Really need support to make Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Thanks folks! I am even boring myself with these half-a$$ed attempts at staying sober. That nowhere zone between (where you are drinking like a "normal" person but know the devil is within) is horrible!
Your support is invaluable.
Your support is invaluable.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
You have the honesty required to do this. I checked this thread to see if you made it through the day. How are those drinks happening Pamel? What's going on? It's the lead up before the drink you have to get a hold of. I know that posting here when my anxiety level starts to run high does absolute wonders for dissipating it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 496
You've got all my support Pamel. You can do this! We can do this. I really loved that saying that CarolD
had that said Every Day Sober is a Victory! She was right. Take it a day, hour, or minute at a time. That's what I'm trying to do as well. Only day 2 for me.
had that said Every Day Sober is a Victory! She was right. Take it a day, hour, or minute at a time. That's what I'm trying to do as well. Only day 2 for me.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Pamel, I'm reading through this entire thread and it's pretty evident that your trigger is anxiety and stress. I don't know if this helps you any but hey, that's what we're all here for is to share.
I would get insanely stressed at work before I quit drinking. I mean clench my fists behind my desk and grit my teeth kind of stressed. Same at home. After about a week of sobriety I noted something happening. Things that usually stressed me out would roll off of my back. When I removed the choice of using alcohol to relieve stress I no longer stressed. The reason I am highlighting "removed the choice" is because I no longer considered it an option under any circumstance.
What I think actually happened was that it wasn't really the situation that was stressing me, it was the fact that I wasn't drinking that was stressing me. I was creating the stress to give myself permission.
I don't know if that makes sense at all to you. It gets better, it really does, you just have to find a way to not give in. The way that you feel when you want a drink is going to subside, it doesn't go on forever. The feeling that you get when you beat that AV gets better and easier every time that you do it.
I would get insanely stressed at work before I quit drinking. I mean clench my fists behind my desk and grit my teeth kind of stressed. Same at home. After about a week of sobriety I noted something happening. Things that usually stressed me out would roll off of my back. When I removed the choice of using alcohol to relieve stress I no longer stressed. The reason I am highlighting "removed the choice" is because I no longer considered it an option under any circumstance.
What I think actually happened was that it wasn't really the situation that was stressing me, it was the fact that I wasn't drinking that was stressing me. I was creating the stress to give myself permission.
I don't know if that makes sense at all to you. It gets better, it really does, you just have to find a way to not give in. The way that you feel when you want a drink is going to subside, it doesn't go on forever. The feeling that you get when you beat that AV gets better and easier every time that you do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Thanks LadyBlue,
You make a LOT of sense. By far, the biggest stress (once I take that FIRST drink) is how do I get more, or how do I white-knuckle it for another attempt at Day 1.
Already, beginning Day 2, I feel more relaxed and that life is manageable. I have stressful things to do today but I think as long as I have a careful plan I will not drink. Having done this before, I know I do not feel really better until 2 weeks have passed (and then the danger is remembering how awful drinking was).
i had 13 years at one point and thought I could have one glass of Champagne. That has led to years of struggle (mostly sober in AA, but many relapses). You lose confidence in yourself.
Thanks again for your thoughtful post.
You make a LOT of sense. By far, the biggest stress (once I take that FIRST drink) is how do I get more, or how do I white-knuckle it for another attempt at Day 1.
Already, beginning Day 2, I feel more relaxed and that life is manageable. I have stressful things to do today but I think as long as I have a careful plan I will not drink. Having done this before, I know I do not feel really better until 2 weeks have passed (and then the danger is remembering how awful drinking was).
i had 13 years at one point and thought I could have one glass of Champagne. That has led to years of struggle (mostly sober in AA, but many relapses). You lose confidence in yourself.
Thanks again for your thoughtful post.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Pamel,
Thanks for this reminder. I have made three years my first time quitting alcohol September 21st! Before drinking became addiction for me in my late forties, I was smoking a lot since age 12. I managed to quit smoking once at 38 for eighteen months. Then I wanted to try the high that smokers don't feel anymore with one cigarette. Inside of a week I was back to a pack a day and did not manage to quit again for another twenty years give or take. I learned from that. I quit both smokes and alcohol on the same detox, in the hospital, seven days. I swore if I made it through that week neither alcohol or smokes would get a second or third chance at my trying them. I don't need to see what it was like or for old times sake. I averaged 30 plus drinks a day. That is 50 shy of 11,000 drinks a year. I finally admit I know what it is like and don't need a reminder.
Your post about long sobriety and relapses rings true for me. That is why I will never try alcohol or tobacco again for any of the stupid reasons I gave myself to try them again.
I can't moderate.
I can't drink or smoke just one.
I can't quit drinking or smoking easily, if at all, again
Alcohol and smoking never help ease anything except craving them.
And on and on.
But your post reminds us that even when we succeed, we can relapse if we want to. I hope you have learned what I did about that one cigarette. I won't relapse with alcohol because I have some plans for the next twenty years or so. You make some too. Freedom is yours today, every day.
See, while sober,
I can control my sobriety and never have that first drink again. It took three years to heal to here.
Thanks for this reminder. I have made three years my first time quitting alcohol September 21st! Before drinking became addiction for me in my late forties, I was smoking a lot since age 12. I managed to quit smoking once at 38 for eighteen months. Then I wanted to try the high that smokers don't feel anymore with one cigarette. Inside of a week I was back to a pack a day and did not manage to quit again for another twenty years give or take. I learned from that. I quit both smokes and alcohol on the same detox, in the hospital, seven days. I swore if I made it through that week neither alcohol or smokes would get a second or third chance at my trying them. I don't need to see what it was like or for old times sake. I averaged 30 plus drinks a day. That is 50 shy of 11,000 drinks a year. I finally admit I know what it is like and don't need a reminder.
Your post about long sobriety and relapses rings true for me. That is why I will never try alcohol or tobacco again for any of the stupid reasons I gave myself to try them again.
I can't moderate.
I can't drink or smoke just one.
I can't quit drinking or smoking easily, if at all, again
Alcohol and smoking never help ease anything except craving them.
And on and on.
But your post reminds us that even when we succeed, we can relapse if we want to. I hope you have learned what I did about that one cigarette. I won't relapse with alcohol because I have some plans for the next twenty years or so. You make some too. Freedom is yours today, every day.
See, while sober,
I can control my sobriety and never have that first drink again. It took three years to heal to here.
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