Relapsed, a silly stupid relapse
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
HI Bobby - although your details are different (they are for all of us), your first post described exactly what is essentially our brains re-firing in response to the stimulus (in our case, alcohol).
That (in)famous 'first drink' is, as you've experienced, the culprit.
In my own case, after a full six months continuous sobriety, I picked up and drank a bottle of wine, on a single 'session' each roughly a month apart over the following six months. I'd been primed, literally.
When a bunch of other stuff happened around Christmas / January.....well, what followed were several long full relapse periods. And I mean, relapse - working up to daily drinking, then all day drinking. I'm coming to the end of just such a relapse. Knowing what I'm doing, etc.
I do hope you don't have to fall down that kind of rabbit hole - it gets harder and harder to come back out.
Good on you for posting about this, and yeah, think hard about all the different stuff that the good people here - fellow sufferers, if you like, of that damnable brain chemistry - suggest.
That (in)famous 'first drink' is, as you've experienced, the culprit.
In my own case, after a full six months continuous sobriety, I picked up and drank a bottle of wine, on a single 'session' each roughly a month apart over the following six months. I'd been primed, literally.
When a bunch of other stuff happened around Christmas / January.....well, what followed were several long full relapse periods. And I mean, relapse - working up to daily drinking, then all day drinking. I'm coming to the end of just such a relapse. Knowing what I'm doing, etc.
I do hope you don't have to fall down that kind of rabbit hole - it gets harder and harder to come back out.
Good on you for posting about this, and yeah, think hard about all the different stuff that the good people here - fellow sufferers, if you like, of that damnable brain chemistry - suggest.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: canada
Posts: 44
Wow thanks again everyone.
Its a horrible feeling, the anxiety, falling down a rabbit hole feeling. And I down what to do it anymore.
I do need a bit of a lifestyle change, I have a good friend who is battling different demons. And we were drinking buddies. Now we are going through this anxiety and depression "life is changing " times together.and I think he miss seeing the alcohol is a bit of a trigger for him too.
And my core group aren't big drinkers...they drink but could moderate or slow it down much better than I
Its a day at a time. Just this one day in particular sucks. At work now. Tough.hard day....no desire to drink. Just wish that my nerves would calm down
Its a horrible feeling, the anxiety, falling down a rabbit hole feeling. And I down what to do it anymore.
I do need a bit of a lifestyle change, I have a good friend who is battling different demons. And we were drinking buddies. Now we are going through this anxiety and depression "life is changing " times together.and I think he miss seeing the alcohol is a bit of a trigger for him too.
And my core group aren't big drinkers...they drink but could moderate or slow it down much better than I
Its a day at a time. Just this one day in particular sucks. At work now. Tough.hard day....no desire to drink. Just wish that my nerves would calm down
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Bobby83 
So since I started this journey to sobriety I have now had 3 relapses.
First time I made it six weeks, was happy, anxiety had all but gone away (thought it never would) and I had no real desire to drink. the simple things from before, like knowing when the lcbo closed, or the route home to pass by the beer store didnt come into my mind. Just got in my car and happily headed home ! It was great. Then a friends 30th, had a few too many, and was a bag of hammers the next day, hung over from less than I would be before. Then the FOLLOWING DAY anxiety.
Fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday, and I had 2 pints of guiness...stopped there, was with friends and held off all day till night and capped myself there. Didn't feel so bad after that, but recommited to stopping the drinking for a good while.
Well it was CANADA day on the 1st. I invited 2 buddies over, and being the smart guy I am knew that the breweries are open to sell beer on holidays. So picked up 2 cases for the boys....and thought why not have a couple. Had 2 beers, stopped there, and the next day was ok.
well there was beer in the fridge, and the day was ok, so last night i had 2 again (I was BBQing in the sun just seemed natural) so thats 2 days drinking in a row. Don't want to start again just thought it was okay to drink those 2 days.......Well not such a good idea.
here I am today, and the anxiety is back, not as bad as the first withdrawl and when I originally stopped, but its there. Boss texted me about some work stuff that now is ocupying too much of my mind space and my stomach is turning.
Again just being on this site and reading is helping more than you can possibly imagine, but man o man am I kicking myself for such a silly decision ......also it wasn't even Good Beer! not my previous usual brands even!!
So I am back to day 1, kinda sucks, but I understand it is a journey not just math, so I will consider myself in a couple months in on the ROAD to recovery. Still taking my B-Complex and MAGNESIUM at night (Which is great I may add!!! definately notice a difference) and trying to realize my mistakes and keep on moving forward
thanks for reading
First time I made it six weeks, was happy, anxiety had all but gone away (thought it never would) and I had no real desire to drink. the simple things from before, like knowing when the lcbo closed, or the route home to pass by the beer store didnt come into my mind. Just got in my car and happily headed home ! It was great. Then a friends 30th, had a few too many, and was a bag of hammers the next day, hung over from less than I would be before. Then the FOLLOWING DAY anxiety.
Fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday, and I had 2 pints of guiness...stopped there, was with friends and held off all day till night and capped myself there. Didn't feel so bad after that, but recommited to stopping the drinking for a good while.
Well it was CANADA day on the 1st. I invited 2 buddies over, and being the smart guy I am knew that the breweries are open to sell beer on holidays. So picked up 2 cases for the boys....and thought why not have a couple. Had 2 beers, stopped there, and the next day was ok.
well there was beer in the fridge, and the day was ok, so last night i had 2 again (I was BBQing in the sun just seemed natural) so thats 2 days drinking in a row. Don't want to start again just thought it was okay to drink those 2 days.......Well not such a good idea.
here I am today, and the anxiety is back, not as bad as the first withdrawl and when I originally stopped, but its there. Boss texted me about some work stuff that now is ocupying too much of my mind space and my stomach is turning.
Again just being on this site and reading is helping more than you can possibly imagine, but man o man am I kicking myself for such a silly decision ......also it wasn't even Good Beer! not my previous usual brands even!!
So I am back to day 1, kinda sucks, but I understand it is a journey not just math, so I will consider myself in a couple months in on the ROAD to recovery. Still taking my B-Complex and MAGNESIUM at night (Which is great I may add!!! definately notice a difference) and trying to realize my mistakes and keep on moving forward
thanks for reading
Having the desire to stop drinking is great, but only if you are going to put in the work required to change everything. Now you know though, you need to try and new approach as the one you have been trying..........it isnt working.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: canada
Posts: 44
I agree my approach in these instances were wrong, and that I should avoid some events around alcohol, but disagree on avoiding entirely for a year.
These three events...as stupid as this may sound, I went into knowing I was gonna drink. Deciding before hand I would drink.
I had and have been to other events over the last few months were there is alcohol and I was a ok.
Being around alcohol is not one of my triggers. When i was drinking and out at bars i wouldn't drink that much, or seemed to control it better....at home after work. At night alone.....that's my trigger....that's my alcohol in control time.
Being social isn't about booze with me, I can have a great time out without a drink, and we are all different and suffer from this disease differently, it never was that social lubricator, I started drinking late and was already comfortable with myself socially. Drinking is and was an issue at home....on my couch, just me and the booze. No "need a drink to make it through this" just the day did t feel right till I was at home cracking that beer. In the weeks when I started being out and social actually helped me stay away from drinking (plus my core circle of friends aren't really drinkers as I stated)
Thank you for the comments ad support, it honestly brings tears to my eyes to read these posts. I ALWAYS have soberrecovery in an incognito window on the browser on my phone, it has helped me with this whole thing.
And nighthawk I am not trying to discredit what you are saying. I appreciate your help and feedback. I have read a lot of your posts and they all seem very insightful and from the right place in the heart. I just know my demons, didn't at first but learned the hard way. Learned my patterns and my triggers. But I will follow some of it, there are situations to avoid, and I do need to change some aspects of my lifestyle, and though I want to lose this monkey on my back, there is a lot of my life that I don't wish to lose, sincerely great parts that may cross paths with alcohol, but I won't let tempt me again.
These three events...as stupid as this may sound, I went into knowing I was gonna drink. Deciding before hand I would drink.
I had and have been to other events over the last few months were there is alcohol and I was a ok.
Being around alcohol is not one of my triggers. When i was drinking and out at bars i wouldn't drink that much, or seemed to control it better....at home after work. At night alone.....that's my trigger....that's my alcohol in control time.
Being social isn't about booze with me, I can have a great time out without a drink, and we are all different and suffer from this disease differently, it never was that social lubricator, I started drinking late and was already comfortable with myself socially. Drinking is and was an issue at home....on my couch, just me and the booze. No "need a drink to make it through this" just the day did t feel right till I was at home cracking that beer. In the weeks when I started being out and social actually helped me stay away from drinking (plus my core circle of friends aren't really drinkers as I stated)
Thank you for the comments ad support, it honestly brings tears to my eyes to read these posts. I ALWAYS have soberrecovery in an incognito window on the browser on my phone, it has helped me with this whole thing.
And nighthawk I am not trying to discredit what you are saying. I appreciate your help and feedback. I have read a lot of your posts and they all seem very insightful and from the right place in the heart. I just know my demons, didn't at first but learned the hard way. Learned my patterns and my triggers. But I will follow some of it, there are situations to avoid, and I do need to change some aspects of my lifestyle, and though I want to lose this monkey on my back, there is a lot of my life that I don't wish to lose, sincerely great parts that may cross paths with alcohol, but I won't let tempt me again.
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