does your company have an Employee Assistance Program or the like? it sounds like you very much are trying to head in the right direction and maybe some extra support could help?
for me, for a long time time, the thought of "never again" EVER was way too much, so i would make the commitment EACH DAY that just for today i will not use, NO MATTER WHAT. no matter what the voices in my head said, no matter what situations presented themselves, not for ANY reason or excuse, not today!!!
i really hope this is the turning point for you!!!!