Medion

Mucked up my routine...woke up really late...didn't have time to make lunch...rushed to work...panicking cause I didn't want to be late...was late...but it's unusual for me so no one minded but I felt bad...then felt hungry so had to go out for food...ate junk food...felt bad about it...came home...mulled...all felt wrong...then beer...

Need to get back to plan!

raamblingokie

Hi Elly,do overs is a common phrase from me. Day 4 for me. not sure if its good or not but am hiding it from my wife for now.I know she will figure it out soon enough but she does n not need this rollacoaster that I have put her though the past few years. enjoy the posts here. I can tell it helps.......sometimes.

janiebluebird

In reference to weight gain/loss after giving up alcohol, my experience is not only weight loss, but health and fitness. When you're not hung over and feeling terribly, you want to do good things for yourself, and can. After a hang over I would eat junk and greasy food all day, stay in bed, and put off life until I was feeling better. When I wake up rested and restored, I feel happy to be alive and get out there and make my life better. I think that most people will ultimately lose weight after giving up booze. Take up walking, hiking, bike riding. It will add to your sense of wellbeing.

Sunbaby

"Escape velocity" I like that term.

Viperidae

Getting busy living or get busy dying. Everytime I heard that line with a bottle of wine in my hand, I was like, 'what the heck am I doing??!!' Darn good line. And I will meet up with Defresne in Mexico in 6 months if I play my cards right. I have a ticket in my pocket be wherever I decide to be, we all do!

I also would like to lose a few pounds. At 37 I was a nice 5'7 and 148 pounds. Now I'm 43 and 182 pounds. My face is kinda fat, and I don't even try to wear my punk rocker clothes anymore, I just wear what doesn't look bad. More importantly, I am horribly out of shape. SO, today I got a membership at the gym . The downtown Y 3 blocks from me is nice and I'm broke so I get a cheap rate. I hope I actually go.

Also, I find that when I quit drinking my appetite drops dramatically after a few weeks. When I'm drinking I constantly crave carbs and grease. I crave healthier foods after a short time, and realize how terrible I feel after french fries or pizza.

Of course today on Day 2 again, I just devoured a pizza and if some ice cream and cookies stop me from drinking tonight, I will eat them.

Tonight I cruised the bar. As in at 5pm, I parked the car, walked in, cased the place out, and left. Just barely scraped by. But I made it.

Pain: My back feels like piano wires that have been cranked by the Incredible Hulk.

Emotional pain and abuse later...

Dee74

I hope the gym will help Johnny

D

raamblingokie

johnny you might not think what you did was much, but I admire your will power. not sure if I could just walk I in a bar and leave. great job. for me today I was blessed. no major problems or conflicts. even found time to play with my son. good day for me. still my stomach tingles....like I still am missing doing something tonight. I know these feelings will fad, I just hope soon. goodnight and thanks...again

bblackbirdflyy

Day three is almost over! Good on ya the guys/gals that said no tonight! I just got home from a friend's 30th bday party. The whole group was there. (nearly) the whole group was drinking. I'm pretty sure I just mentioned to my guy the other day that I wanted to stop drinking but he handed me a beer anyway.... and I said no, I just ordered tea. It was close though.

Now that I'm sober enough to think I'm remembering why I think I like drinking. When I'm sober I overthink stuff. That's a lot of "thinks" but I hope it makes sense. I've been a big ball of questions about my life today. Concerns are coming up that I don't want to deal with. I cried yesterday for lots of reasons when normally I pride myself on not letting things get to me. I have trust issues. I have daddy issues. I have financial issues. I have lack of self love issues. I'm just going to go to bed and hope sleep comes easily.

As far as the weight loss question goes... Its been over a year since the last time I was sober for a stretch, but I made it 3 months and lost 40 pounds. I was super fat though. I've kept it off and now I'm just a little chubby. If I lost 20-30 more I'd be looking pretty fit so I think I'll make that a goal.

night.

Emily2002

Just checking in tonight and happy to say I made it through another day. I caught myself thinking too far into the future a few times, though. While cleaning up the back of our kitchen, I came across the bottle of wine I'd started the night before last. I looked at it with a sense of mourning.

Later, I thought how much fun it would be to check out the "speakeasy" (big trend here these days) where my son now tends bar. They mix incredible, specialty cocktails. Then I remembered... "D'oh... I can't go after all; they have a two drink minimum." I thought ahead to special nights out with my husband, enjoying a good wine with dinner. Nope! No can do. Meeting up with friends to sample craft beers. Not allowed. Being able to taste my daughter's beers once she gets her brewer's certificate. Forget it.

When I learned late this afternoon that I'd gotten the job I'd applied for, I considered uncorking that bottle of wine. Celebrating the occasion with my husband would be so much fun. The problem is that I can never tell if one will be enough or not. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

Anyway ... I reeled myself in and thought of how I felt yesterday when I logged in here and posted my intention to make another go of it. I want to thank you, because it's your posts here in this thread that speak the most to me.

I'm really shot and have to hit it now. Good night, all.

Elly40

I really relate to what you wrote janiebluebird, for me hangovers = crap food, fizzy drinks, and a real ripper hangover, I stay in bed all day... rinse and repeat. Your right we are really putting off life and really living, being in a kind of limbo, not moving forward.

It looks like lots of us have some pounds to lose. I caught a glimpse of my face in my computer screen yesterday, it caught me off guard a bit, I was like where the hell did that double chin come from lol. Time to shed that too.
Eekk.

Dee74

The things is NewLeaf - for every thing we 'can't' do, there's at least two things we can now we're sober

It's all about looking at things from different angles and new perspectives, I think

D

Emily2002

Good night, bblackbirdflyy (from one over thinker to another). I think they call it "ruminating." Be proud of how you stood strong when offered the beer and stuck to your tea. I've been trying to focus more on the good things when my head hits my pillow these days, and it helps me fall asleep more easily. Hope it's the case for you, tonight!

Emily2002

Ah, yes, I know Dee. Thank you for the reminder! I just have to keep at it for it to really sink in!

janiebluebird

I must admit, the things we "can't do" list did make me a little sad. So I want to switch it to what we CAN do, that we couldn't if we were drinking. I can drive on Friday & Saturday nights. I can wake up early and work out on the weekends. I can save money to spend on my choosing! I can be a better daughter and friend. I can be a reliable employee. I can take care of myself. I can sleep better. I can meet sober people who live sober lives and do sober things.

Sunbaby

My goodness. Been a long emotional day & I turned down a second drinking event (w my best gf who I need to catch up with), now my other best friend & drinking buddy is texting - Thursdays are our night & I'm proud I'm still home not drinking. I'm super inspired by everybody here & the amazing will power people have had. I'm loving this forum & so encouraged by everybody here. I am also a huge overthinker & have self-medicated w alcohol in addition to prescription medicine to help stop the thinking, ruminating, think tank. I feel pretty good about having turned down two of my biggest temptations to go out tonight, on top of stressful stuff at work. It's because of this great new group of people I have found here that I can totally relate to. It almost feels better than feeling like I belong & "fit in" with my drinking buddies. Lots of positive & intelligent people in this April class. Loving it.

Sunbaby

Great, great list Janie!

ScoutBall

Nice, Sunbaby!
I'm am home as well, and glad for it!
I'll be able to get up nice and early, play some major TennisBallCarnage™ with my dog, which he will love--and so will I.

makenew

Sunbaby, please consider my advice and don't go to the festival if you feel like it will carry on to somewhere else. If you are still vulneable to drinking I would say it is a little too soon for that. But that is what I would do. Trust your gut and if you really have to go then drink soda or water and say you're detoxing. You can be the cool one that doesn't have to drink to have fun. Then eat a lot of crawfish and show everyone that they can have a good time without alcohol.

But trust you gut not your mind. Just wanting to help.

Sunbaby

Makenew:
Thank you for your support. I think that is good advice and I decided not to go because it would definitely be too risky for me right now. I like the idea of telling people I'm detoxing too - that's a great reason for not drinking. And I definitely want to get back to being able to have fun alcohol-free.

bobavocado

Just a quick check in. Day three. Woke up early and felt great. Now, of course, the anxiety kicks in. I know from experience, however, that it goes after a few days along with depression and other feelings that are more related to the withdrawal than underlying emotional issues. Quite frightening how manipulative alcohol is. I only realised the delusion I'd been living under when I managed to get a few weeks clean last year. Showed me the subtle nature of addiction. I'll come back after I've done some work and read other people's entries to get some encouragement.

One thing I did this morning which might help others is I wrote a gratitude list in my journal. I've kept journals for years and not only is it a good way of brain dumping but it also gives me personal space in the morning. Very therapeutic. This morning I wrote down about being grateful for waking up sober and not feeling guilt or shame. I wrote about having a supportive family, a roof over my head and general good health. What was interesting was the number of negative "poor me" thoughts that entered my head looking for attention. I didn't even know I had them but it's clear they are a big trigger for picking up so I'm going to try and do the gratitude list every morning.

Good luck to everyone else and if you did pick up, it's a good day to be day one :-)