Leaking4ever

Wow, I did have some lucid or livid dreams last night. My determination to end these drinking marathons seem to mean that this struggling' battle has found new places to play out. Last night dreams were just the case .

I didn't consume the alcohol in the dream, but the grueling temptation was quite the dream's theme. I had discovered some cash and there I was at the party store buying booze and sausage.

I'm curious how help these dreams might be, but certainly I didn't wake up with the same cravings as I felt in the dream. Of course, in the dream I had a 26 ounze bottle in my possession and was trying to decide whether
to cut short a college class to go get drunk. Was it a college class or a type of support group meating - Seemed like both.

What I did remember in the dream was that teacher of the class did not like me one bit. No dream interpretation books please, but I definitely find much self-understanding this night time experience.

Btw, I consider this day 4 or five on my road to recovery being alcohol free.

This morning my mother offered me $20. This has played out before and led to my drinking problem. I told I don't want it to buy alcohol but I do need some bus fair to go back to my place and check things out. I'm staying with the family a few days to help me get through this .

As I mentioned before I am clean only because I exhausted all my cashflow to be incapable of buying booze. This was partly deliberate but this approach doesn't work --- Now I have a few dollars and I am fighting that urge. So far so good but I know in a few days I know my brain chemistry is going to go into relapse mood as before---so I am doing what
I can to prepare again for that storm.

Geneticmessiah

I know what that feels like. Sometimes I used to leave all my cards and cash at home. Pack a lunch before work. I still practice most of the time.

Leaking4ever

Yes, sometimes that strategy works but it also backfires, as it has for me, and causes extreme binges also. In the past few months when I saw my paycheck deposit in the bank, I began to convulse with sickness because my body has become so familiar with paycheck deposit = sickness.