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Relapsed, a silly stupid relapse

Old 07-03-2013, 08:10 AM
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Thumbs down Relapsed, a silly stupid relapse

So since I started this journey to sobriety I have now had 3 relapses.

First time I made it six weeks, was happy, anxiety had all but gone away (thought it never would) and I had no real desire to drink. the simple things from before, like knowing when the lcbo closed, or the route home to pass by the beer store didnt come into my mind. Just got in my car and happily headed home ! It was great. Then a friends 30th, had a few too many, and was a bag of hammers the next day, hung over from less than I would be before. Then the FOLLOWING DAY anxiety.

Fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday, and I had 2 pints of guiness...stopped there, was with friends and held off all day till night and capped myself there. Didn't feel so bad after that, but recommited to stopping the drinking for a good while.

Well it was CANADA day on the 1st. I invited 2 buddies over, and being the smart guy I am knew that the breweries are open to sell beer on holidays. So picked up 2 cases for the boys....and thought why not have a couple. Had 2 beers, stopped there, and the next day was ok.
well there was beer in the fridge, and the day was ok, so last night i had 2 again (I was BBQing in the sun just seemed natural) so thats 2 days drinking in a row. Don't want to start again just thought it was okay to drink those 2 days.......Well not such a good idea.

here I am today, and the anxiety is back, not as bad as the first withdrawl and when I originally stopped, but its there. Boss texted me about some work stuff that now is ocupying too much of my mind space and my stomach is turning.
Again just being on this site and reading is helping more than you can possibly imagine, but man o man am I kicking myself for such a silly decision ......also it wasn't even Good Beer! not my previous usual brands even!!

So I am back to day 1, kinda sucks, but I understand it is a journey not just math, so I will consider myself in a couple months in on the ROAD to recovery. Still taking my B-Complex and MAGNESIUM at night (Which is great I may add!!! definately notice a difference) and trying to realize my mistakes and keep on moving forward

thanks for reading
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Old 07-03-2013, 08:17 AM
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Never quit quitting :0).
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Old 07-03-2013, 08:18 AM
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Bobby : congratulations on the sober time , so you slipped and got right back up . Good to come here and own it , move forward ...your not alone
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:05 AM
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Slipping sounds pritty grim,

This could be your last day 1

Bestwishes, M
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:08 AM
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Yeah kinda grim. But more of a **** off.. I kn ow better
And know I know better !
Glad I didn't go off the deep end, but still pissed.
Sobriety has been so great. I can't wait till the alcohol I did have is fully out of my system and I can reset my brain again
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:18 AM
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Wow. Thank you for sharing this. My birthday is coming up and I'm getting more and more of those "2 glasses of wine" thoughts. Really good to know that even if I kept it there I might trigger anxiety.

Welcome back to the wagon!
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Bobby83 View Post
...trying to realize my mistakes and keep on moving forward


That's what it's all about!
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:51 AM
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Glad you are back on track Bobby. Out of curiosity, have you looked back at what changed to allow you to relapse 3 times in a very short period after having 6 weeks sober? Something must have changed somewhere...and while perhaps minor relapses, they were still relapses. Learning from them is good...perhaps you can trace back to see where things went wrong and make a plan to not let those circumstances re-occur?
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Bobby83 View Post
So since I started this journey to sobriety I have now had 3 relapses.

First time I made it six weeks, was happy, anxiety had all but gone away (thought it never would) and I had no real desire to drink. the simple things from before, like knowing when the lcbo closed, or the route home to pass by the beer store didnt come into my mind. Just got in my car and happily headed home ! It was great. Then a friends 30th, had a few too many, and was a bag of hammers the next day, hung over from less than I would be before. Then the FOLLOWING DAY anxiety.

Fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday, and I had 2 pints of guiness...stopped there, was with friends and held off all day till night and capped myself there. Didn't feel so bad after that, but recommited to stopping the drinking for a good while.

Well it was CANADA day on the 1st. I invited 2 buddies over, and being the smart guy I am knew that the breweries are open to sell beer on holidays. So picked up 2 cases for the boys....and thought why not have a couple. Had 2 beers, stopped there, and the next day was ok.
well there was beer in the fridge, and the day was ok, so last night i had 2 again (I was BBQing in the sun just seemed natural) so thats 2 days drinking in a row. Don't want to start again just thought it was okay to drink those 2 days.......Well not such a good idea.

here I am today, and the anxiety is back, not as bad as the first withdrawl and when I originally stopped, but its there. Boss texted me about some work stuff that now is ocupying too much of my mind space and my stomach is turning.
Again just being on this site and reading is helping more than you can possibly imagine, but man o man am I kicking myself for such a silly decision ......also it wasn't even Good Beer! not my previous usual brands even!!

So I am back to day 1, kinda sucks, but I understand it is a journey not just math, so I will consider myself in a couple months in on the ROAD to recovery. Still taking my B-Complex and MAGNESIUM at night (Which is great I may add!!! definately notice a difference) and trying to realize my mistakes and keep on moving forward

thanks for reading
Hi what does B-Complex and MAGNESIUM do ?
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Old 07-03-2013, 11:09 AM
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RE: B-Complex and Magnesium

Alcohol interferes with with vitamin absorption. Taking B-complex and Magnesium are the two big ones that we need. They may alleviate some withdrawal/PAWS symptoms as well.

".... it wasn't even Good Beer!"

76 out of 77 days dry here. My "Slip"... Went something like this.
I'll Just have two or three beers to relax a litte.
God.. These taste nasty (First 2 or 3)
I don't even have a buzz (4th)
These taste Yummy (5th-12)
Next morning... Hmmm I really should not drink at all.

I've become convinced that some of us should just not drink at all and I count myself among this elite group
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:13 PM
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Keep your original post here on this thread. This is a snapshot of what the rest of your life will be like if you continue to drink. Sometimes it will be worse, sometimes it won't but it will ALWAYS be a constant torn in your side. And what for? Moments of drunken bliss? For what, a couple hours while the rest of the time you're fighting yourself. It's not worth it. What we think alcohol will do for us does not anymore. The line has been crossed. It's a fight not worth taking on. Best to walk away while the scars are not too deep.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Bobby83 View Post
had a few too many
Have you reached the point where one is too many? I know that moderation is the age old question of the alcoholic..but man, what does it take to figure out that moderating is just a painful exercise anyway? It's just too much damn work to police ourselves after injesting something intended to dull our senses and lower our inhibitions. It's like being terrified of being hit by a car....then having a couple of drinks and standing in the middle of the road and playing chicken with oncoming traffic. It's senseless...but believe me, I too have tried.

It's just easier not to play with fire.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:02 PM
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Thanks for all the support folks.

What changed ? Nothing really. Maybe felt too good. Like I can handle having a drink or two. God forbid I could never drink again I thought. Which is wrong ! I am proud that unlimited to two. But feel twice as dumb because rather than "enjoy" two beers it was all a large conversation in my head about should I ? Shouldn't I ? When to stop ? See I can do this etc....

But I see the light now. Back to the sobriety.

1 is too many. Or at least now it is. The anxiety is killing me. Not as bad as the initial withdraw but still enough that it is something I dont want to play with again.

And about the B complex vitamins and magnesium. They help big time ! I find the magnesium helps me sleep waaaay better to.
Its a funny thing, you decide to quit, withdraw. Then hit Google "why do I feel this way" then "how do I make it stop" you find that what you put into (or don t put into) your body really matters. Then you look to what else you are lacking. What your body needs. Now I am taking supplements (though trying to correct all through diet first) and really trying to better my health, and I tell ya.it makes a difference.
Again thanks for the support
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:07 PM
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I think if we want changes, we need to make changes Bobby.

I know - everyone just wants to quit and still leave everything else as is - but I found it impossible to stay sober and live my old life.

My old life was a drinkers life.

maybe it's time to look at your life and tweak it a bit so it's not so easy to drink?

D
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I know - everyone just wants to quit and still leave everything else as is - but I found it impossible to stay sober and live my old life.
Ditto for me too! Until I started changing things and me, it was impossible for me to stay sober for more than 2 weeks.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:46 PM
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Yes, it's good that you're paying more attention to your body. But, as Dee mentioned, sometimes lifestyle changes are needed too.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:51 PM
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It's not the 4th, 5th or 6th drink we should avoid, it's the 1st one. Live and Learn. But some may not live that's the scary part.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:55 PM
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"I've become convinced that some of us should just not drink at all and I count myself among this elite group " Elegantly Wasted

Awesome line!
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Old 07-03-2013, 05:23 PM
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Quitting is easy staying quit took AA for this alcoholic
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Old 07-03-2013, 05:39 PM
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Bobby--- I came into recovery hoping that AA would teach me "how" to stop drinking...for the rest of my life. Turns out that what AA has taught me is how to stop stopping, one day at a time.

When I see people come back, I see them oftentimes thinking to themselves that they are different from us: they can't stop drinking and we can. I gently let them know the truth, at least for me: you see, I can't stop drinking either! But what I discovered when I got sober on 10/20/01 was that while I can't stop drinking, it is possible for me to stay sober ONE DAY. And that day is ALWAYS called today.

Welcome back! We are more complete and whole with you among us. Today.

Take care!

Mike L.
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