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Old 03-18-2013, 06:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Addictive Thinking


I have posted that I drank at work on Friday...AGAIN... and that I have been living in pure hell dealing with the consequences. I am living in DREAD of having to face my Boss today. He was out of town and I got caught by the manager. I talked to the manager this morning, and explained that although it may look the opposite to people around me, I am actually fighting an intense battle every day. It appears to me that with only 2 drinking episodes in 4 months, I think I am s-l-o-w-l-y winning the battle in my commitment to complete sobriety and FREEDOM from the CONTROL of my ADDICTION. He expressed his understanding.

Almost immediately my Addiction-corrupted Beast Brain interjected the thought that maybe I had 'got away with it', which obviously leads to the next thought interjected by my addiction-corrupted Beast Brain that I could possibly drink again and 'get away with it' That is how insidious my addiction REALLY IS, and why 'I' realize it is LIFE or DEATH that I continue in my COMMITMENT to complete SOBRIETY.
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Yes, indeed. The perverse way that our mind has in processing information in favour of taking a drink is amazing. I can totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it really does feel that my brain has been corrupted by something dark, and sinister. The image of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other springs to mind.

I read something yesterday on here which had an effect on me. The poster said that when they begin to have drinking thoughts and they imagine and see in their mind the warm friendly atmosphere of the pub, the music, the laughter etc etc, they carry on watching the ´film´as they refferred to it to the end credits. They see the police car, the handcuffs, the proson cell, the court room judge, the fearful faces of their children, the disgust in their wifes eyes etc etc etc.

That stopped me in my tracks as I never get past the fun part of the film. And I go to get a drink. From now on I will definately be putting it in to practice and imagining the whole story of what happens when I take a drink.
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Old 03-18-2013, 07:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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RDB, that was an honest and very brave way to handle the situation. Your little beast had to pop up with some bravado as you just committed to another person that you were whippin' it's little butt. Hope it goes as well with your boss.
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Old 03-18-2013, 10:57 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks for the responses. So far today, no confrontation yet, I haven't got fired, but that clock keeps ticking, and the Addictive thoughts keep clicking, and I keep reminding myself it is because I spent 40 years drinking.

I keep recognizing the thoughts and impulses to drink are from my addiction-corrupted Beast Brain. I have to be honest though, it is scary that all it would take is one of those thoughts or impulses slipping in and getting traction...then my Life would be ruined, all because I let an addiction-corrupted thought or impulse get me to think...maybe it would be OK to take a drink.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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does your company have an Employee Assistance Program or the like? it sounds like you very much are trying to head in the right direction and maybe some extra support could help?

for me, for a long time time, the thought of "never again" EVER was way too much, so i would make the commitment EACH DAY that just for today i will not use, NO MATTER WHAT. no matter what the voices in my head said, no matter what situations presented themselves, not for ANY reason or excuse, not today!!!

i really hope this is the turning point for you!!!!
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