not really sure why Cormat..but that sentiment rubs me the wrong way. Alcohol disinfected nothing in my life. It was actually more like a fertilizer than a disinfectant.

Recovery is my disinfectant. Recovery is where my dark and ugly places come into the light to be looked at and cleansed. And alcohol is not the only "fertilizer" as there are other ways to live in the dark.

JettBoy

My partners very big on investigating what works for recovery,there's a lot of non 12 step approaches out there ,I personally can't do it on my own. I was more against the whole I don't want to be a pod person AA clone but once I put that aside I find that I'm doing it for me to stay sober ,not anyone in AA. There's a lot of good recovery in the rooms and I'm trying to take what I need for me and leave the rest. When I went to rehab I felt bad that my Pauly was alone going through it on his own,he did a lot of research,alanon and sites like this. Communication is important so you should tell him your feelings in a good way and try n make him get it. They as our partners can't know what's up with us unless we tell them... I know for myself alone is a bad place for me to be. I'd maybe give the meetings another shot,I know for me that any time I tried do stay clean on my own and didn't do the work I wound up with a needle in my arm and **** falling in around me...good luck to you on your sober journey ,just know your not alone and we are all just a click away😄

Olive1

Hi MTD,
I am a very private person as well. In fact, one of the many reasons I drank was to be able to be around people. Now that I don't drink, I find I don't have to be around people if I don't want to.
That said, I did go to meetings in the beginnning.....never did the steps. I really enjoyed getting coins for time accomplishments. I still have the jar full in my cabinet.
Do what you need to do to stay sober and remind yourself always of how tremendous you are. And come here and brag about your time. A little pat on the back can go very far.

Andante

This I identify with.

<< I am not saying that you are lying because perhaps you do truly enjoy being isolated but if so then you are a genuine rarity. Humans are social animals and for the vast majority of us isolating ourselves is destructive.
Today 03:07 AM >>

This I do not.

(Sorry, I don't know how to extract quotes from multiple posts)

Introversion isn't a "genuine rarity." There are many people who simply aren't energized by being around other people. This doesn't make them sick, or even socially anxious. Just different.

FBL

Alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life.

I got sober with no "formal" program. My support came from a few close friends and family members and SR. I drank for nearly 30 years and am now over 4 years happily sober. Find what works for you and don't let others discourage your chosen method(s).

I'm also an introvert by nature and love spending time by myself. It would be a pretty boring world if everyone was the same.

Eleni58

I was totally isolated when I was a drinker and I totally enjoyed being isolated. Now that I'm sober, I am craving human interaction. I am getting out and about way more now and actively participate in AA. But that's just me. I am an outgoing person by nature and do not feel uncomfortable talking about my alcoholism.

Hope things get better with your AH.

Oldselfagain

I've been to a few AA meetings, some better than others. Even when I haven't been feeling it, I have gotten at least a little something from each meeting....a helpful tip, an encouraging thought, etc. I think just attending even when you don't feel like going is a good thing....it's helped me even if I didn't feel like or want to be there.

DisplacedGRITS

for me, isolation is easy. it's not complicated and i think it makes me happy. the thing is, i generally have a better time when i'm around people. pleasurable experiences are more pleasurable when shared with someone or someones. like, i wouldn't go to an amusement park alone but going in a group is fun. i wouldn't go to movies alone. if i'm alone, i'm often just zoned out and not thinking a lot. when i'm with other people, there's a risk of being uncomfortable but the reward of being in a group and having fun outweighs the risk. i usually have a good time around people and if i'm not having a good time, i make sure i have an out so i don't get resentful. i have to let myself be open to being around people. i sometimes treat myself as an exclusive club of 1. no one else is let past the velvet rope. it's not because i think i'm better than anyone. it's just because it's safe and i like being safe. but i would rather risk a little discomfort for the big payoff of an enjoyed shared experience with others. i'm used to being uncomfortable. i'm sober and sometimes that requires that i take a risk and be uncomfortable. but in the end, it pays off. life isn't perfect and not every social encounter is enjoyable but most are. and if i find that i'm having problems enjoying the company of others, i look at myself because there's something not right going on with me. if i'm being exclusive then i'm taking steps towards being selfish and being selfish gets me drunk.

so is being sober enough? well, i guess that depends on you. you can live in a vanilla world that is safe and nonthreatening and a bit mundane. or you can take a few risks and be a part of something greater than yourself. you can live in a world of technicolor. it's not going to be great 100% of the time but when it's great, it's really great. we are naturally social creatures and i believe that when we shut ourselves out from socializing, we miss out on a great deal. we miss out on learning from other people's experiences and sharing joy and sorrow. don't be fooled into thinking that you have seen it all and have all the answers. we can always learn from our fellow human beings. is it enough to just be sober? why just be sober when you can be sober and live? live through sobriety, not for sobriety.

LuLu13

My life is far from mundane. I do, and have done, many cool things. I just choose to do them alone or with the few people I am close to. I have travelled all over the world, I love hiking 7 to 10 miles with just me. I love taking pictures and the peace and serenity of it all. Just goes to show we are all different and need to find our own path.

This has been an interesting thread, MTD I hope thinks get better with the SO! Happy sober weekend all.

DisplacedGRITS

that's cool, LuLu! i guess it's a very personal thing. the other thing is, i've been married for almost 9 years and with my husband for 12 years. i just don't know if i'd really know how to be alone anymore! it would be like going through my life without my left arm. if i was on my own, i'm sure i'd be comfortable being alone.

grocerease

Sober is enough. I believe there are different strengths of addictions, kind of like metals. Keep up the good work and do what is best for you. If however, you keep finding yourself going back to where you started you must add more strength to your support....more than just trying to stay sober.