AugustWest11

LOVE That Gonna have to remember that Thanx ...

Dee74

Hi and welcome Kitty

Like Anna says there's a lot of approaches here - there's the recovery groups...the 12 step one, various non 12 step approaches like SMART or LifeRing, or the Beast approach of AVRT.

Others try their Dr or seek counselling, or inpatient or outpatient rehab.

Some of us just decided that we would never drink again and we use whatever support we have (like SR) and make whatever changes we need to make to make that happen.

I used to be a professional muso too.

I did not want to change my career, but I did not want to stop drinking either.
I wanted both.

After many drunken fights, or gig no shows, or me being simply unable to play my bass, or me being sick on stage, or by the bar during a set break etc etc - I lost my career over my drinking anyway.

There are people who are both musicians and sober - your drummer must be one of them and I became one of them too - after a little break to get my shizz together.

Once I accepted I was an alcoholic and that my life must change, and stay changed - not drinking became a lot easier.

I even started to really get into the music again.

A plan is simply 'what are you going to do to stay sober? what support will you use? what changes will you have to make to your life?"

If I can do it anyone can Kitty

D

KittyH

Thanks soberlicious, I do clothing also but have lately taken to furniture, nice to meet you and thanks again for advice

KittyH

Hi Dee74, I really appreciate what you said. I think I just have to get my mind right and overcome my own crap first before the non drinking can get to a point of "forever". I have really bad blood pressure (199 over 99 last time I had it checked) and I think the constant frantic state my body and mind seem to be in all the time is alot of the reason I reach for the bottle just to try to relax. Its the only time that I feel "normal". I know that all of this is bad and I dont mean any of it to be an excuse just a small explanation. Its 5:50 here and I still havent had a drink today and I am happy about that

LDT

Sober musician here. Not going to lie....it's tough at first because the music world is notorious for it's drinking culture. So are sailors and the sailing world. I am both, so I had my work cut out for me. But I wanted sobriety badly, and was willing to do whatever it took to get there. I am happily sober now. Keep reading and keep posting...and feel free to PM. You can do this, KittyH.

KittyH

Thanks LDT, its great to meet other musicians who have managed to do it (quit that is). I really want to make this happen, there are a million reasons why it would make my life so much better. I get so mad at myself for that fact that I havent already quit. It makes me feel like a loser and pathetic. I know many people who just seem to have so much more control over their vices and it makes me hate myself for my weakness. I am grateful to have come across this site today and it feels like a little kick from Karma....... thank you all so much for talking to me. I plan to come in often and take advantage of your advice and support

KittyH

~~ My mother quit drinking when she was in her 40's. She was never a big drinker to begin with but a bit of a party girl so she went out alot. She quit drinking, AT ALL, when she did because she said it started giving her headaches every time............ is it sick of me to wish I had this problem ???? I ask because I have actually had the thought many times that I wish I could have some really bad reaction to it, to make it easier to quit

Hevyn

Hi Kitty. You already have many good responses, but I want to add some encouragement too.

I drank for almost 30 yrs. I couldn't imagine life ever being fun without it - I'd used it to cope forever. In the end it brought me nothing but misery. It ran my life. It was exhausting to try & control the amounts I drank - was so much easier to just stop. After a brief period of feeling sorry for myself & like I was missing out on something - I embraced sobriety and learned to love being clear headed and coherent - not numb & foggy. I've known musicians - and even bartenders - who are recovering alcoholics. It can be done. We are glad you're here. We know you can do this Kitty.

KittyH

Hevyn, thank you for your reply. I have never found a site like this and I have spent almost the entire day just devouring the posts and the insight I have found here. I am sincere in my desire to quit and I feel like I have stumbled on the great temple of knowledge that may pave the way. I am very afraid that I will continue to stumble on the way but I am determined to keep "starting" until I can find my feet firmly on the road to quitting. Unless you all give up on me, I will keep coming in and reading and posting until my journey really gets going

Grungehead

Hi Kitty!

If you think about it, and from what you have shared, it sounds like you do have a really bad reaction to it.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

I predict that your drummer is gonna become your best friend, talk to him and pay attention.

Don't dismiss AA because of religious reasons, there are agnostics in AA. The face to face fellowship with other drunks is invaluable. And the Big Book form AA is really helpful. Study it (notice I didn't say read it, there is a difference) it can help you change your life.

And pay attention to what Dee says. Dee is a humble guy, but when Dee talks, I listen. He should be awarded an honorary PH.D. in alcohol recovery.

Lyoness

I second that!

And welcome to SR kitty!

KittyH

Well I didnt make it Late last night I couldnt sleep and wound up having two drinks to try to calm my head. I'm sorry for that. But as much as I cant put a "check" in the Win box for yesterday, I would put the "check" just outside of a Total Loss because just two drinks in a day for me is great. Much better than my usual "start drinking around noon" routine. And I thank ALL of you for helping to get me thru the day. So I am recommitted today and have faith that I can get thru the ENTIRE day with no alcohol

WhiteFeathers

Hey Kitty!

I remember hearing a piece on This American Life about the "Cuervo Guy" (his job was to hawk Tequila in bars) who quit drinking and still did his job. I'll have to find the link...

You CAN be a singer in bars (and be married to a drinker) but it will be hard. You will need to figure out other patterns of behavior. You will need to be committed.

Apropos of nothing... I've been sober only a short while (about a month with a slip in the middle), and my husband drinks. Yesterday, I watched him make himself vodka tonics the way he always does... first he gets the glass, fills in with ice, pours in the vodka, then the tonic and then puts in the little lime wedge. I had no craving for the drink, which was amazing. I was just more perplexed at how this thing has a hold on him. When you aren't drinking, it's very strange to see drinkers compulsively drink, it's almost like they are bewitched by something (which they are, which I was).

This is the true gift of sobriety, to have the veil lifted and realize that this thing we thought was so important in our lives was a strange paper tiger that is only mighty if we allow it strength.

Being on stage, entertaining people, getting applause--that is the real stuff! You don't need drinks to "make it better." Soak it up.

KittyH

Hi WhiteFeathers, thanks for the encouragement. I know I have a long road ahead to lose that knee jerk reaction to wanting a drink. I actually worry less about being on stage without it, than simply watching it being poured into the glasses and down the throats of the customers. As I have said, alcohol has literally been a part of my life ALL my life and when I am upset, sad, mad, or even happy and celebrating, its a normal part of the feeling for me. I feel like I am trying to teach myself a new way to breathe. Its just hard and I know that all of you have been where I am now, but I wonder if there isnt some "strong" gene that I am missing because I feel weak and helpless

KittyH

I just realized my heart is racing, my hands are shaking....... I really need to get back to my Doc and get my anxiety medicine and blood pressure medicine before I DO wind up being put in the hospital Everytime I go to her she wants to put me in. Alcohol is the only thing that calms my heart rate when I get like this......... I am a sad excuse for myself right now. *** to be honest, I really want a drink right now

Dee74

I was like you too Kitty - I was very anxious and alcohol seemed to be the only thing that calmed it - what I didn't realise was it was actually making things worse...I not only had my pre-existing anxiety but I had the added anxiety/need/craving/desperation of wanting a drink...

then, in time, alcohol stopped working for me altogether.

see your Dr and be honest with them - it really is the better way.

KittyH

Dee I thank you for your post and again your kindness but right now I am not worthy of either. I am drinking and very upset with myself. I am not leaving this great group but I am not going to post until I have something positive to say. Please Please do not toss me out because of my weakness. I am going to struggle on and try to conquer this somehow. I just need a DAY, just something that I can hang my hat on....... I just need to be stronger somehow :' (

Dee74

Noone is going to toss you out - and please keep posting

Sure there's a lot of us here in recovery.... but I reckon SR is for those struggling - you're in the right place Kitty

D

ersatzmatriarch

kitty...

i was still drinking when i first came to SR, too. and everyone still gave me unlimited support and encouragement.

we're here... stay with us! i found taking that first step into my sober journey extremely difficult, and having the fine people of SR to kind of hold my hand while i got there was amazingly positive for me.